/Even though I know

I don't want to know

Yeah I guess I know

I just hate how it sounds…/

Chapter Twenty Five

Gunfire became a buzz in my ears as bullets rained down upon us. I ducked to my right, dipping into the alleyway there as I dragged Loki behind me. She was straining against the leash, putting up a furious battle to reach the people trying to hurt me. My shoulder throbbed and I could feel blood soaking the back of my shirt. The pain was bearable for the moment, however. Thank god for my body's natural pain killers.

I peeked out for half a second and saw people charging for our hiding place. Juri was nursing a bullet-wound to his hip, just above the bone. I grimaced as I watched him trying to pry the bullet out with his fingers, his teeth clenching tightly against the pain. Son-of-a-bitch that must have hurt- I'd only done that once in my life and I knew there was only one reason you'd ever do something like that: the bullet was severely hampering his movement, something none of us could afford at the moment. Rick was trying to re-load his gun from the clips he had taken off of the guard but he wasn't having much luck. I heard him drop it twice before finally getting it. I don't think either of them had been in a real life-or-death gunfight before and in a first time experience like this it would be a miracle if they made it out alive.

It would be a miracle if any of us did.

There was no way I could keep hold of Loki's leash and return fire at the same time. Even without trying to keep her in check I knew how useless it was to try and actually hit one of our assailants. We could sit in this alley and fire rounds at them till the cows came home and we would stand about a snowball's chance in hell of actually hitting them in any fatal way. I'd say right about then we were pretty screwed and we all knew it.

I loosened my hand on Loki's leash, letting it drop to the floor. "Loki, STEH." I commanded, hoping she would stay where she was. Thankfully she appeared to be in a listening mood for although she didn't calm down at all she remained where she stood, barking furiously.

Leaning out from where I was hidden behind two barrels, I fired three shots, none of which actually hit. It was, however, cause for concern on their parts. The gunfire died to a few slow cracks as they took their own cover. Rick had begun to return fire as well, which couldn't have made them feel any more confident about charging down upon us. The area went silent for a minute and I chanced a look out at the street.

Bullets smashed into the walls and floor around me, one of them making a ricochet off a surface and grazing the skin of my arm. Fire raced across my nerves as I yelped, falling backwards into the alley. Loki lost it and I could not grab her leash in time to stop her from darting into the street. I shouted after her but it was no use- there were people threatening her master and she was going to do something about it.

Sending up a quick prayer to any god that would listen to me, I dashed after her, firing madly at any scrap of human body I saw. My vision had not recovered entirely so it was hard to say if I was even aiming in the right places but as I saw two people dip back into alleys I thought that I wasn't doing half bad. I heard screaming and rabid growling from one of the alleys and I ducked into it.

Loki had pinned one of the men beneath her and was savaging his arms right through the shirt's material. The other man was sprawled on the floor, pressed up against the wall in fear. Luckily for me (and even luckier for Loki) they had both either dropped or lost their weapons at the unexpected threat of the dog. I stooped and picked up the larger gun and shot the free man, point blank. The shot startled Loki into letting up and I put the second man out of his misery without a second thought. Any sort of emotion, any sort of pain or remorse I might have felt at one time about killing these people was gone.

All that remained was the image of Heero, dead on the ground.

These people had done that.

They'd killed him.

Now, they would pay.

Shinigami would see to that much, at least.

Grabbing Loki's leash I hauled her through the puddles of blood that were starting to form and back into the street. We were met with gunfire and I released her again in favor of shooting back. Vaguely I was aware of being hit again, one of the shots almost knocking me on my ass as it impacted the edge of my shoulder. Noise had hollowed out, though, and sensation felt like a distant memory. I felt a little dizzy as that familiar feeling of immortality struck me- or maybe that was just blood loss. The two sensations are hard to tell apart sometimes.

