Farewell (17 Years and 8 Months Old; Part II)
March 30-April 1, 18: 17 Years and 3 Months Old
Kurogane accepted his diploma with a bow and shook his teacher's hand firmly, looking out into the audience where Kendappa and Tomoyo were sitting, knowing that they would want to take pictures of this moment.
After being blinded by the flash, Kurogane made his way backstage to find Himawari, Souma, Doumeki, and Fai all waiting for him. Out of their group, only Watanuki remained to receive his diploma.
"Congratulations, Kuro-rin!" Fai cheered as he flung himself at Kurogane, who dodged him skillfully.
"It's hardly worthy of congratulations," Kurogane retorted. "Everyone passed."
Fai waved his hand dismissively. "High school graduation is an important part of everyone's path of life!"
"We're all off to university now," Himawari said, her voice wavering.
"Yeah." Kurogane didn't complain as Fai hugged him. When the blond tried to pull away, he kept his arms around him and held him close. "It's time for us to say goodbye."
He looked down, but Fai had his face buried in his boyfriend's chest.
When they all left the school for the last time, a strange mixture of sorrowful looks and cheerful smiles passed between them. The six of them paused at the gates and turned to look at the imposing building behind them.
"It doesn't feel real," Himawari whispered, nearly on the verge of tears again. "I can't believe we're really never coming back."
"We'll stay in touch." Even Watanuki was quiet as he tried to comfort Himawari, as if the importance of the moment had left him stunned. "I'll always be here for you, whenever you need me, even if you're so far away."
The rest of them added their own comments, most of them along the same vein as Watanuki's.
"Souma-chan's leaving too," Fai said, smiling gently at her. Unlike Himawari, Souma's eyes were clear. Knowing her, she had taken it all in stride and would continue to face the world, chin up and a challenge in her eyes.
"I'll visit," she promised. "As often as I can."
"Me too," Himawari sniffed. "Whenever I get the chance."
"What about you?" Kurogane asked Fai. He had a smile glued to his face, which was never a good thing. "You still haven't even told us where you're going."
"North," Fai replied softly. "The University of Celes. It's known for its psychology program."
"Why didn't you tell us?" Kurogane demanded, annoyed.
Fai looked away, hiding his eyes. "I … I didn't want to say goodbye."
"You'll come back and visit though, right?" Himawari asked, her eyes shining.
"Of course," Fai answered, still smiling. Kurogane narrowed his eyes but didn't say anything.
Himawari reached out took Watanuki's right hand in her left and Souma's left in her right. Taking her lead, Souma took Fai's hand and then he took Kurogane's with his free hand. Doumeki had already taken Watanuki's other hand. Kurogane looked at him. Doumeki met his eyes.
The others all noticed and made no attempt to hide their amusement.
"Come on!" Fai cheered loudly. "You can do it!"
"They're just too manly to hold hands, I except," Souma smirked.
"Don't be such an idiot and just get it over with, you useless lump!" Watanuki screeched at Doumeki.
Doumeki's mouth twitched upwards a bit. "Shall we?"
Kurogane shook his head and grinned, holding his hand out. Doumeki took it and closed the circle. They stood together for a moment, no one sure what to say.
"Let's all make a promise," Himawari suggested at last. "Let's promise that we'll make the most of the rest of our lives and that we'll always be there for each other if anyone needs it."
"I promise," Souma said immediately.
"I promise too, of course," Himawari followed right after.
"I promise." Watanuki was next, his usually energetic demeanor solemn.
"I promise," Doumeki grunted.
"I promise," Kurogane mumbled next.
He looked at Fai. Fai had dropped his head, letting his hair fall in front of his eyes, and when he spoke, it was barely audible. "I promise."
The circle broke up after that. With a few final goodbyes, everyone except for Kurogane and Fai went their separate ways.
"I'm staying at your place tonight," Kurogane told Fai, tugging him towards his car.
"That's not really necessary, Kuro-rin." Fai shot him a faint look of surprise.
Kurogane opened the door to the driver's door. "My bag's already packed and in the trunk, and I already told Kendappa-san that I won't be home tonight."
