Home One

One night I woke up when a shape stood at my bed whispering my name. How did he get in here? This voice. No, it couldn't be. Dash was dead.
A ghost? Or someone who made a cheap trick?
Again the whisper. "Forgive me, Nomi."
Slowly I sat up. "Dash?"
"Yes, Nomi. Please forgive me. I didn't want to hurt you."

It wasn't a ghost. Dash stood in the flesh in front of me.
After I recovered from the shock to some extent the whole built-up sadness and anger discharged and I slapped Dash right in his face.
"Do you scumbag know what you did to me with your faked death? What if I had killed myself out of sheer grief? Did you ever thought about this? You took the easy way out, Dash Rendar."
Dash looked at me calmly and replied straightforward to my outburst.
"I know that it is unforgivable what I did to you. I don't know what came over me. As we flew into the rubble, I thought that would be a good opportunity to make a graceful exit. I asked Leebo if I had not done well and if anyone would miss me. He pointed out that there is a certain small X-wing pilot who would miss me for sure. But then I simply didn't dare to return to you. You shouldn't have to live with a failure who was responsible for eight deaths. I wanted that you remember me as a hero."
Against my will tears welled in my eyes.
"Oh, Dash, you aren't a failure. It wasn't your fault what happened near Kothlis. Nobody could have done anything. You didn't miss. It was a new weapon developed by the Empire which couldn't defeated with conventional weapons."
Dash looked at me in disbelieve. "Is this true?"
"Yes, Dash, it's true."

Slowly, his eyes slid down my body and when he noticed the bulge of my belly, he looked at me in surprise.
"You're pregnant, Nomi?"
I nodded my head.
"By all stars, it's the best present you can give me. I'm the happiest man of the whole galaxy."
"Yes, Dash, it's already the 4th month."
Dash approached me slowly, hugged me carefully and tried to kiss me.
I pushed him back.
"Damn, Dash, not this way! Let me go! You can't come into my life and disappear from it, as it suits you!"
He was completely perplexed by my outburst.
"But I love you, Nomi."
I snapped: "Oh yes, I haven't noticed much of that in recent times! Where have you been when I needed you the most? While I have been anxious as Vader's prisoner for my life and that of my triplets, you were hanging around in the galaxy!"
Dash dared to object: "They're also my children."
I was now in full swing.
"Sorry, I forgot that you were not completely uninvolved. You had your pleasure and I have the burden now!"
Slowly, Dash got pretty loud too.
"Damn, Nomi, if I remember right, you had also your pleasure in the night after our engagement on Hoth!"
Suddenly he hesitated.
"You were Vader's prisoner?"
"Yes, he wanted the triplets."
"Since when did the Dark Lord bother with children?"
Now I had to tell him.
"Dash, our children won't be like every other children. I don't know why, but Vader said that there were sometimes Force sensitive children born in the Rendar family. The triplets are extreme strong in the Force, so he was able to find them. He wanted to raise them to Dark Jedi."
Dash looked thoughtful at me.
"So it's all true what my father told me. My grandfather was a Jedi. He was executed during the Great Purge. I spare you the cruel details. Since my father and I aren't Force sensitive we thought that this curse was taken from our family."
I was about to answer that it is indeed a curse when I heard a voice in my mind.
'You must learn patience and to control your aggressions. Otherwise, you serve the dark side of the Force, which can then more easily take possession of your children. The gift to understand the Force and use it for good isn't a curse, Nomi. Don't reject what you don't know.'
I calmed down.
"Please leave me alone, Dash. I have to think about us."
Dash turned away from me and went to the door. He turned around again.
"Yes, think. If you have come to a conclusion, you can find me in Wedge's quarters."
Then he left.

Now I was alone and tried to sort out my opposing feelings. My heart languished for Dash's love and tenderness, while my senses warned me that Dash is reckless and irresponsible. I was completely at a loss.

After breakfast there wasn't any time to think, since I had to start the simulator training as I promised Wedge. It was rough. I hated the simulator. Even the smallest mistake was punished. And I made a lot mistakes this time. What was wrong with me? I wasn't this bad even when I thought that Dash would be dead. My restlessness had also spread to the babies, not only that I had to endure the vibrations of the simulator, they also kicked me constantly.
And then also the mockery of Gavin and Wedge about my failure.
At these day someone must have given order to torture me. I needed a conclusion about where do we go from here.

