Spock slept fitfully that night, and as he did, he dreamed that he was T'Annis. She was in a classroom and was helping bond all the kindergarteners who had survived the destruction of Vulcan.
"We cannot bond them like this," she protested, looking around the classroom. It was a stark contrast to when she had been seven. Her father had considered it one of the most important events in her life and had spared no expense—renting one of the largest halls in the city for the reception, taking her to have silk robes perfectly fitted. He had even taken her to a jeweller to get a set of earrings, a sort of extravagance was uncommon, but not so uncommon that the jeweller hadn't known exactly why she were there and led her to a display of child-size jewellery.
Of course, the arrangements had fallen through—her intended's family had found out that a cousin was learning disabled a few weeks before the ceremony and her son had to marry her instead, lest she not find anyone else—or at least that was what they had told T'Annis's parents.
"I knew that this was going to happen," T'Annis had overheard her mother say later that night, while she hid at the top of the stairs, devastated. Her father eventually found her and led her in her favourite meditation routine—the one with the sun and the sailboat, and promised to take her to a fancy restaurant so the she could wear the robes.
Still, the injustice of bonding kindergarteners in mass stung.
"We could at least try to find something decent for them to wear," T'Annis insisted. She thought of her flowered dress. She could cut it up.
"And we should at least let each couple have their own special day!"
The two teachers, who T'Annis called 'Miss' and 'Missus', looked at her uneasily.
"T'Annis," Miss sighed after a minute, "We need to do this today."
"But why?" T'Annis went on, "They will be seven for a full year."
The teachers paused again.
"T'Annis," Missus snapped, "Be quiet or I will send you out."
She stopped protesting. It was a credible threat. At the time, there had only been elementary school education on New Vulcan, so T'Annis was just a visitor. She often came by to help out between her shifts at the construction company. She liked seeing the kindergarteners, and since building schools was a popular service project, the school was one of the nicest buildings on the New Vulcan.
T'Annis resented not being able to continue her education, but later on she'd realized that she was lucky. If she'd been only a few years older, she likely would have ended up in the ranks of the Kanashivaya. They were a movement of young women who pledged themselves to ensure the future of Vulcan society by taking on the planet's excess male population during Pon Farr and having children who were half-siblings, improving future generations' genetic diversity. They were idealistic, devastated by the loss of their planet and desperate to help rebuild in any way they could. Most of them had no idea of what they were getting themselves into. Some of them died. Some of them were seriously injured. All of them were social outcasts.
T'Annis watched quietly as Miss stood each couple facing each other and forged a bond. It went quickly. The pairings had been picked in advance and there were no maternal bonds to break. Afterwards, it turned out the teachers did have something special up their sleeves. They brought out trays of sweets, and led the children in songs to celebrate.
T'Annis watched jealously as they sang. She'd always felt a bit marginalized by being unbonded. A few times she'd considered asking the teachers if they'd help her find someone, but she'd always decided against it. If her father hadn't been able to find anyone with the entire Vulcan population at his hands, it seemed impossibly unlikely that the teachers would be able to find someone on New Vulcan. And honestly, she found even the thought of mentioning that she was interested in the opposite sex embarrassing,
When the children tired of celebrating, the teachers sent them home, and then walked back to their flat together. They had eaten too many sweets to be interested in dinner, so Missus went for a walk, while T'Annis and Miss debated whether the couple that picks their noses together sticks together. After an hour or so, there was a loud pounding at the door, followed by some yelling.
"T'Annis, get into the bathroom!" Miss said harshly, and there was something about her tone that made T'Annis obey. What they called the bathroom was actually a closet with a washbasin and a chamber pot in it. T'Annis walked in quickly and closed the door behind her. The pounding continued.
"I know you're in there," a voice called out, and T'Annis could hear the door shake on its hinges. Then the noise stopped. Miss had opened it.
"I heard some rather disturbing news about a bonding taking place at the school this afternoon," a voice said broadly, and T'Annis heard heavy footsteps move through the door.
There was a pause.
"Yes," Miss stated calmly as if someone had asked her on the street, "We bonded all of our students today."
T'Annis heard a low growl,
"How dare you bond my ward without my consent?"