Fai smiled faintly but still refused to meet his eyes as he got into the passenger side. "Well, if Kuro-rin puts it that way …"
"I don't want you running away in the middle of the night," Kurogane grumbled as he drove to Ruval.
Fai laughed lightly. "I wouldn't do that!"
"Yes, you would, and we both know that," Kurogane retorted.
The rest of the ride passed in silence.
The first thing that Kurogane noticed upon stepping into the cold marble halls was that there were several suitcases stacked against the wall.
"Ready to leave?" He asked dryly.
Fai just prodded his cheek. "Why are you so suspicious, Kuro-rin? Himawari-chan and Souma-chan are both leaving tomorrow; so what if I am too?"
"Because neither of them grinned and said it was a surprise whenever they were asked which university they had chosen; neither of them are planning on running away and never coming back," Kurogane retorted.
Fai kept up his smile, even now. "Don't be silly, Kuro-rin!"
Kurogane snorted in disgust. "I know you too well. You can't lie to me."
Still, the smile was fixed firmly in place, although it had become strained. "Perhaps Kuro-rin should go home tonight," Fai suggested coolly.
"No way," Kurogane replied, grabbing Fai's arm and marching him further inside. "I'm not letting you out of my sight."
"Kuro-rin, that hurts!" Fai whined. Kurogane released him, but kept him within his line of sight. "Kuro-rin should be gentler."
"You should be less idiotic," Kurogane retorted. "What did you hope to accomplish by fleeing?"
Fai shrugged wearily. "Maybe it would have been less painful for you."
Kurogane snorted. "Try again."
"Why does it matter?" Fai sighed.
Kurogane grasped Fai's arm again. "Because you're not planning on coming back, are you?"
"Didn't you hear my promise, Kuro-rin?" Fai asked, though his voice lacked the proper level of cheer.
"It's because I heard it that I don't believe it," Kurogane growled. "I know you too well; you're always running away!"
Fai just kept on walking until he reached his room. "You can sleep in any of the guest rooms." Then he slipped into his room and shut the door.
Kurogane snarled in frustration, but he turned and let himself into the room beside Fai's. He dumped his bag on the bed and tried to decide whether or not he should break down Fai's door and try to talk sense into him.
Before he could make up his mind, Fai opened the door and stood in the doorway. "Kuro-rin …"
"Kurogane," he replied automatically. "Get my name right, idiot."
"Kuro-rin," Fai repeated, a small smile spreading on his face. "What would you like for dinner?"
"None of that sweet surgery stuff." Seeing the mischievous look on Fai's face, he promptly started forward. "I'll supervise your cooking."
Fai laughed, and for a moment, it felt like everything was normal between them again. "Kuro-daddy's going to help Fai-mommy in the kitchen tonight!"
"Shut up," he muttered, leading the way through the vast halls.
Once they were there, Fai opened a cupboard and withdrew a bag. "How about pasta?"
"Sure," Kurogane agreed. They worked swiftly together. Kurogane located a pot and filled it up with water to boil. Fai dug around for a jar of tomato sauce then set it aside, casting around in the fridge for fresh vegetables. Kurogane dumped in the noodles and stirred them idly, watching Fai roll up his sleeves and chop up herbs.
When everything was finished, Kurogane took the noodles and served them, carrying to the counter behind him so that Fai could pour on the sauce and sprinkle on the herbs.
"Wait," Kurogane requested. "Go stand out there."
"What are you going to do?" Fai asked, surprised.
"You'll see." Kurogane ushered Fai out and then opened the cupboards in the huge kitchen, searching for anything he could use.
He found some nice plates, coated in a thin layer of dust, over the second sink (why were there even two sinks?). He rinsed them off and went hunting for cutlery, and finally, wine glasses.
"Kuro-rin …" Kurogane spun around from where he was perched precariously on the counter. Fai was standing in one of the entrances to the kitchen, a genuine smile on his face. "This really wasn't necessary."
"I thought it would be nice," Kurogane flushed. "One last meal together."
Fai giggled. "Kuro-rin's really a softie at heart, huh?"
