Inscribed in the Blade Chapter 25: Damn It, a card captor sakura fanfic

Disclaimer: Card Captor Sakura is strictly property of CLAMP.

Hahaha… yeah, I know it. I'm evil. But it's a gooood evil… at least now it is, because now that APs are officially over, I can finally concentrate! Isn't the world wonderful? :D Thanks to everyone for their support!

And, I'm sure you'll all be surprised, but this chapter is actually in Syaoran's POV, because I want you all to be perfectly fair to him. He's had a shock. And I think it'd be interesting to get into his head once in a while.

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Inscribed in the Blade

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Chapter Twenty Five

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"I… don't understand what you mean."

"What do you mean he's gone? You mean – as in gone from the Academy for a little while or gone as in no longer coming back gone?"

"I'm sure we're all perfectly clear on what Li meant, Sadaharu. That's why we-"

"No you – you shut your mouth!"

"There's no need to raise your voices," Eriol cut in calmly.

After a pause, Kikumaru slumped against the floor and mumbled, "But he didn't even bother say goodbye…"

"Maybe something important came up…" Yamazaki reasoned, his face taut with restrained frustration. "I doubt Kino would do something so insensitive as to up and leave on us without so much as a word unless he couldn't help it.."

"What on earth was so important he couldn't make it down to the field to pass at least a 'sayonara' before vanishing?! I don't buy it."

"FUCK!" Andou yelled loudly, slamming his fist against the wooden walls of the dojo angrily. "Fuck him to hell!"

"Syaoran…" the sapphire-eyed first rank said evenly, his arms crossed as he sat meditatively at the back of the room. "There wasn't a note Kura-san left behind or anything?"

The Li heir's face remained cold and indifferent. "Kino apparently left in a carriage last night to return home. This was on the table in my dojo." He pulled from the folds of his gi a cream-colored envelope.

"Yes!" Jumping up from his seat, Andou ran over and grabbed the slip of paper. "Why didn't you say so earlier Li?" the spiky-haired student growled, unfolding it quickly and reading it aloud. "Some urgent business calls me back home... Sorry I couldn't say goodbye. I'll miss you all. Your friend… Kino."

The room fell silent.

"What kind of bullshit excuse is that?!" Andou seethed flinging the paper across the room as if it were something disgusting. "That little traitor! Of all the ungrateful things… 'your friend' my ass.."

If Syaoran had been a lesser man, the cruel smirk that itched to spread across his lips would have been in full bloom already. It was strange that he could feel such sadistic relief from the pain of his classmates. It made him feel almost relieved to watch the reactions of the others. There was an odd surge of satisfaction at seeing their disappointment and frustration with her - the woman who had betrayed him.

"Somehow… that seems way too distant for Kino to have written," Yamazaki murmured, frowning. "Whatever 'urgent business' is… must have been pretty urgent."

"He didn't even talk to you before he left Li?" Andou asked helplessly. They were all looking at him now, silently begging for answers.

Syaoran remained unmoved. He was not responsible for any of their pain or loss. The one who had lied to them all, him more than anyone else, was she. In his mind, Kino Kura… Kinomoto Sakura could just go rot in hell for all he cared. She was as good as dead to him. All that was left to do to stop the growing ache in his chest was to forget her completely and move on with his life. Even covering up her tracks like this seemed far too generous.

She was gone now. And nothing was going to change that.

"No," he answered coldly. "All I found was this note."

A fist rammed against the wall. "Kuso!" Andou cursed loudly. "No matter how bad his problems were… I thought we were friends!"

"If we're friends, then you should be more understanding," Eriol told the frustrated group quietly, but his eyes were on Syaoran. "I'm sure there's a reason for everything Kino did. He wouldn't have left unless he had to."

The youngest Li brother shrugged and walked coolly out the door. Their anger and frustration had nothing to do with him. None of them could possibly understand what he was feeling. He'd trusted her! – like the fool that he was. In the end, all of his emotions, all of his beliefs, all of his faith in her… had simply come to nothing.

"Stop thinking about it," he whispered silently to himself.

Once he was outside, Syaoran leaned against the wall for a few minutes longer, suddenly exhausted. Quietly, he listened to the conversation that continued inside.

