A new day. Day six of the new year in fact, a Wednesday, and for Chandler at least all seemed right with the world. It was still cold, but not too much so, and all the Christmas snow had completely vanished by now. Work wasn't too stressful yet after the holiday break, indeed, most of the staff and executives were still on their vacations, skiing in Vale or living it up on a tropical beach somewhere. Which was fine with him. There was nowhere in the whole wide world right now he would rather be. No tropical beach could ever live up to his life here, in Monica's kitchen at breakfast, after another night of sneaking over in the dark to enjoy a hot and intense round of sex in her bed, and creeping back to his own bed to sleep like a felled ox until his alarm went, and for about a half hour longer until Ross would physically drag him out of bed. Right, there was the downside. While the secret nighttime sex sessions were worth any amount of undisturbed sleep to him, and he wouldn't dream of foregoing even one of them just for the sake of one night of undisturbed sleep, it couldn't be denied that the strain and loss of sleep was getting harder and harder to handle. So far no one had remarked on it, but it could only be a matter of time until Ross would start to ask himself why his roommate kept oversleeping and getting harder to rouse. He needed to talk this over with Monica soon. Preferably before he started to fall asleep on the floor of her living room on his way back to his own apartment.

But not now, when his coffee still hadn't had a chance to kick in. Maybe after breakfast, if Rachel would leave for work before he had to. Since Ross had gone to the gym early and Phoebe had to work this morning, this would indeed grant him and Monica a few minutes alone. Well, almost alone, except for Joey, but he wasn't a problem.

Or was he? All of a sudden (maybe the coffee had kicked in by now after all) he noticed that today Joey seemed – different. Quieter than usual, almost subdued.

And he wasn't the only one to notice this. Of course Monica had caught on much sooner than he did. But then she never had any trouble getting out of bed, no matter how little sleep she got.

"Joey, is something up? You haven't finished your second bowl of cereal!"

"Mmmh?" Joey frowned and then sighed. "I don't know. I guess, I'm not that hungry."

For a long moment there was a dead silence, while the three of them exchanged alarmed looks over Joey's head. Then Monica took a deep breath.

"Sorry, but – what?!"

Joey sighed again. "I said – I'm not hungry! Okay?" And a split second before Chandler could even open his mouth, let alone draw breath Joey turned on him, raising a warning finger. "Stop! No joke! Okay?"

"But …"

"I said, NO JOKE!"

Chandler made a great show of gulping and zipping his mouth shut and promptly had to cough. Rachel and Monica exchanged a knowing look and Rachel put her arm around Joey's shoulder.

"Sweetie, if this is about your birthday …"

Joey glared at her, pushing his chair back.

"I don't want to talk about it!"

"Joey, this is ridiculous." Monica intervened. "You can't just pretend that it won't happen. Because it will."

"No it won't."

"Yes it will! Don't be such a baby. You should make the best of it! Enjoy yourself!"

"We'll have a big party for you!" Rachel chimed in. "And lots and lots of presents!"

"Come on, Joey, it's not that big a deal. So you'll be thir - -"

"DON'T!"

"So you'll have a round birthday. Come on, it's nothing to freak out about!"

Joey glared at Monica. "Easy for you to say when you're still twenty-seven."

"Twenty-eight."

"What? You're not twenty-eight! Your birthday's not until April!"

"Yes, and then I'll be twenty-nine."

Joey gaped at her. "What? No!"

"Yes, I will be, and I'd appreciate it, if we could change the subject."

"Okay. Okay." Joey's shoulders slumped. "But it's so awful! I don't want to be so old! Why can't I be in my twenties forever?"

"Joey, come on, calm down. It'll be great, you'll see! I'll tell you what, you can make a wish. From all of us. And whatever you wish for, we'll get it for you."

Joey stared at Rachel. "Really? Whatever?"

"Well … within reason. Say, if you want a big party … as much pizza as you want … a big birthday cake …"

"A stripper …"

"Chandler!" Rachel and Monica exclaimed in almost perfect sync, but Joey's eyes lit up.

"Wow, really? You'd do that?!"

"Of course I would. If it means so much to you, I'd even strip myself."

"Ugh! No! I meant, would you get me a stripper? Or go to a strip club?"

"Sure. We could all go. Have your birthday party at a strip club. Why not?"

Joey smiled blissfully, his good cheer restored again. "Okay great! Will you girls come too?"

