"Aoba, I have a question to ask your lovely husband."

"Noiz? What did he do now?"

"Well, me and Sei have woken up with a slight problem."

"Okay."

"We're handcuffed together."

There was silence, then he heard a confused exhale, "okay, so you're- Wait are you serious? Oh my god, Noiz, get in here! NOIZ!"

"What?"

"Those handcuffs you bought, you seriously handcuffed Mizuki and Sei together with them?"

"Well you said you wouldn't let me use them in the bedroom."

"Because I'm not some kind of deviant! Give me the key right now."

"I don't have it."

"He what?"

"Mizuki shut up for a second I have to skin my husband, what do you mean, you don't have it?!"

"I got back last night and it wasn't in my pocket, I was only gunna leave them like that for a couple hours."

"Mizuki, I'll sort this out and ring you back."

"Wait, you can't just leave us like this!"

"Deal with it for a couple of hours, you're already married it can't be that bad." And with that, he hung up and Mizuki turned to his unimpressed husband with an apologetic smile, black haired man exhaling an annoyed breath of air before flopping backwards onto the bed, dragging Mizuki with him.

"I have to pee," it was announced so abruptly, so childishly and at random that for a moment Mizuki just stared at him with a raised eyebrow, wondering why he'd felt the need to tell him or to suddenly state it like a conversation opener.

"Okay... Why are you-?" He was baffled for a moment, having forgotten the events of that morning until Sei adjusted himself slightly and his hand was gently tugged along with his. "Oh, right, handcuffs."

"Mm-hm, you'll have to come with me, but I guess I've pissed in front of you before," he shrugged, but while he had indeed urinated in the same room as him before, he'd certainly never done in it quite such close proximity.

"Ah, the romance of being married, huh?"

"Oh shut up, and come on or I'll go right here."

"Ew." He just got a half-hearted shove in the head for that as they stood awkwardly, trying not to let metal dig into either wrist as they worked themselves upright and walked, almost hand in hand, to the bathroom.

"At risk of sounding callous, I really wish you weren't here right now," Sei looked down then, frowning before inclining his head in understanding and reaching for the toilet paper, offering it to his husband who sat, rather red-cheeked, on their toilet.

"Believe me, I wish I wasn't here either. Honestly, you just had to need a shit today of all days."

"Oh I apologise, I'll tell my bowels to quit being so regular, shall I?"

"Please."

He hummed then, fully aware they might be there for a while because while he'd never heard of poo-fright being a thing, he certainly had it right now and he really didn't want Sei to be involved in his shitting process. "When you need to shit, you need to shit. But did he have to cuff my dominant hand? How am I supposed to wipe?"

Sei didn't respond to that for a moment, just closed his eyes and leaned back against the bathroom wall, trying to remind himself that this was all just temporary and that tomorrow he'd never need to have this conversation ever again. "Well I'm not doing it for you."

"You don't say. I don't want to remember you wiping my ass next time you eat me out."

"Oh fucking hell, Mizuki that's disgusting! Now would you hurry up this is ridiculous and if the delivery guy arrives mid-shit we're screwed."

"I'm making Noiz pay us back for that, it's his fault we can't cook."

"You mean I can't cook," Sei remarked, averting his eyes as something finally happened, trying to wipe the sound of his husband pooing out of his memory and staring insistently against a small fleck of red shower gel on the opposite wall as he finally flushed and stood. "You never cook anyway."

"Because I'd set the house on fire," he remarked, Sei turning the tap on as he squirted hand wash into his palms and set about washing his hands and one of his husbands in the process. "And arguing while cuffed together is a horrible idea so let's try not to do that, okay? Aoba said he can always go to Heibon tomorrow and cut us apart if Noiz still hasn't found the key, it'll be fine."

"Mm, I guess I can bear you for that long."

"Aren't you sweet."

"I'm trying my best, alright, It's not exactly normal to-" The delivery guy chose exactly that moment to knock on the door and derail the disagreement they'd been about to have, Sei feeling trapped all too literally and wishing he could have just five minutes to himself. He sighed instead, shaking his head apologetically and helping Mizuki dry their hands off, "sorry, no fighting, right. But how are we meant to answer the door?"

"I'm phoning them again, this is ridiculous," Mizuki just nodded in agreement, staring blankly at the ceiling and wondering how conjoined twins managed this, supposing they were very used to it and realising in the same moment what an odd thought that was. But then the video call connected and Sei had burst into demands already, "it's been two days, I know you love him but I won't hesitate to come over and beat him to death with a shoe."

