Okay so I've been trying to re-post this exact chapter for 3 FREAKING WEEKS! And every single time it says it's posted it hasn't! PLEASE TELL ME IT POSTED THIS TIME!
Clary was awake and sitting in the comfortable chair across from the bed where Jace lay sleeping. She watched his chest rise and fall evenly. Jace was adorable while he slept; his brows were furrowed like he was thinking and somehow he always ended up with his arms splayed out. Clary had slept really well her first few days back at the institute but then she started having the dreams. It would start with Sebastian and the time she'd spent with him. Then it would switch to images of her mother running away from her, Clary would chase her but she wasn't able to catch up. The dream always ended with Sebastian killing her mother then killing Jace. She'd wake up shivering and shaking and it was almost impossible to keep it from Jace, but he'd been so exhausted lately that even her tremors weren't waking him up.
She turned to look through the window and got lost in thought watching the sun come up. It was roughly 5 in the morning so the sky was a light pink colour and Clary could imagine what colours to mix to make the perfect shade; she imagined the brushstrokes it would take to copy the landscape and she let herself get distracted by thoughts of painting.
Jace woke up to an empty bed and looked across the partly lit room to see Clary staring out the window with a dazed expression on her face. She looked sad, she always looked sad lately. After they'd returned to the Institute he thought she would've been relieved but being free of Sebastian only gave her more time to think about her mom and where she was and what was happening to her. Jace got up and dragged a blanket off the bed with him and draped it over Clary's shoulders. She flinched and spun around to face him, "Oh god you scared me I thought you were sleeping." she breathed placing a hand on Jace's arm. Jace smiled at her and sat across from her on the coffee table "and I thought you were sleeping." He took her hand in his, "what's got you up so early?" he asked keeping his eyes locked on her face. Clary looked away and took a deep breath, "I don't know Jace, I don't know what I'm supposed to do about my mom. Luke thinks it's my fault, she hasn't been seen or heard from in how long and I have no idea where to start looking." She sighed and leaned back pulling Jace forward. He repositioned himself so he was sitting on the arm of the chair and draped his arm across her shoulder, "I don't think you should worry about it. At least not yet, we can have Magnus start on finding your mom but for now you need to focus on getting your strength back." he said gentle running his hand through her hair. Clary bit her lip and looked up at him, "I just feel like it's all my fault." Jace felt his heart twist. Why couldn't Clary ever catch a break, why couldn't she have a normal life away from shadow hunting and away from Sebastian. But every time he thought about a different life for Clary, Jace couldn't picture himself in it.
They sat in silence for a while and watched as the pale sunlight began to brighten the room. Clary had fallen asleep again with her head resting against Jace's shoulder. He ran his fingers through her hair and got lost deep in thought, what were they going to do about Clary's mom, how was she going to handle it. Jace hadn't realized that he'd fallen asleep until he was woken up by Simon yelling something through the door. He was still groggy and was ready to ignore the vampire and snuggle against Clary but she shaking him awake. He moaned and shoved his head against the chair's armrest. "5 more minutes, please just come back over here and we'll hideout in my room all day." Jace grabbed Clary's hand and pulled her back towards him. She giggled and fell against his chest, "Come on, we can at least see what he wants." Clary pushed herself off of him and pulled him up after her making her way towards the door. She was wearing little mini sleeping shorts with a long t-shirt draped over her torso, Jace was hardly decent himself, wearing only his sleeping pants and nothing on top. They walked hand in hand down to Izzy's room where they figured Simon would be and Jace had to groan inwardly when he heard the two of them giggling like 2 school girls. Clary went to push the door open but Jace grabbed her hand and covered the knob. "Clary I think you and I know well enough ourselves that knocking is imperative if we don't want to have to gouge our eyes out." Clary blushed but lifted her hand and banged on the door. The giggling on the other side stopped and the door opened inhumanly fast. Simon stood on the other side a grin reaching ear to ear, "you guys aren't going to believe this!".