Monica winced and Rachel pursed her mouth. "Oh, I don't know ..."

"Might not be such a good idea to take the girls, Joe. The last time they were there, they chummed up with the strippers. Monica got one of them to quit and become a teacher!"

Joey pouted. "Yeah, but then I wasn't there. This time it'll be different!"

"No, it won't be." Monica's tone left no doubt. "Yes, if you want us to come, we'll do it. But we'll have a regular birthday party here first. With a cake and presents."

"Oh god, look at the time!" Rachel jumped up and grabbed her purse. "I'm gonna be late! Chandler, are you coming?"

"Naw, I'm good for another 37 seconds."

Joey waited until Rachel had rushed out and then turned to Monica. "So, about the party …"

"Yes, we can have it here, but I'm drawing the line at the stripper –"

"That's okay! I was going to ask, can we have it Saturday early afternoon?"

"Oh, sure! But that's actually on the day of your birthday, aren't you going to be at your family's?"

Joey winced. "Mmmh – naw. I'm still kinda hoping they'll forget about my birthday." And when Monica gave him a reproaching look "Well, not my birthday, but that it's you know, the – well, that one."

Monica frowned. "Don't you think your mother will remember? Maybe they have a surprise party planned for you!"

"Ugh. All the more reason not to go there. Please! If we have to have a birthday party, can it be just for the six of us? You know, like you did for Chandler's thirtieth."

Now it was his turn to wince. "Man's got a point there, Mon."

"Really? But it was so – depressing! I was hoping to make yours a bit more cheerful. It really should be a joyous occasion!"

"What's joyous about turning thirty?!"

"Well, you … get to be more mature, experienced … composed - - yeah, alright, I heard it." Monica sighed deeply. "Actually I'm not sure myself how I'm going to handle my thirtieth birthday. I'd like to think I'm going to stay calm and composed, but I'll probably just freak out as bad as you."

"You could always get drunk" Chandler suggested.

"Like you did? No thanks. Besides, my mother would never let me hear the end of it." She gave him a warning look that made him swallow the acerbic remark about her mother back just in time. Joey hooted as he remembered.

"Right, you were totally hammered! What happened there?"

"You mean besides your wailing and lamenting?! Oooh, and now Chandler! Ohh no, we're all gettin' so old!" He screwed his face up looking at the ceiling. "WHY are you doing this to us?!" Joey scowled as Monica sniggled and hastily hid her face in her elbow. "But that actually wasn't the worst about it."

"No? Then what was? Your colleagues?"

"It was a Sunday, and they wouldn't have remembered anyway. In fact no one remembered, except you guys. But no one else."

"What? Nobody remembered your birthday? Not even – not even your parents?"

"Well my mother sort of did, but only three weeks later. My father sent a card, but it was delivered to the wrong address."

"Oh god."

"And since I'd just broken up with Kathy, she couldn't congratulate, and Janice probably sent a card to Yemen."

"Oh my god, Janice. Right. Does she still think you're in Yemen?"

He shrugged. "I guess. I hope. I really don't know! Anyway, it was just so ironic, because I had been hoping that nobody would make a big deal about it and then – nobody did. That was really unsettling."

"But we did make a big d– oh, right, we made a surprise party. So you really thought –"

"Yeah. But it's okay." He smiled at Monica who looked almost dismayed. "Really! It's no big deal!"

And it wasn't. After he had recovered from what felt like the mother of all hangovers, things had slowly but surely gotten into perspective for him and he had realized that his age really didn't change things. He was just as prone to screw up with thirty as with twenty-nine.

"Well, I promise to always remember your birthday." Joey assured him and then turned to Monica. "Um, when was it again? Just kidding!" He grinned as Chandler and Monica both rolled their eyes. "Um, but guys, to get back to what I originally wanted to say – um, well. You said I could have a wish? Any wish?"

Chandler and Monica exchanged bewildered looks. "Um, yeah? Well, within reason. No stripper in the apartment!"

"And neither Monica nor Rachel will strip for you. Or Phoebe!"

"Aw –"

"And we won't kiss for you!"

"I know that! Pity though –"

"Joey!"

"Will you let me finish? Right. Actually I was going to ask you if you two could come out on my birthday."

"What?"

"Come out to where?"

Joey glared at him. "I mean, if you could tell the others! You know about you two being together and all … I really think it's about time!"

"Gee, Joey, I don't know … This is so sudden!"

