You guys probably despise me right now and I understand, I despise me too. School has really taken over my life, with work and social lives and trying to get prepared for senior year and such, I've been really busy and I know you all probably don't care to hear excuses but I had to provide some kind of explanation for this close to 2 or 3 month hiatius but I told you I wouldn't give up posting this story and I will not! Here's the next chapter, I hope you all still like me enough to read it!
As I woke up, I felt groggy and my eyes felt like they were just glued together for ten years and I had finally got the strength to open them today for the first time but they were so used to being closed that they kept closing again. It wasn't like I had an extreme headache or I couldn't remember anything, my mind just felt far out and wasn't remembering normal functions.
Staying in the same position I was that I woke up in, laying on my stomach with the side of my face laying on the bed and my arms on both sides of my head resembling a goal post, I looked around the room realizing that I wasn't on the couch but instead was in the bed in the room that I had got dressed in the other day, or yesterday. Alright, so my memory wasn't that good after all but that was with or without the aftermath of drugs.
That word stung me in the back viciously. I hated being able to say that I did drugs now, and that if I said I'd never do drugs, I'd be a liar. In the cat's case, curiosity killed him but in my case, curiosity took away one of the basic principles I had set up for myself my whole life. I went through eighth grade, the year when everyone started experimenting everything without a hesitation to say no to all the peer pressure and there was lots. For goodness sake, I went to an arts school, where the stairways held the smell of every artist, musician, actor, and author getting their inspiration from the magical green leaf and I never took a second look to even think about it.
But here I was, not even a year later, lying in bed thinking about how easily I took that thing from Eli, eager to know what it felt like because he did it. Lying there in that position, I took a pledge to myself that I'd never do anymore drugs. I'd never let curiosity get the best of me again just so that I could regret it the next day.
I finally got the strength to lift my body up and get off the bed. I sat up, pushed my hair back from out of my face and went into the bathroom. As I looked in the mirror, I saw something I couldn't associate with myself. I mean, I saw me. I saw the black and blue hair, the grey but edging on blue eyes, the flushed cheeks that ever so easily burned out of embarrassment but I couldn't see me. All this time I was trying to change myself, to be a better me. But in the end I just kept losing me and I was still losing me, just by being here, leaving my brother with someone else when I was supposed to be watching him to get some kind of high school happy ending.
After I washed my face and brushed my teeth, I took another look at myself. This time, my eyes were truly opened and I was actually awake to the realization. I couldn't be here anymore, I had to leave. I marched out of the bathroom and out of the bedroom to find Eli sitting on the couch, with his head held back as if he was sleeping or looking at the ceiling.
"Eli!" I exclaimed, shaking him out of his daze.
"What? What did I do?" he said, sitting up straight and staring at me with wide eyes.
"Nothing, but everything. I don't really know, I just know I need to leave, I have to go home." I said, shifting my weight to either leg, trying to get rid of some of the nerves I had about even going home and what would await me there. I didn't have a signal on my phone so Sam couldn't let me know anything even if he wanted to.
Eli climbed over the back of the couch and walked over to me, putting his hands on my shoulders and staring me in the eyes, trying to comfort me, "Wait, calm down, explain to me what's going through your head."
"I shouldn't be doing any of this stuff I'm doing right now. Sneaking out, leaving my brother without me, getting high! This isn't even me, I've never done any of this and I always told myself I wouldn't and here I am, breaking all my moral rules."
"Isn't that what you wanted? Senior year, to finally be able to be a teenager and get to experience all the stuff you couldn't when your dad was over you 24/7 monitoring everything."
I put my hands over my face in frustration, "I did, but I don't know what I want now! Except that I want to go home."
I could see the light that I saw in Eli's face during the whole trip dim in that second. I wanted to take it back and say never mind I'll stay to make him feel better but I knew I had to leave. I knew I couldn't let myself get in any deeper than I was already. Before I let my conscious tell me to think about Eli and his feelings I went back into the bedroom to change and pack up my stuff. I change out of my pajamas into regular jeans, high top black converses and a plain red hoodie. I put my hair up in a very messy and rushed ponytail and proceeded to pack my stuff up.
As I walked out of the room with my bag in hand into the main room, I saw that all the lights and practically anything in the room was turned off and I had no clue where Eli was until I looked out the door and saw his car lights flashing. I could tell he was pissed, he was angry and upset and I wanted so badly to make it better but I couldn't do that without going back on my word so Eli being mad at me was just something I would have to deal with.
