Chasing the Rainbow
Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form.
Author's Notes: I apologize deeply for the long delay in this chapter getting up; there were assorted problems on both our ends, including my moving to a new home. Still, we're here at last. As an aside, in response to a number of reviews about the previous chapter, it wasn't actually that out of character for Ranma to allow Shampoo to memory-wipe Nodoka.
Firstly, while Ranma may feel guilty about it afterwards, he can and will do some horrible things if he feels they are justified in canon.
Secondly, Ranma does want to meet his mother – but he wants to live even more. Witness a certain story in the manga where Ranma does meet Nodoka as a boy – but, thanks to Happosai being a perverted asshole, he does so in girl's clothing, and Nodoka starts trying to kill him, up until she hits her head and then wakes up believing it was just a dream: Ranma is quite content to leave her in ignorance.
Finally, most importantly, in the manga canon, Ranma is actually the main character who abuses mind control magic the most. This has included attempting to use a flower that brainwashes the victim into acting like a "Yamato Nadeshiko" on Akane (and in contrast to the "Koi Rod of Love", which Ryoga fans typically excuse on the grounds Ryoga didn't actually believe it worked, Ranma knew for a fact it worked, having just seen it in action), trying to brainwash Ryoga into loving Akari in her introductory story, and exhorting Mousse to take advantage of a brainwashed Shampoo in the Jusendo arc.
Also, the Memory Wipe Shampoo never really freaked Ranma out. He was annoyed at being forgotten, but the actual ability to wipe memories never really bothered him. It was a wounded ego, not an inherent dislike for affecting peoples' minds.
And just as folks have mentioned it before: to be honest, we can't really say for certain from canon that Nodoka does or doesn't mind the curse. We know that Ranma is eventually judged to not fail because of it – but that's because, when they do confront each other at last, Ranma does so in an incredibly heroic fashion, revealing his identity as Jusenkyo cursed in the process. For all we know, if Nodoka had met Ranma and the truth had come out earlier, she would have killed him for it. Let's not forget the aforementioned story where just showing up in girl's clothing makes her immediately start swinging that sword around, no questions asked, or that Genma, who happens to know her a little better then Ranma or Akane do, is quite sure the risk is great enough that it's better not to approach her while Ranma is cursed.
Chapter 24: Cheer Up Ranma! Genma & Soun's Desperate Plan!
It was a day since Ranma's disastrous meeting with Nodoka. At the Tendo household, Soun and Genma had come together in a spirit of great urgency to renew their original plan of forcing Ranma to return to his rightful place. Sternly, they sat upon the porch overlooking the garden, staring into the horizon with a seriousness belied only by the way they eagerly snatched up some treats from a plate Kasumi had placed between them, Kurumi happily wolfing down her own plate behind them and watching her newly acquired favorite TV show while Natsume serenely prepared tea for her father and his friend.
"Saotome, we have to do something about your son." Soun declared solemnly.
Genma didn't look at his partner, instead focusing solely on chewing - mmm, but the food had grown even more abundant and delicious around here since Natsume & Kurumi had found their father! A pity Soun still refused to admit he was anything more then an adoptive parent, though - this, more then thoughts of Soun's wrath, stayed Genma's tongue from suggesting that they should perhaps consider switching the engagement to Natsume. Genma thought such a plan was perfect; she was a martial artist who could easily earn Ranma's respect, pretty in her own way, quiet, dutiful, obedient and a wonderful cook. However, all her good qualities didn't matter if Soun refused to accept her as his own daughter. Finally, he finished his mouthful and, snatching up a second one, he held back from eating long enough to rumble, "That we have already established. What we need is to figure out an argument to convince him to come back to us where he belongs. We need to establish what it is he can have here that he can't get anywhere else..."
Pleased with his eloquence, he crammed his mouth full again.
Soun sighed, "Food is out, he has three sources that will feed him essentially for free. Considering how well you taught him to survive on his own, shelter is also out. If only we could find some way to attach him emotionally to this place."
Genma looked thoughtful, wracking his brains to try and come up with a solution. Irritably, he drummed his fingers on the porch as minute after minute slipped by without a peep from his mighty intellect. He refused to be stymied by a matter such as this - after all, was he not Genma Saotome? His genius knew no bounds!
