Authors Notes:

"Darkside" - Ty Dolla $ign & Future -feat. Kiiara

Every time I play and pass through houses with abandoned cradles or strollers I wonder how SS would react in real life.

Delving further into the romantic aspects of the relationship. If you don't remember (or haven't read) in 'And She Continued' Hancock had lain with SS after a rather sexually charged night and she woke to find him cuddling her. This was supposed to have a deeper reasoning than sex, because characters aren't one dimensional that way, and I'm finally getting around to exploring it.

I should have written 'And She Continued' better. I feel shame.

"Rosie?" I made my way up the rickety staircase slowly, gun held at the ready.

We had smeared the ghouls trapped in the house out on the pavement, and that's where we had been separated. She had gone after a couple bloatflies and I'd chased down a vampiric bloodbug. The hole in my abdomen had healed up nicely by the time I reached the last step. I looked around the second floor, freezing in place at the sight.

The acid from the bloatflies had eaten at the exposed leather, her skin was raw in places. Dusk filtered in through the dusty windows, a broken bed sat collapsed over a floor safe that was untouched, broken lamps at either side. Shredded curtains billowed slowly and bloodstains stained the floor. A bottle and teddy bear were opposite the crib that Rosie stood at, frozen; entranced. She was barely breathing as her hands rested delicately on the crib, her eyes were dry, tears stains left trails down her cheeks where they washed away the dust on her face. My heart broke, just as it had the other night when she began crying out in her sleep.

I took a step back, unsure if I should be intruding in the moment.

"I always wanted babies." Her voice was low, hypnotic. "I wanted a baby so bad it ached. When I found out I was pregnant I was so happy." She turned to look at me without seeing me, as though the ghost of her old life was directly behind me. "I loved every exhausted, awful, wonderful, horrible moment of being a new mom. the sleepless nights, swollen breasts, saggy stomach, blow out diapers. I loved it. And now it's gone."

I took a step forward, her eyes zeroed in on me. "If you could have more kids would you?"

She didn't reply, wrenching her gaze to the broken mobile and filthy mattress instead.

"You have nightmares." I took another step towards her, and another. Till I was by her side. "I see the way you look at baby strollers, cribs, toys... I-I don't know if I can have anymore kids."

She bristled at my comment.

"That other night, when I..." I cleared my throat, trying not to remember the way she felt against me or the things we had done, "Y-you started talking in your sleep. You were incoherent at first, but the one thing you said over and over was 'Shaun'. Whether you admit it out loud or to yourself you are suffering." I touched her arm softly. She jerked away, wrapping her hands around herself. "I want to help you. You're... you're the best thing that's ever happened to me."

Her green eyes scraped up and down me with an unsteady waiver.

"I want my baby back, John." Her voice was thin and hoarse. "I don't want to run around rescuing these people, getting their stupid mementos for them; medical junk, some drug ferns, toy parts, whatever." She leaned against me, "I want my son. I want those years back that were stolen from me."

I held her against me for a while, as the sun set and the stars poked out against the brisk winter sky. The cold leeched into the house.

"Sometimes," she pulled away to look at me. I resisted the urge to duck my head from her gaze. "Sometimes I forget what you're going through. You're so strong, you're so put together. I forget how close to breaking you are."

She snorted, "I am not-"

I held up a hand as she pulled out of my grasp. "It's not an insult." I amended, "I have watched you build walls no one could climb over, I have seen you wipe out Raider encampments, automatrons, Ghoul swarms, Deathclaws and not even bat an eye. I've watched you travel for days without sleep to answer the call of someone we both knew was most likely dead - but you hoped. You always hope. I've seen you cry after finding another person you couldn't save, after losing a settler to a Super attack, when we found that dog caged up in the middle of nowhere. You're... you're amazing, Rosie. You're so strong." I grabbed her hand, "I forget what you've gone through. I forget that you're not invincible. God, Rosie... I-I love you."

She tensed, pulling away sharply. Her eyes began watering.

"What... I don't-"

"Stop." I held up a hand, "Rosie, I've loved you for a long, long time. Does that mean I expect you to return my feelings? No. And that's not what I was trying to do ether, I just got carried away really. I mean, lookit this ugly mug."

"John." She laughed a little at my rambling, grabbing my hand. "John, I like you. I do. But I'm just...a mess, and you deserve so much better than that."

"Darlin'," I grinned, "Look around." I gestured widely to our surroundings, "We'll never not be messes. That's life."

she smiled, pulling her bag off and letting it fall to the ground. "I appreciate it Hancock, but I'm just not ready for love yet."

I nodded, "I get it. But don't think I'm not going to say it again and again, every day. You deserve to know, and for all the comfort you felt with Nate, for all the pain you've had these last months. I won't leave. I won't stop loving you, and fuck if I won't be as passionate about you every day for the rest of your life even if there isn't stability." I chuckled, "Hell, once it's all said and done we could turn you ghoul, do this long term."

