Blah! School is yucky! I have another frickin speech to do and it's driving me nuts! Sorry for the delay again :0 high school is a bitch! lol sorry this chapter's a little short but I'll make it up to you by adding an additional chapter or two that I wasn't planning on adding. Fair deal? :D well anyway enjoy!
~th3rdhal3~
I forced myself into a sitting position, arms flailing. I was hyperventilating and there was even sweat beginning to trickle down my forehead and neck. My heart beat like a drum. My eyes scanned the scene; it was dark, but I could still see. It was my own room. I heaved a sigh of relief. It felt so real. Every minute of it. But it was only my imagination. It was only a dream. No, only a nightmare. Somehow I understood everything that had occurred in my head moments ago. Especially the eye.
"Ah shit, my nose!" Azula groaned from the other side of the bed. She held her hand up to her face. I must have accidentally struck her once I woke myself up. She didn't look too happy about the wake up call. Especially since it still wasn't morning yet. "It's bad enough that I was dreaming about pink rabbits and fucking rainbows, and then I get socked in the nose. What is it with the nose? What is it with the fucking nose?" She hissed. Yeah she was definitely pissed. I began to shrink down in stature.
"Sorry." My apology was weak and hoarse. I did feel bad. I became grumpy whenever my sleep was interrupted. It made sense for others to feel the same way.
"Yeah, well 'sorry' isn't going to fix my broken nose." The princess exaggerated, stealing one of the pillows on my side. Normally I would have fought for it back, but not that night. I was deep in thought for a change.
"It's just that I had this dream." I started to explain to her. I could hear Azula grumbling from underneath a pillow. I probably should have waited until morning. She wasn't in a very good mood; not that it would have been much different if I had waited till later.
"Oh really?" She pretended to sound intrigued. "I had a dream that I was able to sleep." I didn't laugh at her sarcasm either. I was focused on analyzing the dream that I had pulled myself away from. The eye had stuck out the most.
I remembered a few mornings before, Azula and I were sitting together on her couch again. When I said sitting I meant, lying next to each other in a fashion that clearly stated that we were more than just friends. I remembered the door being ajar, ever so slightly. Glancing into the crack I could see something peering in, then as soon as my gaze fell to it, it disappeared. It took me a few moments to put the pieces together, but I knew this was the only conclusion.
"Ty Lee saw us." I blurted out. I wasn't sure if I had meant to or not. I spoke out loud a lot when ever I thought. Azula rolled over, mumbling as she did so.
"What about a pink slut?" I was tempted to laugh, but I didn't. I wasn't exactly in the mood for a good joke. There was lots to think about. I gave the princess a glare and shook my head at her.
"Azula, I'm serious." I told her. It all made sense then. What Mai meant when she said how mine and Azula's relationship was going to screw everything up. Even when the dark haired girl paused awkwardly when I asked her how Ty Lee's return was going to effect anything. "I don't know why but, I think she's pissed that we're together." That had to have been the reason. I couldn't think of any other logical conclusion that would fit the situation. Azula sat up. She didn't seem grouchy or agitated anymore. She seemed to be thinking as well.
"Hmm," she began. "That would explain why she was being a bitch to you these past couple of days, but it just doesn't seem like Ty to do something like that. Plus I don't think she likes girls, I mean, ever other minute she's got a boy wrapped around her finger." She smiled in the darkness. The princess bit her lip. "If anything, I think she's jealous that you 'replaced' her. You see, before the three of us know you, Ty Lee was my best friend. Then you joined our group and I hung out with you more. And since she's been gone for the past two years, she probably figured that you became my new best friend." I stopped to think about it. That could also be the case. I never even considered that. Plus, I really didn't have any proof that there was an eye in the door. That was what I saw in my dream. It didn't mean that Ty Lee had actually been there. I was probably over complicating things. I did have a lot on my mind after all. And it was most likely causing me to be paranoid. "Try not to work yourself up about it." Azula suggested. "I'm going back to sleep now, babe. Night." She kissed my forehead and sank back onto the mattress. I sighed wanting to do the same, but I couldn't. Not after the dream. Besides, I was too alert to fall back asleep. It would take hours for me, and by that time it wouldn't be worth it anymore. And for all I knew, it would be sunrise in just a few measly hours. Instead, I sat in silence, pondering on my dream.
It was a warning. I finally understood the metaphor that had been eating away at my mind for months. Two trees- two sides in a conflicted forest-conflicted world. Which one (side) would I climb (chose)? The old man was a genius. A confusing genius, but a brilliant one at that. I wish that I had understood it sooner. Then maybe I could have avoided the arguments with Mai and Zaida. Maybe if I had known that I would have trouble picking sides, then I could've found a way to keep myself true to the Freedom Fighters. I took a look a the bigger picture; the exact location I was in, with Azula, mind you, would not have convinced anyone that I was fighting against the Fire Nation. What Zaida had said was true. I was risking a lot just to be with the princess. And for what? If she found out about the Four Nation Rebels because of me, all of us would go down in ways unimaginable. Then we'd lose our chance to help the other nations rise against the tyranny. It felt as if the weight of the nations was on my shoulders. One wrong move, and everything would turn to chaos. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't rest. I needed help.
