Started this two weeks after college started, I'm now at the beginning of the fifth week, so yeah my time to write will not be taken for granted.

Disclaimer: I own nothing

"A blur? What do you mean a blur?" Hermione asked with a strange combination of disappointment, relief, and curiosity.

"I mean exactly what I said," Severus said frustrated, he saw exactly what he said he saw and that included the images of his self in the future- for it was the future of that he was fairly sure. He was a cruel bastard and a deceptively good actor. Severus wasn't even sure if he knew what side his future self was on but then he was looking through her perspective and in her eyes he was manipulative, biased, and particularly nasty to Hermione. She could never gain his good opinion or respect and was practically bullied along with her friends by him. And yet she respected him for his intelligence and trusted him because he protected her on more than one occasion. A small sense of déjà vu had hit him when he saw his future self place himself between her and a transformed Remus. And while it should be of little consequence any chances his foolish feelings thought he had were gone. She would forever see him as a mean old man, her former potions professor that might have been planning to kill people like her.

He saw that she was waiting for an explanations and shook off his musings. "I could move around normally in there," the Slytherin began to explain, "but aside from those few memories that you already know about everything was… out of focus I guess you could say. It was like looking through the lenses of some strong prescription muggle glasses."

"Could you make out anything at all?" Hermione questioned.

Severus shook his head. "No, it was impossible to make heads or tails of those smudges of color. I could pick up some emotions though," he admitted.

Hermione wasn't sure if that was good or not, "Like what?"

"Fear and some other deep emotions that broadcast that you've seen things like death, we already suspected that though. It might be good to conceal them from the Dark Lord, we don't want him to ask too many questions and your irretrievable past will already provide him with more than enough things to ask about," the Slytherin stood and began pacing back and forth in thought.

"Surely he'll realize that I can't answer any of them."

"Not yet and until you can he'll look for answers on his own," Severus said, "The Dark Lord loves a challenge. Besides there is still enough in there to put certain people in danger." Severus turned to Hermione, ready to ask her if he could go in again when he saw the wetness in her eyes. "Hermione?"

The brunette attempted to blink the tears out of her eyes. "Will I always be like this? A girl with no past, with no way of knowing who she is? I remember you more clearly then myself!"

Severus was not comfortable or at all able to handle emotional teenage girls. Sure he comforted Hermione before in the library when she became upset about the rumors and gossip but really all he had to do then was say that the students were idiots-which they were-and to ignore them. He couldn't really say that now but he tried. "Of course who know who you are, you're you. Besides the fog will fade eventually you'll just have to stop acting like a Gryffindor and be patient. Right now you need to work on your occlumency…"

"So suck it up and focus," Hermione finished for him, bristling. She turned away from him to look at the flames crackling in the fireplace and unconsciously began scratching at her arm.

"Basically and don't get mad about it, I'm trying to make sure the two of us get out alive. You will have to learn how to suck it up and hide your emotions. They can only lead to trouble when seen by the Dark Lord, for instance that little tell of yours," Severus said as he snatched Hermione's hand from her arm, "will let him know something is up and could lead to your death."

Hermione looked at the wrist trapped in the Slytherin's grasp in frustrated surprise. "How am I supposed to stop doing things I don't even realize I'm doing?" the Gryffindor asked in irritation.

Severus took a deep breath to calm his nerves; his temper would not help anything right now. "Figuring out why you do it in the first place might help," he suggested. Hermione stayed silent, refusing to give up any information about her scratching. "I'm guessing it has to do with your scar? Don't look so surprised, I saw at least part of it in the infirmary, remember?"

Hermione sighed, "Yes, it's my scar."

She did not say any more than that and Severus grumbled, "Will I have to drag the details out of you?"

"I'm sorry I'm not eager to show off my scars," Hermione snapped. "They are ugly and horrid and the result from some hatred that I apparently fueled in someone. Do you know what it is like to wake up each morning and the first thing you have to do is cast a glamour to hide as much as possible? All while wondering who put them there and why? You saw some little nicks and scratches on my legs and arms in the infirmary but you didn't see the worst ones."

"I didn't? I hope you're exaggerating because what I saw was pretty bad."

"You did see part of one of the nasty ones," Hermione admitted.

Severus was having trouble with his temper now, what he saw was bad but it wasn't the only one? It took a lot of dark magic to make such scars resistant to healing charms. "So how many 'nasty' ones do you have?"

Hermione still didn't look at him, "Two. The rest are… minor." Then, quickly so as not to lose her nerve, Hermione yanked up her sleeve and revealed the letters carved into her forearm. He would be bound to see it eventually.

Severus barely felt any shock at her actions as his temper finally boiled over at the sight of that vile word in her skin. Mudblood, she was labeled, branded as if she were livestock. Through gritted teeth he asked, "Who?"

"I don't remember."

"Well at least the memories don't haunt you." 'And I won't be sent to Azkaban for killing the bastard that did this,' Severus added in his head. He wanted to ask about the other one but felt that would be insensitive and for once in his life he cared about such things. He looked up into Hermione's face and saw how painful this was for her even if the physical pain was long gone. He didn't think it was a good idea to continue now while she looked so close to breaking but the Dark Lord wouldn't go easy on them and they needed to prepare. "Perhaps occlumency should wait until we can discuss your situation with Dumbledore, he probably knows something that can help us." Severus was surprised by himself as these words came from his mouth and put a halt on the activity.

"So what do we do now?" Hermione asked. Severus was struck by the trusting tone in her voice. She wasn't even sure if he was fully on her side in the future but she fully trusted him with her safety.