Simon grabbed both their arms and pulled them in the room swinging the door shut behind them. Izzy was sitting on the bed her legs dangling above the ground and she had the same stupid smile Simon had. "What the hell's gotten into you two?" Simon grabbed their arms and pulled them over to the window. "Look down in the courtyard" Simon was almost giddy. Clary and Jace looked through the window and saw Alec and Magnus sitting on the lawn below. They were sitting shoulder to shoulder; Magnus was waving his arms around and looked like he was telling some story while Alec laughed. "They look really happy." Clary smiled, holding onto Jace's arm. Jace saw Simon take Isabelle's hand and cringed inwardly. The two of them would never seem not weird. Isabelle leaned against Simon's shoulder and sighed, " Well as fun as spying on Magnus and Alec's date is, if I don't get food in my system soon I'm going to pass out." "Me too," Clary agreed her stomach growling, she pulled Jace after her and they followed Simon down the hall to the kitchen.
"What'll it be mortals type A or type O." Simon said pulling open the fridge door to reveal a shelf full of blood bags. "Gross Simon!" Clary whined smacking him in the arm, "hey a vamp's gotta eat." He snatched one of the bags and tore through the top with his fangs. Normally Simon ate by himself in private but since he and Izzy had gotten more comfortable with each other and Jace's hazing came less frequently, he wasn't as self-conscious. Izzy looked through the pantry and pulled out a box of pancake mix and tossed it to Clary. "It's on you today red." Clary read the directions on the box and busied herself with getting out mixing bowls and a pan. Jace watched her move around the kitchen and found himself smiling while Clary mouthed the directions to herself. "So we got a plan?" Simon asked wiping the corners of his mouth with the sleeve of his shirt. Everyone looked at him confused, "a plan for what?" Isabelle asked. "Clary's mom." Jace looked at Clary waiting for a reaction but she had her back turned and was pouring batter. Everyone stared at Simon and he just stood there with a confused look on his face. "We'll play it by ear." Clary said still facing away from everyone. Jace glared daggers at Simon and mouthed death threats; Izzy stepped in between them and motioned a time out.
Clary turned a forced smile on her face and a plate with a few pancakes on it. "Okay Izzy your first up." She handed her the plate and turned to Jace, "How many do you want?" He lifted 2 fingers and looked questioningly at Clary trying to see if she was okay. She gave him a quick little nod and flashed another smile before turning away. The rest of breakfast was filled with idle chatter, everyone dancing around the topic of Clary's mom. Soon after, Alec and Magnus came inside both of their cheeks flushed like they'd been running. "You would not believe the weather today! First it was beautiful and the sun was shining then suddenly it was pouring rain!" Magnus complained shaking his hair out. Alec grabbed the bottom of Simon's chair and pulled it away from Izzy, then pulled up a chair for himself, placing himself between the vampire and his sister. Clary went over to them and they started talking about the weather and what they should do with their day since it was raining; Jace took this opportunity to pull Magnus away. He led him out into the hallway and asked, "Any word on Clary's mom?" Magnus ran a hand through his hair and sighed, "I've already found her." Jace shook his head and made sure he heard him right "Wait, did you just say you've already found Clary's mother!" Jace practically yelled. Magnus slapped a hand over the shadow hunter's mouth and hissed in his ear, "Yes I've found Clary's mom and I've found Luke, they're both together now. The only problem now is that Clary's mother doesn't want to see her." Magnus pulled away letting his hand fall, a look of dismay on his face. Jace tried to wrap his mind around everything. "What do you mean she doesn't want to see Clary. She's her mom." Magnus looked sad and placed a gentle hand on Jace's shoulder, "Clary needs to know, so she can stop wondering. I can tell her if you want. I won't make you be the bearer of bad news" Jace bit his lip and ran a hand across his face, "Why Magnus, why doesn't she want to see her?" Magnus hated this but he went on, "You have to understand Jace, Jocelyn spent most of her life trying to get away from Shadow hunter's. And then her daughter not only falls in love with one but becomes one. She already lost one child to it Jace and it would just be too much to lose another." Jace felt his face get hot and wanted to punch through a wall. "She's afraid of losing Clary so she's just going to let her go? Forget about her, easy as that?" Magnus could see that Jace was getting upset and couldn't imagine Clary's reaction. His heart clenched and he motioned behind him. "Don't tell her yet. Let her have a good day and break it to her gently." Jace looked up at the warlock and tried to compose himself, Jocelyn was selfish and he hated her, how could a mother so easily disregard their daughter. Jace walked back in the kitchen and sat down. He folded his hands on the counter and looked down lost in thought. How was he supposed to tell Clary without hurting her?
Clary noticed Jace's sudden withdrawal and stood behind him placing her hand between his shoulder blades. She massaged his shoulder and leaned forward and whispered "you okay?" Jace looked at her and the look of concern on her face for him, made him feel guilty. He had to tell her that her mom was practically abandoning her and here she was worried about him. He gave her a half-hearted smile and whispered back "just tired is all." Clary placed a soft kiss to his temple but never took her hand off of his arm.