"Li's probably pissed as hell," Kudou observed in a low voice.

There was a brief pause, and Syaoran assumed that everyone was either nodding or shaking their heads.

"I heard Yue-sama nearly had a fit when both Kino and Li didn't show up to the evening challenges, but he was probably too upset to even make it down to the grounds. Frankly, I don't blame him. I never thought Kino would up and disappear on us… and Li was closest to him too."

"Damn Kino… what the fuck was he thinking when he up and abandoned us? Running away like some sorry dog with his tail between his legs."

"Stop it Andou, you don't even know what happened. We know Kino" – Syaoran chuckled darkly at the irony – "and he's one of us. I say that we ask around for what happened. For all we know he could be in some serious trouble."

Once again there was a pause.

"Still, what the hell is up with this letter?! Why didn't he just scratch a quick 'goodbye' and be done with it? Even that might have seemed more sincere. 'I'll miss you all' my ass."

"Did you see the expression on Li's face when he finally came down to the challenge last night? He looked ready to kill someone… it was a good thing the event was already over."

"Instead of being scared of him shouldn't you feel sorry for the guy?" a voice, Andou's, drawled sarcastically. "Kino was his partner and roommate… personally, I wouldn't have blamed Li if he'd broken a couple of bones. I almost wish he'd have done it, just to relieve some of the frustration. Even Yue went from furious to solemn when he heard that Kino had left."

"Do you think Li's… you know, going to go back to the way he was before?"

"Shit, I wouldn't blame him if he was worse than before. Kino's gone now, with nothing but a fucking three sentence note to prove that he was ever here."

"Yeah… the two of them were almost attached at the hip. Funny, you know, for a while there I thought that maybe they…"

"Syaoran has a fiancée now, remember? There's no way he… likes guys or anything…"

The student in question rolled his eyes. There was nothing for him to hear here.

His heart felt heavy though, and Syaoran could not quite force the painful memories out of his mind. Reaching up, he pulled from his gi the red, silk bag Sakura had left behind. In it was the ring he had given her, as well as a short letter.

"Syaoran…

I won't ask you to forgive me. I suppose, in a way, I never intended to. But I want you to know that I really am sorry, and that I never wanted to hurt you. I won't repeat the feelings that were so disgusting to you when you found out who I was. All I pray is that you can simply hate me, or forget me in peace. Go back to Mei Ling. She loves you. I return this ring to you now… it was never meant for me in the first place. I suppose a relationship born from lies ill just end in pain anyways... this one already has. I'm sorry. I wish you the best.

Kinomoto Sakura."

Syaoran kept his expression schooled and stoic, but it was all he could manage not to wreak some serious havoc. He wanted to destroy something, rip something apart, tear to pieces every recollection he had of that lying bitch who'd come in, stolen his heart, and then trodden all over it. He could only thank Kami that he'd discovered her true face before it was too late.

"I love you Syaoran… I love you."

The only thing that kept him from putting a rather conspicuous, fist-shaped hole through the door was his desire to not attract any more attention. He wanted to be alone. He needed to be alone.

But even as he started walking away from the classroom building, with all intent to simply ditch the day's lessons and be by himself, Syaoran heard Eriol slipping quietly out after him. He made a point to not wait for his friend, hoping that Eriol would take the hint and leave him be. Of course, he didn't.

"We need to talk," Hiiragizawa said in a low voice, catching up easily to Syaoran. "About Saku-"

Syaoran whirled around, grabbed Eriol by the collar and pinned him against a tree. "Don't," he growled darkly. "Ever mention her name to me again. If you need to talk about something that concerns that bitch then it can wait until later. Leave me alone."

Sapphire eyes gazed up at him completely unfazed. "You-" Eriol began, but paused, as if rethinking his words. Finally, he said, "You – are upset right now. And I suppose it's only fair if I give you some time to get a grip on yourself. Go ahead and throw a fit if you have to, but don't," he emphasized the word 'don't' carefully. "Don't do anything rash. Not until you've had a talk with me. There's much that needs to be explained to you."

Eriol grabbed Syaoran's hands, which were fisted in his gi, and forced him off before straightening his clothes. "Come talk to me when you're ready," he warned. "But don't do anything stupid. You'll regret it."

