Wings - Bridy.
"When everything goes to hell, the people who stand by you without flinching - they are you family." - Jim Butcher.
After some time, Katie realized she wasn't dreaming.
Every time she woke up, she was in the same place. In the same room and in the same bed. That never happened when it came to Wanda's dreams. Therefore, it didn't take her long to realize this wasn't a dream at all. The only problem was, she still refused to believe she was rescued.
Maybe it was the months and months being locked in a dark cell, being experimented on. Maybe it was the fact she gave up on hope long ago. Maybe it was that a small part of her didn't even want to be saved at this point, she just wanted the pain and hurt to end. Whatever it was, Katie still found it hard to come to terms with the fact that she may actually be safe.
She wasn't sure how much time had passed since she first woke up in this mini hospital. But she was guessing not much. Hours maybe. When she'd first opened her eyes, light had come in through the windows from high in the sky. Now it was dark. Only the light from the lamp in the corner lit the room. Other then that, everything else was the same. No flowers were dead, everything was still in the same place it was before. She couldn't have been out for that long.
And she was alone.
Being alone was all Katie was used to at this point. Sure, there had been Strucker, List, and the twins, plus the guards. But Katie wouldn't call them good company. For the most part, it was just her and her thoughts.
Katie slowly pushed herself up in the bed. She sat with her back against the overly soft pillows, rubbing her hands up and down the soft sheets at her side. It was almost as if she was trying to memorize the feeling. Engrave it in her thoughts so she'd never forget it again.
This wasn't a dream. Katie knew that at this point. The edges of the bed, the window, the doors, they weren't slightly fuzzy like they would be if she was dreaming. Everything wasn't blinding bright and happy. Colors weren't popping in her face like they seemed to be when Wanda put her under. Everything was just, normal. And normal was something Katie wasn't used to anymore.
Katie stopped moving her hands back and forth. She slowly lifted them and brought them in front of her. The first thing she noticed was that they weren't shaking. Then her eyes moved down to her arms. Light scars looked up at her. Some darker than others, some hardly there. They weren't overly noticeable, not unless you had amazing sight or if Katie pointed them out. But there were still there.
Carefully and slowly, Katie gripped the bed sheets that were covering her and flicked them aside. She pulled her hospital gown away from her stomach, and realized that the ugly scar that went right across her abdomen. She moved one hand across the scar, just to make sure her eyes weren't playing any tricks on her. The scar was definitely there. And she didn't know wether she should sigh of relief or not.
Katie never had her scars in her dreams. So she definitely wasn't dreaming.
Katie stared at the scar on her stomach for a few more moments, her hand moving across it softly. She suddenly released just how clean her stomach was, and her hands too. As Katie studied the rest of her body, she realized someone had cleaned her up. Someone actually took the time to make her feel comfortable. To take care of her.
Katie felt her stomach get warm, her heart picked up and started beating a beat faster. Everything started to feel tighter, smaller. Katie felt like she couldn't get air into her lungs any faster. She was back in the cell. She was dirty. She didn't know what it was like to be clean anymore. She was meant to be dirty.
Her eyes moved around the room. The warm, clean, and welcoming room she was in started to turn into her small, dark cell right before her eyes. Katie's gaze moved frantically from wall to wall as she moved back against the bed.
Then her eyes landed on the window. Her cell didn't have a window. Especially not one that was basically a wall. She could see the city below and its distinct lights. The moon was full and bright in the blue sky. It cast a memorizing glow into the room while stars danced in the sky. Her cell didn't have a window.
Katie took a shaky breath. She felt calmer now, after seeing the window. It opened everything up. It made the room open up, bigger. She was here. This wasn't a dream. She was safe.
All she had to do was repeat those words over and over in her head. This wasn't a dream. She was safe. It would be true then, right? Katie knew this wasn't a dream. But she didn't know if she was safe. She didn't know how she got from her cell to this room. She didn't know what happened to HYDRA, to Strucker and List. They could be at the front door right now for all she knew. They could be moments away from taking her again. They could be ready to take her back and kill her fam-
Her family. The team. Tony, Natasha. Her father. They were all here.