The man slammed the door closed harshly, shaking the walls.
"I do not believe that your consent is required," Miss answered more quietly. She modulated her voice, but T'Annis could tell that she was terrified.
"And since most of the families who have agreed to care for the students lack the contacts to find them bond mates," she went on, "We felt it was in their best interest."
T'Annis heard the visitor's heavy footsteps pacing.
"And what about my interests?" the man asked, deliberately drawing out his words, "The one that feeds and clothes her? Did you not think that I might have plans for the fruits of my labour?"
Miss's calm broke.
"You," she hissed, "Can use the Kanashivaya like everybody else."
The man began to laugh.
"Right," he said, "Still smelling like some other man. With half their hair torn out-"
"I am sure—" Miss interrupted with false demureness, but then she stopped. The man had started to hit her.
"Back in the day," he hissed, "I had Orions lined up for me. But now, I'm stuck on this bloody planet …"
T'Annis heard Miss cry out. She ran out of the closet. The man reeled around and looked at her. By the way he wore his hair, she could tell he was a member of the Vtosh ka'tur, which T'Annis thought was just another word for criminal.
It was a few years later before she realized that there was a strong correlation between having been off-planet when Vulcan was destroyed and not being able to fit into Vulcan society. It was a few years after that before she realized that she was one of those people.
"Hello," the man said, turning away from Miss and wearing an expression that T'Annis found deeply disturbing on a Vulcan—a wide grin. He came closer and shoved her against the closet wall. As his hands locked around her arms, they formed a link and she could see into the man's mind. There was anger and desire, hot and sickening, and behind it, memories. Him getting up in the morning, eating breakfast, doing … things … to the seven-year-old. T'Annis screamed.
Then she felt a slamming above her and the link broke. Miss picked up one of the few luxuries in their flat—a chair - and hit the man over the head with it.
He lay unconscious, and for a few minutes Miss and T'Annis stood there over the body, unsure of what to do. Medical care was at a premium. There were no police to call.
"T'Annis," Miss said finally, "T'Lyssa is his ward. Can you find out where she lives and take her to her bond mate Syvik's home? "
T'Annis was shaky, but somehow she managed to get the girl, and somehow managed to walk her to Syvik's house. His mother was kind, and noticing how shaken T'Annis was, offered to care for T'Lyssa without question, and laid out a bed for her on the warmest spot on the floor.
When T'Annis got back, the man was gone and Miss and Missus were sitting reading. They didn't look up as she walked past them. In the morning, it was as if nothing had happened. They never discussed the incident. T'Annis never found out what had happened to the man.
Spock awoke, and the dream dissolved until all that was left was vestiges of horror. He opened his eyes and saw T'Annis next to him, and then it all flooded back. He and T'Annis … he had betrayed Nyota. He closed his eyes again.
Spock felt a tugging on the blanket and turned over to see Sunak standing by the bed. The object of his betrayal, staring at him with wide blue eyes.
But he couldn't hate Sunak. He could never do anything but love him. Spock felt his anger soften.
"Good morning," Spock whispered, and Sunak kept staring at him.
T'Annis woke up, and Spock could feel her talk to Sunak over the link. Eventually, he said something that amused her.
"Sunak thinks that you are in his spot," she stated out loud, looking at Spock.
"We can share," Spock replied darkly, picking up Sunak and holding him in his lap. But of course, Sunak wanted T'Annis, so after a minute Spock passed him over, and T'Annis fawned over him, talking baby talk over the link.
"Now, Sunak," she said finally, "Do you want to go and get dressed and brush your teeth and then we can have carrot juice with breakfast?"
And so unlike Nadine, Sunak ran off happily.
"Are you all right?" Spock heard T'Annis say over the link, her arms closing around him. But he didn't have to answer, she could see how he was feeling.
"I am so sorry," she whispered, and Spock could see her sadness. She didn't know why she had done it. She didn't know why she always did such stupid things. She worried that she had ruined her chances with Spock forever. That she had also ruined things for Sunak.
And as Spock held her, he tried to reassure her. Of what he wasn't sure. That he thought it was his fault as much as her fault? That he would always try to be there for Sunak? That things weren't as bad as they seemed?