She rolled her eyes as she pulled things from her bag. "Long term doesn't sound half bad, but that would mean you gotta stop heckling me when I'm in irradiated zones, and I just don't think you're ready for that."

I laughed at her sharp grin, at the liquid in her eyes and the way she bit her lip. I felt that familiar jolt through me.

"You know," Her voice was heavy as she turned back away from me. "Just because I'm not ready to say it doesn't mean we can't still..."

A hot rush swept to my head, I groaned, "Sister. You can't say those things to me."

"No, no you're right." I could hear her disappointment, "It isn't fair of me to do that, to ask for more when I'm not ready to match your level."

I hesitated, contemplating. "I don't mean we can't still have sex or make out or all of it, I just mean you gotta realize you'll fall for me."

She barked a laugh, "Are you saying you're so good in bed I'd fall for you?"

"Yes." I hissed as she caught my gaze.

She turned red and busied herself with setting up her sleeping bag, "Get a fire started Sexy Jerky."

"Aye aye General."

She scoffed, "That's not how that works..."

She trod through the melting snow, paying no heed to the man that had been heckling her. The young ghoul hung back, his eyes wide as he took in the world around him.

"Everything is so different." His voice was hushed with wonder and horror.

I chuckled, "Can't believe you survived a nuclear holocaust in a fridge."

He shook his head. "I bet my parents think I'm dead." Tears welled in his dark eyes. "I was just playing hide and seek. I-I didn't know... and all my friends are dead now, aren't they?"

I looked at Rosie, her sword twirling in her hands lazily as she kept a sharp eye out. I nodded, hesitating to hurt the kid further unable to hide the truth.

"Most likely, kid." I put a hand on his should as he slowed even further, stopping at the contact.

His watery eyes looked up at me, "Why did that guy want to buy me? What was that about?"

I looked at Rosie again. She had stopped now; she was watching us. Pride surged through me as I thought back on her vehement rejection of the dirt munchers offer to purchase Billy, her revulsion at his insistence.

I shook my head, "People have changed, kid. Everything has. It'll be a difficult adjustment but we'll get you through it, to your parents. Okay?"

He nodded, wiping at his tears. I pat his back as we began walking again. Rosie fell back in step beside me.

"What if his parents aren't there?" She whispered as he played with some mutated ferns in the marsh.

I shrugged, "We'll just have to keep him. I'll take him to Goodneighbor. I know Fahrenheit will take good care of the kid, he'll have a place to stay, a whole community to look out for him-"

"So," Her eyes narrowed as a sly smile spread across her face, "you'd adopt this kid? That's very paternal of you, Hancock."

I rolled my eyes, "I did tell you I'd have more kids with you if I could."

She jumped, pulling away and falling behind. I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck. I felt warmer than normal all over.

"Look Sister..." I shifted on my feet, "You aren't the only one who missed out on raising their kid. I never even knew she was pregnant."

She frowned at me, "But you made it sound-"

"I know, I know." I raised my hands in defense, "There are a few things that maybe I don't remember quite right or that I might be glossing over to make me sound better... but bottom line, we both missed out." I gathered her into my arms as she bristled, "Don't be like that. I would love to have a family. A real family. If I have to collect all the parentless children of the world and pack them like sardines in Goodneighbor to do it, I will."

She laughed, pushing out of my arms. "Let's see if this kid has a home." She watched him splash in a puddle and laugh, "God I hope it's still there."

"Garbage human." I muttered, listening to the sack of shit outside try to convince us to leave the house unprotected.

I didn't want to admit it, but part off me wondered how Rosie would react. I knew better, I did. But sometimes the prejudice that hangs around the dark part of your soul takes more convivial than the heart.

I jumped to attention as the door slammed behind her. She was livid; anger poured out of her hot. Her eyes flicked over the scene; Billy and his parents holding one another in the kitchen.

"We're gunna kill 'em all." She growled, pulling her sword from her hip, checking the clip in her handgun.

I melted at her determination. Dammit I was the Zombie King of the Wastes, Mayor Hancock of Goodneighbor - but this woman brought a softNess out in me that I thought had been dead for so long. I put a hand over jets, stilling her.

"Dad wants to help." I nodded towards the man.

He was prepping his laser pistol, whispering to his wife and son. Rosie sighed heavily.

"No."

His hands faltered, but he didn't stop. "This is my family, my son. My home." He looked down the sights. "You can't ask me to not fight."

I nodded, putting a hand on Rosie's shoulder to silence her protest. The first gun shot sounded, a window broke. A vase on the counter shattered.

"We'll just have to kill them before he can get hurt." I winked, pulling out my shot gun and charging out the door.