A/N: Hey! Thanks for all of the incredible reviews on the last chapter—I was absolutely blown away!

The orange juice line got amazing feedback—looks like it was the reader favorite. : ) A couple of people were wondering about it though, so I'll recap: go back to chapter 22 to the part where they go grocery shopping. We see Tony kind of stop and realize that, just like Gibbs said it would in a previous chapter, "It just was." In other words, that's when he realized he loved her. It just hit him, simple like that. He realized that she was the only one he ever wanted to see picking out his orange juice—meaning, he wanted her to always be with him, forever, even for the little things like that. He didn't explain its significance to Ziva yet though, see keep your eyes open for that.

Today we get more answers, and it's a bit uncomfortable. We have only a handful of chapters left, unfortunately, but it's all going to work out. : )

Thanks!

Autumn

"There is no witness so dreadful, no accuser so terrible as the conscience that dwells in the heart of every man."-- Polybius

Ziva pulled the trigger of her weapon in an instant, Abdi was on the floor, the students screaming and sobbing. SWAT teams rushed in just then, swarming around the room quickly as students were pulled out.

Through the crowd, Tony and Ziva's eyes met in a still world, all else silent, just before they too were ushered out of the room.

Ziva sat in the back of the NCIS truck far down the road from the school. The command post had been set up there, far enough away from the building so that no lives would be in danger from any possible explosion, and then some, just in case there was a second bomb planted elsewhere to take out first responders.

Both Ducky and Gibbs had insisted on checking her on their arrival, tight embraces given by both. The students had already been taken in to the hospital, and she had no idea where Tony was. Ziva sat there silently, wrapped in a blanket Gibbs had fished out for her, a cup of coffee beside her. She couldn't drink it though. She couldn't even move, though subconsciously she knew someone would be coming to take her statement soon.

Gibbs and McGee were "discussing" jurisdiction, Ziva guessed.

As if on cue, Tony appeared at her side. "Hey," he said, sitting down beside her. She didn't speak, she didn't move. "You okay?"

Ziva finally looked at him. She was composed, her posture perfect as always. But there was a look in her eye Tony couldn't decipher. "He was my mission."

"What?"

"Call SecNav," Ziva said. She bit her lip, seeming to fall back into their world for a moment. "Thank you." She couldn't say more, not yet.

"Ziva, what's going on?"

"Just call him. Tell him what happened. Tell him I am here."

"You want him to come down here?"

Ziva nodded. "Immediately."

"Is everything alright?"

She looked at him strangely. "I hope so."

SecNav arrived on scene within the hour. The entire team was baffled as to why he would cancel his other plans and meetings, but they trusted Ziva despite her elusiveness about the situation. She merely sat in the back of the truck, silent. McGee took her statement—she would write up her formal one later—and then left to await the arrival of SecNav.

"Mr. Secretary," McGee greeted him at the command post where he was getting out of his car, motioning to his driver to go find a place to park the car.

"Agent McGee. Where's Agent David?"

"Ziva?" McGee blinked. "Follow me, Mr. Secretary."

McGee led the older man down the road to where the MCRT truck waited with Ziva inside, Gibbs, Tony, and the newly-arrived Director Vance in a circle surrounding her.

"Agent David," he greeted her. McGee and Gibbs exchanged a look, but Tony kept his eyes on her.

Ziva's eyes snapped to him, and she seemed to awaken from her stony state. "Mr. Secretary."

"Have they been briefed?" he asked her.

"I thought it would be best to wait for you," she explained.

SecNav sighed and looked to the group. "Go ahead."

"Abdi…" Ziva began tentatively. "Abdi was my mission."

"Your mission?" McGee repeated.

Ziva looked almost helplessly to the SecNav. "I am an agent."

"You're a what?" Gibbs asked.

"The reason Agent David left NCIS five years ago was not only to protect her partner, but to complete this mission," the Secretary explained simply. "That's why she was issued a firearm that she kept concealed in her classroom."

"Ziva?" Tony looked at her and she shook her head a little.

"It was our deal," she said.

"I had intel that Abdi was behind the other bombings. I knew he was after David--"

"What?" Ziva stood up, surprised.

"You didn't know?" Vance questioned her.

"I had no idea he was after me. This is why you placed me at Allegro? To attract Abdi?"

"You did your job. You neutralized the threat."

"While endangering my students, my kids! You put the lives every person at that school in danger! Do you even know why Abdi was a threat?" SecNav looked at her expectantly. "He was bullied his entire life, and he blamed me for never helping him. He was mentally ill, I'm sure of it. I saw him in there, Tony saw him in there. He was confused. But he was looking for a way out."

"At least he was neutralized. No other lives have been endangered today, or will be because of him."

"Is that all this was to you? Is that all I was to you? An asset? Did you even think of how many people could have been killed? Children! Six hundred children could have died today, not to mention the staff, and Tony…" Ziva sighed, exasperated. "This is unbelievable," she laughed wryly. "You are just like Eli. I should've known. I should've seen this sooner. You know, for five years I let you screw with my life for Tony's sake, for the sake of the mission. I went to college, got my degree, moved back here, let my heart be just ripped open, all for the sake of the mission. And what good did it do? I told myself every day, every ten minutes that it was worth it, and… You know, I'm glad I did it. I'm glad Tony got to keep his job. But you used me, you used these kids, these innocent kids for your own agenda."