I slipped out of the palace after I made sure that Azula had fallen back asleep. It's not that I didn't want her to know I was going out-she wouldn't have cared about that. It would be the fact that I could potentially disturb her from her sleep that I was worried about. I didn't want her to bite my head off. I needed to be alone, to reflect on everything. I needed peace of mind. There was no better spot for this, than the Cherry Tree beside the Coy Pond that Zuko and I favored. I sat down cross-legged underneath it and began to meditate.
I inhaled and then after a few moments, exhaled. I maintained a strong breathing rate during my meditation. The steady beat of my heart was the only sound I could hear in the wee hours of that morning. I cleared my mind, emptying it out of everything that I could have possibly been thinking about. It wasn't easy; there was so much for me to think about. But as my breathing continued, I could feel myself slowly detaching myself from the world. It felt like pure bliss. The Nirvana-like feeling only lasted a short while.
Soon I found myself staring into darkness; it was strange because I couldn't see anything else around me. I was still sitting cross-legged, but I was myself. I was in a different state. Seconds later, I was staring up at a white-face warrior woman with black and purple eye shadow and a green robe. As air-headed as I could be, there was no way I could mistake her for someone else. Avatar Kyoshi.
"You are trouble, Karuna." She spoke, almost as if reading my soul. "Why?" I felt overwhelmed at first. It wasn't everyday you get to speak with a previous avatar. For a brief moment I felt unworthy to be in her presence. Then I took a deep breath and forced myself to answer the question.
"Avatar Kyoshi," I began, giving her full respect. "I don't know what to do. I'm torn in two. I know that I need to help my people, but I've grown emotionally attached to this place." I referred to the Fire Nation." The previous avatar looked at me with great interest. She studied me for a few moments before responding to my answer.
" I understand. As an earth-bender like yourself, I felt compelled to do the right thing, to save my people as well. Decisions like these are hard to make. But ask yourself this: which side is more worth fighting for?" I thought about what Kyoshi said. Which one was worth fighting for? Would I fight to stay with Azula? Or would I fight to bring peace to the world? I knew which choice was more important in the long run. I knew which choice was the wisest to make, but I still couldn't bring myself to decide.
"But no matter what I choose, someone's going to get hurt." My voice was barely a whisper as I came to realization. I never thought it would come to this. Avatar Kyoshi looked at me, and smiled weakly. There was sorrow behind her eyes; almost as if she knew the same pain that overtook me.
" Sacrifices must be made in order to overcome obstacles in life, Karuna." The warrior woman bestowed her knowledge upon me. "Sometimes one must learn to let go in order to save themselves as well as others. You are not alone in this, my child. The avatar must also learn to detach himself and let go in order to reach his full potential. " The previous avatar held out a scroll encased by two silver dragons with ruby red eyes. She offered it out to me. I touched the cold metal with a shaky hand. " You have everything you need within you to bring balance to the world. But the choice is yours to make." Kyoshi began to drift away. I wanted to call her back. There were so much more I wanted to ask her. There was still so much I needed to know. But I couldn't bring her back. " I know you will do the right thing, Karuna." I watched her disappear into the nothingness which surrounded me. I was alone once more.
My eyes flashed open. I was still cross-legged underneath the Cherry Tree. But in my hands, I held the White Dragon Scroll. Everything that had happened moments ago had been for real. I had spoken to a previous avatar. Kyoshi had consulted with me. My fingers tightened around the cool, silver metal. I felt something stirring in the base of my stomach and I knew what needed to be done.
I never thought that I would be reentering the miniature dojo built into the side of our house. When I was little, it was the room that I had learned and trained in with my father. It had been years since I had set foot in it. Once my father had passed on, I looked on the extra room as if it were taboo. But at the time, it was probably the only place where I could practice my art in peace. I unraveled the scroll to it's full length and marveled at the knowledge that it held on there. Though there were seldom diagrams on there, it was still very descriptive. The art was like Zen, in a way; it was difficult to teach. It had to be experienced in order to full understand it. After skimming the first section of the scroll, I backed up and took a fighting stance. I kept my mind and body in thought, as the scroll instructed and began my form.
Not once, as I went through the forms of martial arts I had learned, did I think about anything other than fighting. I kept my eye on the prize. It was as if I was a machine; kicking, punching, turning, blocking, crouching, flipping, repeat. I couldn't tell you how many times my feet had left the ground for more than a few scarce moments. My joints, muscles and bones should have been aching at that point. But they weren't. Maybe it was because I could no longer feel pain. Or maybe it was because I had worked myself so hard that I had become numb. Either way, I wasn't all that concerned. After all, I shouldn't have been the one to worry about pain. That was the Fire Nation's job. If they wanted fire, they were going to get it. If they wanted to have the world, it was theirs; over my dead body first. Once I made myself even stronger, once I learned how to control the form, they would be in trouble. The Fire Nation would need to be prepared to face off the White Dragon.