"Shut up," he growled, leaping down from the counter, glasses in hand. "Do you have any good wine?"
"Coming right up!" Fai trilled, skipping away. Kurogane allowed himself a satisfied smirk as he waited for Fai to return.
"I'll be here if you need me …" Kurogane said softly, although there was no one there to hear him. "I promise."
Fai popped his head back in a few minutes later. He had the bottle in one hand and gave it to Kurogane. "Don't open it yet, okay? I want to do something first."
When Kurogane opened his mouth to ask what, Fai silenced him with a kiss. "Nuh uh, Kuro-rin, it's a surprise! You have to wait here!"
Kurogane grinned and settled himself on the counter again. "Hurry up; I'm hungry."
"Kuro-woof will get his nourishment soon!" Fai called out as he exited the kitchen. Kurogane could hear his receding footsteps.
A quarter of an hour later, Fai reappeared, motioning for Kurogane to bring the plates. Kurogane balanced both servings and complied, following Fai through the hallways until he reached a room he never seen before.
"What is this place?" Kurogane asked, unable to help himself staring at the giant chandelier.
"The secondary dining room," Fai replied, smoothing out the tablecloth that he had evidently just laid out. "It used to be used for small gatherings of close friends."
"The secondary dining room," Kurogane repeated. He shook his head in disbelief. "Your house is unnecessarily big, you know that?"
Fai shrugged. "I'm used to it. But what do you think, Kuro-rin?"
Kurogane looked down and noticed the table. It was covered in a deep maroon tablecloth, with candles placed all around it on various locations in the room. "A candlelit dinner?"
Fai nodded enthusiastically. "Normally the table would have fresh flowers on it and stuff … but I couldn't-"
Kurogane had put down the plates and walked up to Fai, covering his mouth in a kiss. "This is fine."
Fai smiled happily up at him. "I'm glad, Kuro-rin."
"Kurogane," he corrected halfheartedly.
Fai just laughed. "Kurogane is just too long!"
"That was somewhat acceptable when we were three," Kurogane informed him. "Not anymore."
"But Kuro-rin would think I didn't love him anymore if I stopped calling him by his nicknames!" Fai protested, poking Kurogane's cheek.
"Hardly," Kurogane retorted, raising a hand to stroke Fai's hair. Fai sighed contentedly and buried his forehead in Kurogane's neck.
The moment was broken by a loud rumbling, followed by Fai's giggling. "Kuro-rin is hungry!"
"Let's eat," Kurogane suggested, gesturing at the two plates side by side.
"You left the wine and cups behind," Fai scolded. "Now I have to go back for them!" He left the room.
"We'll go back for them," Kurogane corrected, falling into place behind Fai. He didn't complain when a slender hand slipped into his.
Reaching the kitchen, Fai snatched up the bottle and a glass, while Kurogane grabbed his own glass and the cutlery he had also left behind. Together, still holding hands, they made their way back to the dining room. Kurogane popped open the wine and poured a glassful for both of them.
"Hyuu," Fai said softly. "This is really nice, Kuro-rin."
"Something to remember me by while you're running," Kurogane told him. Fai just smiled.
"To the memories!" Fai cried, raising his cup in a toast.
"And to making plenty more," Kurogane added. Fai's eyes flashed, but he tipped his cup forward to clink against Kurogane's anyway.
They both dug in. They ate in near silence for the first few mouthfuls, until Fai giggled. "Kuro-rin, are you struggling?"
"No," Kurogane snapped, twirling a strand of spaghetti around his fork. It freed itself and he groaned.
"I'm sure you meant for that to happen, right, Kuro-rin?" Fai teased, laughing.
"Shut up," Kurogane growled. "You should really buy chopsticks."
Fai shook his head. "I will never understand how you can eat using two sticks."
"It's easier," Kurogane retorted.
Fai laughed and twirled his own piece of pasta perfectly. "Open up, Kuro-rin!"
"What are you-" Fai stuffed his fork into Kurogane's mouth. He nearly choked before closing his mouth, so that when Fai withdrew his fork, Kurogane was left with spaghetti. He chewed and swallowed, then glared at Fai. "What was that?"