"Are you done, Agent David?"

She looked at him for a long moment, restraining herself from slapping him, punching him, bringing her knife to him, even only in warning. He was lucky her sidearm had been taken from her after firing it. "I had to keep this from the only people I could trust, the people I had to leave for five years. So yes. I'm done." Ziva dropped the blanket on the back of the truck and began to walk away, pushing past the Secretary.

Tony stood there for a moment, looking at his superior with disgust before following Ziva.

"Hey, wait up," he called to her, jogging to catch up. The sky was overcast and the air tingled with threats of raining.

She stopped at the top of a small hill that overlooked the scene below, a fence marking where Allegro's property began and ended. "I am sorry," she said, pacing. "I broke Gibbs number one rule: Don't screw over your partner. I'm sorry, I should have told you the truth from the beginning, but I did not think--"

"Hey, it's fine. I get it. You had orders." His voice was low, but understanding. "You may not like them, but you follow them. That's why they're called 'orders'."

"No, Tony, do not do that. Do not use my own words--"

"In your defense?"

"I do not deserve to be defended! I lied to you, to Gibbs, after everything that has happened!" she kicked the fence in frustration.

"You're right though."

"I was misguided. How could I not see? How could I not connect the, the spots?"

"Dots."

"Not with Ari, not with Eli, not with SecNav… Ah!" She kicked the fence again.

"It's not your fault, Ziva."

"Of course it is. If I had done more for Abdi in school, he would not be dead. If I had just believed Gibbs about Ari, and seen through Eli, and the Secretary…"

Tony grabbed her shoulders, stopping her. "This was not your fault. None of it was. You were just a kid."

"But what about now? I could have--"

"You can't do this to yourself, Ziva. You're not to blame."

"But I am. There have been so many times I saw something and could have stopped it and--"

"This was not your fault," he said slowly, emphasizing each word as she looked up at him.

"And why not?" She shrank, just a fraction.

"There was nothing you could've done," Tony said. "Nothing you could've done. Understand?"

She sighed a little and shrugged. "Not yet," Ziva replied honestly.

Tony nodded. "You will. I'm gonna tell you this every day until you do, got it?"

"Why?"

"'Cause that's what you did for me. Makes sense, I guess."

"At least something does," she said.

The drive back to NCIS was a quiet one. Tony volunteered to take Ziva to headquarters for their official statements.

"So," he said as they pulled into the Naval Yard. "You, uh, still gotta do the same paperwork I do?"

Ziva smiled a little at his attempt to lighten the mood. "More than you do, actually. Abdi was my assignment, after all. And I discharged my weapon."

"Can I take some for you? Fill out some stuff, you know, generic stuff?" he offered. They parked and got out of the car, and they began to walk.

"I guess," she said. "I might have a couple of forms for you." She smiled gratefully at him over her shoulder as they walked.

"You still carry your badge and gun? I mean, other than at school?"

Ziva nodded. "Yes, though the sidearm not as often. Usually I keep it at home. But my badge? Yes." She opened her leather messenger bag and dug it out of a pocket, studying it for a moment. "It's been a long time since I wore it," she mused, then put it in its rightful place at her waist.

"Better," he grinned. Ziva's expression grew pensive. "What?"

They had stopped at the small park across from the Barry. "Orange juice."

Tony gazed at her for a long moment and she looked back up at him. "Not yet," he said quietly, and took a step forward when he was stopped by her hand.

"You really thought we were going to die? Is that why you… Is that why you said what you said?"

Tony stepped back, meeting her again. "I said what I said because I thought that maybe this was it. Maybe I lost all of my chances."

She hesitated. "So you meant it?"

He opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by McGee. "You guys comin' in?" he called across the street from their building.

"Yeah," Tony called back. He took her hand and squeezed it for a moment. "Later we'll head to a diner or somethin'? We can talk then?"

She nodded and gave him a half smile. "Whoever finishes their paperwork first pays? It's even now."

Tony eyed here. "You're on."

They walked into the building with a quick pace and opened the doors of the lobby. Before they reached security, they were approached by a younger agent.

"Agent David," he greeted her. He could have graduated from college yesterday with his babyish features and small stature.

"Yes?"

"I'm Agent Bronski. I have orders to escort you to the conference room."

Tony stepped forward. "Whose orders?"

"I'm not obliged to share that information--"

"Whose orders?" Tony asked, straightening his posture for a more intimidating affect.

Bronski shrunk a little. "Uh, ah, Director Vance's, sir."

"I'll escort her, Probie."

"I-I'm not a-"

Tony brushed past him, his hand at the small of Ziva's back, leading her a little. "Sure you are, Probie," he grinned as they walked away. He looked to her now. "Any idea what they want?"

Ziva shook her head. "After today…" she shrugged. "Could be anything."

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