Syaoran's amber eyes watched his friend disappear back into the classroom stonily. It was just like Eriol to know exactly what he had been thinking. With the information he had, Syaoran was in the perfect position to destroy the lives of every person who had been connected to her. It would have been the perfect stress relief.

"Don't do anything stupid. You'll regret it".

He struggled with himself to stay under control. Damn that Eriol. After a few seconds, Syaoran turned on his heel sharply and ran towards his dojo.

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Syaoran collapsed onto the ground, panting heavily as he surveyed the destruction in front of him. It was a good thing that his dojo was private, and far from the rest of the Academy. Fifty thick, straw targets lay strewn across the polished wooden floor of his dojo, and all of them hacked mercilessly to pieces.

But it wasn't enough.

Syaoran's hand clenched tightly around the sword in his right hand, and barely flinched when a sharp sting of pain shot up from pressing the rough hilt of his blade into the bloody wound that had opened up in his palm.

Why did this hurt so badly? The injury on his hand felt like nothing compared to the unrelenting ache in his chest. It was as if a gaping hole had split open and was screaming with excruciating pain. Being betrayed by anyone else he could handle. Being turned upon by comrades, being hated, being envied, being cursed, being misjudged – he could handle them all, but not from her.

Usually the anger and the fury would simply settle in. Then, it was a simple matter of taking slow, satisfying revenge. But there was not supposed to be a sense of loss behind all of the rage. There was not supposed to beloneliness hidden just beneath the burn of hate.

His hand closed around his weapon even harder, drawing enough blood from his raw, red flesh to form a growing pool of deep, red liquid on the floor.

Yet in so far he could handle those emotions. Feeling so much pain and rage was unusual, but not foreign. The loneliness he could not quite understand, but surely even that would disappear with time. There was, however, one perilous road down which he refused to allow his mind to wander.

"But you – you said…!"

It was her voice… and it was haunting him. Kami-sama, why wouldn't it just go away?! The one who was the traitor wasn't him, it was her. After all, the Yukishiro Sakura he had made his promises to had never truly existed to begin with.

"Damn it," Syaoran cursed softly, covering his face with his left hand to hide from the nonexistent observers the tears that were streaming down his face. What was he supposed to be feeling, if not anger and hate? But if anything, there was more hurt and sorrow and regret than everything else… and uncertainty.

"Damn. It."

Why was this so unbearable? Why did it hurt so GOD DAMN MUCH that she'd been fake the whole time? He'd been used, he'd been deceived, lied to, betrayed – so why the FUCK wasn't the usual brutal, calculating fury reaching him? Anger streamed through his blood, pounded through his muscles, roared in his lungs… and yet it seemed to stop just short of his heart. There was a hole there, an emptiness that couldn't be touched by anything. He could feel nothing but deliberate, profound pain, churning with such intensity that Syaoran wondered if being run through by a sword there would even hurt, since there was already a gaping abyss where his heart should be.

Who the hell had he been kidding?

Syaoran realized, with another dull throb, that it was already too late. Didn't what he was feeling right now prove that he'd already fallen in love? It was so ironic – for him to deny it while they'd been happy, but to come to the realization now, that he had been completely, irrevocably in love with a woman who had never existed. That two-faced seductress from the South had certainly done a spectacular job. To think that anyone could keep him so wholly blind to the truth, and manage to wrap him so fully and completely around her finger, Syaoran's head was still reeling from the revelation.

Last night, he had discovered the truth. Last night, he had done everything in his power, had said all the right words, had taken all the necessary actions to push are away, far, far away back to the South, where she belonged. She was gone.

So he had loved her. How pathetic. At least now he could come to terms with the truth, and simply forget her. That's all that was left to do.

"I wonder if she was laughing at me the whole time," he murmured into the silence brokenly. "Was I just her plaything? Someone here to amuse her until she'd accomplished her mission? I'm such a fool." Somehow, he didn't blame her for laughing. It was his fault for ever putting so must trust in anyone.

Images of Sakura's face began rushing to his head, flashing one after another, and Syaoran leaned back against the dojo wall, watching them go by almost serenely.

A picture of her bright smile.

Had she faked all of those too?

An image of the soft pink blush on her cheek.

