Part 7

Sara's eyes popped slowly open when she realized, somebody was coming into the room. She felt how a body sat on the edge of the bed and a hand caressed softly her arm. She recognized the hand immediately and a little smile appeared on her face. This was the best way to wake up. In the bed of your lover, after a shift, that ended after eight hours and no signs of that you had to start early this night. The only downside was that Sofia had to work and couldn't join her in bed. But they had breakfast together, Sara brought Josh to kindergarten, came back, the security men at the gate didn't search her again (they became a little bit sloppy anyway since they knew, Sara and Sofia were a couple. Somehow they couldn't keep it as a real secret for a long time) and she got sent to bed by a long and passionate kiss of her girlfriend.

"Sorry to wake you up." Sofia whispered. It was a little after four, time to get up anyway.

Sara's arm got around Sofia's waist and pulled her into her arms. Something was wrong with her girlfriend, she could hear it, the voice of the blonde was unsteady. And she was restless, like there was a problem, she couldn't solve alone.

"What's wrong, Honey?" Sara whispered and kissed Sofia's hair.

"I could need your help."

"Of course. What can I do?"

"Josh."

"Anything wrong with him?" Sara was wide awake now. Sofia seemed to be very calm, so there couldn't be anything serious, but something was bothering her.

"He asked for his father."

"What?" The thing Sofia had feared most.

"Yes. And I told him, I'll get you and we'll tell him about his dad. I know, you can't tell him anything, but…I could need you around when I talk to him. I know it sounds ridiculous and I should be able to talk to my son about his father and don't make such a fuss about it…" The rest of Sofia's sentence got washed away in a kiss. Sara knew it was difficult for Sofia to talk about Josh's father to her son, who wanted answers and children weren't too sensitive when it came to questioning an adult.

"Shut up, you're talking stupid." Sara said gently and kicked the blanket away.

"If you need to sleep…"

"Sofia, we should go to Josh, he's waiting for an answer." Sara took Sofia's hand and pulled her with her. "It's time to get up anyway, you know that. I always get up when you get Josh home from kindergarten."

"Yes."

"So, why should I stay in bed?"

"I would if I could. Hiding."

"You're a brave head of security, you don't hide because your son asks you questions. Questions you knew he'd ask sooner or later."

"I'd prefer later. Much later."

"Your son is very bride – just like his mother – he asks a lot of questions and he doesn't waste time until you think, he's ready. He makes his own decision when he's ready and it appears to me, he is ready now. Otherwise he hadn't asked."

Sofia sighed. Maybe Josh was ready to hear about his father, but she wasn't sure if she was ready to talk about him. She felt like she could use another two, four, six, twelve years.

Josh was in the living room, sitting on the thick carpet and playing with toy cars.

"Hey Josh." Sara sat next to him.

"Sara." He climbed on her lap. "Slept well?"

"Yes, I slept well. Thank you very much. How was kinder-garten? Did you have fun?"

"Yes. Played in sand, built a castle this big." He spread his arms out as wide as possible.

"Did you play with Alison?" Since two month Josh played only with Alison, a girl from a farm not too far away. Sofia had mentioned her like her son's first girlfriend and they had met a few times on the weekend to play. Sara and Sofia got along very good with Alison's parents and both had taken care of the other child, when one couple wanted to go out for dinner or a show on The Strip.

"Yes. And Eric."

"Who's Eric?"

"New boy, he lived in Vegas before. His father is an idiot."

Sara raised an eyebrow and looked at Sofia, who sat next to them.

"Joshua!"

"Eric's mom."

"I'm sure she didn't say that."

"She said to Miss Bixx, Eric heard it."

"Isn't Miss Bixx the kindergarten teacher?" Sara asked. This didn't sound like a conversation you had with the kindergarten teacher in front of the children.

"Yes, she is. And I can't imagine that Eric's mother said to Miss Bixx that Eric's father is an idiot. I don't think she wants Eric to hear something like that."

