Chapter 25

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Olivia continued to hold the young blonde in a tight embrace, her body still calming itself down from the exquisite orgasm. Amanda stayed tense and ridgid in her arms and the detective started to become a bit worried. Maybe she regretted what they had just done? Did she think of it as a mistake or just 'in the heat of the moment' thing? She started to kiss the pale smooth neck, trying to ease the blonde's nerves. She was happy when she heard a suppressed moan slipping through Amanda's throat and Olivia hoped that she could return the favour.

She nibbled down her neck and and and tugged at her top, lifting it up and easily slid it off the toned torso. The scar on her chest was prodruding slightly and she gently grazed her lips over it. Amanda let out a moan and felt her body tingling from the sensation. She shuddered as Liv lowered her bra straps and gave the scar on her shoulder the same attention. Taking the garment off Olivia was faced with two small mounds and two perfectly errect pink nipples.

Without hesitation she pulled one into her mouth, licking, sucking and flickering it with her tongue causing the blonde to push herself further into the warm cave of Olivia's mouth. Groaning at the contact she threw her head back in pure pleasure. It had been so long since someone had touched her, showed her such affection and attention. It felt so good and she lost herself in the moment and surrendered to the delightful torture.

Olivia smelled so good and her skin was soft as silk and her body was curved at all the right places. Her hands were warm and strong, fingers so skilled, touching and caressing all areas that needed to be touched. The fire in the pit of her stomach grew and spread down to between her legs. She could feel the wetness in her panties soaking through the material. She coyld almost smell her own arousal even though she was fully clothed on the lower part of her body.

Olivia couldn't get enough of the beauty Amanda possessed. She kissed every bit of exposed skin she could find, nibbling and sucking on the most sensitive areas that she knew would bring Amanda even more pleasure. She brushed blonde hair away from her neck and kissed the scar she knew was there since her childhood, remember seeing it when she helped Amanda wash her hair. She grazed her tongue over it, wanting to take away the pain it must have caused her when it happened. She wanted to take away all of Amanda's pain but knew it was not that easy. It would take time and effort but even if the detective could make her forget and not to feel pain for only just a short time, she would do anything possible to do so.

When the blonde felt Olivia's hand slip beneath her pyjama bottoms she froze. No, her mind screamed. She couldn't go there. No one can touch her there. Images and memories flashed before her eyes and she started to panic. She curled into a ball, rocking back and forth trying to hide her exposed flesh with her hands and arms.

Olivia pulled away quickly trying to figure out what was wrong. Amanda's panic struck face told her everything she needed to know and grabbed the duvet and tried to cover the rocking woman up as much as she could with it. "Hey, sweets. What's wrong? Can you tell me what's happening?" she asked tenderly as she tucked blonde hair away from her face. The blue eyes were shut tightly, hands fiercely clutching the covers at her chest, making her knuckles turn white.

"No, no, no, no, no..." she chanted over and over trying her hardest to push the images of her father, hurting her, away.

Liv covered herself up by quickly getting dressed in just her panties and top, not bothering with the bottoms. She scooted up the bed and sat down next to the blonde, facing her. "Amanda, look at me. Look at me, honey." she turned Amanda's face close to hers by guiding it gently with her hand, stroking her cheek softly. The blonde was breathing heavily and her face was scrunched up in fear and terror.

"Amanda, baby, look at me. Open your eyes and look at me, sweetie. You're okay, you're here with me. Don't go back to that horrible place. Stay with me, honey. Stay here with me." she cupped her face and held it steadily waiting for blue eyes to reveal themselves. "Come on, sweetie."

Amanda snapped her eyes open when she realized where she was and what had happened. She started to pull back but was stopped by Olivia's gentle but firm hands. "Its okay, it's okay." she soothed.

The blonde just shooke her head frantically. "Im sorry, I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened. I thought you were... someone else and I couldn't stop it... I couldn't stop it, I couldn't stop it..." she was almost hysterical.

"Amanda, stop it. You're gonna make yourself sick, sweetie. It's okay, just calm down. Take a few deep breaths for me. I know you're scared and upset, honey but you've got to slow down your breathing." she took one of Amanda's hands and placed it on her own chest so the blonde could copy her rhythm. "In and out, sweetie, in and out. That's it, you're doing great."

After a minute or two the blonde was no longer hyperventilating and her body had stopped it's rocking motion. She looked at Olivia with teary eyes and broke down. "I'm sorry." she cried, "I'm so so sorry."