Had she felt anything for him at all, ever?

The dazzling emerald of her beautiful eyes.

What had she been thinking while she was next to him – humoring him? Had she been laughing at him the whole time?

An image of the stray, happy tears pouring down her face as she held the ring he had given her so preciously in her hand, as if not quite believing that he had actually…

That had been real. Had it? Syaoran shut his own eyes tightly. "Damn it…"

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For the next two weeks, Syaoran remained more or less completely isolated. He was dragged out of the dojo daily by an openly unsympathetic Eriol, who was quickly losing his patience, and he'd gotten more than an earful from a domineering Yue for having missed a formal challenge as well as a whole day's worth of lessons. If he'd been anyone else, he probably would have been punished, but maybe because all the teachers seemed to feel sorry for him, they left him mostly alone. The others did too.

It didn't make any difference to him; he preferred to mull in his dark thoughts by himself anyways. Several times already he had been tempted to go straight to either Yue or his mother and reveal Sakura's origins and, by extension, Daidouji Tomoyo and Tsukishiro Yukito's traitorous positions, but Eriol always seemed to anticipate when his urges became too strong, and would always whip a few harsh, wise words in his direction to placate his mind, if only for a few more days.

But this time it wouldn't be his fault if he said anything. Li Yelan-sama, his honorable mother, had summoned him to her rooms, and more likely than not it was due to his fiancée's rather blatant absence from the Academy. The students had already begun to talk, and it was only a matter of time before someone was actually brave enough to ask him directly about where she was. After all, they'd been engaged for less than two days when she'd mysteriously disappeared.

"Syaoran. Come in."

The door slid open, and a maid bowed the young Li heir into the room before exiting and shutting it behind her.

Amber eyes rose and met black ones. She gestured at the chair adjacent from hers. "Sit."

Walking slowly to the center of the room, he bowed low to his mother before going to take the seat she had motioned towards. "You called for me, Okaa-sama," he said, inclining his head at her.

She looked just as beautiful and as royal as ever, with her dark, black hair piled high above her hair in a Chinese ornament, the clean, black and white Li clan robe, perfectly regal posture, and her ever-keen eyes observing him carefully under thick, dark lashes.

"Where has she gone?" Yelan asked in a smooth, crisp voice.

"She has gone home," he answered truthfully, his hand unconsciously tightening around the wooden armrest.

"I was most displeased to find Sakura-san absent from her brother's home, Syaoran," his mother continued. "Why has she gone?"

He glared straight at the wall across from him. He hadn't heard Sakura's name said aloud since the morning he had threatened Eriol. It was safe to assume that the rest of the students had been warned, because few "Kino"s and "Kura"s had reached his ears for the past few weeks too. But this was his mother, and she was commanding him to answer.

Syaoran clenched his teeth. "She does not belong here," he replied politely. "She's gone back to her home."

"Did you tell her to leave, Syaoran?"

"You're an eyesore… Get out of my sight… I don't want you by my side anymore…"

A vein throbbed in his temple with the effort to stay composed. "I did."

Yelan's eyes fluttered shut, and for the first time, Syaoran was amazed to find that his strong mother – the only woman he had ever admired, looked tired.

It was enough to make his stoic expression falter. "Okaa… sama?" he asked hesitantly.

The headmistress of the prestigious Northern Academy sighed suddenly. "I know who she is Syaoran."

He froze. "What do you mean?" Syaoran asked cautiously.

"You did not hear incorrectly," she told him, a frown on her face. "I thought I raised you better than this. Was it not you who chose her to be by your side? What has happened Syaoran? Why did you send her home?"

His mind reeled. "What do you mean… you know?" Certainly, Syaoran had suspected that it was possible for his mother to have been aware that… but hearing it from her was a completely different matter, especially since he now knew that she was an enemy from the South. "For how long-"

"Since she was first introduced to me as Kino Kura I suspected. When she was introduced to me as Tsukishiro Sakura I was certain. The Li family has a great respect for the Kinomoto family, Syaoran. I recognize the traces of her parents' blood in her."

"Okaa-sama…" Syaoran said carefully, doing his best not to crush the wooden beams his hands were clenched around. "The Kinomoto family is from the south."

