When Nothing Goes as Planned

Week 19

"Daddy, can I ask you a question?" Jack asked as his father helped him buttoning his pajamas shirt.

"Of course. What's the question, buddy?"

Jack crawled into bed and Hotch pulled the covers over him and then sat on the side of the bed. "Well, what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?"

"What?" Hotch laughed. How did his little boy know words like that? "I really have no idea, but I will ask Reid tomorrow. He might know."

"No need," a voice behind them said and they both turned around. "It never happens. If there's a thing that can't be stopped, it's not possible for there to be something else which can't be moved, and vice versa. They can't both exist. You see, it's a trick question is the answer."

"Emily!" Jack said excitingly and jumped out of the bed. He ran over to her and hugged her around her legs. "I'm so happy to see you!"

Emily laughed. "You saw me yesterday," she said running her hands through his hair. He looked up at her with a big smile. "Will you tuck me in?" Emily smiled down at him and nodded. "And sing me a song?"

Emily laughed. "I will tuck you in and sing you a song, but then you need to get into bed real quick." Jack let go of her legs and ran back to his bed. Hotch bent down and hugged Jack. "Goodnight, sweetheart," he said and then got of the bed. Emily took his place and he then left the room. Emily tucked the blanket around Jack and he moved to the side, so there was room for Emily to lay next to him on the bed. She wrapped an arm around him and he cuddled up to her side.

"Can you sing the song with the butterfly?" Jack asked and yawned as he closed his eyes. "I like that song."

Emily moved her hand under his pajama shirt, so that she could rub circles on his back while she sang. "I like that song, too," she said and then started singing.

"Butterfly, butterfly waving your wings so high.
Flying near, flying far, flying high to touch the sky.
Come to me, sit on my hand. I will guard, be your friend.
Butterfly is so shy, flying high to touch the sky.

Butterfly, butterfly waving your wings so high.
Flying near, flying far, flying high to touch the sky.
Come to me, sit on my hand. I will guard, be your friend.
Butterfly wants to sleep, folds your wings, sleeps and sings.

Ssh...

Butterfly, butterfly waving your wings so high.
Flying near, flying far, flying high to touch the sky.
Butterfly, butterfly waving your wings so high.
Flying near, flying far, flying high to touch the sky."

When she was done with the song she slowly tried to get up the bed without waking Jack. But it was hard. The bed being quick low and her having the extra weight on her front side, but she managed to get out of the bed and to the door without falling or stepping on any toys. But when she opened the door she heard a small voice saying her name from the bed. "Emily."

She tuned back around. "Yes?"

"When you're here I don't miss my mommy so much."

It felt like her heart was breaking inside her chest. She walked back to him, wanting to say something to him, but she didn't know what. Emily bent down and kissed him on the side of his head. "I love you," she whispered against his hair and then walked out of the room and into the living room where Hotch was waiting for her. She sat down next to him on the couch and the laptop he had on his lap, he closed and laid it on the table. "I didn't know you would be coming by tonight."

"I wasn't planning to," Emily said lying her head on his shoulder. "I hope you don't mind me using the key you gave me for when I babysat Jack."

"Of course not," Hotch said. "How did things go with your mother?"

"A lot better than I had expected. We talked and it was actually really nice." Emily lifted her head from Hotch's shoulder and looked at him with a big smile. "She says you have good genes."

"Good genes?" Hotch asked with a laugh.

"Yeah." Emily laid her head back down at his shoulder. "I need to tell you something," she said and felt Hotch stiffened under her. "It has nothing to do with us, just me. About when I was a teenager."

Hotch relaxed again and laid his hand on top of Emily's which was resting on her stomach. "What is it then?"

"You know that I went to Rome when I was 15 and stayed there for a year with my parents." Emily felt Hotch nod. "And even though I have always been a open and happy person then it has been hard for me to get friends. People knew I wouldn't be staying very long, so I did a lot of stupid things to get them to like me." The last part came out as a whisper and Emily moved away from Hotch. She crawled to the other end of the couch and pulled her knees as close to her chest as her pregnant stomach would let her and looked down at them. Hotch looked concerned at her and reached out to touch her leg, but she moved away from his hand. "I did a lot of stupid things which resulted in me getting pregnant." When Hotch did not say anything Emily slowly looked up at him. He was looking back at her with an unreadable expression and she just wanted to scream at him to say something.

"What did you do?"

"I had an abortion," Emily choked out and felt her throat tighten.

"Did you ever consider having another abortion when you found out you where pregnant this time?"

"No! Not even for a second."

Hotch's face softened and he said, "I'm happy you trust me enough to tell me this."

Emily's head dropped to her knees and a loud sob left her mouth. She was so relieved that he had not gotten mad at her that she could no longer keep the tears back that she had been wanting to cry all day. Sobs ripped through her and her entire body was shaking. Hotch moved to sit next to her and folded his arms protective around her as she cried. Emily leaned her head against his chest as her cries faded into sniffling and she was finally able to say something. "I don't think I could have loved the child I carried back then. I didn't want it and I couldn't bear to give birth to a child I didn't want and didn't love." She pressed her face into his chest. "Was it wrong of me to abort the child?"

"I can't answer that. No one can. It was your decision to make."

"So you don't hate me?"

"No I don't hate you. I could never hate you." He ran his fingers down her back. "Do you want to spend the night?"

Emily wiped the tears of her cheeks and smiled. "I would like that very much."