Joey folded his arms belligerently. "Soon? Guys, it's been three months!"

"Almost four actually." They said it together in almost perfect sync and then smiled at one another while Joey rolled his eyes. "Sixteen weeks by Friday" Chandler added helpfully and Joey threw up his hands.

"See? How much longer will you go on like this? Or actually, how much longer do you think you can keep this secret? It's bound to come out any day!"

"Why? What makes you think that? Joey? Does anybody else know -?"

"No! But wouldn't it be better, if you came out and told everyone before they found out by themselves? And I'm not saying they already did!"

"Yes, Joey, we believe you. But I don't think it's such a good idea."

"Why? Why not? I think it's a great idea!"

"No, Joey, it isn't." Monica put her hands on his shoulders while she gave him her best 'Monica-knows-best' look. "If it was just Rachel and Phoebe, then I would agree, but there's Ross to consider as well. I really don't think he could handle this right now."

He really had to hand it to Monica, that was a killer argument. And moreover one that hadn't occurred to himself ever.

"She's right. If Ross should ever find out, I would prefer him to be at some distance from us. Like say another country?"

Joey sighed. "But we would be there, we could hold him down while you explained … well, I guess I see what you mean. But does that mean you won't do it ever? Because I really don't know how much longer I can keep it secret! It's really hard, you know?"

"Yes, Joey, we know. And we really appreciate what you're doing for us!" Monica patted him on the shoulder. "But think about it. Do you really want Ross to learn about us while he's still living with you?"

Joey gave it some thought and then sighed. "I guess not. But he's not going to stay forever, is he? Though, yeah, it's Ross, so - - Oh god, does this mean it'll never happen?"

"Relax Joey. He will move out. I'm sure he will."

"But when? He never even looks for apartments!"

"He needs some more time, but I'm sure he'll start looking again soon."

"Yeah, as soon as he runs out of things to do. Which could really be any minute now. I mean he already fixed my door!"

"What? He did? How?"

"He put some glue on it. I'm not sure it'll last, but we'll see."

"Yeah. So you really won't come out on my birthday? Are you really sure?"

Monica sighed. "Yes, Joey, we're sure. Besides, we really couldn't do it on your birthday. Then we would steal all your thunder and we could never do that to you."

"Well, normally I wouldn't mind that, but on that day – I think I could use a little stolen thunder."

"Joey …"

"Alright! Have it your way. At least this way I get a stripper."

"Joey …!"

"Or a birthday cake. A big birthday cake. Ooooh, I know!"

"A gigantic birthday cake with a stripper in it?"

Joey threw his arms around him and burst into tears.

.

"Hey! There you are! Oooh … mmmh … I've got good news!"

"Sh! Not so loud, Rachel's still up!"

"No, she's not."

"But her light's still on!"

"Again? Ugh, I keep telling her to turn it off –"

"It's the same with Ross. He keeps it on all night. Maybe he needs a nightlight."

Monica snorted. "He already has one. Doesn't he use it at your place?"

"No, maybe he likes our lamp better … Anyway, what was the big news? Oh, don't tell me, it's that nighty? That's really very … very … nice … mmmh …"

"Actually it's not new, but I haven't worn it in a while … but that's not what I meant. Oooh, don't stop … mmmh …"

"Then what?"

"Ross is going to stay over at Carol's for the next three days!"

"What? Why?"

"Carol has a conference in Connecticut and Susan's going with her, but they can't take Ben, so Ross will stay at their place and take care of him."

"Wow. That is good news! So you get to sneak over to my place for a change?"

"Yes!" She smiled at him tenderly. "And you'll get more sleep at last. I have to tell you, I'm really getting worried about you. You always look so tired!"

"Aw. It's not so bad."

"But it is! And you keep oversleeping. Maybe we shouldn't do it at night anymore."

"What? No, don't say that. I don't mind doing it at night. It's keeping awake until Ross goes to sleep that's really hard to do. But I can manage."

"Do you really keep yourself awake until Ross goes to sleep? Why don't you set your alarm?"

"I tried that once and it woke him up too. Took him ages to go to sleep too after that."

"Oh god. Poor sweetie – oooh, wait! What if I called you on your phone?"

"What? Like that won't wake him up?"

"Not if you put it on vibrate and stick it under your pillow."