Suddenly Genma leaped to his feet, "I've got it!" He then coughed in embarrassment as Kasumi shushed him and he quickly sat back to down to explain his daring, nefarious plan with Soun.
Meanwhile, the object of their plan was busy going about his day.
Of course, Soun and Genma were unaware that Ranma was already out and about, until they stalked their way to the vacant lot in which Ranma had been living. Any onlooker would have had to admit he was impressed with how stealthily the two men approached the lot, encircling it without giving themselves away, then springing out in a masterful ambush. Which just made them look all the more ridiculous when they sprang out and almost ended up clobbering each other before they realized the tent was empty and Ranma was nowhere to be found.
"Great. So, now where do we start looking? He could be anywhere in the city." Soun grumbled mournfully.
Genma shook his head at that declaration. "He's not like Ryoga. No, in all likelihood, he is most likely to be with one of them."
He didn't need to clarify who "they" were. Soun furrowed his brow. "I suggest we start at the Nekohanten." He proclaimed authoritatively, and then began striding away in that direction.
Genma promptly followed him, curiosity writ large on his features. "Did you find a clue saying that's where he would be?" He asked, sincerely inquisitive.
"No, it's merely the closest one to check." Soun replied in a light-hearted manner.
Sure enough, the two men came to the famous Chinese restaurant very quickly. While neither believed that even the Chinese would be so crass as to attack them on sight, they were hesitant to just walk in through the front door - besides, if Ranma was here, he would surely have sequestered himself somewhere more private then the restaurant proper. So, they snuck around the back, eavesdropping at the door leading out from the kitchen, through which the Nekohanten would receive deliveries and dispose of trash.
"Um, well, it's not that I ain't grateful for the breakfast or nothing, Shampoo, but... what did you want to see me for at this time of day?" Ranma asked as he placed some clearly used dishes into a sink of soapy water.
"Shampoo was thinking that Ranma needed some cheering up, since he been too-too sad about his mother, so Shampoo invited Ranma over!" The Chinese girl responded happily beside him as she set to washing the dishes they had used.
'Plus I get to one-up the others. Shampoo, you are so smart!' She mentally cheered herself.
"...I...thanks." Ranma finally managed to say, unknowing (and it's doubtful he would have cared had he known) of the minor conniptions this display of hesitant emotions wrought in the spying patriarchs of the Saotome and Tendo families. "But... well, I... didn't really need cheering up." He finally managed to explain.
"Nonsense! Ranma need cheering up otherwise you become like Waterfall Man and cry all the time!" Shampoo remarked with a giggle at the mental image of Ranma acting like Soun Tendo in full flood before banishing it, "Shampoo think Ranma moped long enough anyway, Shampoo want Ranma to smile."
"Oh, really?" Ranma asked wryly, unable to help a small smile starting to form in the corners of his lips. Whatever her faults, and he was certainly not one to deny she had them, Shampoo had always been the bubbliest, most chipper and jubilant of his would-be brides, and now that he was no longer trying his hardest to shut her out, he found it quite infectious. "Well... there is one thing..." He teased her playfully.
Shampoo blinked, caught off guard by the tone of voice Ranma used. "Ranma?"
"I happen to know that somebody has a Super Famicom... I'd like to go one on one with her, if she's willing." Ranma chirped in reply. He'd never gotten his hands on one of the new game machines before until that business with Yotaro, but he dearly wanted to do so again.
There was a thud and a splash that earned a brief 'hm?' from Cologne in response to this. Moments later, Shampoo recovered from her face-fault, "Ranma be too-too mean to maiden's heart. Super Famicom upstairs in Shampoo's room." She gave him a brief huff before smiling, "Shampoo show no mercy."
Ranma grinned wickedly back. "Bring it on!" He taunted her.
Outside, Soun and Genma looked at each other with identically fierce expressions and nodded before springing upwards, clinging to the wall with fingers and toes. It had been a while since either of them had been called on to use this aspect of their training, but they hadn't forgotten the secrets of scaling any surface that their sadistic master had used all of his inventive cruelty to etch into their brains. After all, how else were they to scale cliffs and walls alike in search of his precious underwear? Or escape from inside a house after he had locked them in? Like a pair of giant spiders they skittered up the walls to the window in a bedroom; this, they reasoned, had to be Shampoo's room, and they promptly jimmied the window open and slipped inside.
