"Ben."
He lifts his gaze from his dead mentor and looks at his uncle, mouth moving but no sounds coming out. What have I done?
"Ben—we were going to kill him anyways, with the bombing—" Luke tries.
"No!" Ben shakes his head. "It wasn't supposed to happen like this!" I wasn't supposed to murder him when he was already down!
"Ben, it's okay—"
"It's not!" he shouts, every muscle in his body tensed, aching—his eyes feel like they're being squeezed from his skull—his jaw feels like it's about to crack in a million pieces—his fists shake and shake. I'm never going to change!
And Rey—what will she think? Ben's too afraid to try and focus on their bond. She will know. She has to know.
"Ben, he was an evil son of a bitch!" Luke cries.
"Yeah, and I wanted him dead!" But…
Luke wrenches the lightsaber out of Ben's hands. "We need to get out of here before they bring everyone down on us!"
Ben shakes his head.
"Pull yourself together! I need you to do that!" Luke grabs him by his shoulder, shaking him. "Come on, Ben!"
"I don't want to be a murderer anymore," Ben whispers.
"So don't be. You have a choice, Ben. You always have a choice." Luke grips Ben by the side of his face, and terror rushes through Ben—this is an exact repeat. I've learned nothing. Nothing's changed…
It's not. It's not. It's not.
"Come on," Luke encourages him.
Come home. We miss you.
He feels as if tensions exploding inside of him, straining to get out, but his stubborn skin won't give. He can't stand this. These threads of hopelessness—they sink into him, they implant, they poison him and they won't let him go.
"Ben," Luke says, and Ben forces himself to meet his uncle's eyes, look into the eyes of the man he wanted to kill, the man he hated for taking him away from his parents, for keeping secrets from him, for condemning him. The man who now holds onto his face like his father did, except Luke's fingers aren't falling. The man whose eyes plead with him, brow crinkled with concern—is this the same look Luke gave his own father?
He feels Rey in his mind, her concern and her worry, her love.
"Help me," he pleads, saying the words he wanted to scream at his parents when they left him with his uncle and asked if he needed anything.
"No. I'm fine," he said.
"I will," Luke promises.
The Light. It's there. He feels it again, and he clings to it as Ben lets his uncle pull him to his feet.
Darkness pervades Rey's mind, and she's terrified. Vomit roils in her stomach, bubbles up her throat. She has visions—glimpses—of what's happened.
Ben, no! Rey screams. She doesn't want to lose him. Not to the Dark. She wants the Light, and she wants him to stay with it.
Hux's TIE fighter plunges towards the surface of Snoke's planet, and Rey jerks the controls to head after it. Rage surges inside of her. She wants to destroy it—all of it—the Dark—it's stolen so much. So much from her. So much from Ben, from Leia and Luke.
She has no idea how, but she suspects killing Hux isn't the way to go.
Capturing him, on the other hand…
Light still thrums in her bond with Ben, and Rey holds into it as she holds her breath, skimming the surface of a churning river and—shit!
The wing hits the edge of a rock, and the TIE fighter hits the water. Gasping, Rey hits the eject button, escaping into the water. The cold cuts at her like a knife as she swallows a mouthful. She reaches for another rock, but her hand slips on the moss—shit, shit, no—
Part of the wing from her TIE fighter flies at her. Rey gasps.
Wrong move.
It slams into her head and pushes her back underwater. It fills her lungs as she grapples for the surface, reminding of the time, at age seven, she almost drowned in the sinking sands on Jakku. If another scavenger hadn't taken pity on her, she would have suffocated.
Rey's fingers scrape something hard, and then the current pushes her entire hand into it. She grunts in pain, but it's a rock, and she tries to drag herself up it, moss be damned.
Her head breaks the surface and Rey chokes up water, spluttering and gagging even though she doesn't have time to do that yet, not when she's still in the river. Her foot slips and she almost tumbles back in, but Rey manages to hang on, summoning all her strength to pull herself onto the rock and out of the water.
Rey gasps, retching up water and mucus. She shivers.
Hux.