Loki was a black streak against the pavement and none of them seemed to think they would even bother taking shots at her until she hit them like a bullet train. As long as she was providing the distraction the humans were easy enough to pick off. With my newly acquired gun I had even less of a problem. They scrambled to reassemble, scooping up lost weapons almost too late. I could hear shouting behind me but I didn't turn to face it. Rick and Juri must have run into complications of their own- we were being flanked.

There were just too many of them and too few of us.

I saw more than felt the fourth bullet as it buried itself in my side. Time felt like someone had set everything to slow motion as I looked down to watch the crimson blossom across the pale blue of the uniform I'd been wearing. Loki yelped from somewhere ahead of me and I looked back, the world spinning in a dizzily surreal way as another bullet hit me.

I choked on my breath as I dropped to my knees, trying to keep my head and hands up to fire back at them. It was no use- my body was not cooperating with me any longer. I was having difficulty breathing as I sank down, barely catching myself on an arm that buckled almost as soon as I put weight upon it. Curling up, my sides heaving with my struggle to draw breath, I tried to at least listen to what was going on around me.

It was as I was laying there, breath gurgling wetly in my lungs, wounds stinging and muscles burning from running too much that I saw him.

Heero.

He was standing just to my side, the lights on the ceiling of the colony shining far too brightly behind him. Loud cracks pierced my fogged hearing as he pulled the trigger again and again on the pistol he was holding. Vaguely I noticed that it looked as if he'd been in the gunfight along with me- his shirt was ripped and stained in blood just like mine. We were just like each other.

I smiled weakly and closed my eyes again.

I've heard that when you're about to die your life flashes before your eyes.

Mine never did.

All I saw was Heero, standing over me to protect me.

All I could hear was his gun, turning fire upon the people who dared bring harm to me and Loki.

All I knew was that this was the end and at least I could see him before I went.

Maybe god let angels visit the dying, so they would know it was all right.

An explosion rocked the area as I lay on my side, immobile. I was trying not to breathe very much because it hurt so badly and was too much of an effort. It wasn't like I was going to make it anyhow and once I was dead I wouldn't have to worry about it. I already knew I would get to be with Heero again and that made it worth it. That calmed Shinigami and allowed me to let go.

I stirred myself when the volume of the fight changed and I thought I heard Quatre's voice. Confused I opened my eyes to see and sure enough, Quatre was clambering down the staircases that were supposed to be a fire escape. All I could think was "stupid Quatre, that's not how you use those…" Which, in itself shows my state of mind. I passed out again before I could put further thought to what was happening around me.

When I next woke, I sincerely wished that I hadn't.

Very groggily I opened my eyes, squinting against the blindingly white light of the room. I could hear a mechanical, rhythmic beep off to my left and someone's soft breathing to my right. Weakly turning my head I caught sight of an exhausted looking Quatre, curled up in a chair beside the bed I was occupying. There were dark bruises around his right eye and a long gash down the side of his face, dangerously close to his throat. It looked like someone had tried to kill him with a blade. I noted that his wrists were bandaged tightly, just like my own. I closed my eyes, unable to stand the pain the light brought spiking into my temples. Someone needed to dim the lights fast.

I could barely breathe the too-sterile, cold air that was flowing from the ventilator I was hooked up to. Without hesitation I reflexively reached up, ignoring the weak feeling in my muscles, and scrabbled at the tube that was uncomfortably down my trachea. It didn't really want to give to my fingers but as soon as it shifted I coughed violently and it practically fell out and into my hands.

I took a moment to try and breathe on my own as I stared at the tubing, dumbfounded. After a pause I looked back to my right and down upon the little blonde head resting so sleepily by my thigh.

"Quatre?" I croaked, voice cracking because my throat was so dry and irritated by any amount of passing air. It hurt like a bitch but I wasn't about to let him know that.

I heard him shift beside me. "Duo…?" He asked uncertainly, as though he weren't sure he'd actually heard me speak.