"Right, find a place to hide; we'll knock that Chinese seductress out cold in one blow, then carry Ranma off back to the Tendo Dojo." Soun ordered imperiously.
Grunting, but not really having a better plan himself, Genma busied himself with looking for the perfect place to hide; fading away into the background was all well and good, but, much as it ashamed him to admit it, he couldn't quite vanish into thin air while standing in plain sight the way that the master could. Speculatively, he opened a cupboard, then goggled at what he found. "Oh, my word!" He laughed, forgetting himself at the sight he saw.
"What is it?" Soun asked, nervously, scurrying over to his partner. "Have you found some of that Chinese black magic?" He added in the same tone.
"Hardly that!" Genma snorted in his mirth. "But look at this!" He declared, stepping aside and pointing triumphantly at what he had found.
Soun stepped forward cautiously, but then his eyes too bulged and he burst out laughing.
In front of the man was a large collection of anime, most if not all of it composed of romance series ranging from serious ones to light-hearted comedies. And they were all labeled as being Cologne's property.
"Looks like the old hag's got a soft touch for romance all right, wonder if that's the real reason she's helping out." Genma chuckled as Soun picked up one title and read the blurb on the back.
"Wonder how much she spends on these, some of these titles look pretty expensive."
Genma snorted, "Probably a couple hundred-thousand yen, maybe more. What's next, she starts buying figurines?" Even Soun couldn't stop the laugh that comment evoked as the image of Cologne decked out like a stereotypical otaku entered their minds.
"That sounds like a wonderful idea, I'll be sure to ask next time." Both men froze and turned to see the owner of the anime staring at them with a very cold smile, "But first, I think I should show you two the way out."
Shampoo and Ranma blinked as they heard a pair of loud thumps before returning to the game at hand.
Outside, a cat passed a pair of crumpled heaps and sniffed them, before running off as the heaps groaned in pain.
Now, Soun and Genma can have a wide variety of unflattering comments made accurately about them, but one thing that cannot be said of them is that they give up easily. Within minutes, they regained full consciousness and the ability to move, and they promptly tromped off back to the Nekohanten. This time, the element of surprise clearly being lost, they instead took up watch outside of the door; when that ungrateful boy came out, they'd pounce on him and teach him proper respect for his elders!
Yet it wasn't their ambush of Ranma that broke the peace, but rather the sight of a small, dwarfish figure racing from around the corner and practically diving through the doors, howling for Ranma at the top of his lungs. Soun blinked in confusion and turned to his partner. "Isn't that the little man who works at the Kuno estate?" He asked.
Indeed, it was Sasuke, and after he managed to gasp some air back into his body, he pelted straight up the stairs into the second story, ignoring the bewildered stares of the few customers who had seated themselves inside the restaurant.
In the lounge room, Ranma and Shampoo both started in shock when Sasuke came bursting in.
"What on earth's going on?" Ranma demanded.
"The mistress... trouble! Need you! Help!" Sasuke gasped, too out of breath to be any more coherent then that.
Ranma knew this had to be serious; Kodachi had sent Sasuke to contact him in the past, once or twice, but never in so clearly desperate a manner as this. He turned to his current partner and sent her his most pleading expression; it really did sound like Shampoo honestly needed his help.
Shampoo pouted; it figures that something like this would happen when things were getting nice and cozy between her and Ranma. Okay, so sitting side by side and taunting each other while clicking the buttons on a controller was hardly romantic by conventional standards, but in Nerima, you took what you could get! However reluctantly, though, she nodded her head slightly; this really wasn't normal, even in Nerima, and it looked like Ranma really did have to go. Deep down in the darkest pit of her soul, she felt all the more put out at the honest expression of grateful relief that swept over Ranma's features before he rolled over onto his back and thrust himself in a backwards leap with his hands as he completed the turn, propelling himself clear out the door and then racing off down the stairs, heading for the street. She shook her head and tried to drown it out by telling herself it was the right thing to do, and furthermore Ranma was a good man at heart - it was one of the reasons she loved him, after all.
