Feather of a Swan

Chapter 25:

Belltown Inn didn't appear to be a ridiculously expensive place, but not exactly cheap either. Emma followed Regina into the hotel lobby.

,,I booked a room for one night," Regina said to the receptionist.

,,Name?"

,,Mills."

,,Ah yes, miss Mills. You booked the… queen room, am I correct?"

Seriously? The room was called "queen room"?

,,Yes, that is correct. But I think we're gonna need one more room for tonight," Regina said and glanced towards Emma.

,,One moment," the receptionist said and took her sweet time scrolling through the computer in front of her. After a long while she finally looked up and said: ,,I'm sorry, miss Mills, but there are no other rooms available for tonight."

Regina closed her eyes and Emma heard her exhale sharply. ,,Are you absolutely sure?"

,,Yes, I'm sorry. Everything is booked for tonight."

For a moment, Emma was sure that the brunette would fly into a rage fit and threaten to kill the receptionist unless she found another room. But Regina didn't. Instead she smiled sickeningly sweetly to the receptionist and said: ,,Well, I suppose we have to make due then."

,,Enjoy your stay," the receptionist said and handed Regina a key with the number "7" on it.

,,Thank you."

Regina spun around on her heel and walked towards the long hall. ,,Please keep up," she said over her shoulder.

Emma silently followed the brunette down the hall until they reached the right door. Regina unlocked the door and swung it open.

A large room met Emma's eyes. And even though the hotel had looked modest from outside, no doubt this was one of the most expensive room there was. Complete with balcony, own bathroom, probably a bathtub, even a small kitchenette. And…

Emma gulped and tried to swallow the gigantic lump forming in her throat.

One queen sized bed. Singular. Not two beds. One bed.

Regina frowned deeply as she followed Emma's gaze to the bed. ,,Do you mind checking if that… that.. thing is separable?"

,,It's.." Emma cleared her throat. Suddenly it felt completely dry. ,,It's a queen size bed. I don't think you can separate it."

,,Wonderful." Regina turned her gaze to the floor and grabbed her bag, most likely to unpack.

,,It's gonna be alright, it's not like we haven't…" Emma stopped immediately at the look Regina gave her.

,,Kindly don't finish whatever sentence you were gonna say," the brunette muttered and disappeared into the bathroom.

Shared a bed. It's not like we haven't shared a bed before.

There wasn't much unpacking to do for Emma. The only thing she could do was taking her red leather jacket of and stuffing it into the closet along with her beanie. She felt on edge. And it wasn't just because the rescue mission lying ahead of them.

After something that felt like five thousand years, Regina returned from the bathroom and stuffed the bag away in the closet

,,Are you hungry?" the brunette asked and ran a finger through her hair.

,,What?"

,,We should probably eat something. We need all the strength we can get tomorrow," Regina mused more to herself than to Emma.

Emma didn't argue with that. They had been on the road all day, and she couldn't deny that she was hungry.

Regina ordered a modest but nice meal, neither of them felt like heading down to the restaurant, so they ended up eating in the room instead.

The atmosphere in the room was not far off from feeling like a graveyard, Emma thought to herself, and the tension was as thick as cold pie cream.

But Regina seemed determined to keep her mouth shut and not interacting with Emma in anyway. The brunette had however, made several trips to the balcony where she smoked cigarette after cigarette. It looked to Emma like a compulsive act. Something she had to do. Was Regina nervous?

No, Emma thought to herself. Regina was never nervous, and she had made it very clear how she felt about the whole mess. It was something that should be kept quiet and preferably forgotten as soon as possible.

Emma couldn't deny that she was relieved when Regina announced that she was going to bed. Having the brunette so close and not being able to talk to her in any way was aggravating.

Emma curled up in a chair and looked out of the window, overlooking the Seattle skyline. She remembered one particular morning where she had looked out of "Roni's" window and seeing the strange, purple smoke for the first time. How happy she had been that particular morning. How simple life had been in Seattle. Just Emma and Roni opening the bar for the evening and testing the newest drinks.

Emma balked when she realized that she was dreaming about another life. A life where her husband didn't have a part.

She shouldn't be thinking like that. You are dreaming about a cursed life, Emma. A false life. And you are yearning after a woman who doesn't even exist. Who never existed in the first place.

Roni doesn't exist. That thought formed a large lump in Emma's throat and made her vision go slightly blurry.

But.. if Roni didn't exist, then why did Emma keep seeing her in each and every single thing Regina did? She saw the denim clad bartender's grin in Regina's rare smiles, and she heard Roni's adorable accent every time Regina spoke. Maybe she was going mad. Maybe she would be better off in a rubber cell dozed up on medicine or something like that.

Emma was pulled out of her thoughts when she saw a reflection of Regina in the window. Was the brunette watching her? Emma quickly turned her head, but Regina had already turned her back on her and curled under the covers in the enormous bed.

Emma went into the bathroom and luckily, she found a spare toothbrush, a deodorant and a hairbrush in one of the cupboards. But as she released her golden hair from the ponytail, she realized that she didn't bring a pajama with her. Not even a long nightshirt or something like that. Damn it. Well, sleeping in her skinny jeans were definitely out of the question. She would most likely choke to dead before morning if she chose to do that.

Emma sighed heavily when she realized that there was only one thing to do. The blonde shimmied out of her jeans and tugged her tanktop down over her thighs as much as she could. The material didn't provide much cover, but it was better than nothing. Emma quickly brushed her teeth and left the bathroom without giving her reflection a second glance.