Katie's head snapped up. Her eyes slowly moved to the pile of flowers and cards on the bedside table. Gifts to her from everyone.
With a small and shaky hand, Katie reached over and carefully picked up a small card. It was simple enough, but that didn't stop Katie was shaking as she slowly opened it.
Wake up soon, Katie. We still need a rematch.
- Clint.
Katie re-read the short note for what felt like hours. Her eyes moving over the words every few seconds before she dropped the card and carefully reached for another one.
Well wishes, Lady Katherine.
- Thor.
Katie picked up card after card. But really, it was downhill after the first two. Words blurred together. She couldn't even tell who gave her which card really. The only thing that kept going through her head, was that she was here. She was back with her friends, her family. She could finally tell them everything. She had a second chance to speak to them, to do more. Everyone she thought she'd never see again, they were just down the hall.
Her father was just down the hall.
It wasn't a dream.
Her father was here with her.
Her dad.
Katie's heart skyrocketed. She could feel it beating against her rib cage. Her breathing was shallow, she couldn't fill her lungs. She was shaking, her hands dropped whosever card she was holding. It finally hit her. She was free. She was out of HYDRA's hands. She had her family back. She had her life back. Right? Katie's stomach started to turn into knots. She could feel herself starting to get lightheaded and the monitor next to the bed started to go crazy with the beeping.
However, just as she was about to completely lose it and break down, she started to feel her eyes get heavy. She could basically feel whatever drug that was being bumped into her system running through her veins. She'd become a pro at knowing when she was being drugged because of her time with HYDRA. She could feel the darkness starting to take over, and it was taking over fast.
Katie could hear the beeps on the monitor starting to slow down and her breathing went back to normal. She was on the edge of sleep when she heard a robotic, British voice.
"Sleep well, Ms Rogers."
That was the last thing Katie could remember before sleep completely took over.
Katie knew something wasn't right.
She didn't think anything of it at first. But after the first handful of times of JARVIS having to force Katie to sleep, she knew something was wrong.
She could only sleep for hours at a time, if she was lucky. But that was nothing new, it'd been months since she'd last been able to get a good nights sleep. So she spent most of her time just lying in bed. Then suddenly, she'd space out, get a flashback. The room would all at once become smaller and darker. Katie would feel cold, the warmth of the sheets would be gone. Her heart would start to pound, she'd have rapid breathing. Her stomach would flip, her muscles would tense up. Sometimes, she'd look out the window and calm herself down. Other times, it got so bad that JARVIS would pump some drug into her system and she'd go into a dreamless sleep.
Well, dreamless for the most part.
The worst was when Katie got the nightmares. Thankfully, they didn't happen too much. But when they did, she was always back on a table. Either Sturcker and List was towering over her, or Wanda was. Either way, Katie would always end up waking up with her heart jumping out of her chest, a sheet of sweat over her, and shaking uncontrollably. But she never woke up screaming. Maybe because she knew what real pain felt like now. Screaming over a nightmare almost felt childish at this point.
The flowers by the bedside where slowly starting to die, giving Katie an idea of how much time was passing. And yet, she still had yet to see anyone.
She was slowly coming to terms with the fact that everyone she loved was just out the door. Every now and then it would hit her again. Her father was here. Her father was under the same roof as her right now. So was Natasha. And Tony, Bruce, Clint, Thor. They were all here. But Katie had yet to see them.
Part of her felt disappointment. Why wouldn't they visit her? And maybe they did. Maybe she was asleep every time they stopped by. But if that was the case, then why weren't they
visiting her while she was awake? God, she'd love to see her father right now. She could remember seeing him the first time she woke up in this room, but it was almost like a dream. When she thought back on it, she could see the outline of his body but not his face.
The other part, however, didn't know if she was ready to see anyone. Especially her father. Hell, she couldn't talk to JARVIS at this point. Katie couldn't even imagine what she'd be like with her father. Katie was pretty sure the last time she spoke was to the twins that one time. Another than that, Katie didn't talk anymore.