"Besides, it's not like this is the first time I've been magnanimous in such a manner - there was that incident with Akane and the Dojo Destroyer, after all. And this time he may actually remember what I did." She told herself in her mother tongue, seeking to reassure herself she had made the right decision.
Soun and Genma watched Ranma's flight from the restaurant with greedy eyes, the fact that this was the chance they had been waiting for edging out any confusion they may have felt at its cause. Immediately they gave chase... though, unfortunately for them, Ranma was the fastest of the three of them, and so they never managed to close the distance. They were, however, able to keep him in plain sight, and so they followed him straight through the gates into the Kuno estate and right up to the front door. Quietly as whispers, they snuck in and followed him, creeping behind the furniture to prevent him from seeing them until they were ready to spring out and grab him.
This turned out to be a very wise decision on their part. It meant neither of them got hit by the sudden barrage of flying crockery that answered Ranma's calling out to Kodachi.
"What on earth is going on?" Ranma yelped as he dodged six vases and an ornamental platter in close succession, using his momentum to propel him through the open door into the room from which the porcelain projectiles had originated.
"Oh thank the kami Sasuke found you! I mean, Ah! Ranma! It's good to see you!" Kodachi called, while weaving around flying crockery. The source for her desperation, and the obvious lie to her words, was the fact that she was occupied with dodging for her life from flying furniture and flailing fists. Both of which originated from a six-foot tall statue of white marble, carved into the shape of a remarkably pretty young woman wearing not the faintest stitch of clothing, though her features were fiercer then Akane had ever been in even her deepest rages.
"What's a stone golem doing here?" Ranma asked, clearly hoping for an answer even as he threw himself into a Monkey style roll across the floor that fueled a diagonal dual-footed leaping kick into the golem's midriff. Despite Ranma's fierce strength, the creature received only a few cracks in its mineral equivalent of flesh, though the momentum did propel it clearly across the room and into a wall with force enough to partially embed it there. Ranma winced when he realized it had also smashed a table in its flight, not that this stopped him from scrambling to take up a fighting position besides Kodachi.
Who, speaking of which, was staring at him curiously. "How do you know about golems?" She asked, sincerely inquisitive.
"It's a long story - but I know enough to know that's not going to put it down for long. Where are your servants? Isn't this their job?" Ranma asked the important question.
"They are with my brother - there was an important meeting with one of my uncles, and they had to go. Please, we have to get this thing stopped before he comes home!" Kodachi pleaded.
"I'll say, it looks like it wants to tear the place apart." Ranma commented, now having had the time to analyze the clear path of destruction left by the rampaging construct.
"What? Oh, yes, that as well." Kodachi dismissed. "But I wasn't supposed to go near that particular room - brother will be so angry with me!" She whimpered, clearly afraid of Kuno's reaction for the first time in Ranma's experience.
Ranma stared at her quizzically; there was obviously a story there. However, the golem was standing up, and Ranma had no time to ask. "Alright, we'll get this thing handled in no time!" He bragged. Which was when the golem suddenly snatched up a flowerpot and threw it at Ranma. Ranma instinctively chopped it in half with a knife-hand slash, but while that deflected it harmlessly, it also splashed cold water over him. She flicked some of the water off of her dripping hands with a sour expression. "Alright... this might be a little trickier then I thought." She conceded.
Watching from the (relative) safety of some nearby furniture, Genma quickly turned to Soun, "The boy has this under control, let's make a hasty departure before they notice us." Soun nodded rapidly and the pair bid a hasty retreat as the golem smashed a fist into a nearby wall. The pair navigated the corridors until Genma, passing a door, sniffed. "Wait; the kitchen is right here, we can grab something to eat."
Soun groaned, "Saotome, really." Then his stomach began to growl and the man flushed for a moment, "Oh fine then."
The pair entered the massive kitchen and Soun couldn't conceal the whistle at the sight of a facility that was built not only with massive funds, but exacting specifications as well, and large enough that it had its own dining table for the staff. Genma on the other hand, simply went for the sandwich trays and the other cold snacks laid out while opening a fridge and grabbing a sake bottle.
"Come on Soun, take a load off and enjoy yourself." Soun shrugged and grabbed a plate and began to fill it.
As the rumbles from the fight further away continued, the pair got down to the business of relaxing as Genma burped, "Ah, this is the good stuff, in fact I think its better than when the boy and I were last here."
