Hey, guys. I'm sorry for how long it's taken me to update this story. This chapter... did not go in the direction I had originally planned. It kinda went in the opposite direction... I hope you guys won't hate me by the end of it, lol.

Also, this chapter takes place a week after the last one. I kinda hinted at it in the chapter, but I just wanted to make sure it wouldn't be confusing for anyone.

Trigger warning for mentions of eating disorders and panic attacks.

I hope you enjoy.

"James?"

Logan rushes to James' side, his heart racing as he drops to his knees beside him. James is sitting with his back against the bathroom wall, beads of sweat rolling down his forehead. His eyes are glassy and unfocused – have been for over a week now. He looks as if he's barely hanging on by a thread, and while the sight does nothing but make Logan worry even more, it's a sight that has become a constant for quite a few days now.

"Jay, what happened?" he asks, trying to swallow down the fear in his voice. "Do you want me to go get Kendall?"

James shakes his head furiously at the mention of their best friend, before diving forward and beginning to throw up into the toilet that is just a few feet away from them. A bit taken aback, Logan winces at the sight, but moves to James' side instantly and starts to rub his back.

"You're okay," Logan whispers as James collapses into his side only a minute later. "It's gonna be okay."

"No." James breathes in sharply, which only results in a sob slipping past his lips. "Stop lying to me. Nothing's gonna be okay again."

"James—"

James shakes his head and pulls away from Logan. "I'm tired of hearing it. It's been a week, Logan. A week."

"The doctor said it could take weeks," Logan points out, desperately trying to cling to the little amount of hope he has left that Carlos will wake up – that he will survive despite the odds. With each passing day his hope has been diminishing little by little, though, becoming close to nothing.

He sighs and stands up, looking down at James, who remains seated on the floor. "I'm sorry, Jay," he says softly, wiping at his eyes with one hand so that James does not see the tears that have welled up there. "Do you think you'll get sick again?"

James shakes his head and stands up, using Logan for support as he does so. "I'm sorry, too," he says a moment later, as the two start to make their way back to Logan and Kendall's bedroom, which the three have been sharing for the time being. "Everything sucks and I'm just so damn tired of everything."

"I know," Logan says softly, his heart feeling heavy at James' words. He misses Carlos, misses him more than he'd ever be able to adequately put into words. There's an ache in his chest that never goes away, a tightness in his throat that refuses to fade. The past ten days have been nothing but hospital visits and broken hearts and desperate attempts at comfort that do little to make things any better.

"Take my bed for now, okay? I'll take the air mattress."

"Logan, I told you—"

"Please."

James frowns but pulls back the comforter on Logan's bed and takes a seat on the very edge. "Just for tonight."

"Just for tonight," Logan repeats, before plopping down on the air mattress that was placed in between his and Kendall's beds a few days ago. He lays down on it and closes his eyes, hoping sleep will come his way soon but doubting that it will.

"I had a nightmare," James says quietly after a moment, his eyes shifting to where Logan is laying, and then to Kendall's bed to make sure that he's still asleep.

"Is that what made you sick?" Logan asks, his voice just as quiet as James'.

"I dunno. I guess… I guess I had a panic attack."

Logan sits up then, his eyes searching for James' in the very dimly-lit room. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

"He died," James says, his voice close to a whisper. The tears start to fall before he even has the chance to force them back. "And we… we grew apart, all three of us. I'm-I'm so scared that will become our reality, if he… you know."

"It won't," Logan says, unsure of how to respond properly. "It won't become our reality."

"I hope not." James pauses, his breath catching in his throat. "I can't lose you guys too."

"You won't." Logan reaches forward, clutching one of James' hands in his own, hoping the tiny gesture will bring even the slightest bit of comfort his way. "And listen, if you have another nightmare or panic attack or anything of the sort, you come to me, okay?" he says, looking James directly in the eye. "And if not me, then Kendall. We're always gonna be here for you."

"Thank you," James responds, his hold on Logan's hand loosening. "You should get some sleep."

"So should you," Logan points out as he moves to lay back down.

"Don't know if I can after… that."

"You need to try."

James sighs and rolls over so that he's laying on his back, his eyes now looking up at the ceiling. "Okay."

Sleep does not come easily to either of them, though. Logan tosses and turns for about two hours, unable to fall back to sleep, until exhaustion finally gets the best of him just as the sun's rays are beginning to shine through the curtains. And while James does fall back to sleep after about half an hour, he awakens a couple of hours later, after another particularly awful nightmare that leaves him gasping for air. He turns to Logan, taking notice of the fact that he's fast asleep, and decides not to wake him up. Instead, he turns to his other side and stares at the wall, no longer being able to sleep.

"Hey, James."

His body jerks in surprise as Kendall places a hand on his shoulder with the intention of shaking him awake.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's okay," he says as he rolls over to face him, squinting at the sunlight that is now flooding the room. "What time is it?"

"Almost nine," Kendall responds as he takes a seat on the edge of the bed. "Did you even sleep last night? You look really tired."

"Hardly," he confesses. "You?"