Rey's head snaps to the side, and she sees the redheaded general aiming a blaster at her. One hand flies to her lightsaber and her other hand soars up, blocking the bolt inches from her face.
Hux's expression contorts in rage, but before he can fire again, the pew of another blaster cuts through the air. Hux clutches his shoulder and screams.
"Throw your weapon down now or you'll get the Wookiee's bowcaster next time," Poe's voice rings out. "Kylo Ren may have survived that, but he's, you know, a lot stronger than you. I wouldn't count on being so lucky."
"Poe!" Rey exclaims.
"Finn let me know you and Hux were headed our way," Poe informs her as Hux drops his weapon and Chewie bounds over to him.
"And the Finalizer?"
"It's in stormtroopers' hands." Poe grins.
"No!" spits out Hux.
Chewie smacks the general on the head.
"Don't touch me!"
"Chewie doesn't take orders from anyone except Han Solo, and maybe Princess Leia," Poe informs Hux.
Hux spits out something that sounds very much like Ren.
Rey climbs to her feet, balancing on the rock. She's not far from the edge, but she'll need something. "Your bombing run?" she asks as she focuses on a sturdy looking tree branch and holds out her hand. It cracks.
"Didn't happen—we were getting concerned—I was about to fly here anyways—"
"The First Order lives," Hux gasps, looking like a drowning man coming up for air. "There's hope—you won't—"
"Please shut the hell up," Poe snaps. "My boyfriend's told me about you."
The stick flies into Rey's hand. She wobbles and tests it. Should work.
Chewie grumbles.
"Okay," Rey agrees, and Poe steps forward to point a blaster at Hux's head as the Wookiee comes closer to help Rey, should she need it.
Rey thrusts the stick out, planting it deep in the river bed, and swings out, launching herself into the air.
Chewie grabs her as her legs splash into the edge, pulling her to safety. Rey laughs.
And Poe howls.
Hux kicks him in the knee and drives an elbow into Poe's belly. The blaster flies into the air, and Hux snatches it.
"Didn't need the Force to do that," Hux says coolly as he aims the blaster at Poe's skull.
"Give it up, Hux," says another voice from the forest. Luke. He emerges, with a haggard-looking Ben. Rey wants to run to him.
"There's nothing more to fight for," Luke continues. "If you fire that blaster, my nephew and Rey will stop the bolt. There's no point in even trying."
Hux's eyes flicker to both of them.
"Snoke is dead," Luke adds.
"What?" Hux's lips rise in a sneer.
"I killed him," Ben confesses, but he sounds anything but proud. His voice trembles, his hands shake, and his eyes, saturated with shame, meet Rey's.
I killed one more person who didn't want to die.
Rey grasps for what she can, for what the Light's showing her. You're horrified, aren't you? You have remorse. That's the Light.
"Well, he didn't deserve to be in charge of the First Order, then," snaps Hux.
"Who does? You?" Ben retorts, and then the arm holding Hux's blaster flies out and fires—not at Poe, but at Ben.
"No!" Rey's hand swings out, stopping the bolt inches from—Luke.
Luke, who's suddenly in front of his nephew, grimacing as if he expected to get shot.
You jumped in front of him.
"You have got to teach me that trick," Luke manages as Ben stumbles back.
"I don't understand," Hux breathes, looking wildly from Ben to Luke to Rey. "Why? How?"
"The Force?" Rey offers.
"That's not—none of this makes sense! He killed your dreams!" screams Hux, gesturing towards Ben with the blaster. Rey reaches for it, and Hux sees what she's doing.
He doesn't fire at her, though. He aims the blaster at his own skull.
"Stop!" Rey wrenches the blaster out of his grip, catching it in her own.
"Why?" Hux screams at her. "Don't pity me, you bitch!"
Chewie roars.
"Why does my life matter to you?" Hux screams as Chewie grabs the man and restrains him. "I don't understand! I don't understand any of you!"
"Some things can't be explained through order," Rey snaps.
"Fuck you," Hux spits.
Chewie snarls in Hux's face, and he blanches, but at least, Rey supposes, he understands that threat.
"Phasma's still out here," Luke says, his hand on Ben's shoulder. Ben is still gaping at his uncle. "As, presumably, are dozens of stormtroopers."
