A/N: warning for sexual content and language.

Humanity Is Vulnerable-25e

"Need any more ice?" Roy asked looking at Joanne from behind the freezer door of their refrigerator. They'd made great headway during their morning talk. Both had swollen eyes from crying but even so, both were experiencing a feeling of fulfillment. The journey was painful but it was progress. 'Anything worth having is worth working for', he could still hear his grandmother's voice even though she'd been dead for nearly two decades. He knew she was right and her words had never rung more true than at this moment. It's work….it's hard work…but it's all worth it.

"Um.." Joanne sniffed again as she looked down at the glass in front of her. "Maybe a little more."

Roy put a few extra pieces of ice in his empty glass to share with Joanne when he returned to the table, then closed the door. The ice cubes splashed some lemonade onto the table when he tapped the edge of his glass to pour the extra ice into her half-filled glass. "Oops…sorry." He reached for a napkin at the same time she did and they both giggled at their shenanigans.

He won the battle for the napkin and began to wipe up the mess. Seeing the liquid on the table immediately threw his mind into reverse and he remembered knocking over the vase of roses she'd left dying on the table. His mind lingered on how, to her, the roses must have made him look even guiltier of marital indiscretion than just the lipstick smudge. No wonder she thought I was cheating…..I never take the time to send her flowers anymore.

Joanne stared at her sandwich. She hadn't felt like cooking; neither of them felt like doing anything really. They were both exhausted from their emotional journey through the marital fog that had settled over them in recent weeks. She glanced up at Roy and noticed the faraway look in his eyes as he wiped up the moisture he had spilled.

"Roy? What are you thinking about?" She reached out taking over the clean-up from him.

He clasped his hands together and briefly rested his forehead on them. "Ah….just how….how I'm never going to take you for granted ever again." He didn't feel like delving deeper into the emotional abyss until after they'd rested for a little while so he reached down and took a bite of his sandwich.

Joanne mimicked his actions with her own sandwich but not before she added. "That goes both ways, sweetheart. That goes both ways."

E!

Johnny slammed the driver's door of the squad and cranked it up just as Tom keyed up the mic.

"Squad 51 available."

The mood in the cab of the squad was subdued as the two paramedics made their way back to the station. Johnny looked to his right as he pulled up to a traffic light. The expression on his partner's face spoke volumes. He pursed his lips into an exasperated thin line. Cap, I know Wheeler wasn't who you were talking about but here goes…

"Tough run, huh?" Johnny said as he continued driving back towards 223rd street.

Tom felt his stomach knot up but managed to provide a comment for the uncomfortable conversation.

"Yea…tough to look at."

Johnny knitted his eyebrows together. "What'da ya mean by that?"

Tom swallowed hard around the lump in his throat. "Well, just….I don't know. I mean…I feel bad for the guy but…..well…damn….doesn't anything scare you, Gage?"

"Of course…..uh...mountain lions, bullets whizzing by my head during a high rise rescue.." Johnny shuttered at the memory of that long ago event. "Um, let's see… sharks…..why?" Johnny thought he knew what Wheeler was thinking.

Tom looked out his rolled down window before he answered. "Doesn't this shit scare you at all?"

Johnny grimaced. "By 'shit' do you mean HIV…..or the people who've been infected by it?"

"Don't put words in my mouth, John." Tom mumbled but it was loud enough for Johnny to hear it. He knew Wheeler wasn't comfortable with the topic but he also felt like he needed to push the envelope a little with the subject matter.

"Look, I understand…..and yes, it is scary, a'right?" He inhaled deeply hoping he could find the right words. "But, man we still have a job to do," he waved his hand in front of them at the people in vehicles and the pedestrians walking on either side of the street. "...and these folks need us to do it?"

"Don't you think I know that?" Tom ran a nervous hand across his forehead. "It's just that…..well…that guy's situation wasn't like the car accident we worked earlier." There, he'd said it; he'd admitted his true feelings.

Johnny's mouth hung open in dismay. "So, he deserved this illness but Mrs. Carmichael didn't deserve to die? Is that it?"

"Yes….I mean, No…..I didn't mean it like that! Fuck!" Wheeler slammed his hand against the side of the squad door. "What I mean is, they didn't do anything wrong and now Mr. Carmichael is in ICU and Mrs. Carmichael is in the morgue!"

"And right now, Mr. Owens is in ICU and it won't be long before he's in the morgue…..so what's your point?" Johnny wasn't going to cut his temporary partner any slack.