"I suppose we could practice dueling, but we have to attend dinner first I think," Severus suggested with a quick glance at the clock. "It is later than I thought it was."

XXXXXXX

With the majority of the castle gone the Great Hall was empty and emitted an atmosphere reminiscent of a deserted ghost town. Students ate mostly in silence with the absence of their conversation partners and those that spoke did so in whispers. These whispers came from the Hufflepuff and Gryffindor tables where the lingering students grouped together for company while the Slytherins and Ravenclaws stayed in their usual spots leaving them isolated. Hermione did not join Gryffindor's group though and choose to stay at the end of the table and eat her food in silence contemplating her session with Severus.

Like many necessary things, it was painful to let Severus into her mind. And then to learn that her past was as lost as it was before, not one fact revealed, that the effort was useless. Perhaps in Severus' eyes it accomplished something, provided information about what the Dark Lord could find but at the moment Hermione could hardly care less.

Meanwhile Severus also sat alone eating and thinking in silence. But while Hermione kept her eyes on her food, Severus occasionally glanced at Hermione. Once again he was wondering why he was risking so much for this girl. He would have more time to prepare himself to survive his upcoming stint with the Death Eaters if he was not also taking care of her, he knew he could do it by himself. For some reason he just couldn't talk himself into quitting this insanely dangerous scheme.

He looked up at Hermione again. No he wouldn't quit, not if it meant her life.

XXXXXXX

Hermione returned to the Room of Requirement alone, not wanting to wait for Severus and draw any attention. As she waited for his arrival she thought about her first duel with Severus with dread and anticipation. Would she react the same way she did against Dolohov? True he had/would attack her at some point but what if it was just coincidence? She did not want to hurt Severus too badly. Then again she couldn't go too easy on him.

This lead her to think about what would happen if she developed more symptoms of Post-traumatic Stress Disorder. It seemed that each day life became more complicated.

"Aren't you going in? I'm fairly sure just loitering in front of that ridiculous portrait is not normal," Severus' voice said interrupting her thoughts and causing the subject of said portrait to look very offended.

"I'd like to see you accomplish such a task," the painted man challenged haughtily.

"What reason would anyone ever have to attempt something so idiotic?" Severus said with a roll of his eyes.

"Arguing with a portrait is just as pointless," Hermione pointed out. "They are quite literally set in their ways. As to your first question, I wasn't sure how you got the room to listen to you," she added the last part sheepishly.

Severus grumbled something under his breath before pacing in front of the blank wall three times and then entered as soon as the door appeared. Hermione followed and saw that he was already halfway to the dueling platform when she closed the door behind her. "Severus," she called out uncertainly. Her fears of having a flashback returned. Severus turned and raised a brow in response. "What if," she began, "what if I have flashback again? If I go into 'attack mode'…"

"I can defend myself," Severus assured her. "Besides you said you attacked Dolohov because he attacked you, I should be safe."

"If I only attack those who have hurt me then yes you are safe. You've only ever protected me but what if it was just the stress? What if Dolohov was just coincidental?"

"At what point did you go into the flashback?" Severus asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Did you have the flashback when you saw him go into an attack position? When you recognized him?" he pressed.

"I-I'm not sure, I think it was a combination. It all happened so fast."

The Slytherin sighed. "Well then I guess we'll just have to see if you attack me consciously or not," he said as he proceeded to go and jump onto the dueling platform.

"This isn't a good idea," Hermione mumbled as she followed. She chose to take the small flight of stairs up instead of following her partner's example. She barely got on when Severus threw the first spell. "What the? Wait a minute will ya?"

"Only beginners in a formal class are allowed that luxury and you do not qualify for that category. Now fight back," Severus demanded as he hurled another spell. Hermione blocked this one before sending a flock of particularly viscous canaries at him. As he attempted to shoo away the birds she cast a bat bogey spell that he was still able to block before lighting the canaries with blue flames. "I believe we've answered our flashback question, you actually did well against Dolohov."

Angered by his comment Hermione wildly threw a couple more powerful spells against him that he dodged and rallied against. They went back and forth almost evenly as Severus continued to taunt her. Somehow they got within close range of each other and Hermione saw an unusual opening. Careful not to telegraph her next move, Hermione landed a left hook on Severus' cheek and as he staggered immediately followed it by swinging her arm back in a hammer strike motion onto his other cheek. She felt pretty damn proud of herself until he reached out and grabbed her, spinning her until he had his arms around her and pulled her back against his chest.

"It was about time you saw that opening, nice combo by the way. Remember wizards, particularly pure bloods, will not be expecting any sort of physical attack and therefore won't defend against it and will be stunned. Don't let your guard down for a second though because they will retaliate perhaps even more violently. Apparently a punch to the face as opposed to a spell is a real insult."

Hermione nodded her head as she tried to process how he was able to trap her that fast, she hardly saw him move. She was also trying very hard not to think about the muscular chest she was pressed against. It was easier to ignore on a tiny stick high in the air but no such distractions here, she cursed her adolescent hormones.

Severus was also having trouble ignoring it, after so many times he stopped trying to ignore it and just did his best to hide his thoughts from her. 'I really need to stop putting us into this position,' he thought to himself. He quickly let go of her and headed for the exit. "We'll come back tomorrow, I'm sure you have some reading to do," he said.

"Yeah, see you tomorrow," she responded. She tried to reconcile the Severus she knew with the one in her memories, so similar yet so different. Not one aspect of her life was allowed to be simple it seemed.

Please please review and let me know how the flow felt. I'm used to writing it all in one sitting whereas this happened over the course of over two weeks