Disclaimer- I don't own Victorious
AN- the moment has come...not the ending but close to it (:
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Monday came and left and nothing changed. I woke up early in the morning, before the sun fulling rose. Birds were too lazy to sing and the sounds
of crashing waves were heard. I moved my hand around to find my phone and when I found it, I looked at the time. 6 am, it read.
I remembered the way Beck would always drag me out of bed.
I felt tears in the corner of my eyes. God, there is just this feeling inside that I can't explain. And it's always there. No matter how hard I try to get
rid of it, I just can't. Whenever I remember him or something good from my past, it just comes again. Its just there and I don't know how to get rid
of it. I-I just don't know why it won't go away. I'm trying hard but maybe not hard enough. Its almost like something inside doesn't want me to be
happy. All the pain I've held in for so long is coming out and I'm starting to break apart. But I can't...no, won't, fall apart. Not yet.
I shut my eyes closed and held in the tears. I wanted to go to sleep but then I remembered I had to talk to Karen. I got up so fast that it made me
dizzy. I made my way to the living room to try to catch up with Karen but when I was there, she was already gone.
I walked to the kitchen, in hope that she was there but nope. She was completely gone. Though she did leave a note.
Dear Jade,
Don't worry, my sister allowed us to move in with her. Lila is coming by to get her things this morning around 7:30am so she won't have to see you. If
you have any questions, you know my number. Other than that, don't call me. And if Lila tells me you did something to her while she was there, I swear
you won't hear the last of me.
I crumbled the note and threw it in the trash can. She's defending that child even though she's nothing but rude and arrogant to her. If that were
my child and she ever disrespected me, I would lock her up in her room and never let her out. Or I'd just ship her ass off to boot camp. But my child
won't be like tha- that because I'm not having it.
I took in a deep breath and drew myself a bath. I need to relax and just count the agonizing minutes that pass by until 8 o'clock gets here. Just
hold on Jade, only 1 and 56 minutes left. And then you'll be rid of this problem.
The warm water hit my body and I rolled my head back. I watched the white ceiling that seemed to be growing and growing.
I don't know how or when it happened, but I found myself standing in front of the clinic. The streets were empty and so was the parking lot. Not
even my car was there. As in autopilot I walked in. The same lady that took me to see the doctor, escorted me to a room. She had me remove my
clothing and put on a blue sheet over me. She said something to me but I could not make out the words. She held a huge needle in her hand and
that's when panic started. I was crying and shaking my head. "No" I kept shouting. She only smiled and shoved it into my veins. Was it suppose to
make me go numb? Because if so, it didn't work. I need more, I tried to say. But my mouth wasn't moving and words couldn't come out. Then Dr.
Mill came in wearing glove, goggles and her blue clothes. I saw a big needle and thought that she was going to give it to me but instead she
placed it somewhere else. I felt the sharp pain burst through me. I tried screaming and kicking but my body stayed still and my mouth kept shut. I
felt the cold metal enter my body and twist around something inside of me. I felt warm liquid run down my legs. Please stop this! It hurts! I
shouted but they couldn't hear. I heard something crack inside and then the cold metal thing was coming out of my body. AH! It hurts so badly.
Stop...please... Tears were running down my face. And the pain was never ending. Then Dr. Mill held the bleeding lump in her hands and put it in a
container. I watched as they left and I was bleeding on that table.
My eyes went wide open and I gasped for air. At some point, don't know when, I fell asleep. I looked around and was still in the tub. I got out of
the tub and quickly changed. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me for thinking such horrible things. I walked into my room and began to put
on my clothes, sweat pants and a loose shirt. I glanced at the clock and it read 7:30. I should be leaving and Lila should be here any time so-
My thoughts were interrupted when I heard the front door open loudly. I groaned, damn her. I grabbed my keys and phone before leaving. But
stopped right before reaching the handle. I was so close into forgetting my money. I got the money and then headed downstairs. It would have
been funny if I forgotten it.
As I went downstairs, I saw her lying on the couch and watching TV.
"Aren't you suppose to be getting your things and then getting the hell out of here?" I asked in my bitchy tone. She jumped at my voice.
"I thought you were sleeping... but obviously not. Going out this early? Let me guess, abortion time?" She mocked. I walked up to her and
snatched the remote away from her. I turned off the TV and she stood up.
"Do not push me. Because I swear I am not afraid to beat the crap out of a little girl." I threatened. She smirked at me.
"What ever." She said. I pushed her and watched her tumble onto the couch. I walked out of the house, slamming the door behind me. I know that
bitch will do something. But you know what? I don't really give a shit right now. It's too early in the morning to be fighting with her.
She just ruined my morning but I guess it was better that way. It gave me something to focus on other than...yeah, that.
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The moment I stepped into the clinic, my heart started speeding up. I was breathing heavily. Like the way you breathe after you've finished a mile
run. I looked around and got surprised that there were many women here. I thought that since it was so early, no one would really be here. I
stopped starring at them when most of them turned and looked at me. This lady was wearing all red and was glaring at me. She leaned over and
whispered words that I could not hear to the other. They both looked at me with disgust. But who are they to judge? Are they not here
themselves?
