Damn it the pain is so hard to deal with. I need something for it. Something for the pain, something to release these memories, wash away the guilt. SOMETHING. I promised myself I would never sink this low. Yeah, I've smoked weed from time to time, but THIS… Why can't I just forget it all? Forget all I've done, forget the screaming and the blood. Forget…

"So…you ready to be judged?"

"Judged? By who?"

"Me"

I need to find Eddie and get some. If I can just move through this pain just a little while longer. If I can just…

"I'm sorry. Please don't hurt me." He cried out in terror.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't." Jay's anger had ingulped him. For him there was no turning back from this point.

"I'm leaving! You see…" He threw a bag in front of Jay's feet. As Jay sifted through it he found clothes and money. "She won't ever have to see me again. I'll just go away and never come back. Just PLEASE let me go."

"Not good enough"

Thank goodness. There's Eddie now.

"Yo, Ed…I need a fix."

"Sure, as long as you got the cash."

I took shaky hands into my pocket and pulled out all the money I had on me and shoved it into Eddie's hands.

"How much can this get me?"

Eddie pulled out a bag with four needles in it and handed it to me with this unnerving grin on his face.

"Always willing to please a customer."

I didn't respond to his words. I just hurried off to my apartment to continue with my pathetic brand of healing.

"Did you even CARE IF SHE DIED?! DID YOU?!"

"Please…Don't" His words were mixed with blood and heavy breathes.

Jay wiped off his blood soaked hand and picked up a rock

"Now…this is going to hurt"

Jay was no longer Jay, but a figure of pain and anger. Pain of the past and anger of his present. No longer was Jay himself, but a figure of a scarred soul with a coal stained heart. And as he lifted that rock he lifted the pain of every woman in his life ever hurt or brutalized. And when it fell upon Michael's face he felt redemption for never being able to stop the pain.

So he kept going until he was cleansed of his guilt. And as time passed anger was mixed with fresh blood and pained cries until silence came and the body fell limp...

I tied my arm off and began my mission to find bliss. As I entered the needle into my arm Michael and what happened began to fade away.

Jay stands in the dirt with a shovel piling freshly dug dirt onto an unnamed grave. As he finishes tears begin to fall from his eyes as the gravity of what he's done falls onto him.

"Anything and Everything for her…I promise." He whispers to himself.

Jay returns to his car and begins the long ride back to the hospital. With any hope Emma has calmed down and can be there for him. If he's going to get through this he's going to need her.

As the drug flows through me I'm made at peace. No one can touch me. Not even the nightmares that haunt my every waking and dreaming moment.

"Nothing, just promise me that no matter what happens you'll always remember that anything I've ever done since the day we've became friends was for you."

"Jay, did something happen, are you going somewhere? What's wrong with you?"

"Just PROMISE ME."

"Okay. I promise."

Here nothing can reach me…Not even her.