Wheeler shot Johnny a glance then turned back to face forward. "The difference is that he did something to get HIV but the Carmichael's didn't do anything to deserve to be in that accident."

Johnny lifted his chin cutting his dark eyes at his sandy haired partner. "Sure they did….I mean, hell man…they shouldn't've been driving in the outside lane." He smirked his half grin at his partner. He had just busted him and he knew it.

Tom screwed his face up in confusion. "What?"

"Well, if they'd been driving in the inside lane, then they'd've missed the whole thing. The accident started in the middle lane and ended in the outside one. So….if they'd've just been in the inside lane they'd both be fine now….simple as that." Johnny glanced at his reflection in the side mirror then back on the road.

Tom Wheeler looked at Johnny as though he'd taken temporary leave of his senses. "What the fuck are you talking about, Gage? They had no way of knowing an accident was about to happen in their lane!"

Johnny could feel Tom's eyes staring at him but he never flinched under the unspoken pressure. He counted to three, allowing the simple silence to permeate the air between them before exhaling hard. "And do you think for one lousy minute that when Mr. Owens became infected with HIV – however that may have happened…" He eased to a stop at the last light before arriving at the station and turned to look directly at Wheeler. "….that he'd've continued whatever it was he was doin'?"

Wheeler opened his mouth to say something but was cut off by Johnny's lower than normal tone. "Unless, he was infected by say…..oh, I dunno, a blood transfusion or somethin'."

"You know that's not how he got it!" Tom's neck and face were turning red.

"No, Tom…..I don't know…..and neither do you, for that matter." The light turned green and Johnny accelerated, a little slower than normal. "Besides, he pays our salary same as every other taxpayer…..so why does it matter what he has or how he got it?"

Finally sensing he was being allowed to speak, Tom pointed his index finger at his chest. "Because I don't want to get it, alright?"

"All that's expected of you is to treat him just like you would anybody else….do your job...not have sex with him?"

Tom felt his anger boiling through his veins…..but something else was mixed with it…..humiliation. Johnny HAD noticed his lack of physical contact with their patient. Now the question was what would he do about it? He saw the station coming into view and knew their conversation would end soon but quickly decided he couldn't let it end like this. He cleared his throat. "Ahem…..you know Callahan and Jacobs left their squad and went back on the engine over at 36's."

Johnny felt a tiny hint of victory in his soul. "Yep….probably gonna lose more good men and women too….all because of fear and prejudice."

Tom felt the fight beginning to drain out of him but he had to continue. "Fear can be a healthy thing, Gage, keeps most men in our line of work sane….and alive."

Johnny slowed down and flipped on the lights. He waited to ensure that traffic had yielded to him before he began backing the squad into its usual resting place beside Big Red. He shifted into park and with both hands gripping the wheel in silent fury he finally spoke. "Fear and respect are two completely different things, Wheeler." He leaned back in the seat finally looking his partner in the eyes. "We respect fire same as we have to respect HIV..." He pointed his index finger at his own chest for emphasis then continued,"….but I, for one, refuse to allow myself to become paralyzed by fear while I watch victims die in an inferno when I know I can get them out. All I have to do is put on my turnouts, my SCBA, maybe a lifeline and go in and get'em." Johnny took a deep breath. "Just like I can't stand by now and watch my fellow brothers and sisters suffer when I know I can at least offer them a bit of comfort when they need it most. I just hafta glove up, maybe use an apron and face shield if necessary….and go on and take care of them." He purposefully kept his voice soft and non-threatening. He wasn't trying to pick a fight; he merely wanted to point out to his partner what had become increasingly obvious to him. "Anyone who wears this uniform and badge has to leave their personal views in their lockers….and then decide if they want to control their fears and prejudices…..or be controlled by them."

Tom didn't make a move to get out of the squad and neither did Johnny. Instead, Tom stared at the dashboard chewing on his bottom lip.

Johnny knew that he'd gotten through to Tom but he also knew that Tom remained seated in the cab for a reason. He was grateful that none of the other guys seemed to take notice that they were still sitting in the squad.

"Gage?"

"Yea?" Johnny looked hopefully at the other paramedic.

"I blew it, man. I..I.." He swallowed hard then licked his dry lips. "I'm a better paramedic than what you saw back there." His voice was barely a whisper. "But….this shit scares the hell outta me."