"Am I still alive…?" I groaned as I lay back again, hoping the answer was no.

"Oh Allah! Duo, you're still alive." He scrambled to his feet and I felt the bed dip a tiny bit as he leaned against it and slipped his hand comfortingly into mine. "What are you doing? Get a nurse or something!" He commanded someone I hadn't seen.

"I can see!" I exclaimed suddenly as my eyes shot open, realizing that no one but me knew of that development. Pain spiked through my head at the motion and I regretted being an excitable person.

"What?" He made a funny face, somewhere between confusion and disbelief. A look that clearly said that he thought I had truly gone insane. "You can?"

"Yes! Yes, I can!"

He was still staring at me as though I had grown a second head. "Duo, the probability of that-"

Closing my eyes, I interrupted before he could give me a rant. "Is miniscule, I know. Were you there when that one doctor first told me I was goin' blind?" I continued without waiting for an answer. "He said there was a very small possibility I could get it back."

"Yeah within a certain time range and I'm pretty sure…" He trailed off as if trying to decide if it was worth protesting. "You can really see? How many fingers am I holding up?"

I rolled my eyes at the response, opening them to see. "One, and that's not very polite." I closed my eyes again, wishing someone would dim the lights.

"Sorry." He began laughing and I could tell he was restraining himself from giving me a hug. I was thankful because even through whatever drug I was under I could feel pain radiating from the wounds I'd received.

"Where's Heero?" I blurted before I could stop myself.

"Heero…?" Quatre whispered, the dread in his voice causing me to open my eyes again. He shook his head sadly. "You didn't hear the broadcast…?"

"I saw it." I affirmed quickly. "But I saw him, while we were running! He showed up and was shooting at the people attacking me. I…" I faltered at Quatre's hurt look. "I saw him, Cat, I did. He was there. You gotta believe me."

Quatre shook his head, tears leaping to his eyes. "There was no one there, Duo. When I got to you there was no one else alive; just Loki, barking her throat raw beside you and the dead. We hauled you into one of the pods and left as soon as we were able."

"He must have gotten out, Cat, I saw him!" I cried frantically, flexing to try and get out of the bed and realizing that I was not going to make it as pain flared up all over my body. My muscles were not responding to me properly- they were weak, at best. "I saw him!" I insisted, fighting tears. "He's still alive!"

"Duo!" Quatre commanded sharply, squeezing my hand. "Stop. Even if he was still on the colony when we left, Trowa and Wu Fei blew the place as soon as they could."

I made a strangled noise. "Maybe he left before that! Maybe he took a different shuttle! Maybe-"

"Stop, just stop!" He pleaded, collapsing into the chair beside the bed. "They swept the area for stray craft. Nothing. He's gone. It was hard enough to deal with the first time around, please let it be." He whispered. "I know it's hard but if he was alive he would have come forward by now."

"By now?" I choked as best I could, wiping my eyes and trying to continue breathing.

"It's been over two weeks, Duo. You... We were afraid we'd lose you, too. No one knew if you were going to wake up or not."

"I wish I hadn't..." I mumbled, squinching my eyes shut.

"Don't say that!" He hissed angrily, glaring sharply over at me. "Don't ever say that!"

"Well it's true!" I replied just as hotly. "It'd have been easier…"

"What about Loki? She's been frantic this whole time!" He told me in an accusatory tone. "She won't listen to a word anyone says, she tried to bite Trowa- Trowa- when he was feeding her today… If you aren't here to take care of her I don't think there's anyone else who can!"

He was right. I'd completely forgotten about Loki. It was probably entirely her fault that I had survived at all. Without her coming to my defense I would probably be less than space dust right now. Shame edged its way into my emotions, making me feel horribly guilty for neglecting my responsibility. As long as she was still alive I would have to stay alive as well, to care for her.

"How long do dogs live, Cat?" I asked quietly, giving up my struggle to free myself from the hospital bed.

