A/N: Chapter 24.

Finally, Alice is back to school. It's about time, huh?

Thank you to everyone who reviewed, it means a lot. Especially you, Kat, you leave such detailed reviews and you catch things others don't. I love all your little thoughts and theories.

Also, to the person who reviewed saying they thought this story is a piece of rubbish: I'm sorry that you don't like the plot, and that you think it is odd. Fair enough, that's your opinion. You want to report it? Be my guest, really. But I'd like to see the grounds on which you'd do so. If you had actually explained why my story is 'utterly indecent and a nightmare' then I might have understood, but you didn't. In fact, you didn't make any constructive comments at all. What I don't understand is why you read 85,000 odd words before you realised you didn't like the story. Sigh.

Anyway, yet again, Juniper294 deserves a lot of praise. I don't know what I'd do without her. She did write a sentence in this chapter, so I give the credit to her for that.

Disclaimer: I can spend hours dreaming about meeting Jasper, but guess what? He isn't real, because Stephenie Meyer created him. Dammit, SM, make him real. Oh, wait, Jackson Rathbone! *grins*

Chapter 24 - Paranoia

5th January 2009

Alice POV

I pulled on the sweater slowly, wondering why the hell I was doing this. I slid my plimsolls onto my feet and tied them up precisely. I knew exactly what I was trying to do, I was stalling so that I'd be so late that I'd miss the bus and wouldn't have to go through with what I was planning.

But I knew that I couldn't do that, Jasper was downstairs waiting for me, and if I missed the bus, then he would too. He'd arrived ten minutes ago. He was early; almost as if he knew I'd be doing all that I could to not go. I grabbed my bag from beside my bed and slowly made my way downstairs. Jasper was standing at the bottom of the stairs waiting for me; he didn't say anything as I stopped in front of him.

"Are you sure you don't want me to give you a lift?" Mom asked as she stepped into the room. It was so tempting; in fact, apart from running back upstairs and hiding under my covers, getting a lift was at the top of my 'want' list. But I shook my head, I had to do this on my own, or at least with Jasper by my side. I had to do it properly. And anyway, if Mom gave us a lift, then she'd be late for her first day back at work after the so called festive season, and I couldn't do that to her. I'd made her miss enough work as it was.

"No, I have to do this," I murmured, more to myself than anyone. My voice was feeble and weak. I couldn't even convince myself, let alone my mother and Jasper.

"We should get going," Jasper said. I knew, of course, that we had to leave soon. As if we didn't, we'd miss the bus, and we would then have to end up walking to school. But I was terrified, terrified of their stares, terrified of their hushed chats behind my back. I was just terrified of going back to school.

"You can do this," Jasper murmured into my ear as we slowly made our way down the road towards the bus stop that was right at the end of my street. I didn't answer him, because I didn't know if I could do this.

Even before we'd gotten to the end of the road I could hear people. There were others waiting at the bus stop. I should have known. What else was I expecting? That there wouldn't be people waiting to get on the school bus?

"Just ignore them. Imagine they aren't there," Jasper murmured soothingly into my ear. He understood so much. Without having to tell him, he knew exactly what I was feeling. But I couldn't ignore the way they stopped talking as I walked around the corner. I didn't miss the look they gave me, even though it was brief. There were only four of them standing there. I didn't recognise them from school, they must have been new in September, but they still knew. They'd heard the stories, everyone had.

I stopped moving and looked at each of their faces in turn. None of them looked me in the eyes. They all turned away when they knew I'd caught them looking. I started to have shortness of breath when they did that. I couldn't take in enough oxygen to calm myself down, and I was only at the bus stop. What would happen when I got on the bus? What would happen when I got to school? What would happen when I was sitting in lesson without Jasper sitting beside me?

I was tempted to turn around when the bus drove round the corner. I instantly moved so that Jasper was between me and the bus. He reached behind him without looking and grabbed my hand. He squeezed it gently then slowly pulled me towards the bus.

It was silent as I stepped on, maybe it was my mind playing tricks on me, but I felt as if everyone's eyes were on me as I slid into the first row of seats, desperate to be out of sight. I wouldn't look the same to them, considering my hair was now significantly shorter than what it used to be, but they'd still recognise me.

I hunched over in the chair and curled my legs up against my chest, the bus was full of chatter, but paranoia got the best of me and I couldn't help but think that the chatter was about me.

"I'm here," Jasper whispered, staring at me intently.