"Why a shoe?"

"That's not important! Did he find the key?"

"What key?" Noiz now, coming into the small screen and looking legitimately confused, veins bulging in both Aoba and Sei's foreheads even as the more colourful twin grabbed his husband by the sleeve rather aggressively.

"The one for the handcuffs! You know, since you attached them together?" Noiz paused for a minute, tilting his head to the side, then a shitty grin spread on his face and he reached into his shirt pocket, tiny silver key glinting as Mizuki finally roused himself from his 'done with life' pose and stared blankly at the screen.

"This one?" The barrage of verbal and physical assault from Aoba came so abruptly both the viewers flinched, watching as he whacked at his husband with open palms that couldn't hurt much but had him trying to scuttle away even as his face turned red with annoyance.

"You had it all along? Noiz what the hell!" This was Mizuki, sounding infuriated and irritated and tired all at once, growling and sinking back into the couch to groan into his hand self pityingly as Sei's rage began to build.

"I thought it might be fun."

"Fun? FUN? I'm on the verge of cutting my own hand off to get away from him!" He saw Mizuki's head tilt towards him at that and knew he'd heard but would probably understand too, Sei was an introvert at heart and too much time with anybody made him go insane, whether he was married to them or not. "I had to watch him shit yesterday! Then we had to shower and I got shampoo in my eye and nearly went blind because washing your hair one handed is pretty hard! You get over here right now or I will burn your house down and shave your rabbits bald!"

The arson threat didn't seem to bother him at all, but the mention of his beloved rabbits had his eyes widening minutely and a slightly alarmed expression blooming on his face, Aoba reassuring them they'd be right over and yanking Noiz out of view by his ear.

He tore the apartment door open the minute the knock sounded, dragging Mizuki across the room with him and ignoring his alarmed yelp of pain as hard metal dug into his soft wrist, just watching Aoba shove Noiz inside with a face like thunder.

"Undo them, right now."

He really was like a child, face pouting and upset, like he'd been scolded which judging the expressions of everybody else's faces, he certainly would be if he hadn't been enough already, just taking their joined hands and unlocking them smoothly, somehow managing to make it seem like it was him they were inconveniencing.

The moment the handcuffs were off and he was free, Mizuki turned to face Sei, placing one hand on each cheek and gazing deep into his black-brown eyes, smiling thinly and his husband rubbing at his wrist where the cuffs had chafed.

"Sei, I love you, but if I ever have to be with you 24/7 again, I will go completely insane."

Sei just stared back, looking at the familiar green eyes, flecked with hazel and the tiniest sliver of blue in the left one, cupping the hands on his face, "I entirely agree, now please can you go away so I don't kill you?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

There was a pause then in which Sei just allowed himself the freedom to really appreciate being able to break away from Mizuki when he did, growing calm and reassurance that it was all over dying as Noiz spoke. "You guys are weird."

"You!" Sei rounded on him so fast he actually flinched, ducking back almost behind his husband who frowned and moved away, fully aware he deserved every bit of Sei's anger, just regarding his scowling twin with mild surprise. "If you ever, ever do anything like this to me and Mizuki again, or to anybody else, I will rip every single piercing out of your dick and rub salt into them, and yes I know you have a pierced dick, Aoba tells me everything. Now take these handcuffs back, we already have a pair, and Aoba, stop pretending to be so vanilla, you're not fooling anybody."

The knowledge that his brother apparently owned handcuffs was alarming enough to him without now being accused of being some kind of deviant, married to Noiz or not he didn't appreciate that title. "I- He- Sei! You're vanilla too!"

"Oh, you'd be surprised," Mizuki remarked, raising his eyebrows with a grin, Sei just shoving his head good naturedly as he walked to the kitchen, Noiz smirking in amusement and Aoba's cheeks turning pink.

"You two are both perverts."

"That's debatable," that was Mizuki again, and Aoba looked so much like a tomato by now that when Sei re-entered the room with a mug of coffee he laughed aloud, patting him reassuringly on the shoulder. "I'm sure he could give you some great tips."

Aoba was very pink in the face, tips of his ears beet red and spreading down to his chest as he just grabbed his husband who was regarding Sei with amused curiosity, snorting when he just shrugged with a sly smile. "We're going home, have fun being apart."

"Have fun being together."