I think he guessed where I was heading with that kind of question. He always seemed to know that sort of thing. "Duo, you can't just-"

"How long?!" I said sharply, cutting him off before I had to listen to any sort of admonishment for rash thinking.

He sat silently for a long few minutes before heaving a sigh of defeat. "Eight years?" he said, as though he was making a guess from facts he only vaguely remembered. "Maybe as long as twelve or more if they're taken well care of and are strong."

"So around thirty." I mused gently, closing my eyes again and tilting my head toward the ceiling. "Thirty isn't such a bad age to die." Still, the thought of that many years without Heero around tore viciously at my heart.

"Duo…" He started to warn but before he could finish someone else entered the room the lights dimmed to a blissfully tolerable level. Apparently the newcomer hadn't been told I was blind and was treating me like a normal patient. I felt the person fiddling with the IV a few seconds later and grimaced.

Cringing away I opened my eyes and caught sight of the nurse as she glared sternly at me. "I don't know what you think you are doing but you're only going to make it worse by squirming." She huffed.

I held still as she dosed me with something and gave me a very disapproving look as she relieved me of the ventilator apparatus, clearly displeased I'd taken to removing it myself. Though it was irritating to have to tolerate her I knew I didn't have much of a choice. After several agonizingly slow minutes she appeared to be satisfied that I was at least awake and aware. Telling me that she would get me some food and drink then send the doctor in to see me, she bustled out the door once more. I listened to her footsteps recede down the hall, muffled by the thick walls and the faint noises of hospital life.

"So… Trowa and Wu Fei… they're okay?" I asked quietly.

"Yes." Quatre responded in a subdued manner. I could tell he was very upset with me but I didn't want to deal with that at the time. I was going to have to handle myself and my own problems before I worried about smoothing ruffled feathers with anyone else.

"What's the news making of it all?"

Quatre only shook his head, leaning back tiredly in his chair. "The three of you are dead to the world. I can't disappear- I've already been thrust into the position Relena was supposed to…" He trailed off, remembering that yet another friend had been killed. "Well, anyhow, I've put out word that you, Trowa, and Wu Fei were killed in firefights on the colony and that I was the only one to escape."

"So… we're going with new identities or something?" I could feel a pull on my consciousness, as if I were going to fall asleep.

"Yeah, I guess."

"What are you doing here, if you're… you know." I questioned quietly. Surely running the world didn't leave much spare time and staying by my side put both of us in danger.

"I've got the weekend. Tro's here too- he actually just left to get us something to eat. I must have fallen asleep." He yawned as if to emphasize the point and settled down, still refusing to look at me again.

I settled back in the hospital bed and let my gaze drift to the clean white tiled ceiling. "Well… Thanks. For, you know… visiting." I could feel the drugs pulling at my system.

"It's what friends do- look out for each other." He said sleepily.

He probably needed sleep more than I did so I let the silence take over our conversation as we waited for the doctor. There were so many things crowding in my head that I found it hard to grasp at just one of them. Heero, Loki, my friends, my home, my name, my past… all of it was jumbled up inside me. If what Quatre was saying was the truth then I would shortly be giving up my name and everything that was tied into it- my whole past. It's not like I had never done that before but this was different. Now, I actually had something to lose if I forgot it.

Trowa reached the room before I had even begun to sort through my thoughts. He took one glance at Quatre, sleeping soundly in the chair and at me, staring blankly at the ceiling, and opted to set his coffee cups on the table, dropping the bag of take-out beside them.

"When did you wake up?" He asked quietly.

"A few minutes ago." I said dully, not even bothering to look at him.

"How are you feeling?"

"Like I should be dead." I retorted sourly, glaring upwards.

"You probably should be." He chuckled, a sound I rarely ever heard. It startled me into looking over at him and he smiled to himself. "You took quite a beating. If you hadn't been defended they'd have gotten you for sure. It's too bad he didn't make it."