Kendall shrugs and looks down to where Logan is sleeping. "For a while, I guess," he says, before nudging Logan's arm with his foot. "Logan, it's almost nine," he tells him as he reaches down to shake him gently, "time to get up."

Logan sits up groggily, looking to Kendall and then to James. "I feel awful," he mutters as he gets up and heads for the bathroom.

Kendall frowns and turns to James, who sits up slowly, grabbing a pillow that's beside him and hugging it to his chest.

"Are you gonna go to the hospital today?" Kendall asks as he scoots closer to him, but all he gets in response from James is a shrug of his shoulders. "I was planning to go, that's why I ask."

"When are you going?" James asks as he fiddles with the pillow on his lap.

"Probably after breakfast," Kendall says, looking to James with a worried expression on his face. "You don't have to go," he adds quickly, "only if you want to."

"I'll go," James says as he pushes the pillow to the side and stands up. "Is everybody else up already?"

Kendall stands up as well, following James' footsteps towards the bedroom door. "Don't know. I haven't left the room and it doesn't sound like it."

James hums in response, pushes the door open, and freezes for a moment as his eyes land on the door of the bedroom that is across from Kendall and Logan's – his and Carlos'. He turns to Kendall then, his eyes stinging with unshed tears.

"I need to get something from my room, but I'll follow you in a bit."

"Are you sure?" Kendall asks, wrapping a hand around James' left arm. "I can wait for you, if you want."

"No, it's fine." James smiles, but his smile is obviously fake, and Kendall would be able to spot that a mile away, but he says nothing as he hesitantly nods and walks away.

James stares after him for a moment, before forcing his feet to move forward, even though it feels like they each weigh a ton. He breathes in sharply, his hand shaking as it makes contact with his bedroom doorknob. He hasn't been inside the room for over four days – hasn't been able to step foot inside it for that long because every time he does, he is met with the sight of Carlos' side of the room. The side of the room that has always been too messy for James' liking, but has always been so Carlos.

He turns the doorknob slowly and walks inside before he can change his mind, his eyes immediately falling on Carlos' bed, on the other side of the room. He swallows thickly, closes the door behind him, and sits down on the edge of his own bed. And that is when he grabs his pillow, presses it to his face, and begins to cry.

When Kendall walks into the living room, the first thing he notices is that Katie is sitting on the couch, curled in on herself as she hugs a blanket to her chest. In front of her, the TV is playing an episode of Adventure Time, but the TV's volume is turned all the way down.

"Katie?" Kendall frowns as he carefully takes a seat beside her, as if not to startle her, and places a hand on her knee. "Hey," he says, a faint smile coming to his face when she turns to look at him. The sight of her breaks his heart even more, though, if that's even possible. The eyes that stare back at him are dull and void of happiness or enthusiasm. She looks like a ghost of the person she was just a little over a week ago.

"Hey," she says quietly, her voice only above a whisper.

"Where's mom?" he asks, having realized she is nowhere in sight, which seems so unlike her, even during a time like this. She's always the first one up, and since the accident has been the one keeping herself busy by making sure there's breakfast ready by the time everyone else wakes up.

"Went to drop off Carlos' parents at the hospital," Katie replies, turning her attention back to the TV.

Kendall nods as he moves his arm to wrap around Katie's shoulders. "Why's the TV's volume down?" he asks, even though he knows the reason for that is probably that Katie's not actually watching it. The answer that Katie gives him, though, is one that shatters his heart completely.

"Doesn't feel right to actually watch it when Carlos isn't here," she responds as she grabs the remote beside her and turns off the TV.

"I'm sure he wouldn't mind," Kendall tells her in an attempt to make her feel better.

"He wouldn't," Katie agrees and stands up from the couch, draping the blanket around her shoulders, "but I do."

Kendall stays silent as he watches her head towards the kitchen, where she pours herself a bowl of cereal and sits at the island by herself.

It doesn't take long for Logan to walk into the living room, now fully dressed but with his hair sticking up in all different directions. If it was any ordinary day, Kendall would've poked fun at him for it, but he can't find it in himself to do so now. Everything hurts too much, and he's not sure how much longer he can keep himself together.

"What happened?" Logan asks as soon as he takes notice of the expression that is now on Kendall's face.

Kendall shakes his head and looks back to Katie, who doesn't even seem to be eating her breakfast, since she's moving her spoon back and forth as if lost in thought.

"Worried about Katie," he mumbles as he turns back to Logan, who hums in understanding and rubs his shoulder.

"She does seem rather distant," Logan points out.

"She has been ever since everything went down."

"I heard there's a gift shop in the hospital," Logan says after a moment of silence. "We can take her, see if there's anything we can get for Carlos."

"Do you really think that will help?"

Logan shrugs. "I think it's worth a try."

"I hope it does. I just... hate seeing her so sad all the time."

"Me too."

"When are we leaving?" James trudges into the room then, plopping down on the other side of the couch.

"After breakfast."

"I'm not hungry."

"James..."

"I'll get something at the hospital cafeteria. What's the big deal?"

"The 'big deal' is that you hardly had any dinner last night."

"Or lunch," Logan points out.

"You have to eat," Kendall says, standing up so that he's at eye-level with James.