I moved away from the door and signed in. I took the seat next to the corner. My hands were sweating and my legs could not stay still. My hand
kept twitching and oh god I don't feel so good. I saw others stare at me but pretended not to notice. I took my phone out and pretended to be
texting. But that didn't help. My legs were still not still, my hand kept twitching and I still felt like I needed to throw up, though I'm sure that
throwing up won't make this any better.
"Jade West?" The sectary asked, scanning the room. I stood up and made my way to her. She didn't smile nor greet me. She only led me to an empty room.
"Undress here, you can keep your bra on but everything else, gone and put on that gown. The doctor will be in here to explain the procedures and
then take you to the lab." She said with pure boredom. Before I could let out the breath, I didn't know I was holding, she was gone. I took in a
deep breath, I can do this. With shaking hands I began to undress and I put the gown on. My legs were shaking and I could barely stand. I just
want this to be over. I don't want to deal with it anymore.
"Jade?" Dr. Mill's voice was heard on the other side of the door. When I made to speak, the words were trapped inside. But I forced myself to
answer. And she came in with a bunch of papers and a pen.
"Hey, you ready?" She asked with a gentle smile. I nodded and did my best to smile but failed miserably. Instead it looked more like a lip twitch.
"Y-yeah." I whispered in a tone so low that the noise of a pen dropping would be louder.
"Are you sure?" She asked. I nodded.
"Ok then. I just need you to sign these papers. It's a contract that says you give all rights for me to make this procedure and you will not hold
anything against the company if something goes wrong." She explained. Wait, if something goes wrong? What?
"N-nothing goes wrong, it's really fast and simple but on some really rare occasions it happens." She added quickly. I hesitated before getting the
pen. I signed the papers.
"Aren't you going to read it first?" She asked with a small laugh at the end. I shook my head.
"No. I just want this to be...over..." I said. She nodded and I handed her the money. She put it away and explained me the plan of how it works.
But I don't want to hear.
"So if you'll just follow me into the other room, we can get started." She told me as she began to walk out the door. I followed closely behind her.
We entered into another room. My chest began beating even faster when I saw the tools. She had me lay down on the bed and prompt my legs up
onto the board. I felt so self conscious opening my legs up like that. Then another nurse came in with a needle in her hand. I could feel my entire
body shaking.
"It'll put you to sleep. Don't worry, you won't feel a thing." She said. I panicked and wanted to scream and kick her but it was too late. The sharp
and sudden pain came into my veins and I couldn't move anymore. My body grew weak and I could barely...
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I felt cold and empty. Like all the warmth in my body was gone. There was a sharp pain that was inside of me. I could still feel that pain even
though my body was numb. I felt like my body was filled with ice. And I felt more alone than ever. I was shaking but trying so hard not to move.
When I moved it made the pain so much worse.
I let out a small moan of pain. I could still feel it, I could feel that metal thing go in and destroy what I had inside. I could feel it drag it out of my
body and the warm liquid running through my legs. I could see the way it was taken out. My heart stopped beating, I could feel it. My eyes were
shut and I was asleep, suppose to be numb. But I could some how still feel it and see it. The worse part, that made me want to kill myself was that
after I woke up, I heard a small cry. The gentle whimper of a baby that was alone and dead. I could see the innocent creature crying and asking to
be held.
When I opened my eye and took in my surrounding, I realize that it was not a nightmare. I was lying in the bed. The doctor smiled and smoothed
my hair, she told me it was over. The anesthesia would wear off in a couple of hours, I shouldn't be in any pain but she gave me Advil just in case.
She allowed my to stay put for as long as I needed, my clothes would be on the chair beside me. I watched her leave and I burst out crying. The
emptiness was too much. There was just an empty space inside that I could never fill ever again. But its all over now, So why don't I feel happy?
This was suppose to fix things. I think this made it worse. Just being in this place gets to me. Its not like I imagined. I kept thinking that it would
solve all my problems, it would all leave me alone. Instead its taunting me. Something inside is taunting me and making me realize what a stupid
mistake I just made. And like I said earlier, this is the type of choice that if I get it wrong, there's no going back.
I cleared my tears away and sat up. I ignored the aching pain and got dressed. I didn't bother saying anything to Dr. Mill as I passed her in the
hallway, I just walked as fast as I could to my car. When I got in I was crying again like a pathetic dumb ass. I checked my phone and looked at the
time. It was 10:30. I guess I must have been in there longer then I said it would take.
I drove home slowly, cars were passing me and honking at me. But they could not understand that pain I was in.
When I finally arrived home, I saw a mini van parked outside. Probably Lila's aunt coming to pick her up or something. I parked the car in the
garage and made my to the front door. As I stepped inside what I saw was the most painful yet happiest thing I've seen since I got here.
"Beck..." I whispered. There he was... standing in front of the couch and starring at me. Tori, Cat, Andre and Robbie were standing right behind me.
"I missed you." He said softly, he was smiling but had tears in his eyes.
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AN- (: KK sorry it took me a while to upload. I just couldn't get this right... I hope I did.
Please let me know what you think (: thanks!