Chapter 25- Scars

"Katsura-chan"

The young boy looked up from his book to see his sensei smiling warmly at him.

"Yes Sensei?"

"Would you please read a passage?"

"Hai"

Takasugi's eyes slowly looked up to see his fellow student approaching their teacher's desk. He returned to gazing at the bare wall in front of him. The day was dragging on as it usually did. From the corner of his eye, he could see Gintoki sheepishly looking outside. His own attention had been to the outdoors since it first turned spring.

He heard Katsura begin to recite the passage. "To use a sword holds many meanings. A sword can be used to defend honor, out of greed, or for murderous intent. For a samurai, it must be used for only one reason. That is to defend your very soul."

The teacher said, "Shinsuke-chan, would you please explain that to the class?"

Shinsuke gulped. He knew he hadn't been paying attention. He tried to put together an excuse.

"Shinsuke-chan?"

"Crap" he thought. "I'm out of time."

"Sorry. I wasn't listening."

His sensei frowned and put down his own book. He walked over to Shinsuke's desk and looked down at him. Shinsuke slowly looked up at the long-haired man.

"I appreciate you being honest. I think though that you would enjoy this lesson. So please listen more closely for the rest."

His sensei walked back over to his desk.

"Oh, sorry Katsura-chan!" said the man, "You can go back to your seat."

"Thank you Sensei."

"What's with you Sensei?" wondered Shinsuke. He looked up in alertness. His teacher was smiling at him.

Shinsuke felt a sudden warmness inside his chest.

"What is this feeling?" he wondered. Whatever it was, it felt nostalgic and left him confused. Even more confused than when Yoshida Shouyou had rescued him from the streets. That act of kindness had barely registered with him. The world had seemed cruel to him. He didn't understand how Shouyou could be any different.

"I believe there is more to this truth than the passage speaks of." said Shouyou.

For a moment Shinsuke found himself listening along.

"To protect ones very soul is to fight for its beauty, for its ideals and truths. That is something you must never betray. To protect those we love is to protect our heart and soul. But what if we should lose the person or the people we're protecting? What are we left with? A samurai may forget what he was fighting for. He can become possessed by his blade, the very thing meant to protect him. He can become no more than a murderer. That's why… we must cherish the people we lost. They would not have wanted us to lose our way."

"Sensei"

Shouyou realized Shinsuke had been the one to address him. He was impressed to see Shinsuke participating for the first time.

"What is your question Shinsuke-chan?"

"What is it we cherish? We're—most of us are orphans. We already lost everyone."

His teacher said, "Just because we lost someone we loved, doesn't mean there can't be others we care for. New people become precious to us. Many of you have found new friends right here in the school right?"

Shouyou became silent. His eyes became hidden behind his untidy bangs as his head lowered. Then he looked up to the class.

"One day many of you may choose to fight for Edo. I will not stop you. That is because I believe the most beautiful soul lives to protect all of Edo. Everyone in Edo is a treasured person to a samurai."

"Why?!" said Shinsuke, "Why should we care for them? They aren't all good people and they don't even know or care about us. Why do we have to care about them all?"

"Is it is your choice what you love and fight for. But I wonder, why wouldn't they be worth protecting? Are we better than them? I don't think we're as different as we sometimes think. I believe Edo is full of two types of people. Good people and people who are capable of good. Shinsuke-chan: if we don't show them kindness, how can they ever show it back?"

"I- I"

Matako had never see Shinsuke like this. His face was so pale, his eyes so unnaturally wide. The sword he had held so tightly a moment ago, lay on the floor. His knees trembled until they finally hit the ground.

He said, "I've done this to Edo?"

"How dare you! How dare you!" said Shinsuke, "I didn't poison this city! I tried to save it! I tried to save him! I truly did!"

"I know!" said Matako. She calmed herself and spoke more softly. "I can understand—because I want to save someone I love. I don't want to see him hurting anymore."

Shinsuke's eyes strained. He said, "I have nothing. Nothing but this revenge. A traitor like yourself won't waver me. It's already too late."

"It's never too late."

"How can you be so confident?"

"Because someone like me was given a second chance. Someone like me... I spent my life killing for profit. And I was able to change. Heh, imagine that? That's why I know you can change too."

She froze. Her eyes stared down at her chest. As she had blinked, Shinsuke had reclaimed his katana and plunged it at her heart…

He looked up at her surprised face. She was completely at his mercy.

What use is happiness when I can never forget what I lost? How can I expect to move on? How were you able to find happiness so easily? Why is it you came back for me? I've heard your answer, but I still can't understand. I'd be easier if you just died.

But his katana didn't follow his command.

Again he tried but was unable to.

"Why? Why now?" he wondered, his infuriation welling in his eyes. He suddenly felt a warm hand against his. Matako had once again pushed his sword to the side. She now pressed herself forward until her head was on his chest. She wrapped her slender fingers around his sword wielding hand.

"Don't cling on to it. You don't need it anymore. It's okay to let go."

She began to press her hand against his. Her palm slowly moved to the hilt and began to slide it out of his sweaty fingers.

"If you find it too difficult to let go, don't worry. I'm here for you. We'll face this together, so please… don't choose loneliness."

Her voice was beginning to choke. Shinsuke felt her tears beginning to dampen his kimono. He saw the blood on her hands gushing out as she disarmed him.

"What is this feeling?" he wondered. His heart had begun to pound violently. Seeing Matako fighting so desperately for him had subdued him. Her body against his own was bringing life back to his frozen veins.

The entire room was silent save for their breathing. For the longest time, Takasugi and Matako sat in their gentle embrace. Suddenly, they both became alert at a sudden metallic ringing. The katana had finally slipped out of his hands.

I remember now.

He had felt this way when Shouyou would smile at him. It hadn't been until his teens that he figured out why. Or rather, it was when he had at last accepted it.

It's how I felt when I was with my family. Shouyou replaced that hole. But I never told him that. I never thanked him for being a father even when he didn't have to be. And I lost him just when I began to realize it.

But this sensation is different somehow. I feel warmth, but accompanied by something else entirely. My heart is racing with excitement like it would in a losing battle.

He swallowed down the aching lump in his throat.

No. It feels like its racing even though it's about to fail at any second.

Takasugi unexpectedly grabbed her hand and gazed at it. He seemed horrified by the clean cut running through the palm.

Matako was left wordless by this unexpected act of concern. Just when she had seen a new side of Shinsuke, he had surprised her yet again.

Eventually, she said, "It's nothing."

Shinsuke wrapped his hand around hers. He titled his head down until his chin was stroking against his knuckles. Matako felt him suddenly press his face against her fingers. Water drops started sprinkling onto them.

"I'm sorry." said Shinsuke. He released her hands and reached for his yukata. He tore a small strip off the bottom and returned to ministering to her. He knotted the rag carefully and then examined it. Satisfied, he looked back up at her. His eyes were a light red but softened by the tears that had enveloped them. Again, he held her close. He rested his head on her shoulder as he said, "Thank you for saving me."

"Shinsuke-sama" she said. Matako shut her eyes and placed her arms under his so that her hands clasped his back. She was in a state of bliss. Her words had reached the man she loved. His arms lovingly wrapped around her were the truest proof of her victory.

Author's Note: I actually (mistakenly) intended for Shinsuke to be convinced in the last chapter. I was a bit surprised when he continued to resist Matako's words in this chapter. But at last, romance has begun to bloom!