"Oh. Yeah, that could work. Yeah, let's do that. I always wanted sex by phone." He pulled her close and over him before she could cuff him and slid his hand under her nighty, gasping when he found that she wore nothing under it. The way she wriggled and squirmed under his hands told him that she didn't want to be on top this time, but when he turned on his side and got up on one elbow, she shifted until she was lying on her stomach and then started to drag a pillow over and under her hips. His mouth dry with anticipation he helped her take off the nighty and hurriedly fumbled for a condom on the nightstand while she lay on the pillow and spread her legs, her hands already clenching on the sheet. When he started to stroke and massage her hips and buttocks and kiss his way down her spine, she moaned and desperately tried to muffle the sound by pressing her mouth into the mattress. He tried to prolong the foreplay as much as possible, but when he started to tease her by drawing the tip of his penis across her vulva she wouldn't have it and pushed herself against him until he entered her. By the time he had found his rhythm she was already getting close to her first climax and he had to hold on to the headboard and pace himself while she tensed and stiffened under him, her vaginal walls clenching around him and her breath rate speeding up until she was almost hyperventilating. She allowed herself a few seconds to relax and then resumed moving and pushing against him even more urgently than before. He doggedly kept thrusting at her, his eyes screwed shut and his own breath rate speeding up until he thought that everyone at least a hundred yards away from them had to hear him pant and groan, and dimly wondering if his heart would give out any time soon. But it didn't and anyway any strain was so worth it. When his orgasm finally struck he collapsed on her gasping and shuddering, barely keeping his balance as she arched her back and then lay still. He almost forgot to hold on to the condom when he got off her at last and stretched out beside her after he had disposed of it. Monica spat out the corner of the pillow and then blindly reached out for him. For a while they just rested, holding tight and exchanging small little kisses, until he felt her relax under his hands and realized that she had fallen asleep.

.

"Hey! You're up! How come?"

"Told you, it was just a phase. I'm fine!"

"Really?" Ross looked at him closely. "I'm glad to hear it. I was getting worried about you –"

"I know. But it's no big deal." Chandler tried his best to appear nonchalant while he desperately fought against the urge to yawn. Yawn until his jaw unhinged and his tonsils got some sun along with the fresh air, and then rest his head on his arms on the counter for a moment or two. Or three.

"You're sure? Well, it's a relief. I thought I'd have to come over in the mornings to get you up again!"

Chandler remembered just in time to look blank. "Come over ..?"

"That's right! I'll be living at Carol's the next few days while she's at a conference. I'll be back on Sunday though, don't worry."

"I'm not worried. But you'll be here for Joey's birthday though?"

"Of course! I'm not going to miss that! A giant cake with strippers? How cool's that?"

"Stripper-ssss? Plural? I only promised him one – Joey!"

"What? It's my thirrr- my birthday! I feel bad about it already, and now you take back the strippers?"

"I didn't say that …"

"It's okay, Joey. Don't feel bad. You'll have a great birthday. Better than mine at least."

"Yours? What happened at yours?"

"Don't you remember?"

"How could he, when we all forgot it? Including you?" Ross' face fell.

"Right. But I remembered later that day!"

"When you went out and bought that sports car?"

Joey hooted and Ross winced.

"Yeah – what was I thinking?!"

.

All day he couldn't stop thinking about Monica sneaking over to his place at last after such a long time. Ever since November, after Ross had moved in with them, he'd had to sneak over to her bedroom at night, after having to wait for what seemed like an eternity before Ross had finally nodded off and then risk waking Rachel as he crept across Monica's living-room. Not that he enjoyed the thrill of it all, but it was starting to get to be a bit of a strain too. True, they had done it in his room during those four blissful days after Christmas when everybody else was out of town, but it wasn't the same.

And the best thing about it was that he didn't need to stay up until she arrived, but could go straight to bed and wait for her there, resting and getting ready. Get in the mood for it, trying to think up what they could do this time, and how to go about it. And all the other things he had to prepare beforehand, like changing the sheets and making sure he had condoms ready – it wasn't until next week that they could do it without them again. He even had a go at cleaning the bathroom, even though he knew that she hated to use it, especially at night.

As the evening dragged on interminably, he found himself growing more nervous by the minute. Fortunately Joey had spent all day at a rather strenuous audition for a music video that involved a lot of running around, and consequently chose to turn in as soon they had both agreed that they had seen that particular Law and Order episode already at least twice. After he'd made sure that Monica could find her way across his living-room in the dark without bumping into Ross' cartons or stumbling over the birds' food bowls, he went to bed too. It seemed a shame to waste the evening when they finally had the apartment to themselves again, but on the other hand they never got a chance to turning in early when Ross was there, so it did make for a nice change after all.