"Let's go, then," Rey says softly.
"Leave me with them," Hux pleads.
"Um, no. You just tried to commit suicide and the First Order might actually trade for you," Poe responds, getting to his feet and brushing dirt off his pants.
Hux throws back his head and laughs. The sound sends chills up Rey's spine. "They wouldn't."
"You're all they have left," Luke points out.
"And you're going what? Just let me go if they agree to do what? Give you all their weapons? You should know I believe in the First Order and I'll fight for them—" Hux's face grows red as he shouts. Chewie drags him along.
"You won't have the Force," Luke calls.
"Fuck the Force!" Hux screams, and then he's sobbing. "I don't understand! I don't understand!"
Rey turns to Ben, who watches her with fear she hasn't seen on his face since the night she slashed his face with her lightsaber.
Do you think I'll reject you?
I let the Dark influence me again, Rey. I murdered him. He swallows as Poe rolls his eyes in the background. I don't know that I'll ever be able to fully be Light.
"Maybe you won't. And maybe I won't either," Rey says aloud, clenching her own fists and then loosening them. "But neither of us want to hurt anyone. I want to use the Force for good, like Luke does, and you do too. I can feel it. That's not hopeless."
He shifts his arms, opening his hands and Rey runs to him, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him. He hesitates and then give in, kissing her, and she feels gratitude and hope and love flowing into her from their bond.
"May I make a suggestion?" Poe asks. "Let's get walking. But that wasn't my suggestion," he adds hastily. "I know I don't have the Force or I'm not sensitive to it or whatever, so maybe I'm just talking about something I have no business talking about, but—"
"Your opinions are always welcome," Rey informs him.
"Well good to know." Poe scratches the back of his head. "But anyways, you know, even people without the Force—we mess up. A lot. Look at your pal Hux."
"He's never been my pal," Ben counters, scowling. His fingers find Rey's, and she squeezes his.
"Colleague. Whatever. The point is, we get angry. We hurt people too. You aren't as special as you'd like to think." Poe winks as they climb up the ramp onto the Falcon. R2 bleeps and greets them. Rey smiles at the droid.
"We're off to save your boyfriend!" Luke yells from the cockpit. Hux glares at them from the medbay, where Chewie clearly restrained him.
"Great!" Poe hollers before turning back to them. "I know you're supposed to avoid the Dark Side because it's consuming and destructive and all that shit. But maybe you should give yourselves a little grace here and there. You aren't going to be perfect."
"Poe, I murdered Snoke," Ben states. "Along with—"
"And you've maybe saved the galaxy too," Poe snaps. "It's war. No one gets out clean. I'm not saying it's okay, because it's not. What I am saying is that you don't have to let what you've done consume you. You don't have to spend the rest of your days miserable. You don't have to let it drive you to the Dark Side or further in the Dark Side or anything like that. Not if you don't want to. Isn't that the definition of the Dark Side? That fear and hate—they get you and they trap you, and they invert and they're directed at yourself as much as they're directed at whatever else it is you need to purge from the galaxy?"
"I'll never be able to be a Light Side Jedi," Ben whispers. "Not purely. I've done too much—I could spend the rest of my life fully on the Light Side and I'll still wrestle with the Dark."
"So become a Jedi as best you can and trust Rey to be able to balance you when you need help. And vice versa." Poe bites his lip. "Finn brings out the best in me, you know. You two…" He lets it drop.
I love you, Rey thinks as she watches Ben. I love you because you understand me. I love you because you know me. I love you because you're Ben, and you were brave enough to change. You're brave enough to try. And…
She wants to speak this aloud, so he hears it in her voice. "You're a lot more like your father than you know."
Ben's eyes mist. "You're kind of like Luke, you know that?"
"I may not have any family left," Rey admits. "But I can make one. And I want you and Luke and your mother and Poe and Finn in it."
Ben grabs Rey and kisses her again, his lips gently embracing hers, and then his grip tightens, and their hearts beat together and she forgets what hands are hers and what are his. I love you.
Who said it?
She's not even sure.