Jasper
Kneeling this close to Bella, her scent was positively intoxicating. Time seemed to slow down for me, and my resolve weakened with each disparate heartbeat. My throat felt so dry I thought I would cry out from the pain of it, but I could not, would not think of Bella's blood as nourishment. Fighting my instincts, I focused on the task before me and settled on the spot directly below her delicate ear. My breath was on her neck, my cool lips brushing her pale skin…and then, unexpectedly, her heart regained its regular rhythm. Stunned, I drew back, and watched in frozen fascination as the blood rushed back to Bella's cheeks, making her skin rosy once more. She smiled faintly in her sleep and murmured my name, and I would have wept for relief had I been capable. In that moment she was not prey, nor I predator. We were simply Jasper and Bella, and I knew suddenly and with shocking certainty that I loved her more than anything in the world.
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I lifted her gently off the ground, not wanting to disturb her peaceful sleep, and ran her swiftly back to the Jeep, all thoughts of changing her forgotten. She appeared to be perfectly healthy now, and although my doubts were not completely assuaged, I knew it was possible I had overreacted, and she had never really been in mortal danger after all.
As I drove back to Forks, I couldn't resist stealing a glance at Bella every now and then. I'd tucked her flannel shirt under her head for comfort and she slept curled up on the seat next to me, her mouth slightly open. The last rays of the setting sun made her skin glow with warmth, and the wind rustled her shorn locks just as it played with the ends of my hair. I smiled, looking down at her, and carefully took her tiny palm in mine, so that when she awoke, she would not feel alone.
Bella
I had never believed in miracles, and essentially I still do not. But something took place that day that was beyond my understanding, and ever since I have fought to understand. Why should I be spared? What did I have to offer the world that Edward and Alice did not? I have no answers to these questions, but the fact of the matter is that I should have died that day. I should have died a hundred times in my life, and I have no doubt that someday I will. One person cannot go on being lucky forever; it is an empirical impossibility. But I have been wrong before. I have been nearly crushed by a car, broken by a sadist, murdered by an enemy, drowned. I have lived an eternity between heartbeats and stared Death in the face more times than I care to remember.
Still, I live.
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When I opened my eyes it was dark, and I wondered absently if I had died after all. It didn't seem to matter much until I saw Jasper sitting by my bed and groaned. He was hovering over me in a heartbeat, his eyes full of concern.
"Bella? Are you all right?" he asked anxiously.
"That depends...am I dead?"
Jasper looked at me in shock for a moment before throwing his head back and letting loose a loud, raucous laugh. I smiled in spite of myself, unable to be cross with him now that I seemed to be alive afterward.
"I'm alive!" I said, and he smiled so wide I couldn't help but scream out loud at the sheer joy of it. "I'm alive!"
"Yes, you are," he affirmed, beaming. I was about to grin back when I clapped my hand over my mouth in horror. What if Charlie had heard me? My eyes anxiously flitted to the door, and Jasper, as if reading my thoughts, shook his head.
"He got delayed at the station. Left a message about ten minutes ago saying he wouldn't be back till late," he explained.
I nodded, then broke out in a grin again. "I'm sorry, I'm just so happy," I gushed, feeling a little stupid when I saw the strangely pained expression on Jasper's face.
His eyes flashed. "Never apologize for being happy, Bella," he told me fiercely. Then his expression softened. "You're very pretty when you smile," he added hesitantly, shocking the living daylights out of me.
"Oh," I stuttered, feeling warm, "Thanks."
"Don't mention it," he said lightly, back to his normal self. Then his expression turned serious again. "Bella, I have to tell you something."
I felt a sense of foreboding at the graveness in his voice. I could feel myself begin to shake, but I kept my voice steady. "Yes?"
He paused, looked out the window. I did not push, though it felt like every nerve in my body was screaming at him to speak. At last, he turned back to me, and there was such tenderness in his eyes that it stole my breath.
"Bella...today, at the clearing...I thought I would lose you. And I couldn't let that happen. I care...too much. I was prepared to...I almost..."
He was struggling for words, but he didn't need to say it. I understood. "You were going to change me!" I gasped, my mind reeling at this new development.
His face was cloaked in misery. "Yes."
I could not speak; I was a slave to my emotions. First and foremost was shock. I couldn't believe that Jasper was willing to make me a vampire. Edward wouldn't do that, and he loved me...my mouth dropped open in shock as I realized the truth of the situation. Forgetting the need for restraint, I let instinct take over and leaned closer to the angel perched on the side of my bed.
"Would you...regret it?" I asked, my voice the barest of whispers.
His eyes were locked on mine. "No."
I have no idea what expression was on my face then. I couldn't have spoken even if I wanted to, but Jasper held up a hand for silence, and I listened.
"Let me explain," he said, never breaking our eye contact. "I would have regretted changing you without your explicit permission. I would have felt sorry for the human things that you would miss. But you," a slow smile crept onto his face, "a vampire? That, I would not regret." Reaching forward, Jasper let his right hand trail gently along the side of my face. I could feel the places where his skin had touched mine smoldered coolly long after he removed his hand. Looking down at my lap, I took a deep breath to calm my racing heart and asked the question whose answer I was most afraid of knowing.
"Jasper...do you love me?"
Never taking his eyes off mine, Jasper slowly nodded.
Jasper
She was so beautiful. Christ, it was all I could think about. I revisited the image I had of her in her tank top and underwear more than I should have in those hours while she slept. Every time it crept back into my mind I had the urge to break something. What was wrong with me, honestly? It wasn't pure sexual frustration, I knew that for certain. I never thought of Bella like that, if I could help it, and when I slipped up I was wracked with guilt. It was more than friendship, I knew that. I'd already realized I loved her and my vampire mind would not let me forget it. But I shouldn't feel this way, I had no right. We were both grieving still, and I knew that today was one of the hardest since Volterra, at least for Bella. Although, I couldn't exactly say I'd had worse...
I still had no answers to these questions by the time Bella stirred, and in a moment of recklessness, I admitted to her what had been so afraid of confessing to myself: I loved Bella Swan.
Her reaction was not what I would have expected, had I had time to make a prediction. For a long time she simply started at me, not saying anything, and then, so softly it would never have been audible to normal ears, she whispered, "Come here."
Hesitant, I moved closer and put my arms around her, and she sighed into my hair. "Stay with me tonight," she begged, and there was no way on Earth I could resist her. I knew she didn't want me to say anything else, and this suited me. Leaning back against her pillows, I gestured to the space next to me, and she filled it with a sigh of contentment. She was unconscious within minutes, and I lay alert with her cradled in my arms, wishing, just this once, that sleep would come and wash my cares away.
A/N: Thank you for the phenomenal response to the last chapter. I'm very sorry this one took so long - it wasn't intentional, I promise. I'll try to have the next one up as soon as possible; in the meantime, feedback is appreciated.