Li Yelan stared at her son with disappointedly. "Do you assume me incompetent, Syaoran?"

"But-"

"As I have learned from Eriol-san," she continued, ignoring his interruption. "You have not yet calmed down enough for him to explain the situation to you. However, it is not matters between the North and the South that are of importance right now. I have called you hear to ask you what you intend to do about your fiancée."

Syaoran fell silent.

Yelan looked over at her son before smiling softly. Getting up from her seat, she walked in front of him before enveloping her astonished youngest child in a hug. "Are you prepared to let her go?" she asked him.

He remained silent.

Sighing, she touched his head gently before drawing away. "You are not yet twenty, and yet I have treated you like an adult since you were twelve. You have borne the responsibilities of an adult and you have always conducted yourself in a way that has made me proud. Do not disappoint me now, Syaoran. I assume that you have no intention of returning to Mei Ling."

"No," he answered tightly.

"Very well," she once again sat down. "I leave the decision to you. However, I want you to go and speak with Eriol-san now. He is very concerned… and upset with you, as am I. You are dismissed, Syaoran."

He stood stiffly and moved to bow once again to his mother before exiting the room rather quickly.

Syaoran felt his ears still ringing from shock. His mother had known. Not just that Tsukishiro Sakura was Kino Kura, but that Kino Kura was also Kinomoto Sakura… and she was okay with it?! What was going on?

The moment he stepped off the foyer and onto the dirt path, however, Syaoran was forced to jump back as a blade cut through the air at him.

"Eriol," Syaoran growled dangerously, his hand moving to his own sword. "What is it you think you are doing?"

His friend was smiling, like always, but the smile did not reach his eyes. "You and I, Syaoran, are going to have a little match. And I'll tell you what; I'll even give you the option of where. Would you like to fight right here and right now, or back at your dojo?"

"What is this about Eriol?" Syaoran scowled. "I'm not in the mood."

Eriol sighed. "I've tried to be understanding, I really have, but neither you nor I nor Sakura-san have the time to wait for you to finally get over yourself, apparently. I've offered you the option of coming to me for an explanation… dangled it in front of you for nearly two weeks, and still you've stuck to sulking and moping, so I suppose I have no choice but to knock some sense into you."

He grimaced. "Do you honestly have nothing better to do with your time Eriol?"

"I have plenty of things I could be doing, but beating some sense into your ass is something that I owe Sakura-san. You need to know at least why she was here… and who she is," Eriol replied tersely. "The actual beating is, perhaps, unnecessary, but it will make me feel better."

"Glad to be of help," Syaoran bit sarcastically.

"Of course you are. Now, where would you like to go?"

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In retrospect, Syaoran realized that he must have not been trying very hard, because the last time Eriol had so successfully wiped the floor with him was probably when they were ten. He groaned inaudibly as he dragged his heavy body off the wooden floor and sat up. Across from him in the corner was the pile of broken straw dummies he had massacred days earlier. Odd, that getting thrashed by his friend would feel more refreshing than demolishing targets.

"Take the gi off," Eriol instructed, his tone more gentle than before. Syaoran did as he was told, wincing as the split fabric of his top scraped over the wound on his arm. "I got carried away, perhaps," he said kindly, wrapping Syaoran's injury with the bandage he'd retrieved. "I did not mean to actually cut you."

"It's not a large wound," Syaoran muttered, glancing at the shallow cut on his left arm. "And you didn't get carried away. The one who was careless was me; I can't seem to concentrate on anything."

"It is just as well. How are you feeling?" Eriol asked.

"Angry," he answered seriously.

Hiiragizawa nodded before sitting down across from his friend. "I don't blame you for your emotions, but I am rather disappointed by your actions. I thought you had better control over yourself than that."

Syaoran's reply was bitter. "I thought so too."

Sapphire eyes observed the frustrated first-rank quietly. "I think it's about time you got some answers Syaoran," Eriol said smoothly. "Let's start in order, shall we? How much do you know about who Sakura-san is and why she came here?"

His fist clenched. That name again. "Her real name is Kinomoto Sakura… which means she's the daughter of the noble Kinomoto family from the South. The man who came to take her away was her older brother. I don't know his name."