"I will," James insists. "I'll eat at the hospital."

"Please do." Kendall looks like he wants to say more, but decides against it and goes back to his room to change.

As soon as he's gone, James turns back to Logan, who looks equally as worried as Kendall did a few seconds ago. "What?"

"You know why he's worried," Logan says quietly, digging his teeth into his bottom lip before speaking again. "You know what the doctor said about Carlos."

"I don't have an eating disorder."

Logan sighs, turning his body to face James better. "Maybe not yet," he starts, "but eating disorders don't just happen overnight, James. Anorexia, specifically... it may start with a diet, or with skipping one meal, then two, until you can barely stomach anything at all. You've hardly been eating anything since Carlos went into a coma. You've been avoiding any meal you can, and maybe you don't have an eating disorder now, but you may be headed in that direction if you're not careful."

"I think I'd know, if I ever got that far."

"That's the thing, though... Eating disorders creep up on you, and you don't always realize you have one until it's too late. You think your body can handle going without another meal, that you'll be fine, that you're in control, but the truth is that you're really not. You're not, and you shouldn't subject your body to that kind of abuse."

James swallows the lump in his throat, doing his best to remind himself to breathe, despite the fact that there seems to be a lack of oxygen in the room. He lowers himself onto the couch slowly and stares forward, unable to look straight at Logan.

"I'll try to eat better," he says, his voice shaking as he does so. "I promise."

Logan places an arm around him and lays his head against his shoulder, hugging him close. "You don't deserve to hurt yourself in any way, James. I promise you that."

James isn't sure what to say. A part of him wants to believe Logan, wants to trust that what Logan is saying is true, because he's his best friend and he would never lie to him. But at the same time, he can't shake away the feeling that if only he had tried harder, Carlos wouldn't be in a coma right now. Perhaps he would not be a hundred percent better, but he wouldn't have tried to kill himself, and he would've had him to turn to. If it wasn't for him, none of them would be hurting as much as they are now.

"Thanks, Logan," he manages to choke out.

"Okay, I'm ready." Kendall appears once again, car keys dangling in one hand, which he tosses at Logan.

"I'm just gonna get some cereal." Logan says as he stands up and makes his way to the kitchen, with Kendall following close behind.

"We're here," Logan announces as he parks at the hospital a little over thirty minutes later. He hears Katie and Kendall quickly get out of the car and turns to James, who is sitting on the passenger seat, head resting against the window. He frowns as he nudges him with his hand, waking him up almost instantly.

"What?"

"We're at the hospital," Logan tells him, moving to unbuckle his seatbelt. James follows his actions at a slower pace and gets out of the car. The two of them make their way towards the hospital entrance, with Kendall and Katie just a few steps ahead of him.

When they walk into the hospital waiting room, the only one sitting there is Mrs. Knight.

"Hey, Mom," Kendall greets her, before taking a seat on the chair beside her. "Any changes?" he asks, hoping for some kind of sign, but his heart sinks once more as his mom shakes her head.

"Not yet, sweetheart." His mother gives him a small smile and tucks a lock of hair behind his ear. "His parents are talking to the doctor right now."

"About what?"

Her smile falters and tears start to form in her eyes before she even answers. "About... the options they have."

"What does that mean?" James asks.

Kendall sends a knowing look in his direction – a look that makes his stomach churn.

"But... but he hasn't gotten any worse!"

"He hasn't gotten any better, either," Mrs. Knight says regretfully. "The doctors said it might be better to—"

"To let him die?"

"James—"

"James, you're scaring me." Katie has her hands pressed against her ears, trying to block out the scene in front of her, but nothing's working. It's all too much.

Everything's too much.

James seems to calm down at her words, a look of regret coming to his face. "Are they actually considering it?" he asks, dreading the answer as soon as he says the words out loud.

"Not for right now," Mrs. Knight says, "but they are considering it, in case he doesn't wake up soon."

"How much longer will they give him?" Logan asks, his voice breaking, hands trembling by his sides.

"I'm not sure yet. I think it depends on whether or not they see any changes."

Logan takes the seat to Kendall's right, unable to stand up much longer. His head is spinning, thoughts are racing. He feels cold all over, as if someone has just dunked a bucket of freezing water all over him.

Kendall turns to him and grasps one of his shaking hands in his own, squeezing it tightly, and motions with his other hand for Katie to come closer. She does after a moment and collapses into him, sobs wracking her smaller body.

"James," Kendall says brokenly, not really knowing what to say or do to make James feel any better. He feels helpless.

James tugs at his hair with both hands, tears stinging his eyes and blurring his vision. He sniffles and takes the empty seat beside Logan, taking the hand Kendall isn't holding and squeezing it in between both of his.

"He'll wake up," he says, unsure of whether he's saying it to make everyone else feel better or to try to convince himself that he will. "It's Carlos we're talking about... He has to."

My heart hurts after writing this, lol. Also, I'm not the best at coming up with endings, so I'm sorry for how this chapter ended. Things will get better for everyone eventually, I promise.

I hope you all liked this chapter. Let me know what you thought, and thank you for reading. :)

~ BigTimeRush-BTR :)