"What is wrong with me?" I asked, more to myself than anyone. Why was I reacting like this? Why was I so paranoid about what people were thinking of me? I hadn't done anything wrong. I hadn't caused any catastrophes.

I was just Alice Brandon.

I wasn't the girl whose boyfriend died in front of her. I wasn't the girl that had remained inside her room for the last three months. I wasn't the girl who was terrified of stepping inside the school gates in case the pain that had consumed her before came back again.

I was just Alice Brandon.

I kept telling myself that, over and over again, it went round in my mind. I was just Alice Brandon. And it worked, right up until the bus stopped outside the school gates.

My eyes were closed, scrunched so tightly that even the smallest of lights couldn't get in. I was only minutely aware of the sounds of other students getting off the bus. I didn't even try to think about what they were saying as soon as they were out of earshot.

"Give me your hand."

Jasper's voice reached out to me through the barrier I was trying to put up around myself. I didn't think about what I was doing as I held my hand out absently. He took it, curling his warm hand around my cold one.

"Open your eyes, Alice," he instructed, his voice calm and soothing.

I felt the tears spring in my eyes as I slowly opened them, when my eyes landed on his I felt the tears roll slowly down my cheeks.

"I don't know if I can do this, Jasper," I murmured. My voice was so small, so broken, that it was practically inaudible.

"You can do this, Alice, and you will," he reassured me, squeezing my hand as he spoke. "And I will help you every tiny step of the way. I'm here for you."

Go with him, Alice.

I can't. I can't go back in there.

Yes you can, Jasper will help you.

I know. But what if the pain gets to me? What if it all returns and I turn back into the thing that I was before?

You won't let that happen, you're stronger than that.

I sighed. Even my conscience was telling me that I could do it.

I wiped the tears away from my eyes, even though I knew it was stupid to do so. I would only be crying again in a minute.

"Don't leave me," I begged him, grasping his other hand with my own.

"I promise I won't," he replied. I exhaled slowly and nodded at him, I had to do this. I couldn't stay on the bus any longer. Everyone else was getting off, and I could tell the bus driver was getting impatient with the wait. I knew this because he kept turning around and looking in our direction.

My legs felt like jelly as I stood up and tried to walk on them, if Jasper didn't have a strong hold on my hand, I knew I'd fall down, or run away. I wasn't sure which. But as we got closer to the front gate, not even his strong hold on me could keep me together.

"I can't do this," I said as I grounded me feet and refused to move. Jasper didn't try to force me.

"You can," he assured me. I didn't believe him.

"No, Jasper, I really can't," I gasped as tears started rolling from my eyes and I began to get shortness of breath yet again. I couldn't do this. I couldn't walk into school again without Robbie by my side. This isn't how it was supposed to be, Robbie was always by my side on the first day back to school.

But now he was gone, and I had to walk by the spot where his life had ended. How was I meant to do that? How was I meant to look at the place it happened and just ignore the fact that it was the last place I saw him?

As if he knew that I was questioning everything again, he sighed and looked around quickly. "Give me your bag," he instructed.

"What?"

"Give me your bag," he repeated as he held out his hand for it. I did as he told and passed it to him then watched in astonishment as he slung it over his shoulder with his own bag.

My brow furrowed in confusion, but thankfully my tears dried up. "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to carry you," he stated simply.

I was speechless as he finished, and I was sure my expression questioned his sanity just a little. "But… you… no…"

"No buts, Alice," he said, silencing me. "If you can't walk through there on your own then I'll do it for you."

I opened my mouth to say something but he cut me off again as he raised his eyebrow at me. I guess I was about to start my sentence with but.

I knew what he was doing, it was like reverse psychology. He was offering me an easier way out that he knew I wouldn't be able to accept, not unless I wanted to attract more attention to myself.

"No," I said, more firmly this time. "If you carry me now, people will be watching. If I don't do this now, what will I be like tomorrow, and the day after that? Will you have to carry me in then, too?"

"If I have to," he stated simply, nodding. His offer was seriously tempting, and if there weren't as many people around, I most probably would have accepted. But I couldn't. I had to prove to them that I could do this, and that I wasn't weak, and that I didn't need someone to rely on.

I looked back towards the gates, and noticed that there weren't as many people as there used to be standing in the parking lot. But even so, there were enough people to witness me walking through there, or Jasper carrying me in, as he'd offered.

I don't know how long I stood there staring ahead of me, but Jasper didn't once tell me to hurry up. He was patient, because he understood just how hard this was for me.

When I finally started moving, he was by my side in an instant. Again, he didn't say anything, and I silently thanked him because in my mind, I kept telling myself the same things over and over, just like before.