Johnny felt empathy for his partner. "It scares the hell outta all of us. But, we just use our protective equipment and move forward." He hesitated as Tom nodded his head in agreement. "Tom, you can treat the patients well and still be afraid of their blood. It doesn't become a problem until we don't give them the best we have to offer because of who they are or what they've got." Johnny allowed his hands to become more animated as his voice grew a little louder. "What if it was you or me who had it, huh? Would we want to be left alone to die because those who have the skills to relieve our suffering refuse to help us? Or worse, because they think we deserve it?"

"I know, you're right…I caught myself not wanting to touch the guy at all and…..damn it! I just…." He finally looked over at Johnny. "I just can't let that happen again."

Johnny allowed the faintest half smile to light his dark eyes. "And now that you realize it….you'll be more aware of it….and I bet it won't happen again."

Tom Wheeler didn't look across the seat. He offered a vague nod as he reached for the door handle and opened it up. Johnny followed his lead then met him as he rounded the back of the squad heading for the dayroom. He cupped his hand around the back of Wheeler's neck in a symbol of brotherly support. "It'll all work out….you'll see."

E!

"You look tired, Jo."

Joanne raised her pretty green eyes in mock aggravation at her husband. "Thanks a lot."

The dark circles appeared even more prominent from Roy's visual angle. "Listen, I think we've covered a lot of ground this morning….why don't you go get some rest? You've lost a lot of sleep over the last few days because of me."

As if on cue, Joanne's eyes began to water as she stifled a yawn. She knew there was no need to argue with him. He was absolutely correct; she was exhausted.

Roy snickered a little at the sight of her yawning. He knew there was no way she could deny it now. "C'mon, sweetheart," he stood gently grasping her elbow. "Let's get you to bed for a nap."

"Oh a'right, Daddy." Joanne poked out her lower lip mimicking the way Jennifer behaved when she was sulking.

Roy couldn't help himself. He cackled out laughing…..and the sensation felt marvelous. "Yep, I thought she inherited that from you."

They both were still smiling when they reached the top of the stairs. He held the door to their bedroom open for her enjoying the scent of her shampoo as the top of her head waltzed just beneath his nose. She headed into the bathroom to brush her teeth while he pulled back the covers on their bed. His thoughts briefly strayed to thoughts of making love to her again soon but the idea was quickly pushed to the back of his mind; there was still a lot more to be done to repair their marriage. He heard the water running and knew she was rinsing her mouth. He toed off his shoes and peeled off his outer shirt just as she came out of the bathroom.

"Joining me?" She asked with a flirtatious wink.

He felt his blush rising around the collar of his undershirt. "No…just getting more comfortable….but I'd like to give you a massage if you don't mind? It'll help you relax and rest." He hoped he sounded convincing.

"Aha," she laughed slightly. "Oh, I don't mind." Her grin lit up her entire face then leaped over to Roy's face as well.

With a smile glued in place, he sauntered over to where she stood beside the bed and began to unbutton her blouse. One by one the buttons opened up revealing her pale blue satin bra. His fingers continued until they found the last button then deftly climbed back up her silky flesh and pulled the garment off her shoulders. He ran his fingers up her arms and felt her shiver at the lightness of his touch. He could feel her eyes staring into his own but he didn't make eye contact. He stood drinking in the sight of her while he reached around beneath her arms and skillfully unhooked her bra. He pulled the straps down from her shoulders and allowed the undergarment to fall to the floor between them. His groin ached at the vision of beauty standing half naked before him. He reached down and unsnapped her pants feeling her shift her weight from one side to the other toeing off her shoes. He slowly released the zipper allowing his hands access below her waist to reach down removing the jeans from her hips and caressing her bottom in the process. He felt her small hands stroking the back of his head then running through his hair and he closed his eyes amid the sensations.

Again, she shifted from one foot to the other stepping out of her jeans longing for his touch to separate her from the blue satin panties that remained. She ran her fingers through his auburn hair seeing him inhale deeply while closing his eyes. She felt him leaning down and she slightly parted her lips anticipating the kiss she never received. Instead, she felt the feather-softness of his lips on her forehead.

Roy kissed her gently then lowered his head nearer her ear. "I love you so much, Jo." His breathing hitched as his lower belly burned with desire.

"Please….." she began, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling his head closer to her neck. "I need you. Make love to me…please?"

Roy's heart ached as much as his throbbing manhood. He wanted nothing more than to do just what she was requesting. But, he also knew they weren't ready. And he didn't want to take a chance on ruining this. "Jo.." He pulled back slightly looking deeply into her dilated emerald eyes. "I want to….so badly but.." He struggled to explain to her what he was feeling. "It's just too soon."