He considered leaving his bedside lamp on at first, but then decided to turn it off. Monica never left hers on, mostly to save on energy of course, but also because getting together in the dark, groping and fumbling while warming against each other was so very exciting in its own way. He lay on his back with his hands laced beneath his head, and then closed his eyes, smiling widely to himself as he started to relax. Mmmh. Soo nice. It was going to be so good. She would come into the room and stand before the bed while she let her bathrobe slip down over her shoulders, and she would only wear a thin nighty or short silk pajama under it, or maybe nothing at all and he would catch a glimpse of her smooth skin in the faint light from the streetlamp outside as he held up the covers for her and took her in his arms, kissing and pressing his heated body against her cool trim one …

And of course he fell asleep. So deeply in fact that it took him a long time to wake and realize that he had fallen asleep, and when he finally started up he sat up so abruptly Monica's arm caught him across the chin.

"Ooouuuch – wha- - oh god, did I get you? Oh. Oh god. What time is it?"

"About time you woke up, you sleepyhead! I've been trying to wake you for hours!"

"What? Oh. Right. Sorry, I really meant to stay awake …"

"Yeah. I know. I would have come sooner, but Rachel wouldn't turn in, she kept watching TV and talking to me. And then she fell asleep on the couch."

"Oh good, so now we both got that invaluable sneaking past occupied couches experience."

Monica snorted. "Please, I used to do that all the time before Ross moved in here! But yes, it was good to get a little practice again." She snuggled closer to him and sighed contentedly when he slid his hand over her side and hip and then down her thigh and up again. "Mmmh … though I must say, there's something funny about Rachel lately."

"Funny how?" He found it harder and harder to keep his mind on their conversation as she squirmed against him and rubbed herself against his growing erection.

"Mmmh … she keeps looking at me in a strange way, as though she expected something from me. And she keeps talking to me, and about really pointless things. It's driving me crazy."

"Um. Mmmh. Maybe she thinks you have a secret boyfriend again."

"Uh-uh. I don't think so, but … oh, but maybe she has one!"

"A secret boyfriend? Rachel? Come on."

"Or just a secret. Something she wants to tell, but doesn't know how. Oooh, I wonder what that is? She never keeps a secret from me! Not for long anyway. Ooh, this is so exciting!"

"More exciting than this? Gee, if only Rachel knew what she was missing … Ouch!"

Monica giggled and rolled on top of him, holding his hands down and away from her while she stretched out on him and pressed her mouth on his. For a while he lay still, enjoying her warm weight on him, the way her breasts were crushed against his chest and her thighs pressed against his hips while they kissed deeply and lingeringly. At last she let go of his wrist to reach out for the box of condoms on his nightstand and then scooted downwards a little, deftly unrolled the condom over his penis and took him inside herself, then settled on him with a contented sigh. As he started to thrust up into her he remembered how he had pictured their meeting earlier when he went to bed and nearly laughed out loud. When had things ever gone as he had imagined them, especially with Monica? And when had they not turned out even better?

.

However, Joey's birthday party did turn out pretty much as he had expected. After scowling at the big "Happy Thirtieth Birthday" sign, the presents and the burning candles on the big birthday cake Joey sat on the easy chair and raised his arms heavenward, wailing and screaming inconsolably on top of his lungs.

"Why God?! Why?! We had a deal! Let the others grow old! Not me!"

And still sobbing he buried his head in Phoebe's lap.

.

.

.

A/N. Yes, I know, that thorny problem with their ages and birthdays again :-/ With Joey's age the general consensus seems to be that he is older than Chandler either by a whole year or only a few months, but I am going by the two times that Chandler states his age in the canon when he says that Joey is 28 in the fourth season and 31 in the seventh – which puts his 30th. birthday in January 1999. Also I have no idea if they really forgot Ross' 30th birthday (in October 1998 the way I figure it) or not. I only know that I myself completely forgot to mention it in this story, so this is my attempt to make up for it.

And about Chandler's sawn-through door: It seemed strange to me that Ross, with so much time on his hands and going crazy with boredom, would not try to fix the door while he was staying at #19. And if you look closely at it in TOW Chandler's Worklaugh it really looks as if the two halves were glued together again.