There is nothing to be scared about. It is just a parking lot. There is nothing to be scared about. It is just a parking lot.

I'd like to think that it worked, but it didn't, not really. It was as if someone was calling my name, telling me to look at them, taunting me. I tried not to look, but as I told myself to keep looking ahead, I felt my whole body shifting towards where it happened.

My memories were nothing compared to the real thing, but they were still clear enough for me to hear the sound of the wheels, and to see the way he was laying on the floor afterwards.

I felt an arm wrap around my shoulder, but it wasn't a comforting or soothing embrace. No, it was more forceful, as if they intended on making me move.

But I couldn't look away, even as Jasper instructed me to close my eyes and keep walking, I still didn't look away. Jasper's arm tightened around my shoulder, and we started moving quicker.

When the warmth of heating inside the school hit me, I closed my eyes and very nearly fell to the floor. Jasper was the only thing holding me up, and for a moment, I had to concentrate on my breathing, so that I didn't choke on the tears that were pouring from my eyes.

There were only a few people in the corridor, which was strange, considering it was the start of school. But I couldn't concentrate on that fact for long, as Jasper wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer.

"Its okay, Alice," Jasper whispered as he held me tightly against his chest and soothingly ran his fingers through my short hair. "You're through the hardest part now."

The way he was holding me comforted me, and pacified the emotions that were running rampant inside my chest, until finally I had stopped crying. I pulled away, looking up at him straight away.

I opened my mouth to say something, but he stopped me with a quick, albeit weak smile, and shook his head.

"You have nothing to thank me for," he murmured. My brow furrowed slightly, and I wanted to ask him how he knew that I was going to thank him. But before I could get a word out, I heard Rosalie and Emmett call my name.

I quickly wiped at my eyes before turning to look at them. They would know that I had been crying, but in that moment, there was nothing I could do to prevent them from knowing.

I realised, as they looked at me, that this was the first time that they would have seen my new hair. It had grown back randomly by the time December arrived and it had looked a mess. Thankfully Mom had called a local hairdresser to come to the house to sort it out before I went back to school. It was short and the ends stuck out at random angles, it was different. That was all I could think of when I looked at it. Different, just as I was.

Emmett and Rosalie stared at me cautiously without saying a word. I didn't know why the silence angered me, it just did. Maybe it was the fact that they found it awkward to be around me? Or maybe it was the fact that they had tried on many different occasions to get me to talk to them, and yet now, they had the chance and they were the ones not speaking.

I stared at them, wondering if they were going to prove me wrong, but a second later, the bell rang then, making me jump. I looked at Jasper with an alarmed expression on my face.

I didn't share my first class with him. I had biology with Rosalie. But I didn't look in her direction as Emmett kissed her goodbye. I didn't need to see their public show of affection.

"You'll be fine," Jasper murmured, obviously sensing my anxiety. "Just pretend they aren't there. The class will be over before you know it. I'll see you in English second period."

I nodded even though I didn't believe a word he had just said about it being over before I knew it. If that were the case, it would already be over.

"Everything's going to be okay, Alice," he reassured me before giving me a weak smile then turning away. I still didn't believe him. I didn't miss the look his threw at Rosalie before he started to walk away with Emmett.

It was then that I realised I hadn't seen Edward or Bella yet, usually they would have been here by now.

"He's really good with you," Rosalie murmured as we stepped away from the spot we had been standing. I didn't reply because I didn't know what to say to a comment like that. I wasn't a baby; he didn't have to be good with me. When she realised she wasn't about to get a reply from me she went silent.

My hands were shaking, and I knew it was because of how nervous I was, as we reached the science block. There were too many people here, too many eyes on me, so it seemed. I tried to do what Jasper had said, and pretend that they weren't there, but it was futile.

There was too much noise here to be able to block it out. But finally Mr Banner let the class in and thankfully Rosalie took the seat right at the back. Intentionally or not, I still silently thanked her.

When Mr Banner spotted me his eyes widened slightly, but he diverted them just as quickly when he realised I was looking.

"It's nice to see you again, Alice," he exclaimed awkwardly, making everyone turn around to look at me. I stared at the desk with clenched teeth as I begged for them all to turn around. Only when Mr Banner started talking again did I look up.

Thankfully he gave us all new work to do which meant I didn't have to play catch up straight away. The room filled with low chatter as Mr Banner sat at his desk and signalled for me to go and talk to him. I think he realised I didn't like the attention, and so he didn't call my name out this time.