"Hey, Nomi!" I rolled my eyes when Wedge entered my quarters without knocking. I wondered what he want from me. Soon after he proved to be a true friend of mine. He has helped me in my decision.
After he had just burst into my quarters, he didn't let me have a word.
"Please don't get upset right now, Nomi and just listen to me, even if it's hard for you. I talked to Dash and he told me everything that happened between you both in the night. In a way, I can understand your behavior. He really hurt you a lot on a whim. But remember, despite everything, he loves you very much even if he can't always show it. It isn't his fault that he became the man he's now. And remember that your children need a father. How will you manage to raise the children alone?"
I tried to answer but he closed my mouth with his index finger.
"Shhh, don't say anything. Just listen to me. Dash isn't as reckless and irresponsible as he pretends to be. This morning he asked General Madine for acceptance in the Alliance. His request has been accepted, he is now just like you a member of the Alliance. You know how much he loved his independence, I think there can't be any greater proof of his love for you.
I ask you as your joint friend, don't wave Dash away when he comes to you. He would perish by a renewed rejection of you."
I knew how difficult it must have been for Wedge to speak this words, but they helped a lot with my decision.

When Wedge was about to leave me I followed him.
"Wait, Wedge, I come with you."
In Wedge's quarters, Dash sat at a table in an X-Wing pilot gear, his face hidden in his hands.
Slowly I went to him and my heart was pounding like mad.
"Hello, Dash. You wanted me to come to you when I made my decision."
He looked at me questioningly.
"I made my decision."
Hesitant he asked me: "And your decision is?"
"Yes, I want to make my life's journey together with you. Despite what you did to me I love you. By joining the Alliance, you have proven to me that you are ready to take responsibility for others."
That was too much for Dash, weeping he embraced and kissed me, so that I could hardly breathe.
"Hey, be careful."
"Of course, darling. Can you already feel the little ones?"
"Oh yes, one of them is kicking me just now."
Carefully and tenderly, Dash put his hand on my belly. I had never seen him so happy. I was pretty sure that he would be a good father.

I hadn't noticed that Wedge had left the room to not disturb us, until he came in again.
"Hello, you two, may I disturb your family idyll?"
Dash answered him laughing: "Of course, because those are still your quarters."
"Nomi, you must in the simulator again. Admiral Ackbar wants to test your abilities personally. He had a particularly difficult simulation programmed for you. Don't make me look ridiculous."
I laughed at Wedge.
"No, I certainly will not. I'm back perfectly fine. Do you want to come with me Dash?"
"No, I'd rather stay here, I don't want to distract you."
"As you wish, Dash."
I was halfway out the door.
"Hey, Nomi - may the Force be with you."
"It will work out."

Admiral Ackbar was waiting for me at the simulator.
"Lieutenant Darklighter, this test is intended to determine whether your skills meet the requirements of Rogue Squadron."
What was he talking about? I was one of the best, well, at least before I got into the whole mess. Without a word I climbed into the simulator.
It was really a difficult simulation program. Wedge hadn't exaggerated. It was very hard.
But this time I didn't have so miserably failed, as in the morning. I had my usual hit rate of 100% and 0 flight errors again.
When I climbed out of the simulator, Admiral Ackbar, Dash and Wedge stood in front of it and smiled at me. I had passed the test.
Admiral Ackbar said to me: "Congratulations, Lieutenant Darklighter. You are now again a full member of Rogue Squadron."
Wedge embraced me and said: "Welcome home, Nomi."
And Dash? Dash said nothing, but looked at me proudly.

I was about to leave with Wedge and Dash when Admiral Ackbar stopped me.
"Lieutenant Darklighter, just a moment, please."
I stopped.
"I would like to ask you to keep silent about the information you have received about the construction of the new Death Star. We want to spread this information not until the High Command has developed an attack strategy based on the captured computer data. That's all. Dismissed, Lieutenant Darklighter."

Outside, Dash and Wedge were waiting for me.
"Are you coming, Nomi? We want to celebrate your passed test."
"Yes gladly. But only if you guys pay."

It was a very nice evening with both of them. I was very happy that Dash was alive and joined the Alliance.