"I can't have Kuro-rin starve to death!" Fai explained cheerfully as he waved another forkful in front of Kurogane's face. "Open up again!"
Kurogane protested a few more times before giving up. If he tried to argue, Fai just shoved the pasta in while he was talking. He reluctantly let himself be fed for the rest of the meal; Fai seemed to have a great time showing off his spaghetti-twirling skills to him.
Soon, their plates were empty, as was the wine bottle. They went back to the kitchen together to wash the dishes. Kurogane passed all the newly clean and dripping wet dishes to Fai to dry, watching the way his swift hands nimbly manipulated the cloth. After they finished, they put everything back where Kurogane found it all and returned to the dining room to clean up the candles and everything else.
After that, Fai dragged Kurogane around Ruval, digging in several closets until he finally found a sleeping bag and they returned to the guest room Kurogane's bag was resting in.
"I'll stay here tonight too!" Fai announced. Kurogane smirked, about to protest the necessity of a sleeping bag, but Fai tugged on his arm and he was led to a room with a giant TV, sound system, shelves full of music and DVDs, and a fireplace.
Fai fiddled with the fireplace for a bit, until he got a nice blaze going, and then skipped over to where Kurogane waited by the shelves, arms crossed.
"What movie do you want to see, Kuro-rin?" Fai asked, scanning all the titles.
"Doesn't matter to me," Kurogane replied, preferring to watch Fai. The light from the fire danced over his features, casting its glow onto his hair and flickering over his face. "Just nothing romantic and gushy."
Fai pouted, putting down the DVD currently in his hands. He skimmed the shelf again, finally picking another movie after a few minutes. "Let's watch this!"
Kurogane glanced at it, eyebrows raised. "It's a zombie apocalypse movie."
"Exactly!" Fai said cheerfully. He popped the disk into the player and plopped onto the couch. "Let's snuggle, Kuro-rin!"
"So that was your plan, huh?" Kurogane snorted. He joined Fai on the couch and put his arm over the blond's shoulders when Fai rested his head on Kurogane's shoulder.
"Hyuu, it worked!' Fai giggled.
"Shut up and watch the movie," Kurogane growled, blushing.
"What would you do if that happened to you, Kuro-rin?" Fai asked once the movie was over.
"If what happened to me?" Kurogane removed the DVD and put it back where it came from as Fai extinguished the fire.
"If you were the only human left on Earth," Fai elaborated. "What would you do?"
"He wasn't the last one though," Kurogane pointed out. "He didn't think so either, remember? He would always make those broadcasts."
"But he didn't really believe there was anyone else left," Fai argued. "Not really."
"Of course he did." They left the room, still talking, and walked back to where Kurogane was staying. "He hoped he could bring humanity back."
Fai sighed. "I think I would just kill myself."
Kurogane glared at him. "Why is that your answer to everything?"
"It isn't!" Fai retorted. "But who would want to live all alone, surrounded by zombies?"
"If you can stay alive … wouldn't you want to, if only to try and find a cure?" Kurogane countered.
"Maybe," Fai muttered. "But most people don't deserve saving."
Kurogane shot him a look, but Fai stopped him with a kiss before he could say anything else.
It was something in the kiss that made Kurogane shut up and stop pushing – it had somewhat of a desperate edge to it, as if Fai was trying to make the most of the time they had left.
Kurogane responded in kind, kissing Fai roughly. He broke away to nip at Fai's neck, leaving marks as he traced a trail down his front. Fai pushed him away for a moment to yank off his shirt, and Kurogane continued, concentrated only on the milky skin in front of him and the blue eyes that threatened to drown him.
"Are you sure about this?"
"… Yes."
"No regrets tonight?"
"I won't regret this."
"Good."
The rest was lost in the moans that echoed throughout the multiple, cold halls of Ruval.
Kurogane kept his breathing regular as he slowly drifted out of sleep, awakened by Fai's movements.
He was aware of light footsteps that crossed the room to the door. Once Fai left, Kurogane threw off the covers, found some clothes, and followed him.