"Eric hiding behind couch when they talked. Miss Bixx and Eric's mom friends."

"Why would she call his father an idiot?"

"Because he left . Mom, my dad an idiot too?"

Sofia wanted to say 'no' but something made her stop. A man, who didn't want children, who didn't care about his children, who didn't love them, was more than an idiot. But she couldn't say that to her son, could she? She needed Sara.

"Does Eric know his father?" Sara asked carefully.

"No."

"Eric father left when Eric was very young, he can't remember him." Sofia knew about the boy's father and the story.

"Did dad leave too?"

"No."

"Where is he?"

"He…it's complicated…" Sofia looked at Sara. Why was this so complicated? Why did Josh ask about his father? Why couldn't he wait with this question a little bit longer? Something like twenty years or so.

"Your dad doesn't know about you."

"Why?"

"Because…when I found out that I was pregnant with you, he was gone. I didn't know him long, we broke up, he moved to another city and I found out about you."

"He doesn't love me?"

Sofia wanted to tell her son, that his father would love him when he knew of him, but she was sure, he didn't care. Like with his other son, he wouldn't want to have any contact.

"He doesn't know of you, Josh."

"Why don't you tell him?"

"I don't know where he is." Of course she could find out. Or Sara. It wasn't a problem for them with the name to find Josh's father. But Sofia doubted, it would change anything.

"Find him? Want dad too."

"Oh Josh, come here." Sofia pulled her son in her arms. She tried to hold back tears, but they just started to run down her cheeks. Of course he wanted a father, every child wanted a father and a mother. How could she explain that it wasn't possible? How could she explain her almost four years old son, that he would never have a father?

"I know you want a dad. The problem is…some dads don't want to be with their children and some dads don't know that they've children."

"Why?"

"I don't know, Josh. I can't understand it either. You're the best thing that ever happened to me, I'm so happy to have you. And I can understand that you want a dad."

"Family is mom, dad and child."

"That is one kind of a family. I know in your books there are always a mom, a dad and a child. That's how most families look like. But there are a lot of children, who have only a mom or only a dad. And then there are families with two moms or two dads. The most important thing about family is, that you have people, who love you, who are there for you and make sure, you're alright. You have a family, Josh. You've got a mom and you've got Sara. She loves you very much. Believe me, she is better than your dad. She would never leave, she wants to be with you and wants you happy. She cares for you. And there's Steo, he loves you too. This is a family, Josh. A very special family."

"Why does dad not love me?"

"There are people." Sara started carefully, getting the attention of the little boy to her. "Who can't love other people." For many years she considered herself as one of these people.

"Why?"

"I don't know. They never learnt it?"

"Dad can't love?"

"No." Sofia said. "No, he can't love other people. He is only interested in himself. It's like some children don't want to play and share with other children. They don't care for others, they want only their best."

"Don't understand."

"I don't understand those people neither, Josh." Sofia kissed her son softly. "Don't be sad because of him."

"Want a dad. Dads go to sport."

"Hey, I can go with you to football or basketball." Sara poked Josh in his side. "Or do you think I've no idea of basketball or football because I'm a woman? Let me tell you, young man, I know a lot about Basketball and football. And if you want to play, I'll come with you. Same with baseball. I love ball games, you don't need a father to play them or have somebody, who comes with you. And if you're nice, I'll teach you some tricks, show you how to throw the basketball perfectly."

"I want to play soccer."

"Soccer? Alright, we'll go to Vegas tomorrow, buy you the best soccer ball, get you some shoes and…and a goal."

"UNLV jersey."

"Of course, you need one of those. We'll get some jerseys and the next time Alison is over, we'll get your mom, Steve and Greg to join us and play soccer."

"Can Steo be dad?"

"No Love, he can't." Sofia sighed.

"Why?"

"Because he isn't your father."

"Can't become dad?"

"No."

"Why?"

"You can't just become the father of somebody. Steo…is your friend."

"Why not dad?"