Katie sighed. She could feel her eyes starting to get heavy, on their own. She was always tired these days but could never sleep. So when she felt her eyes get heavy, Katie jumped to the chance to sleep.
Uncrossing her legs, Katie slid under the sheets. She wrapped them tightly around her as her head hit the pillow. She didn't need JARVIS's help to sleep together. The minute she was settled, her eyes fell shut. However, they were only closed for what felt like a second when they sprang back open. She didn't know why at first, she wasn't having a nightmare and she felt calm enough to actually sleep for another few hours.
It took her mind a few minutes to realize that it was the sound of a crash that caused her to wake up.
Katie could hear movement behind her, close to the door. She could feel it all happening again. Her stomach flipped and muscles started to tense up. She felt like she was going to be sick. She couldn't move. Her breathing picked up and she listened as the monitor started to beat faster and faster. She felt tears slowly start to swell in her eyes as the room before her started to change.
Someone gently touched her.
Katie jumped out of her skin. Her eyes went wide as she flew out of the bed. Katie couldn't remember the last time she actually stood up on her own, therefore she just ended up on the floor, hard. But Katie didn't feel anything. She just kept her eyes closed as she backed up until she hit a wall. Thats when she brought her legs to her shaking frame, wrapping her arms around them.
She spaced out, going into her own little world as a way to get away from whoever was there with her. She slowly started to rock back and forth, mumbling to herself as she started to shake more and more.
"Katie. Katie please."
Katie stopped rocking. She knew that voice. It was a calming voice. It wasn't hard and nasty like Strucker's and List's. It didn't have an odd accent like Wanda's and Pietro's. It was friendly, clam. She knew that voice.
Slowly and carefully, Katie lifted her head. The man before her looked… old. Well, older then her should, with the look he had on his face. He was in a purple shirt, tan pants, and a white lab coat. A worried and slightly shocked expression was on his face as he watched Katie with careful eyes, almost as if he was studying her.
"Bruce." Katie managed to breathe. She almost didn't recognize the sound of her own voice. Her voice was to dry and raspy. It almost hurt to speak.
"Katie." He took a step closer to the blonde on the floor. "Breathe."
Katie didn't realize she was having trouble getting her lungs to fill with air until Bruce said that. She quickly took in a breath and let it out. Then she did it again, and again, but it didn't work much. Her heart started to pick up again and her breathing became even more rapid.
With wide eyes and scared eyes, Katie looked at Bruce. She found him taking in deep breaths with ease before giving her a look that said for her to do the same.
Katie did. She copied Bruce and took in a long shaky breath, held in for a few moments, then let it out. She did this again and again, never taking her eyes off of Bruce. She kept doing it until her lungs weren't fighting for air anymore and Bruce stopped.
"There you go," Bruce spoke in a soft, calming voice. "Let's get you back to bed."
Katie jumped out of the way as Bruce reached out to touch her again. Silence fell around them. Bruce watched Katie with slightly narrowed eyes, almost as if he was taking notes in his mind, as Katie stared back with eyes widened in fear.
Then, slowly, Bruce held out his hand a few inches from Katie with his palm up.
"May I?"
Katie looked between Bruce and his hand for some time. She was still shaking. She wasn't used to people waiting to help her. She felt like a kid again, relearning everything as she went along.
Katie slowly reached out and placed her too small and shaking hand in Bruce's large one. He gently helped her to her feet and over to the bed again. He took care not to touch her too much, cause every time his hand - that was just inches from her back in case she fell - gently brushed her skin, she jumped.
They were silent as Bruce carefully helped Katie back in bed. Once she was sat on the warmth of the mattress again, she quickly pulled the sheets around her again, as if she was freezing.
Bruce stood there for a second or two, watching Katie pulling the sheets to her. Then, he just sent her a small smile before heading towards the door again.