Soun scratched his chin in thought. "Wasn't that when the Kuno girl tried to bribe you with her money?"
Genma nodded with a laugh. "I almost fell for it too. But I'm stronger than that!"
Soun shook his head before inspecting one particularly well made pastry, "I wonder how the staff make these?"
"We would be glad to demonstrate on you."
Genma blinked, "Shouldn't that be demonstrate for you?"
"Head Chef knows what she said."
The two men blinked, and then paled as knives and other sharp implements began to vanish. That's the trouble with ninja; you never know when a group has stayed behind to prepare lunch for their mistress.
Further away, with the golem, Kodachi wondered what that pair of screams was before dodging a large stone fist.
Now, while Soun and Genma didn't rate very high on the Nerima list compared to, say, Ranma, they were still Happosai's students. And that meant that not only were they genuinely the masters they touted themselves to be, but they were pretty impervious ones when motivated. It was merely motivating them to put their talents to proper use that was difficult, and one of the reasons why Happosai had gone along with their suggestion of having Ranma be his "true heir" instead. As a consequence, they could more then hold their own against the ninjas. However, the sheer number of ninjas meant that this wasn't exactly easy, and certainly not very pleasant. As a consequence, by the time Ranma and Kodachi had finished off the golem, Soun and Genma were making a break from the estate. In fact, if it hadn't been for the fact they were currently engaged in finishing the weakened construct, either Ranma or Kodachi would have seen them as they fled.
A safe distance away, they pulled up to catch their breath and recover their energy. "So now what do we do, Saotome?" Soun grizzled, once he had the energy to do so.
Genma held up a hand as he finished catching his breath. "Well, he's certainly left there by now. We'll go to the Kuonji girl's restaurant, that's the only place left."
Soun looked at Genma. "Why there? Surely it would be more sensible to think that he would have gone back to the Nekohanten?"
Genma snorted. "When has sensible thought ever worked in this place? No, he'll be there, with our luck he'll be there."
Soun got to his feet with a groan. "If you say so." He winced, "I don't think you should have tried to keep eating when they attacked."
Genma winced and cradled one arm, "Force of habit, the Master's training."
After a few minutes to confirm that nothing would fall off, limbs and otherwise, they began limping towards Ucchan's to investigate the situation.
Carefully, painfully, they pulled themselves up to the residential area above the restaurant and began working on the locks and the assorted boobytraps (mostly there to try and distract Happosai long enough for Ukyo to wake up and evict him), to enter an upstairs storeroom. Genma contemplated a few items before a nudge from Soun reminded him that they had already eaten, and paid for their meal.
Finally, they heard voices and the two men leaned against the door to listen.
The voice they heard was Ukyo's, and what it was saying was quite unwelcome. "Do you have your outfit picked out yet, Ranma-honey?"
"I'm having a bit of trouble. I mean, I can't seem to find a suit that gives me the same range of movement as my regular stuff." Ranma replied.
"It's not like there's going to be a fight breaking out, Ranma." Ukyo pointed out, sounding somewhere between exasperated, amused and confident.
A sound of someone shifting, "Well, its not like I don't trust those two to take care of security, its just that...gah, fine, I'm paranoid. I keep having this feeling that when I go to the wedding, a massive fight is going to erupt."
Wedding! Ranma, and Ukyo, at a wedding? The obvious conclusion that the two men leapt two was most unwelcome, and adrenaline flooded into their bodies along with the crimson tide of rage. Both of them, unaware that the other was doing the exact same thing, leapt up and burst through the door, hurtling themselves forward to confront the teens with an outraged cry of, "I oppose this marriage!"
Through sheer surprise, they actually managed to get a good few hits in. But Ranma alone would have been a hard opponent for Soun and Genma together even if they were minty fresh, and with them being as worn out as they were, and with Ukyo as his ally, the tide of battle quickly turned against them and they were trussed up like geese ready for the oven with yakisoba noodles.
Ukyo glanced over at Ranma, "I think you might be on to something Ranchan."
Ranma sighed with his hand on his face. "Lemme guess, you idiots thought I was getting married to Ucchan?"
Ukyo allowed herself a moment to imagine herself in a wedding dress and Genma crying in defeat before shaking herself back to reality.