He shadowed Fai all the way to the entrance hall and watched as the blond donned a jacket and grabbed his first suitcase.
"I knew it." Even though it seemed childish to say, Kurogane felt anger building, most of it directed at Fai and some of it directed at himself.
Fai jerked around. "Kuro-rin! What are you doing here?"
"You should know by now that I don't sleep through anything," Kurogane growled.
Fai chuckled lightly. "I know, Kurogane. Nothing gets past you, huh?"
"Were you just going to walk away? Leave, after what happened tonight?" Kurogane's temper grew until he was almost shouting, fists clenched.
Fai looked at him, eyes cold. "Just let me go, Kurogane."
Kurogane grabbed his arm. "Tell me that what we just did meant nothing to you."
"What do you want from me?" Fai cried, trying but not succeeding in freeing himself from Kurogane's grip.
"Tell me!" Kurogane yelled. "Tell me, and I'll let you go. Tell me that – that having sex, making love, whatever you want to call it, tell me that it meant nothing to you and I'll let go; I'll let you leave and I won't like it; I won't be happy, but I'll let you go. Tell me that all along, I've been nothing to you, and I'll back off."
Fai kept his eyes trained on the ground and Kurogane nearly missed his quiet whisper. "I can't."
"What?" He demanded, a bit more harshly than he intended.
"I can't, okay?" Fai wretched his arm out of his grasp. "I can't tell you that you meant nothing to me! That's the problem, Kurogane! I don't know why you did everything you did for me, out of pity, or what, but you just don't seem to get it!"
"No," Kurogane shouted back. "You don't get it. You never have, because you've always hidden behind your secrets. Whatever happened in your past that's so awful that it still affects everything that you do, whatever it is, it has to stop! You have to let it go and start living in the present."
"That's not so easy for me, Kurogane." Fai's eyes were hard ice as he picked up his suitcases and left.
Still, he hesitated slightly on the doorstep, but Kurogane growled at him. "Don't say goodbye. I don't want to hear it."
"It'll be best if you forgot about me, Kurogane." Fai closed the door with a resounding thud.
After the sound of tires faded, Kurogane muttered quietly to the door, now that there was no one left to hear him, "It's Kuro-rin, idiot."
Kurogane lifted his bag onto his shoulder and cast a last glance around the room. It was exactly the way he had left it, except for the white rose resting on the night table. Kurogane picked it up and read the note, Fai's handwriting obvious.
Listen.
He frowned; it was an odd thing to put on a note. Holding the rose lightly in his hand, he stepped out into the hall and strained to hear anything out of place.
The sound soon became evident and he moved swiftly through the halls, bursting into the room where they had watched the movie. The fire was roaring, nearly out of control. Kurogane ran to the kitchen frantically and filled a cup up with water to extinguish the fire with.
Once all that remained were soggy ashes, Kurogane knelt down and picked up a half burnt photo. It was another picture of him and Fai at the wedding, only this time both of them were looking away and Fai was half draped over him. A quick prod in the remains of the fire revealed that Fai had been burning all the pictures of him and Kurogane together. More were scattered around the fire; Kurogane picked them up and stared at them absentmindedly.
His attention was drawn by another white rose, its petals slightly singed, but otherwise undamaged. Another note was attached to it, and this one Kurogane tore up vehemently.
Forget about me.
"No way." Kurogane gripped the roses so tightly that blood started flowing down his hands where the thorns had pierced him.
Now (21 years and 5 months)
Kurogane still doesn't understand how Fai could have ever thought that he would forget about him.
He doesn't understand how Fai could still not understand why Kurogane did everything for him.
He doesn't understand Fai at all still, not really.
He hasn't seen the nurse that called him Yuui again, and wonders if he imagined her.
A/N - Who saw that coming? XD I was listening to Skillet - Don't Say Goodbye over and over while writing this, so if you guys want a new angsty song to listen to, look it up XD
I hope you guys aren't too upset with me, haha. One last chapter! =)
ps, sathreal, I'm working on your prompt ;D