Preparing myself for the awkward car ride that would be filled with silence, I put my bag into the back seat and got into the front seat. I looked at Eli and he looked straight ahead not even turning just his eyes to look at me. I wanted to reach out to him, tell him I was sorry but part of me knew that would only make it worse and that wasn't something I wanted to deal with, at least not right now. So I took the hint from Eli and looked out the window closest to me, not saying anything or doing anything. I couldn't even bear thinking about this whole car ride being silent so I got cozy, leaned my head against the window which was cold but so was the atmosphere in the car, and closed my eyes. If I was going to be in silence I was going to while being asleep. The last thing I saw before I drifted away was Eli's eyes quickly flicker at me.
The car jolted to a stop and I was pushed forward, forcing my eyes open. I recognized my house and then saw it.
"Fuck." I mumbled.
There was my dad's car, sitting in the driveway. The pressure I felt from it was like the car was my dad and he was watching me, pulling up to the house in an attempt to sneak out without getting caught. I wasn't so sure that he wasn't watching me anyways. I'd ask Eli what to do but his face was still staring ahead, still upset. I couldn't be selfish enough to ask about me when he was upset.
I wanted so badly to kiss him and let him know I was sorry for being such a mess. A mess that didn't know what she wanted and dragged him into the mess too. But I knew that my dad was probably watching in there somewhere and that the kiss wouldn't be returned and I couldn't deal with that. So instead, I leaned over and reached in the back so that whatever my dad was seeing would look like I was grabbing my bags, which I was and I lightly kissed Eli on the cheek, whispering I'm sorry before I got out the car.
From one upset person to another I said to myself as I started walking towards my front door. I didn't even look back to see if Eli was still there as I opened the front door with my keys, I couldn't. It didn't matter either, what was done was done and I had to face the consequences for what I did.
My brother was standing right at the door as I stepped in and whispered frantically, "I tried to tell you he was back, why didn't you reply to anything?!"
"No service," I whispered back, "He's pissed?"
"Not as much as I would've expected but yeah, he's pissed."
I sighed. I probably ruined everything, all the trust I had with my father. All I could do now was admit to what I did, take the punishment and not take his absence for granted anymore.
As I mentally prepared myself, I walked into the kitchen where my dad was standing, waiting with his arms crossed and his face tightly clenched. My dad had a very naturally strong expression, sometimes it would look like he was upset with you but then he'd break into a smile though I doubted he'd break into one now.
"Who was that boy?" I hadn't heard his voice in forever and now here it was, calling me out on my deceit.
I swallowed something heavy in my chest, "My friend, Eli."
The heavy thing lifted, though I knew I'd be in trouble, it was good to finally have the truth out there.
"Just your friend?" he asked, making sure.
Now here's where it got tricky, I could have said no, but then my dad would want to meet him and if he didn't like him, I'd have to break up with him and that wasn't something I was willing to do so I had to take a lie for the team.
"Yes, dad. If I had a boyfriend, I would tell you." I said, knowing that was a lie. But trying my hardest not to let him know it was.
"Alright," he said, the hardness in his voice and expression softening a little bit, "Nonetheless you still put both you and your brother in serious danger. I would ground you but I'm not going to be here to make it stick so give me your phone."
I pulled basically my life out of my pocket and turned it off, handing it to him. In return, he gave me a cheap what seemed like a prepaid phone which it probably was.
"Since I do need to get into contact with you, you'll have this phone. Only two numbers are saved it in: mine and Sam's. There's no texting, internet, apps or any other luxuries." He said, with reassurance to himself that he was doing a good thing, "You'll get your actual phone back next time I see you."
I nodded, turning around to walk away. I got what I had coming, running and sneaking around, I would've gotten caught sooner or later. Of course, I thought it'd be much more of a punishment but with a dad who's never around, how bad of a punishment could you get?
"You know," my dad started, I could tell he was turned around, not facing me. Maybe he couldn't look at me as he said it, I sure couldn't look at him as he continued, not knowing what would be said, "I have so much trust in you, Summer. I hope you don't lose it under this pressure with no one here to guide you. I promised her I'd always watch out for you two, keep you on the right path. I hope I'm not failing her or you, I couldn't bear losing both of you."
Hearing him mentioning my mom like that, talking about me with such disappointment, that was the worst punishment I could get.
Hey again, I know this chapter wasn't the happiest chapter to give you all in the return of the wait I'm sorry but promises you'll be happy again soon enough I can't tell you when though! ;) Hopefully the next chapter will not take nearly as long as this one did and you'll see me soon enough. Please review I mean even if you wanna scream at me about how long I took it's okay I will accept that!