Chapter 25
Janet was stood there staring at Andy trying to think of something to say. Andy repeats what he said before. 'Why didn't you tell me Janet?' Janet closed her eyes and began to say what she was really feeling. 'I didn't tell you because really you had no reason to know. This had and well has nothing to do with you. It's over and now there is no need to bring it up ever again. I didn't ask for her to tell you because I couldn't, I didn't even know why she was telling you my business anyway. Also when we were together you never left me alone so what would you have been like if you knew the truth? You wouldn't let me out of your sight in the knowing of what had happened. Why would I want you to go through that?' Janet could tell that Andy was upset. 'I just don't get why you didn't just tell me. You know I wouldn't tell anyone. You've known me for years yet you've known Rachel for 5 minutes and you tell her your whole life story. What the fuck is that all about?'
Janet was now getting angry. 'Rachel is my best friend, it's different to what you and I have. I don't care that you wouldn't tell anyone, I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to know. Gill doesn't even know. The only reason I told Rachel was because she there when I was thinking about it. I wouldn't dare mention it otherwise. Also to be completely honest I don't have to tell you because it's my choice. I'm sure there are things you haven't told me, I'm sure there's things you haven't told anyone around here. What makes you any different to me?' He just stood looking at her. 'Exactly you have no idea. So just drop it, you have no right for having a go at me when you are oblivious to it all.'
Andy does have a secret. No one apart from Gill knows about what happened. It was put onto his record so she would find out anyway. He isn't proud about what happened; he doesn't talk about it or brag about it. He doesn't think anyone would brag about what he went through. He loved her and she left him, it was an embarrassment and it brought him shame. He didn't cope well with it; he slowly broke down until there was nothing left to him. It was like she had stripped him away of who he was and what was left behind was a quiet, untrusting and secretive man. It's amazing what one woman can do to a man like Andy. He knew why Janet wouldn't want to tell him about what Ade did to her; he didn't want to tell her about his ex wife. He was just hurting that she hadn't told him. He considered them as very good friends; friends tell each other stuff like that. Which sounds completely hypocritical; so he couldn't answer. How could he tell her? It wasn't something he would have been able to slip into a casual conversation. He didn't tell her because he didn't want to face it all again.
Andy got all emotional. 'You know what Janet you are right; I will drop it because I have no idea what it's like to get hurt in any way.' He shouted.He continues to walk down the stairs leaving Janet there alone. The time she had spent in the toilet sorting out her makeup was now going to waste. She had her back against the wall; she slid down and sat on the floor. She just sat there for a few minutes staring into a space letting all the thoughts in Janet's head run through over and over again. After awhile she decided to get up and walk back into the office. Gill was sitting on Janet's desk talking to Rachel. Janet had noticed that Rachel and Gill were a lot closer after their trip together. 'Are you alright Jan?' Gill asks. Janet nods and reaches for her bag. She pulls out a tissue and wipes her eyes. 'Yeah, I'm fine. I've just got a cold and it's affecting my eyes.' She looks at Rachel, disappointment filled her face. Rachel looks at Janet. Janet could tell that she was sorry about everything that had happened. 'Right ladies, I have to get back to work. I will see you soon.' She gets up and walks into her office.
'I'm so sorry Jan, I shouldn't have done it.' Janet sits in her chair; she puts her hands in her hair. 'Yeah you shouldn't have done it. You are old enough to know when not to tell a secret. You may have had a reason to do so but that doesn't mean I condone what you did. You were out of line and I did not deserve that.' Rachel wasn't used to Janet having ago at her, she sometimes raises her voice but never like this. Rachel knew she was wrong. 'I'm really sorry Jan.' Janet looked at Rachel. 'Well Rach, sorry doesn't always make it better. You taught me that.' Rachel began to make up excuses. 'Look Janet, I know I did wrong but it wasn't my fault. He deserves to know.' Janet looked at Rachel with anger written across her face. 'I don't want to hear your excuse Rachel. You shouldn't have done this and you know it. You wouldn't like it if I would do it to you would you?' Rachel shakes her head. 'Exactly, so how do you think I feel? He knows a secret about me that one, I'm not proud of and two, I told you in confidence. I don't just go blurting out your secrets because I feel someone 'deserves to know' I keep quiet and I respect your choice of not telling them.
There were a couple of minutes silence, Rachel didn't speak at all. Janet began to calm down. Rachel finally spoke. 'Janet I'm really sorry, I didn't know what was going to happen. I didn't know he was going to talk to you about it. If I had known I wouldn't have said anything.' Janet stayed in silence. 'Are you really pissed off with me?' Rachel asks with a hint of desperation in her voice. 'I'm not angry or pissed off. I'm just...' Janet looks for the right word to say '...I'm just disappointed, that's all. I can get over it.'