Memories – Part One
The tiny little fur ball stared as hundreds of feet left the school, yet among those people, he knew no one. He could not be able to find the one he was searching for. The single tiny depression slipped inside his heart, but it didn't falter him from continuing his journey. Occasionally some people would steal a glance at his tiny form standing in front of the gate with its gaze never leave the entrance of the school building.
Snow felt that perhaps his method was wrong, he knew that some student took extra lesson after school, so perhaps Kaito was one of them. With the new idea struck his head, the little fella jumped to the edge of the school wall.
The puppy proceeded walking around the school ground, searching for a certain blue haired teen within this huge school. It does not take long before he could finally spot him sitting at the window edge. The little fella walked further to get a better view of the boy, and he was met with the larger view of him, scolding someone.
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"Miku!", The fiery tone send shivers to my body, I turned around knowing very well who spoke in such wrath filled words at me.
"You stupid girl ! Who ever ask you to come to my competition!" his piercing glare made me felt completely vulnerable in front of him.
Is that …. All he was angry about?
"B-but … I thought it should be okay … "my stuttered words were cut off instantly by the pain felt on my head as he yanked my hair forcefully.
"Are you deaf!? Need I to remind you not to talk back!" he purposely shouted on my ear as I could felt hurt in two different kind of places on my body. One, on my ear …
And the other falls on my heart …
He let go my hair and as the result I fall to ground, he disappeared from my sight before shooting me a nasty looks on my way … at the same time giving me signal not to get close to him.
Sometimes I wonder … why I could not hate him …
Despite how much pain I get from him … I was supposed to hate him, yet fear paralyzed me, making me succumb to his domination.
Today was my birthday, but no one remember about it
Not even him …
Even if they did know … no one cares about it …
That's why I decide to watch his competition as form of gift for myself
Yet he asked me not to come
He changed ever since Len was kicked out from school …
It was also the day when I saw him turn into a wicked person …
Sometimes I thought that Len didn't deserve that kind of treatment, yet whenever I mention it, he would hit me … curse me … for some rare occasion, he would even try to kill me…
Inside his life … I knew that "Len Kagamine" already died …
23rd November 2004, it's the turning point of my boyfriend, Kaito Shion, the day when he treated his friend dead …
Today, 23rd March marked as 3 months since that turning point day which made my life into hell.
He told me not to come, s-so I could not come … even though I want to come to his competition so much … cheering on him. But I was too scared of him, he was so terrifying when he get angry.
I wish I could spend more time with him, but all he we ever did whenever we meet was pain. It was either I succumbing to his endless torture or him giving me disgusting look as if I was a worm eating the leftover foods.
Whenever he was with me he will never smile. In exchange bruise and harsh words were what I got. It so difference when he was with his friends, he would smile a lot. But when with me … his wrath is what I remember. When in front of his friends, we would smile like a normal couple. But once we are out of their sight, he would stop holding my hands and walked away angrily, with me following him.
I thought, it must be because I am so selfish, wanting something without doing anything. I didn't know if it proved wrong or not, but I already throw away hope to gain his kindness… it would never come true after all.
Sometimes I envy how he smiled when he looked at the other, he would never smile at me when we are alone … not even once. There never been any good mood when we are alone, he would mumble a few curse saying how stupid for him to waste his time on me. I only hope one day he could smile at me, even it is only once in lifetime but it turns out it will never happen.
If he hate me this much … why would he date me?
I … could not understand …
I pressed softly on the piano keys as it sound echoed inside the music room,
But tears still spilling from my eyes,
I should try harder to play properly, if I don't … I might break more than this …
I felt so ashamed that I pitied myself, it was so shameful that I wish I could forget everything and start a new life. For me, self-pity is the most shameful things I have done in my life. It does not help, only increase my pain. Nothing special after all when your birthday comes … the difference is … it's just become crueler than your usual day.
Only the piano is my remedy …
The soft sound of tingling key heal the scars inside my heart little by little, before it drifted back to his harsh words and scar even more. I tried to play faster, yet it didn't help much. How much I was healed could not compare to how much I was scarred.
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"Great Job Kaito!" one of my best friend, Rin told me
I thanked her as we exchange slapping our hand together, but the next words I heard brought bitter and angry taste to my mouth.
"I don't see Miku at the audience seat?"
I felt anger boiling up inside me, but this is Rin here I am talking to, I should not let her saw my not-so-usual state, besides there are so many people here. So I tried my best to maintain that smile I am fond of,
"She is not coming, I think I forgot to tell her about it …"
Rin tilted her head in confusion, perhaps she wanted to know how rare of me to forget something about that, especially when it comes to my own girlfriend. Honestly, Rin had no idea that the way I look at Miku is different from the way she usually saw us.
No one could understand my sadistic side which awakened recently after the incident of "Len", so to keep myself calm I pent up my desire at Miku, who so willingly accepting it. Ironically, the more I find it fun to torture her, the more I hate her, because In my eyes I looked at her as someone who willing to done anything to grab my attention.
In other words, attention whore …
And I hate attention whore so much …
Remembering her always made my blood boil in frustration, but I need her to ease my hatred, and eventually it's become addiction to hurt her.