Joanne felt like she'd been stabbed in the heart and suddenly her nakedness felt uncomfortable.

Roy watched the shadow cross her face and knew she was misunderstanding his refusal. "Nu-uh…Baby, it isn't that I don't want to…..it's just that….well, if we do that now then…..I don't know….I'd feel like we were trying to use sex to fix our marriage when we need to repair the damage so we can fully enjoy each other….no barriers…..no.." He exhaled searching for the right words. "No wondering if you want me to make love to you just to prove that I'm as attracted to you as ever. Jo…I want us to make love to each other….not try to prove something….just, feeling free to…to enjoy it….ahh...damn it…I can't explain it right."

She let a silent tear slip down her left cheek. His words had hit home with her. That was exactly what she was doing. She was trying to seduce him just to prove to herself that she could make him want her. It was the same reason she'd dressed in the short skirt and headed off to the grocery store that day. She was wanting him to prove he was physically attracted to her not necessarily make love to her. "Honey….." She sniffed again. "You're right." She laid her head against his chest, closing her eyes as she listened to his heart beat and his even breathing. "I'm…I'm sorry."

"Shhh….let's not go there." He held her, gently stroking her bare back while he rested his chin on her head. "You are the most beautiful woman I've ever known…and I love you more than you could possibly even imagine." He kissed the top of her head again, breathing in her scent. "I'm looking forward to us spending a lot of time making love…..soon. Please?"

She felt a slight giggle gurgle from deep within her throat. "I thought it was supposed to always be the woman putting the man off for sex." She snickered.

"Yea," he agreed smiling. "I guess this is different, huh?" He held her a minute more as his soothing strokes along her back inched lower until his fingers dipped beneath the band of her panties and he slowly lowered them over her hips and down her thighs until they fell to the floor. "Now, lie down and let me get started on that massage I promised."

She smiled up through her long eyelashes, lightly brushing the front of his pants with the back of her hand as she turned and lay down on her stomach. He was hard and she felt a certain sense of accomplishment in knowing he was aroused.

Roy shifted his jeans to improve his comfort level. He knew she'd touched him deliberately and he smiled at the thought. Maybe she did want him, not just to prove something but because she loved him. No matter, he would wait. It would be uncomfortable, he knew from experience, but he knew that when they finally did make love it would be like nothing they'd ever experienced.

"Ok, now take a deep cleansing breath and relax." He listened to her inhale and exhale audibly as he reached for the lotion she normally kept in the drawer of her nightstand. "Atta, girl." He watched as her shoulders relaxed a little. He clicked the top of the lotion cap open and poured a generous supply of the yellow cream into the palm of his hands. He replaced the bottle and then rubbed his hands together to warm it up while he allowed his eyes to survey her. She was the epitome of beauty and for reasons he'd never fully understand, she loved him. Never again, Jo. I promise I'll never hurt you ever again.

She lay there trying to relax but that only made the tension in her shoulders appear that much more evident. She turned her head to the right as she exhaled, closing her eyes trying not to think about how she must look to him at the moment. She still didn't feel completely at ease with her nudity; still didn't think he would ever be as happy with her body as he'd been before Chris and Jenny were born. She heard the snapping sound of her lotion bottle and felt the bed shift underneath his weight as he sat down near her hips. She could hear the squishing sound of him rubbing his hands together but she was unprepared for his touch. The warmth and gentleness of his palms gliding smoothly from her upper neck down the length of her shoulders down her biceps sent a jolt of electricity through her body heading straight to her pelvis. He repeated the motions with a little more pressure and an unbidden guttural sigh made its way from her throat. Again and again he stroked her shoulders and she felt them growing heavier and heavier with each pass of his palms. Her breathing became deeper and her eyelids heavier as his magical hands made their way ever so slowly down her back, taking with them the stress and strain she'd carried for weeks.