They spent the rest of the morning training. Jace was extra aggressive and was starting to worry Clary. He threw his knives faster than usual with terrifying precision; his sword sliced through the air and stabbed into the dummies with a force that Jace usually only used in battle. When it came time to spar, Jace went extra easy on Clary which she found aggravating and then went all out on Alec. He rushed him and let his fists find all of his parabatai's unguarded spots. Alec grunted and tried to block Jace's blows but they were coming too fast. "Jace, what the hell?" Alec tried to step back but Jace pressed him and was on top of him again. Clary's heart started to race and she called out to Jace but he was so focused on getting in the blows that he didn't hear her. Isabelle stood beside Clary with her arms crossed and a smirk on her face, "Calm down Fray, they're just practicing how else would they get good." Clary took a deep breath but saw that Alec was still struggling to keep up with Jace. She made a split decision and ran at Jace ducking low for his hips just like he taught her and she tackled him to the ground. She pinned his arms above his head and straddled his torso. He looked confused and shocked, his chest rising and falling from exertion. Clary was breathing hard above him mostly from nerves and the strain of keeping Jace pinned down. "What do you think you're doing?" she demanded locking her eyes with his. Jace looked guilty and exhausted, "I'm sorry I didn't realize that I was going so hard." Alec rubbed his bruised ribs, "no harm done." Clary climbed off of Jace and pulled him up after her. Izzy had Alec lift his shirt up and see if the bruising was bad and Simon sat on one of the benches twirling a knife around in his hand. Clary kept Jace's hand tightly in hers and led him out of the training room and towards his bedroom. She was going to have a serious talk with him.
Jace was quiet for the walk to his room and let his hand hang loosely in Clary's, he didn't want to talk about it, he didn't want to tell Clary about her mom, he just wanted her to be happy. She pushed through the door and thumped onto his bed and motioned to the bathroom, "shower, then we'll talk." Jace complied stripping his shirt off as he walked. Clary sat on the bed and pulled out her sketch book, she hadn't really drawn anything in a while and felt like sketching would help her relax. She drew a few line and let her mind wander, she traced the silhouette of two people standing on a bridge with a small creek running underneath. She shaded in a moon behind them and when she was finished her right hand was stained from smudging. Jace stepped out of the bathroom, a cloud of steam billowing around him. He shook out his hair and had a towel wrapped around his hips, it was hanging low and loosely, showing his sculpted torso. Clary patted the bed next to her and Jace sat, he clasped his hands in his lap and avoided looking at her. He's obviously avoiding something, Clary thought to herself. She didn't want to press him too hard in case it was personal and he didn't want to tell her but she did want to know what was bothering him. Clary placed her hand gently over both of his and pulled him against her. Jace laid his head on her shoulder and closed his eyes, letting Clary run her other hand along his bare back. "Do you want to talk about it?" she said softly giving his hands a little squeeze. He sat quietly but hugged her closer to him, "You don't want to hear it Clary." Her hand started moving slower along his back "tell me" she whispered. So Jace did; he told her everything that Magnus had told him. He didn't slow down; he didn't stop, because if he did he didn't think he'd be able to start talking again, he didn't look at Clary he just told her everything. By the end Jace was laying in Clary's lap with her hands in his hair and him facing the wall still unable to look at her. He heard her sniff and felt a tear fall onto his arm, finally he turned to her. She was looking down at him, her eyes glassy and her bottom lip quivering. Jace laced his fingers between hers and sat up pulling her against him. Clary buried her head in his shoulder and silently cried, her shoulders were shaking and all Jace could do was whisper that everything was going to be okay.
He didn't know how long he'd been holding her or whether she was still crying but Jace had no intention of letting go. They were lying against the pillows, Clary's face obscured by her hair and the blanket; she was pressed snug against his side with his arms wrapped tightly around her shoulders. He gently brushed her hair away from her face and saw that she was sleeping. Jace hugged her tighter and pulled the blankets up. There was a light tap at the door and Alec poked his head in, he placed a finger over his lips motioning that he was going to be quiet and walked over to the fireplace and placed a few logs on and lit it. Alec got up and left without a word and Jace watched the flames devour the logs and let the gentle crackle of the fire lull him to sleep.