"Alice," he began. "It's good to have you back, but you missed a lot while you were gone. The material we learned in class will be on the end-of-the semester final and you're going to have to learn what you missed to pass."

I didn't look at him because I knew full well that I had missed a lot of lessons, and didn't need him reminding me. Thankfully, he continued.

"What I'm trying to say, is that in lieu of you being held back a year, we are offering you the chance to go to the after school classes the principal set up for seniors who are struggling with certain subjects."

"When are these sessions?" I asked, not knowing what else to say to him. His expression told me that he was pleased with my answer, almost as if he wasn't expecting me to cooperate.

"They will be starting again next week. It varies with each subject, but usually the Biology sessions are on Monday's."

I nodded and watched as he gave the awkward smile that teacher's always seemed to wear when they were finished talking and wanted you to sit down again. I looked back towards my desk, then back at Mr Banner again. He smiled again and reached for a stack of books on his desk.

I took as my queue, and made my way back to my desk quickly. When I sat down, Rosalie put her put down and looked at me.

"What did he want?" she asked, nodding to the front of the classroom.

"Just to tell me about the sessions Mr Green has set up after school," I told her, editing out the part where he said I'd missed some important classes. I wanted to evade that whole subject completely.

She nodded. "Yeah, I've heard about those classes."

I didn't respond, not really knowing what to say to her. She didn't say anything more as she picked her pen up and started on her work once again. We were both silent for a moment as we completed the work that had been set. It saddened me how much things had changed in such a small space of time. Rosalie and I were never this quiet, never.

But finally she broke the silence. "Emmett got his acceptance letter from West Point College yesterday," she murmured in a sad voice. I was filled with a brief spell of happiness. Emmett had dreamed of going to West Point for years and he had finally got his chance.

"You don't sound too happy about that," I replied, feeling grateful for the sudden change in topic. This was more like us, talking about things that were happening within our friendship group. It felt like the most normal conversation I'd had since the start of October.

She sighed. "I am happy for him. It's just…"

She didn't continue and I knew exactly what she wanted to say. "It's just you don't know how you will cope with being apart," I whispered in a broken voice. I had been grateful for the topic change. But once again it led to the one thing I didn't want to think about.

"Yeah," she whispered back. "I'm sorry, I didn't think."

I bit the side of my cheek as I tried to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill. "You shouldn't have to think."

I closed my eyes as I felt them watering. If I started to cry then I would be drawing unwanted attention to myself. I felt Rosalie take my hand in hers. Her skin felt so warm compared to my own.

"You're so strong, Alice," she murmured as she squeezed my hand. "So much stronger than I would ever be."

I squeezed my eyes shut tighter. Was she deliberately trying to make me cry?

"Stop," I gasped. "Please stop talking about it."

I opened my eyes then just in time to see her nod and wipe at her eyes. So she had cried when I'd managed to hold them in, just. We barely talked for the rest of the lesson, but it wasn't as awkward as before.

"Would you like me to walk you to your next lesson?" she asked as we walked out of the classroom.

"I don't need babysitting," I snapped a little more angrily than I should have done.

Her face puckered at the change of my mood. "I'm sorry, I just thought you wouldn't want to be on your own," she mumbled as she looked at the ground.

"Well you thought wrong," I lied. If it had been Jasper who was with me right now then it would have been me asking him to walk me to my next lesson, not the other way around. I wasn't sure why he was so different.

As soon as Rosalie walked away from me I started to regret my actions. I should have just sucked it up and told her that I needed her to walk me to my lesson. But instead I ended up practically running to lesson before the paranoia really managed to set in again.

When I got to the English block I immediately started looking out for Jasper. I saw him straight away and found comfort in the face that he was looking for me, too. I went straight towards him and pretty much pressed my body into the corner next to him.

"How was your first lesson?" he asked in a hopeful tone.

I grimaced. "Awful. I made Rosalie cry."

He frowned. "Ah. You want to talk about it?"

I shook my head quickly. "Not really. Let's just get this lesson over with," I muttered as I watched people walking into the classroom.

I couldn't help but think that the last lesson I had shared with Robbie was English. The realisation almost brought me to tears, but yet again I held them back somehow.

Thankfully Jasper still sat alone, and so I quickly took the seat next to him. I noticed that my old table was still empty, and it would stay that way, too.

It felt as if everyone's eyes were on me when I walked into the cafeteria with a very quiet Bella. It was as if I was the new student. Or as we always saw it, the shiny new toy that everyone stared at. Except I wasn't shiny or new, I was rusty, old and broken. Yet people still stared.