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The boy hand clutched tightly at the girl's throat as the girl struggled to breath. The hitched incomplete voice came out in a form half willed moan in his ears. But that was also what made his clutch on her neck became tighter. Flare of red flames were what reflected on his eyes.
She was completely vulnerable in front of his scary presence, her body felt as if they are made from stone. It never occurred to her that her body would be so heavy to move. Even in this situation where he could just kill her at once, she still didn't dare to oppose.
He hated her with all his heart,
And she loved him with all her heart,
Yet they can't live without each other…
"You are so annoying …" came the curse from his lips as tears welded up on her eyes, feeling the hurt keep slicing his heart like a sharp knife.
"Ugly…"
"Attention Whore …"
"Why don't you act cute again, huh? It made me want to puke…"
The curse went on and on, the knuckle on her hands which clutched on the sheet has long turned white, struggling from the pain for barely able to breath … and the pain for every curse words which pained her.
"Nn - …" she could not help but to let her pained moan escape her lips, her legs were kicking the sheet from her struggle.
"U-uhnn…" the sheet has wrinkled under her grasp for each breath she could take.
He knew how well he could manage his strength so that he won't kill her but able to made her keep suffering. Sometimes he would loosen up a bit to let her catch up with a bit of air before tightening it again on her neck to suffocate her. He also warned her if she dares to faint, he will make her regret it. He knew the poor girl was too afraid to oppose him. The eyes reflected in her sight were full of pain and it satisfies him, somehow …
It soothes the pain… a bit, before his memory remembered of what he has done on that fateful day to his friend, as a result he was swallowed by his own wrath.
Her pleas …
Her struggling moan …
He find it as a very cute and relaxing music in his ears, it was also the reason why they always did this inside infirmary every time after the school ends. He find it adorable as she try to break free yet didn't dare to oppose him, it was soon replaced at once with another anger, denying that he thought her as cute.
Then he tightened his hands around her throat which cause her eyes went wide this time. She felt that he was using more strength than usual, like … he was seriously trying to kill her. But even if he did … she was too scared to oppose … one wrong move and she would suffer more than needed. His glare alone could make her unable to move.
That was how her life went on…
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The sniffles of a certain girl could be heard inside the dark infirmary as the snow painting the scenery outside. The teal haired girl cuddled in the corner, his two hands hugged her own body as her knee was folded up to her chest. The soft cry was faintly echoing inside the room, her eyes were red, her cough telling that she has been crying for almost an hour and her tears almost dried up.
But she wished to cry more, she could not hold the mixed pain stacking inside of her. She though that she was crazy for allowing him to use her like this, but she has no choice seeing she would be alone if he left her. She got no one left to be with her.
And of course it's because she care for him so much…
Never did once she blame him for what happened to her, instead she blame herself for being someone he hate so much.
The slight change of the temperature inside the room made her remember again of how much she had suffered on her birthday. It was supposed to be a happy day for normal people, yet it does not work for her, it was the opposite instead.
The girl tried to stand, wobbling as she went towards the window, before she open it and grab a handful of snow from the ground. Her lips cracked a smile, a sad smile with one single tears fell from her eyes.
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The blue haired boy walked alone on the white painted road, white puff comes out from his lips for each breath he took. He felt better after taking out his anger on her, but he didn't felt happy or satisfied, more like he felt the pain inside him just increasing. It's like taking a drug which made you happy only for a short amount time and suffering for a long time.
His situation is somehow like that, like he was completely addicted to it …
And each time they did it, he need more than usual …
Suddenly his phone rang, a smile crept to his face as he just received a new text from his best friend. Text message always made him have a curious feeling before he read it, seeing anything could be expressed through text.
But as he read the text, his eyes went wide …
"You sly little boy! You are keeping Miku all to yourself, right? You think I don't know today is her birthday!? Bet you guys are in lovey dovey moment right now ^w^)b"
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He went to the infirmary where he took his "drug" regularly, he thought that she already gone home, but she didn't. He watched from behind with her back facing him as she sway her body to right and left, sitting on the chair while singing "Happy birthday" song in a forcefully happy tone. With a snow piled imitation of birthday cake place in front of her, the girl repeating the song endlessly. He watched silently from behind without her noticing his presence, each tick of time made her tone waver, she cried silently yet still did her best to sing the song.
"Happy birthday to you …"
"Happy birthday to you …"
"Happy birthday, happy birthday … Happy birthday to you …"
Anyone would think that she was crazy, yes that should supposed to be. Even she thought herself as crazy, not only she self-pitied herself now she was also trying to give attention to herself.
"What an attention whore I am …"
He flinched when he heard her croaked voice trying to hurt herself, his bangs covered his eyes, it is unknown what kind of emotion he felt at the moment. The girl just kept swaying her body and keeps singing even after she coughed several times from forcing herself. She never realized his presence staring at her from behind, perhaps it's because she was having too much to notice such things.
Her head went blank, it's just her body which kept repeating the endless routine.
And he decided to leave the infirmary …
Two gleaming eyes from a beast watched the tale unfold sadly,
His wail echoed sadly within the world piled by snow …