Roy felt her jump slightly when he first touched her but couldn't resist the smile that spread across his face as he felt her sinking lower into the mattress. She had done so much for him, he was glad to be able to bring her some comfort. By the time he'd made his way down to the dimples on her lower back, his hands were becoming dry again. He replenished them with more lotion and then began to massage the smooth twin mounds of flesh at the base of her back. He grinned to himself as he thought about how much he enjoyed cupping her buttocks as she rode him during their more aggressive sexual encounters. The memory reminded him of how perfectly proportioned she was as he thought about her perky breasts bouncing in perfect rhythm with each upward thrust he made while his hands were busy kneading her silky ass cheeks. His cock twitched within the confines of his clothing as if begging to be released. The sensation brought him back to the present and he lowered his hands to her thighs as he continued her full body massage. The feeling of her muscular legs sent his mind reeling back to all the times she locked them around him as he brought her closer and closer to her climax. She never hesitated to let him know when something felt good; her vocalizations stroking his ego while his firm member stroked her intimate region in return. By the time his fingers finished caressing her expertly polished red toenails, he could hear her faint lady-like snores. He smiled at his accomplishment; he'd managed to relax her enough for her to fall into a deep and restful sleep. He slowly rose from the bed and pulled the covers up around her shoulders kissing her lightly on her exposed right cheek. He didn't want to wake her; the kiss was for him more so than for her. He slowly walked around the room, albeit very uncomfortably, and closed the curtains then turned off the light. He eased the door closed and slowly made his way down the stairs to take care of his own need. He didn't want to shower in their bathroom for fear of the running water waking her. His need for a shower had less to do with getting clean and more to do with finding a release from the pressure he'd allowed to build up while touching Joanne's naked body. It'd been several weeks since his last orgasm and right now, he knew he needed the relief. Ten minutes later he was standing in the hot shower of the guest bathroom leaning against the shower wall stroking himself with his eyes closed imaging that the hand he felt around his rigid cock was Joanne's rather than his own.

E!

"Hey, Cap….coffee fresh?" Johnny spoke as he and Wheeler walked through the doors of the kitchen.

"Yea and there's soup in the pot on the stove. It should still be warm and there's sandwich fixings in the refrigerator." Hank switched the channel on the television set searching for something to watch other than The Phil Donohue Show. Now that his crew was back he could begin going over the latest plans for the new warehouse going up on Alameda within their jurisdiction.

"Read'em and weep!" Mike spread out his hand of cards on the table, smiling as he watched Chet's eyes grow as big as saucers.

"He gotcha."

"Oh whose side are you on anyway, Marco?" Chet asked heatedly.

"Mike's, amigo. He supplies the water."

"Good one, Marco." Johnny laughed as he slathered a dollop of mayonnaise on four slices of bread.

Tom watched the whole scenario with amazement. He wondered if….no longer wondering when….Johnny would complain to Hank about his earlier behavior.

"Mayo?"

Tom looked up startled by Johnny's voice. "Uh, oh yea, thanks man."

An hour later, Hank was just finishing up going over the plans when the tones sounded.

Engine 51….illegal dump fire….

Johnny snickered at Chet's face. "They're playing your song, Pally."

"Yea…yea…I heard it." Chet rolled his eyes. "How come there's never any bullshit calls for the squad, huh?" He fussed scraping his chair back as he and the other three men headed toward the engine.

"Never any bull…..what? We get'em all the time!" He shouted while following Chet's retreating form out the kitchen door. He headed for the radio with Wheeler at his side.

"Engine 51, KMG-365," Johnny answered the dispatcher while Tom wrote down the address passing it off to his temporary Captain as he opened up the bay door. The task was normally handled by Hank but since the squad wasn't being dispatched, Tom and Johnny took over the job of acknowledging the call.

Johnny waved smiling sarcastically as Mike pulled the engine out of the bay. Chet caught sight of his display and gave him a little display of his own using his middle finger.

Wheeler looked over at Johnny who was still laughing to himself while they walked back into the dayroom. "Can I ask you something?"

"Haha…yea, sure."

Johnny pulled out a seat for Wheeler then one for himself, sitting on the back with his feet in the seat. The position had gotten him in hot water with Hank on many occasions. "What's on your mind?"

Tom strummed his fingers nervously on the table. "Uh…what are you gonna tell Cap about what I did earlier."

Johnny smiled his trademark grin. "I don't know….what'd'ja do?"

"Come on, John…."

Johnny placed his chin in his hand in a perfect depiction of 'The Thinker.' "Hmmmmm, nope….can't think of a thing to report." He stepped down returning the chair back to its place underneath the table. He clapped his hands together rubbing them briskly. "Now….let's see what we can find for dessert."

"Thanks, man." Tom smiled in relief.

Johnny hesitated then moved on to the refrigerator without saying another word.

E!

Roy finished cleaning the bathroom, eliminating the evidence of his solo activities before walking back into the kitchen. He removed the phonebook from the drawer and quickly thumbed to the section he was looking for. He found the number then cast a quick glance upstairs to make sure Joanne wasn't coming down before turning back around to the kitchen counter just as he heard the ringing begin on the other end.