Katie watched him. This was the first person other than the twins, Strucker, and List, that Katie had seen in months. And who knows when she would see someone else again. Besides. obviously the team was visiting her - or at least Bruce was - when she was asleep. Right?
"Do the others visit too?"
Bruce froze, his hand half way to the door knob before he turned around. And then it hit Katie. The look on his face, the slight fear in his eyes. This was why they were never around when Katie was awake, why they had JARVIS monitoring her. They were scared. They were scared like she was. They didn't know what they were facing when they walked into Katie's room. Because this wasn't Katie. The last time anyone had seen Katie was when she was standing next to Steve and Natasha in that old S.H.I.E.L.D. building.
The girl sitting crossed legged in bed wasn't Katie. This was someone else.
Nevertheless, Bruce hid his emotions well. A small smile broke on his lips as he spoke in the same soft and calm tone as he used before.
"You're never alone, Katie."
Tears started to fill Katie's eyes and her heart clenched. Not because she was mad or even upset with everyone for standing away. It was because she knew she couldn't be the old Katie for them. The tears started to spill.
"Then please don't hide from me."
Bruce's smile fell for a moment as Katie's words hit him. But he picked it back up again just long enough to give Katie a small nod before walking out the door.
The moment the door clicked shut, sobs wracked Katie's body and the tears started to spill.
For the first time since she was rescued, Katie let it all out.
Bruce listened to Katie at least.
The next day, he stopped by for a few minutes while Katie was awake. He mainly checked up on everything (like any doctor would) and talked to her for a few minutes before leaving again. But he again stopped by the next day. And the next day. And the day after that. He stopped by and spoke to Katie every day for the next week of so. Until eventually, Katie was comfortable talking to him. She didn't jump anymore when the door opened. Her voice didn't hurt when she talked. She didn't second guess herself before she spoke.
It was a routine. And new Katie was programmed to be comfortable with routines.
On day eleven, Bruce walked through the day like he always did. Katie looked up from her book (at day five Katie had told him how bored she was just sitting there so Bruce had brought her some books) and was about to say hi, when she saw the look on his face. It was a look that an adult wore when they were about to tell a little kid something horrible.
Katie slowly closed the book and placed it on the bedside table as Bruce walked over and sat in the chair next to the bed. Katie didn't say anything as she turned to face him, crossing her legs. She watched Bruce as he took a deep breath before finally looking Katie in the eyes.
All Katie did was listen.
She listened as Bruce dropped the friendly chatter they had for eleven days. She listened as he got down to business. He explained her situation to her. All her physical injuries and how he figured she'd come to get them (Katie didn't correct him if he was wrong or not). He told her that physically, she was fine. She'd have scars and it would take time to heal fully, but she was fine.
Then he started talking about her mental injuries. He said long words that Katie couldn't comprehend. He told her why no one came to visit her (they did before, and Katie couldn't remember it because she got so overwhelmed she passed out). He said that they'd be able to help her overcome it, with some time.
All Katie could do was listen.
She kept her eyes on Bruce the whole time. She could see his lips moving but to stopped listening long ago. She was concentrating on her breathing. Shaky breath in, shaky breath
out. Every now and then her eyes would flick to the window. She was here. She was safe. She wasn't going back to that cell.
"Katie."
Shaky breath in, shaky breath out. You are safe.
"Katie."
With one last breath, Katie flicked her eyes from the window back to Bruce. He just watched her, a calm expression on his face. He was wondering if she actually heard anything he said. Which she did. Oh, she heard what he said. And if was taking everything in her not to lose it then and there.
"PTSD." Katie breathed out.
"Yes." Bruce nodded slowly but adding calmly. "And some anxiety."
Old Katie would have snorted and said "Some?"
New Katie took another deep breath. "PTSD and anxiety."
"That's why I wouldn't let anyone come see you." Bruce leaned forward. "Getting overwhelmed is the last thing you need now. We need to take this as slow and as peaceful as possible."
Katie gave a slow nod before looking down at her hands. The words PTSD and anxiety kept repeating over and over in her head.