My eyes widened considerably at the words. Had he seen Heero there? "Who?" I asked cautiously, not willing to let my hopes get too high.

"Some guy. I never learned his name. He was shooting like mad at people when I got there but by the time Quatre arrived he'd gone down. He was a good shot."

Someone else had been standing over me. I had seen someone else firing that gun and protecting me while I was fading in and out of consciousness. I controlled my reaction, not allowing even Trowa to see my hopes get dashed. What he said made entirely too much sense- someone, probably Rick, had come along and defended me. With my poor eye-sight and delusional state of mind I had mistaken him for Heero. That was it; it was all just a simple trick of the light and the fact that I hadn't seen Heero in a year.

I was fooled by my own hope.

"Did they get you anything to eat?" He asked suddenly, softly, as though he had realized that he'd said something wrong but didn't know exactly what. "I grabbed Quatre some yogurt but I don't think he would mind if you had some."

"They're bringing something, I think."

As much as I hated hospital food I knew that it would be bland and sterile- I stood more of a chance at keeping it down that way. If I'd been out for two weeks I had no doubts that my stomach was going to throw a fit at being told to work again. I didn't want to think about things like getting out of bed. My muscles, I knew, had already begun to atrophy. It was going to be a while before I was fully recovered. At least whatever kind of painkiller the nurse had given me was taking heavy effect.

Sure enough the nurse returned with some kind of bland, pasty looking meal that tasted like wet cardboard. I downed a few bites under her hawk-like gaze and gave her a weak smile, hoping she would be satisfied. I could already feel my stomach rebelling against having to work and if she was going to try and force me to eat more I would have to throw the bowl and make a run for it or something.

Luckily the few bites seemed to placate her because when the doctor entered she relieved me of the bowl and set it aside to help him. Trowa leaned against the wall to watch me and the world started taking on a faded, far away air as the painkillers took effect in earnest. The doctor asked me a few questions which I answered as best I could. He didn't seem particularly concerned when I told him my muscles were not working like they should be but he allowed me to get out of the bed. I could stand on my own, I discovered, but walking still required a bit of help. I was told that the atrophy hadn't set in very badly and that with a bit of walking and exercise I would be fine.

I informed them of my ability to see when I belatedly realized that Quatre was the only one who knew. He had woken up but apparently it hadn't occurred to him, either. He made a noise of surprise when I spoke up about it and apologized for not making an earlier mention. I was given a quick optical exam and a confused confirmation of my sight- as if I needed one.

The rest of the visit went by in a kind of drug-hazed blur. I remember a couple of physical therapy sessions and a lot of questions, most of which Quatre answered. Although he didn't tell them who I really was I got the feeling that they knew. God knows they dosed me with enough drugs to take down even Heero. I guess no one told them that I was only harder to kill, not drug.

For the most part I spent my time in the little room I'd started in, puttering around when I thought I wouldn't be discovered. They had taken me off of the IV the same day I woke because I seemed to be able to keep food and drink down on my own. That left the simpler monitoring systems to get around- the finger pulse detector and the nurse who seemed to pop up out of nowhere when I was doing something I wasn't supposed to be doing.

Quatre called at least once a day to check up on me and Trowa came to visit every day around lunch time. I didn't hear from Wu Fei but then again I didn't really expect to. Trowa said that he had gotten back and immediately picked up with the Preventers again, though with a different name. Fortunately he wasn't entirely stupid and took a job at the back ranks where he could do quiet work for a few years until the world forgot about all of us.

Not that they would ever forget- we were fucking legends by this time.

The five boys; defenders of peace and pilots of the infamous gundanium-crafted mobile suits.

No, they might not forget us but we would become only stories instead of real people.

None of our pasts would matter any more. We could drop everyone and start with clean slates, with new lives.

I suppose that was for the best, after all… wasn't it?

/End Chapter Twenty Five, Through the Storm/