Regina was completely curled up under the covers and if Emma didn't know better, she would say that the brunette was asleep. That was probably the best thing anyway. Emma slipped into the bed, laying as far away from Regina as possible. The brunette didn't move as Emma wrapped the blankets around herself and curled up in a ball. But Emma was certain that Regina wasn't asleep. Her breathing was too fast and uneasy, so unless the brunette had a nightmare, she was definitely faking being asleep. And not faking very well.

Emma quietly huffed out a breath. She was wide awake, and it didn't seem like sleep would come to her anytime soon. She shifted, rolled on to her stomach. Found that it wasn't a very comfortable sleeping position, rolled on to her back again, tossed and turned and somehow she ended up with her back pressed against Regina's.

She felt how the brunette went completely stiff at the touch- the illusion of being asleep broken for a moment.

,,I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean to…" Emma immediately stammered and felt how her neck was going flush.

Regina didn't respond in any way to Emma's stuttering apologies. She simply moved further away from the blonde.

She probably only have about an inch of bed to sleep on. She must really not want to be near me at all.

That realization hurt quite a bit, and Emma did her best to shake the feeling off her. She should be thinking about her son instead. This was what this whole trip was about. Saving Henry, Lucy and Ella, and reunite them with the rest of the family back in Storybrooke.

Henry would be happy to return home to Storybrooke after all these years. Emma couldn't imagine that he would want to return to The Enchanted Forest and start a life there. Emma herself, was really sick of constantly ending up in that place. Snow and David would be delighted to have their grandson and great granddaughter back. And Killian. He was so fond of Henry. Loved him like a son. Emma once again felt a gigantic lump forming in her throat, and she felt like a monster for what she was doing. It was wrong of her to push this good and kind man away, it was wrong of her to reject his affection, his love again and again.

And yet.. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't force herself to feel what she used to feel for him. The new curse had turned her world upside down and changed everything.

Emma sighed deeply, and this time louder. This was hopeless. And not only her whole situation, but also lying wide awake in this bed, in this hotel room.

,,Regina?" she tried quietly.

No answer. Just breathing.

Maybe the brunette really had fallen asleep by now. It was getting late, and Emma knew she ought to be asleep as well. Tomorrow would probably be one hell of a day no matter how things went down with Lady Tremaine.

Emma shifted to lay on her side again. She tried her best to wind down and finding her "comfortable" place. But she didn't quite succeed.

,,Yes?"

So Regina wasn't asleep any way. And furthermore, she had in fact heard Emma. And she even answered her.

,,You aren't asleep," Emma said matter of factly.

,,No."

,,Why aren't you asleep?" Emma asked, and she could hear how the brunette exhaled slowly.

,,Why aren't you?" Regina shot back.

,,I… can't," Emma said truthfully.

,,No. Me neither."

Okay, this is hellish. Emma turned around. Regina was still facing away from her, and maybe it would be better if Emma simply closed her eyes and left well enough alone. But she couldn't. The tension was unbearable. Emma hesitantly stretched a hand out towards Regina. Did she dare to touch the other woman? Would Regina bite at her or swat her hand away? Emma's hand hovered a few seconds before she very, very slowly put it on Regina's shoulder.

And Regina didn't swat her hand away, or yell at her. Instead the brunette turned around, coming face to face with Emma.

Emma was surprised to see how Regina's eyes reflected all of her own doubts and questions and insecurities. She had never seen Regina look so vulnerable as she did right now.

Once again, Emma did the completely mad thing. She carefully touched Regina's cheek with her fingertips. Regina stiffened, but didn't flinch or move.

I don't want her to flinch when I touch her. I… I want her.

Emma took a wild shot, a leap of fate. Still with her fingertips resting on Regina's cheek, the blonde leaned in and pressed a light kiss to Regina's lips.

Regina stayed exactly where she was, and Emma cupped her face as they kissed each other.

Emma felt how the chemistry immediately flared up, and she could taste a small snippet of her earthly paradise when she and Regina kissed. I was wrong. Roni and Regina aren't two different people. They are… they are the same. It's Regina. It has always been Regina.

Not wanting to let go of her paradise, Emma entangled her fingers in silky, dark hair and kissed her in a more desperate manner. It was like everything clicked and fell into place. This, this was how it was supposed to be. It had to. Emma released Regina's hair from her fingers and allowed her hands to travel down Regina's body instead. She clutched at the brunette's hips, tried to shift them so Regina was on top of her.

But it was like that made Regina snap out of it, and her hands, which had been clutching at Emma's back, suddenly pushed the blonde away instead.

,,Emma, Emma stop!" she said, voice trembling as she scrambled away from Emma and sat up in the bed. ,,This isn't.. this is..." For a moment she looked like she was about to say "wrong", but instead she landed on: ,,This isn't a good idea."

Emma immediately felt how her paradise dissolved into nothing, and she gave herself five seconds to mourn the loss before she silently agreed with Regina. As perfect as it had felt, there was still about a million things wrong with this picture.

,,I'm… I'm sorry." Except I'm not. Not really.

Regina nodded, the smooth mask back on her face.

Emma was going to apologize a bit more sincerely for kissing her, when her cellphone ringed. Utterly confused and not quite there, the blonde scrambled around to find her phone, but Regina was faster and handed Emma the phone with a quiet: ,,It's your husband. You better answer it."

And so Emma did. And by the time she had ended the call, she found Regina curled up under the blankets, faking sleep once again.

To Be Continued…?