Liv couldn't hold her own tears back as she brought Amanda as close as possible, bringing her blonde head to rest upon her chest, stroking her hair and whispering soothing words of reassurance. "Shhh, baby. You've got nothing to be sorry for. It's okay if you're not ready. I don't want to do anything to upset you or make you uncomfortable. We'll take things nice and slow, okay? You can set the pace. There's no rush."

There was a moment of silence before Amanda spoke, her voice so low it was barely a whisper. "What if I'm never ready?"

The detective pulled her into her lap, cradling the crying woman like a child and rocked them both gently from side to side. "Oh my sweetest girl, don't you worry about that. Im honoured that you let me go as far as I did and I have to tell you that you're the most amazing woman I've ever layed my eyes on. Your body is so beautiful, scars or no scars. It's who you are and it makes you, You. Don't you ever believe otherwise."

Amanda continued to cry silently, thinking what she had done to deserve Olivia's friendship and compassion? She couldn't understand how one person could make her feel so... so... strange but still cared for. "What if I don't like who I am? What if I don't like the person I've become?"

Liv wiped at her tears tenderly. "Shh, don't say that. I know awful things has happened to you in the past and that you carry around the whole world on your shoulders, but sweetie please, do not blame yourself for that. I'm right here with you and I want to help you get through this. Whatever it is you're carrying around it has to stop, you're destroying yourself."

The brunette pulled away and reached over to her nightstand and grabbed a handfull of tissues from the box. She dabbed at Amanda's tear stained face and runny nose. Eventually she guided them both down onto the mattress, laying face to face. "Do you think you can tell what happened to you when you were younger?"

Amanda tensed up at Olivia's request and started to shut down again. Liv was quick to reassure. "Don't be scared, sweetie. He can't hurt you now. Im right here with you and you're safe. You're safe here with me. Im not gonna let anything happen to you, I promise." she felt Amanda relax slightly at those words. They were laying close, the blonde resting her head close to the brunette's, their breaths mingling.

"I use to look up to my dad." she started. "He was my role model, my safety net and my best friend. We use to do everything together. He use to take me hunting with him, camping, soccer games and baseball games. I was a daddy's girl, we were inseparable." blue eyes turned distant and dark, as if she was going back there again.

Liv leaned in and pressed her lips to Amanda's gently, bringing her back. "Hey, don't go back there. Stay with me, honey." she pleaded.

Amamda closed her eyes briefly and continued. "I think my mum started to get jealous of our relationship and she got mean. She use to tell me he liked me more than her and that all his time was spent with me. I didn't unerstand it at the time but eventually I became distant towards my dad. I wanted him to like my mum just as much as he liked me so I kept to myself a lot."

She made a pause in attempt to compose herself but felt er heart rate increase. She took a deep shaky breath and slowly let it out. Liv took a hold of her hands and broght them to her chest, squeezing them firmly.

"It all changed when Kim was born. I was fourteen, almost fifteen, and after my mum gave birth she got depressed. I learnt later on that it was called post natal depression and she wasn't able to look after Kim properly. She stayed in her room, rarely came outside, and when she did, she was like a zombie. She didn't want anyone near her, touching her or even looking at her." she snorted and gave Olivia a sad smile. "I guess my dad got sick of waiting for her to come around. He began to take a lot of interest in me. He got me new clothes, make up and even laze underwear. At first I thought nothing of it but when he started to give me occasional touches and kisses I got uncomfortable. I couldn't leave cause I had to take care of Kim, I couldn't just leave her behind so I went along with it."

Again she got a distant look in her eyes that seemed to swallow her whole soul. Liv just pulled her closer but didn't say anything. "He said... he said he had needs and... as a man they needed to be... filled. My mum couldn't do it so... I had to fill in."

Tears slid down her cheeks but she didn't make a sound. They were silent tears. Liv lovingly wiped them away. "Im sorry you had to go through that, honey. I really am."

Amanda didn't move, her body felt limp and numb. "Some nights I tried to fight back but he was too strong and he hurt me even more if I struggled so eventually I stopped. He'd beat me so bad sometimes I couldn't walk or see properly for days cause of the swelling around my eyes. Once he... he... he used a... a baseball bat and... he put it... up there. I remember screaming out in pain but he just laughed saying I needed to be punished for not obeying his rules. There was so much blood coming out from... between my legs and it continued for days before it gradually stopped. I can't have children because of it."

The detective could hardly believe what she was hearing. The pain, fear and horror that Amanda must have felt was beyond comprehension. She had stayed and taken everything that was thrown at her because of her loyalty and love for her baby sister. To protect her was her priority back then and even today she would go to hell and back for her sibling just to make sure she was safe.

Olivia tried so hard not to break down and cry for what Amanda had been through but now was not the time. She needed to be strong and present, to make sure the blonde knew that she was there for her.