Soun was the first to recover. "You mean you aren't?"
Ranma groaned and face-palmed again. "No, we were just talking about what to wear to Tsubasa and Asuza's wedding. We have invitations."
Genma looked hopeful but that was crushed as Ranma simply said, "No, I am not taking you as a guest and they intend to bring in security that can make sure nothing ruins the wedding. Somehow I have a feeling that whoever they bring in could give you a run for your money."
"As much as we could have avoided this mess if you had mentioned that little state of affairs to us at an earlier date," Soun bristled, trying to muster his dignity; "There is another matter, far more personal and important, that we must discuss. Now, if you would be so good as to unbind us?" He asked, shaking his hands for good measure.
Ukyo glanced at Ranma, who shrugged, they were as harmless as they were going to be right now so with a quick swipe of a spatula the bonds were released as Ranma sat down and picked up a formal wear catalogue, "So what is it you want?"
Coughing politely in an effort to dismiss the tension, Soun proceeded. "It concerns the... little matter of your place of residence. I have been given reasons to believe that, perhaps, I was inclining towards an error when I..."
"You got some nerve." Ukyo interjected, disdain dripping from her words like venom from the fangs of an angry snake.
Ranma nodded solemnly. "You kick me out because you can't stand me not sticking up for Akane even when I'm not supposed to do that, and now you want me to come back? You gotta be kidding me."
It should be noted that Ranma, while usually fairly quick to forgive people indiscretions against him, could be rather petty at times and was certainly no slouch when it came to remembering a grievance; hence his attitude here. Furthermore, this matter was a particular cause of pique: because Ranma had not only done nothing wrong, but, by the standards of both society and his own unique code of honor, had done everything right.
Soun knew that he was on very thin ground with his beliefs – he merely soldiered on regardless, convinced of his own righteousness. Furthermore, he had been under quite a lot of stress today. So, it was no surprise that Soun's aura promptly exploded to life in his trademark Demon Head attack, looming menacingly over the teens. "Don't start this again! They are not my daughters, and they never have been my daughters! This was started by YOUR refusal to fulfill your duties as Akane's fiancé and defend both my dojo and her honor!" He roared.
Unfortunately for him, he had forgotten something important about his Demon Head attack. While it was true that Ranma's reflex was to cower in fear, Ukyo's reflex was to scream and punch him. Which she promptly did.
Once his nerves settled back down, Ranma's hand came up and mimicked a mouth speaking as he mocked the Tendo patriarch. "Blah, blah and its the same garbage all over again. I refereed and judged Natsume the winner fair and square. Akane wants her honor preserved so badly; she should have trained in more than just throwing a few haymakers and roundhouses. And what obligation do I have to defend that dojo anyway? Its not my school, and frankly seems more like a tax dodge to me."
"Our tax status and your engagement to Akane have nothing to do with each other!" Genma barked loudly. The sound of it evidently startled Soun, and it seemed what he said was not what the Tendo patriarch was expecting, given that he partially turned to face his old friend with a confused, surprised expression on his face.
Ranma shrugged, "Yeah, whatever. Are we done here? Because I still have to find a suit to wear to a wedding."
"How can you be so calm about this?" Soun spluttered indignantly.
At this, Ranma scowled openly, clearly sick and tired of all this. "If you had ever wanted any hope of this crazy scheme of yours working, you should have come to beg my forgiveness a lot sooner then this. I'm tired of clearing up after you two; you ain't got nothing I want, so I suggest you get out of here."
"And if we refuse?" Genma scowled, thrusting his chin out diplomatically.
Even Ranma leapt in shock as Ukyo suddenly rocketed forward, her battle-spatula slamming into Genma like a wrecking ball and propelling him straight out through a window and beyond sight. Smiling a smile that was all sweetness and light, she turned to face the gobsmacked Soun. "Any more questions?" She purred.
Soun shook his head, appalled, then softly walked away, deliberately and controlled in an effort to retain some semblance of dignity.
Ranma stared at the second fiancée his father had foisted on him with a mixture of fear and respect. "Why on earth did you do that?" He asked.
Ukyo shrugged, "Needed to let off some steam, now where were we sugar?" Ranma shrugged and the two went back to picking out formal wear.