A/N: And the kiss from the King Under the Mountain goes to katnor! Congratulations on your review#100 :D The others who commented on that chapter receive a smooch on the cheek. Let's face it, Thorin is a generous bloke :)

A/N: A bit of cheeky fluff to cheer me up after writing four heavy chapters of "Thorin's Trust" in one day. And yes, four, I would post them all at once, but that would be so non-sadistic of me, and that is so not in my nature :D Plus, then people tend to review only the last one and I want to see your reaction every step on this excruciating path:) *evil laugh*

Debunk, verb

to expose the sham or falseness of.

Some time in Wren's third year in Erebor, they already share rooms but they are not betrothed yet. Wren is visiting Thea in Dale.

You two are lying on a sheepskin rug in front of a fireplace, you on your back staring at the ceiling, Thea on her stomach, twirling a cherry by its stem in her long delicate fingers. You are pleasantly dazed from alcohol and delicious food, the warmth from the fireplace caressing your skin. Thea is wiggling her bare foot.

"So, Wren..." Oh, here we go! You groan and cover your face with your hands. You know what is coming. You have discussed your work in Erebor, the Dwarven traditions, Dwarven fashion, and even Dwarven food. Then you opened the wine, and you discussed Thea's latest trips with the merchants, her numerous lovers since you left for Erebor, you suspect she was easing you into the topic, and her health concerns.

Her tone is sweet as honey, and her eyes are gleaming with predatory fire. But you have prepared. She is your oldest friend, and you know that she is only interested in one topic of conversation, but she wants to know all possible details, and she is willing to torture you for them using all available devices. And this topic is the penis of the King Under the Mountain Thorin Oakenshield.

You understand her well, it is not that she is interested in trying it out herself, but she knows that it would be the only Dwarven penis you are familiar with, and she craves knowledge. And you have it. And noone else does. Since Dwarves do not bed women of other races. Your story is an exception.

The only problem is she does not know all of the truth. As many night and days as you spent naked, or at least partially, and intertwined with the glorious Dwarf, you do not know anything about specifics of Dwarven lovemaking. Since he had not known any of it before you. Everything that transpires between you two is what you two have discovered and explored. Your experience before him was limited to one, rather cold and passive, lover, and it had been so many years since then you hardly remember anything.

But you most definitely remember the goodbye you received from the King before leaving for a week. And so do your buttocks. The balm has eased the rug burns but you are still very sensitive.

You sit up and pin Thea to the floor with a stern look. "Thea, I know what you want to ask, and here is my answer. You can ask me three questions and I will answer them honestly and in detail. And we will never talk about it again. Either you accept this deal, or you will have to torture me with a red hot metal stick, and still I will not talk."

Thea feigns innocence. "I have no idea what you are talking about, girl." "I am talking about bedding the King Under the Mountain Thorin Oakenshield, son of Thrain, son of Thror, a Dwarf, and my lover. So shoot! This is your opportune moment to expand your horizons."

Thea sits up as well and shoves the cherry in her mouth. She stretches her arm towards you, "Deal," you shake hands, and you wait. She is chewing thoughtfully, "Do I have to ask them all now or can I stretch it? I need to choose carefully." "You can think, but nothing too vague or wide. No questions such as "What positions have you tried?" First of all, I do not remember them all, second of all it is pretty much retelling it all. Short, concise questions." She pouts, "That is rather limiting, Wren. I will need five of these." "Four, and that is my last offer." "Deal." You were certain you would not weasel your way out of six. You feel triumphant.

You stay in Dale for a week, and for two days Thea does not ask. You spend time together, go to the market, try on shawls, eat honeyed nuts. You talk about everything else, laugh and reminisce. You are finishing your dinner on day three in front of the fire again when Thea's clears her throat. "I have two." You nod, "Alright, let us hear them."

"Describe me the sword." "It is not a question, Thea." "Do not be a grouch. Wren. Consider it question number one. Now describe me the sword." You were so ready for this one. "It is an Elven blade, Orcrist, it was presumably forged in Gondolin, by Ecthelion, Lord of the Fountain Court, who killed countless Orcs with it during the Fall of Gondolin…" "What are you talking about?!" Thea is pressing her fists in her hips, and you giggle. "You asked me about the sword..." "Maiar, help me, Wren, I did not expect such cunningness and such treachery from you…" "I am only protecting myself, Thea!"

She is pouting. "Do you want to ask me your second question or should I continue the forgery class?" She narrows her eyes at you, but she knows she lost this round. "Alright, Wren, since you think you are so smart, here is my question number two. Tell me about his cock." You open your mouth, and then she yells, "Stop! You are going to tell me about some rooster in Erebor kitchens, are you not?" You giggle. "Damn it, Wren… Penis, Wren, I need the description of King Thorin's penis." You roar with laughter and fall on the rug.

And then you talk, you show the length and the width with your hands, and the curve with your finger, you share fond memories and reenact a few with the help of two spoons. Thea is delighted. And careless. Your plan is working.

"Oh Maiar help me, Wren, that is simply magnificent! And a lot, really a lot to take, Wren. How are you managing?" And you know you got her. "And answering your fourth question, Thea, with great pleasure." She jumps up on her feet and starts stomping in indignation. "No, Wren, that is not fair. That was not my fourth question! And what kind of answer is this? Obviously, with great pleasure. You would not have gone with him to Erebor had it not been pleasurable." "I would have gone with him to Erebor even if he had not had a penis, Thea." She freezes and stares at you.

You are smiling. "I love him, Thea. And as much as I enjoy his body, it is not what keeps me in Erebor." "I know that," Thea is suddenly serious, "Wren, I will ask you my fourth question right now, and you have to answer me honestly. Are you happy in Erebor?" You smile to her and nod. "Completely."

She sits on the rug near you and pulls you to her. "Then I approve of him. Even though I still do not know anything about his bedding." You laugh. "Well, since you were so nice, Thea, I will tell you about this one time when he got so randy that he bent me over his throne…" And you proceed telling it. Thea's eyes are twice as big as they normally are. And she thought she was the lewd one!