She knew all about PTSD and anxiety. She'd seen people with it. Hell, more than half the people she knew growing up had PTSD at some point. All her uncles, her mother, Ches. They all had it in some form or another. That's what war does to you. It changes you. Thats what war did to her family, and thats what war just did to her.
"I have someone who can help you," Bruce spoke up in a calm voice. Katie was glad she had Bruce right now, because if you looked up the definition of 'calm' in the dictionary, a picture of Bruce would come up. "But you have to trust me. Okay?"
Katie looked up from her hands and at Bruce. She didn't know how to trust that someone. She knew she was safe with Bruce. She knew he'd do everything in his power to help her and he would never hurt her. Trusting people was something new Katie wasn't comfortable with yet.
Nevertheless, Katie slowly nodded her head. If she was going to get better, if she was going to move past all this, she needed to trust her family at least.
Bruce gave a small smile before reaching over and giving her hand a light squeeze. Katie couldn't help but jump slightly. She was slowly starting to feel sick again, but she took a deep breath to try and calm herself.
"JARVIS?" Bruce spoke up. "Can you send them in?"
"Yes Doctor Banner."
Katie started to pick at the end of her t-shirt (day seven was when Bruce brought her some t-shirts and yoga pants) before taking a deep breath.
"Bruce?" Katie spoke, her voice just above a whisper. "How sure are you that I'll get better?"
It was an unfair question really. She was the only one how knew what she really went through. All Bruce was going by was theories. But Katie had to ask it.
"You'll get better Katie," Bruce reassured her. "I've come up with a theory. If your body can heal faster than a person without the serum, then your mind should be able to as well."
"She has the ability to physically heal faster than a normal being."
"And from our research, she may also heal faster mentally."
Shaky breath in, shaky breath out. You are safe.
Bruce never noticed the look on Katie's face. Or if he did, he didn't have time to question her on it. The door suddenly started to open, and Katie jumped about a feet in the air. She knew someone was coming, but still. That door was only supposed to open when Bruce was coming in. And Bruce was already in the room.
This was a break in the routine.
Katie started to feel uneasier. Her heart was starting to pick up and she started to back away. Bruce held his hand up and gave her a look that said it was alright. But this did nothing for Katie. She still backed to the other side of the bed as far as she could as the door opened the rest of the way.
Out of all the frustration, confusion, and the overal emotional wreck Katie had been, there hadn't been one time that she wanted to scream this badly since she woke up the first time after being saved. Not after the nightmares, not after Bruce telling her about the PTSD. Not until now.
Katie watched with wide eyes, her whole frame shaking, as her father walked through the door. To Katie, this was the first time she was really seeing him. And he looked nervous as hell.
Old Katie would have laughed and made a comment about how he looked almost as bad as the first time they met.
New Katie just stared at him.
Katie took him in. He looked almost as bad as her, really. He looked like he hadn't slept in months. He was sporting a beard and Katie swore she could see dark circles under his eyes. But it was the look in his eyes that got her. Fear and love, mixed together. Almost like, if he said the wrong thing, all of this would crumble.
Katie couldn't move. She could hardly breathe. She could feel tears in her eyes. She wanted to will her body to move, but she couldn't.
"Katie."
At the sound of Bruce's voice, Katie slowly came to again. She realized that she was shaking and her heart was beating to fast.
Shaky breath in, shaky breath out. You are safe.
Katie didn't know if it was because she wanted to prove herself, or because she just needed her dad. Because with Bruce, she'd backed away. And she knew Bruce, Bruce was her friend. But now, all Katie wanted to do was move forward.
She slowly got off the bed, standing up. Since day three, Bruce had helped her stand on her own again. She was shaking and hardly breathing and Bruce wasn't too far behind her in case something happened, but Katie moved forward until she was standing in front of her father.
She looked up at him. Their eyes met within a few seconds, neither of them speaking. Katie felt like she was going to have a heart attack any moment, her heart was beating so fast.