"Kinomoto Touya, a spy from the South," Eriol supplied helpfully. "Are you aware of what happened to the Kinomoto family not half a year ago?"

"What are you doing – engaged to the younger brother of the Northern bastard who murdered our parents?!"

Syaoran's eyes flashed. "They were killed, weren't they?"

"Such news is slow to reach the us from South if they do not desire us to know it, but yes, they were assassinated. Do you know by whom?"

… to the younger brother of the Northern bastard who murdered our parents…

It was not as if he hadn't given thought to this topic before, and yet it didn't change the fact that she had used him. If anything, it made more barefaced the fact that he had merely been a means for her to get closer to her goal.

"She thinks that it was either Gaoran or Dairan," Syaoran answered roughly. "But that's what happens when the country is at war. If you thought that this would make me feel any differently about-"

"Do not get so ahead of yourself, Syaoran," Eriol cut him off, a steel edge to his voice. "No one but you, I, and a handful of people who are connected to Sakura, are aware of this. I would not have known, myself, that Sakura-san believed her parents to be murdered by one of your brothers, if Tomoyo-san had not finally told me."

"Daidouji… I had forgotten about her. What-"

"Don't you think it strange?" he interrupted again. "The Kinomoto family is not active in the war at all. If anything, it is well known here in the North that they are, for the most part, completely pacifist and are trying to argue for peace. Why would someone want to assassinate them?"

Syaoran frowned. "Those opposed to peace, I suppose."

"And why would one of your older brothers be responsible for their deaths then?"

"How the hell should I know what that lying traitor is thinking?" Syaoran growled angrily. "Get to your point already Eriol!"

A fist slammed cleanly across Syaoran's face, snapping his head to the side. Both males shook slightly with the effort it took to keep their outbursts in check. "Do you honestly think that she came here to use you Syaoran?" Eriol asked harshly. "Is that what you really think? Imagine what you would do if Yelan-sama was murdered by some nameless man from the South?! What would your reaction be?!"

"Damn it," Syaoran cursed again, running a tired hand through his dark hair. "Damn it. Just be quiet." This was the one train of thought he avoided completely. If his mind took its precarious path, then what he'd find at the end Syaoran wasn't sure. These thoughts ran too closely with the feelings of guilt and of regret he had suppressed into the deepest parts of his heart. They would leave him open again… free to hurt again, to think of her as a person again, to sympathize with her needs again, and to finally fall for her all over again. He would betray himself.

"Maybe you don't want to think about it," Eriol muttered, his anger better contained this time. "But it's a truth you cannot deny. Your family murdered half of hers first."

He let the words linger in the air for a few seconds for effect before continuing. "Not that that justifies her revenge, of course. If vengeance were justified, then the bloodbath would never end. But still, from the way I look at it, Sakura-san came here to silence forever just one person, and that one person would be one of your older brothers. You can hardly blame her for her sentiments."

"She should have just come and taken what she was after instead of treading dirt through all of our lives," Syaoran said ruthlessly. "She had no business with me. She's from the South, an enemy. Kami-sama knows I'm betraying the North just by keeping my silence. I do not love my brothers, but they are on our side, at the very least."

"That is where you are incorrect."

Syaoran stopped at these words, and eyed his friend carefully. "Explain," he demanded.

Eriol stretched slightly, before resettling himself. "You are under the impression that I am training to become the next spymaster of the North."

He nodded.

"Then you are incorrect, once again. The truth is, I have been the spymaster of the North for over a year now," Eriol said as plainly as possible. He noted warily that Syaoran barely flinched, but beneath the calm exterior, the young Li heir was likely throwing a fit. "I acquired this position when Yue formally resigned from the occupation last June."

"Yue was spymaster? Not just a general?" Syaoran murmured, shocked. "Eriol, you're not even of age."

"You know that the person who holds the position of spymaster is kept secret, for obvious reasons. When Yue handed the reins over to me, he said that age wasn't really an issue," he continued, scratching the back of his neck a bit sheepishly. "It hasn't been easy keeping an eye on everything that goes on, especially with all the complications that we've recently become aware of."

Amber eyes hardened. "And some of those complications have to do with my family?"