"Do you want me to get you some food so you can sit down?" Bella asked in a cautious voice.

The anger fizzled under my skin as quickly as the words came out of my mouth. "He died, Bella. I didn't lose the ability to pick my own fucking lunch," I growled at her.

Her bottom lip trembled and her eyes started to water. Great, she was the second person I'd managed to make cry. I would have to have a good crack at Emmett and Edward later to see if I could make them well up, too.

I snatched at a bag of chips that I knew I wouldn't eat, paid for them, and stalked off towards our table. Jasper wasn't sitting at the table yet and so I sat on the far end then slumped forward, not wanting to talk to any of them.

The resemblance to Jasper's first couple of times he sat at our table was uncanny. It was as if we had suddenly switched roles.

Bella sat down a minute later next to a nervous looking Rosalie. I didn't bother to look up at them. I felt someone slide down the bench towards me and I silently prayed that he wouldn't act like everyone else.

"Alice, do you want me to give you a ride home later?" Edward asked.

My prayer wasn't answered. "Why?"

He opened his mouth to say something but closed it once again. He hadn't been anticipating my reply.

"Well, there are so many people getting the bus, I just thought you would want a lift back," he replied in a far less confident voice. In fact, he sounded almost nervous. He had been right about the fact that there were so many people on the bus, but that didn't mean I was going to accept his offer.

"Jasper gets the bus every day," I stated evenly.

"What?"

"Jasper gets the bus every day yet you don't offer him a lift home, do you? But when my boyfriend dies you all suddenly assume that I am incapable of looking after myself."

"We don't think that," he replied. Maybe it was my mind playing tricks on me, but I could have sworn he faltered before answering me.

"Alice, we're just looking out for you," Rosalie murmured.

The muscles in my jaw tightened. "I don't need looking after," I said through gritted teeth.

They all gave me a look that said they didn't believe me. I stood up abruptly, suddenly wanting to get away from them. But as I did so, Bella and Rosalie stood up as if they were about to follow me.

"Stop it!" I shrieked. "Just stop fucking hovering!"

The tears formed thick and fast in my eyes as I spun around and practically ran into Jasper who was just walking through the door.

"Alice!" he cried as I barged passed him and went outside. "Alice!"

I didn't answer him as I started running in a random direction. I could hear someone calling my name again. I didn't bother looking around to see who it was. But because of the tears in my eyes I didn't get very far before my knees buckled beneath me and I fell to the ground.

But just as I did, I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist. When I turned to look at the person who had caught me I was surprised to see that it was Emmett, I had thought it was Jasper. But as Jasper ran up I knew that Emmett must have been making his way to the cafeteria and saw me running away.

I burst into tears once again not really knowing where these tears were coming from. Emmett crushed me against his chest, without saying a word, and allowed me to cry.

"What do you want to do, Alice?" Emmett asked as I pulled away. His question took me by surprise. He was the first to ask me what I wanted and not ask what he could do for me.

I was silent for a moment as I thought it through. I took that time to try and quell the tears in my eyes without prevail. "I want to go home."

Emmett nodded then helped me stand up. "I'll take you home, Alice."

"Where's my bag?" I asked as I looked around. Jasper stepped forwards them and handed me my bag. I don't know when he had got it. Maybe that was why he didn't chase after me straight away.

"Thank you," I whispered as I took the bag for him. But somehow he knew I wasn't just thanking him for giving me my bag. I was thanking him for everything he had done for me today.

He smiled weakly. "Its okay, Alice. Should I come to yours tomorrow morning?"

I thought about it for a moment. It was tempting to tell him that I wasn't coming back tomorrow. But I knew that if I did that, then it would be even harder the next time I decide to come back to school.

"Yeah," I sighed, then nodded.

I wasn't giving up that easily. I was stronger than that.

And I would prove it.

A/N: I know, I know. It wasn't Jasper who 'saved' her. But he can't be the one there for her all the time. It would seem like a stuck record. Emmett is there for her, too, and Alice had to see that.

Please review, I'd love to hear what you thought of Alice's first day back at school. If you hated it and want to insult me, don't waste your time.

In my first draft of this chapter, Jasper does actually carry Alice into school, instead of her walking in. The response my beta gave me when she read that bit made me laugh so much. If you want to read the first draft of that section, then let me know and I'll send it over.

If you review, you get a teaser to chapter 25. My aim: 255 reviews.

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