Then, her father gave her the most heartbreaking, fatherly smile Katie had even seen in her life.
"Hi Katie."
And that did it. Whatever engery Katie had. Whatever she was going to say to him, it all just left her. The tears that welled up in her eyes finally spilled over and Katie just collapsed into her father's arms.
She knew her father had held her before, but this was different. This was a hug. And Katie had never hugged someone so tightly in her life. Whatever engery her small frame had, whatever strength was left in her, was poured into the hug. She gripped her father as if her life depended on it. She soaked his shirt with her tears as he rubbed her back, holding her tight but gently at the same time.
All things Katie listed off when she was in her cell, all the things she wanted to tell her father, Katie couldn't think of a single one anymore. So she settled for the only one she could remember.
"I love you, daddy."
Katie hardly heard herself say it. She had a feeling Bruce didn't even hear her say it. But Steve heard her say it. Because he gave her a squeeze and kissed the top of her head. Katie felt a few tears land in her hair and her own tears kept coming as Steve spoke.
"I love you too, baby girl."
All too soon, they pulled away. Katie actually felt weak in the knees. This was too much for her. Steve must have noticed because he carefully helped her over to her bed where he sat down on the edge next to her.
"Bruce told you." Steve stated in a gentle voice, and Katie nodded.
"I have someone here who can help you," Steve was using his 'dad' voice and Katie felt like she was going to cry all over again. "You have to trust me okay? You don't know him, but he's helped me a lot and is a good friend."
Katie's ears peaked up then. Her heart started beating fast again and her stomach turned. She didn't like that. She didn't like the fact that this person who was going to help her was someone she didn't know. New Katie wasn't good with new people.
Steve reached over and took her small hand in his big one. It calmed her down, but only a little. Not that it mattered anyways. The door to the room opened once more and Katie jumped. She moved back, hiding behind Steve a bit as the unknown man walked into the room.
He was tall, dark, and handsome. Her looked friendly enough to Katie. But then again, Wanda only looked like a harmless little girl too. He was smart enough to stay by the door once it was closed. He didn't take any steps closer to Katie as she tried to remember to breathe.
Katie's eyes never left the man. His eyes were watching Katie like Bruce's did sometimes. Like he was taking notes. But at the some time, he looked taken back about something. He had an amazed look on his face almost. And Katie didn't know why.
"This is Sam Wilson, Katie." Bruce introduced the newcomer. And just like Katie expected, she didn't recognize the name.
"He helps people who suffer from PTSD." Steve explained. "I met him… a few months ago."
Katie was still reluctant. She looked from Bruce, to her father, and back to Sam, where her eyes stayed.
Shaky breath in, shaky breath out. You are safe.
"You're going to help me get better?"
It was such a childish question. And Katie sounded like a child asking it. But she couldn't help herself.
"I am, Katie" Sam nodded. "I'll help you get overcome this and teach you how to handle your PTSD and anxiety."
"I'll be with you and Sam for your first few sessions," Bruce informed Katie as Steve wrapped an arm around his daughters shoulder and gently pulled her close. "Just until you get comfortable with being with Sam on your own."
"We'll start the sessions as soon as you're ready, Katie." Sam informed her. But Katie stopped listening after he said "I am".
That was all she wanted to hear. She wanted to hear that someone was going to help her get better. That soon, she would be up on her feet again. She had been in a dark place for so long. She needed this. She needed someone to say that they believed in her. That she could overcome all this.
Katie needed that hope again.
So. Here's the lay out. There will be four three more chapters to part 2 (are we SERIOUSLY almost done part 2 already?!), there will be a little break, and then part 3 will kick off!
I'm also looking for someone to make a little trailer for this story! Anyone out there up for it? :)
And just so you all know the timeframe I have going here, this chapter takes place from mid-October to the end of October. Age Of Ultron doesn't take place until about May. Katie was locked up for about five months. That's how it's all mapped out in my head... LOL!
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I hope you enjoyed and don't forget to REVIEW! (I'm still waiting for us to beat 44 reviews on one chapter...)