Eriol crossed his arms seriously. "This is only a theory so far. What we know for sure is that a majority of Northern families do not wish for war nor do they condone instigating any fighting. Our spies sent into the South report a very similar situation there. Recently, it has come to our attention that a third party has been moving, as a sort of middle man between the two regions, keeping war alive, and brutal."

He paused, but as Syaoran remained silent, Eriol took it as a sign to continue. "Up until last month, we still had no clue as to who could possibly be heading the third faction, but-"

"You think it's Gaoran and Dairan," Syaoran said coldly.

Eriol observed Syaoran calmly. "This is merely a theory. If one of them is indeed responsible for the death of Sakura-san's parents… I can think of no other likelier party. The whole of the South, especially those who had been hoping for peace, were immediately thrown into a rage. They want blood, and the entire Kinomoto family is currently missing. The situation is not good. However, we are as of yet uncertain."

"What do you plan to do? Question them?"

"You are upset."

Syaoran's eyes flashed. "Of course I am. You are accusing two members of the main Li family of orchestrating the entire Japanese civil war."

"It is merely a possibility."

"What do you plan to do?"

Eriol sighed. "I am not so indelicate as to question either of them outright. We will merely be observing their actions rather carefully. I want to take this opportunity to ask you if you might know anything about… this situation. Anything at all."

"Is my mother aware of this?"

"Everything short of Gaoran and Dairan being suspects. In fact, only I, Yue-san, and Yukito-san are currently aware of this possibility at all."

"Yukito-san too?"

"Which is why I told you not to do anything rash in your anger. You running in and making accusations would have caused a fuss that would have put several key people in danger."

Syaoran paused, thinking it all through. "Is that all you have to tell me?"

"Is there anything you might know Syaoran?"

The Li heir frowned. "They're currently after Clow's old possessions. They're looking for his swords… one of the scrolls I have, and the other… she has. That's about all I'm sure of."

A surprised look crossed Eriol's face. "I see," he said quickly. "Is there anything else?"

"I'll think on it Eriol. If there's nothing else, I'll talk to you again later. You owe me an explanation for all the secrecy."

The sapphire-eyed first rank sighed deeply. "I now wish I had told you all this sooner. But I want to say something more," he fixed Syaoran in a level stare. "I will not say that Sakura-san does not deserve your anger, but I am not so certain she deserves your hate. Are you really willing to just let her go? You know just as well as I do that she did her best to be as honest as she could to us all. She is not the type of girl to willfully wish those around her unhappiness."

"Eriol."

"Think on it," he advised, getting up and brushing his pants off. "Sorry about the cut again. There's another challenge tonight, so don't miss it. Your rank already dropped to fifth since you skipped the staff-fighting task. I'll see you later."

Syaoran watched him leave without saying anything. He supposed that maybe he should be more concerned with his brothers, or even with the new possibility of a fake and controlled war, and yet it was Eriol's last few comments that swam in his mind. His words and his mother's words.

"Are you prepared to let her go?"

Wasn't it obvious? It was something he'd already decided! "Damn it," Syaoran cursed again. He didn't know. But what else was he supposed to do? She was gone, and that was it. This was exactly what he had not wanted. He did not even want to think about the possibility that Sakura had not meant to use him at all. He did not even want to touch upon the chance that she might have meant it when she said she loved him. He did not even want to consider that maybe the wonderful moments he had spent with her for nearly five months had not bee faked and forced after all – that they had been real.

And he, being the all-knowing, arrogant ass that he was, had told her to leave, and to never return to his side. He'd told her that she was an eyesore… called her a bitch… called her a traitor, and for all that she was, Syaoran was worried that the hate and anger he had thrived upon for the past few weeks was quickly evaporating into nothingness.

Damn. He missed her.

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Tsuzuku…

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So… did I do a decent job prying through Syaoran's brain? I must admit, I'm not quite as used to it as I am Sakura's… so I'm sure that telltale signs of my ignorance are definitely there. Forgive me, I tried my best, and hopefully it was satisfactory. As for next week's chapter, I'm promising an interesting turn out. None of you really believed that Sakura was just going to leave and never return, right?

Thanks for reading!

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Okaa-sama – honored mother

kuso – basically a curse word. A good modern-day parallel would be, Shit!

Kami-sama - God