… he blinked. One time. A second time. It had started in his hands. He remembered that. The tingle had started in his hands. It was the same feeling he had when he had sat on his leg and stood up and blood rushed back into the body part. That tingle. It started soft and gentle and spread through his entire body. Slowly, as if it was the hardest task of his life, he opened his eyes. And blinked. Hadn't he… wasn't he… at work? And Becca talked with him? Something about a case? Instead of the stuffed shelves in his office and Becca in front of him, dimmed light flooded into his eyes. He heard rustling noises. Soft snoring. Slowly, once again with an unusual effort, he moved his head. His muscles moved oddly slow. He felt tense. As if his body didn't want to follow his orders. He stared at a row of seats. The man beside him stared at the monitor in the back of the seat in front of him. Earplugs. Soft light coming from the monitor. A movie.

Brian moved his eyes. And realized, he was sitting in an airplane. Passengers slept or talked in hushed voices or watched movies like his neighbor. He stared at the scene in front his eyes for a few moments. Maybe minutes. He wasn't sure. That… that couldn't be. He… No. He… how did he? He blinked. He felt how his heart started to pound, pump blood through his body, carry heat along the way. His vision got all blurry. That couldn't be. That…

He undid his seat belt and softly touched his neighbor on his shoulder.

"Excuse me?" he asked in a hushed voice. His neighbor turned his head, saw that Brian intended to stand up and simply nodded. A moment later, Brian walked through the rows and rows of seats. One of those big Airbus. Three times three seats in every row. Most people were sleeping. Or calmly watching movies. He felt like moving through a dream. Like underwater. Slow and unreal. He smiled at the stewardess who shot him a worried gaze. Then he pulled open the toilet door, moved into the small cabinet and locked the door. He stood there. Stared at the tiny room which made up an airplane toilet. The first thing that happened was a strong shiver taking control of his body. He closed his eyes helplessly and slit down to the ground. He felt the hard surface of the door in his back.

That couldn't be.

He had lost… what? Five days? Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. It had to be Saturday. It was dark. He was on an airplane. He was…

He felt how warm tears started to flow down his cheeks.

He had lost five fucking days.

Panic crushed over him like a huge wave, washing away the rest of his sanity.

There was nothing between Becca talking with him and blinking in an airplane. There was just nothing. One moment turning into the next. One day turning into another day. The weird strain when he had wanted to move his body. The tingle.

Tears running down his cheeks.

Was he, quite literally, losing control over his body? Was he… was he even…

A knock on the door brought him back to reality.

"Sir? Are you okay?" a female voice. Had to be the stewardess who had seen him. Yeah.

"Yeah, sorry!" he got together a firm voice and got up again. He stared at the mirror and didn't recognize himself for a second.

"Just a moment!" he said to the woman behind the door. His face was white. His eyes red from crying. He looked like… he saw a ghost. Or witnessed something terrible. He turned the water tap on and washed his face. Looking into the mirror he sighed. Not better.

Yet, he knew now that this wasn't a dream. He had felt the bite of the cold water on his skin. A gentle chill ran down his back.

Turning off the water he opened the door and smiled at the woman.

"Is everything okay, sir?" she looked at him worriedly.

He stared at her for a moment. "Yes. No. Flying always scares me to bits. Could I have a coffee? I'll go back to my seat." He realized he was stumbling incoherently. Words smashed against each other. Not making it better.

He smiled apologetically and went back to his seat. Meanwhile, he scanned the rows for Ed. He needed him. More than he could put into words. Of course, he couldn't hold him right now, but… he just wanted to know…

Sitting down again he took a deep breath. Ed wasn't here. Maybe he was in the first class? Could be. The stewardess bringing him a coffee ripped him from his crazed thoughts. He smiled, thanked her, and sipped on the hot liquid. It burned. But the pain was good. He was really awake. Staring out of the window into the night, he went lost in his thoughts.

He had had problems to move when he woke up.

He lost more days.

Was he the one in control of his body? Or was he the dreamer, allowed to wake up for a brief moment, for whatever…

His thoughts stopped. It was Friday night or Saturday morning or something in between. He had run out of NZT. He was awake because the drug didn't circulate in his system. But how to all hells did he stay on NZT for five successive days? He stared blankly into the night for a moment.

Then it was crystal clear. Ed had given him four pills for whatever usage during their… well… during the time when he was just reporting information about the FBI to him. Before all of this had started. Four pills. Four pills. Monday to Thursday. If he took the pill Friday morning really early… but no. He would have run out of NZT earlier. Around six or eight in the afternoon or… not this late by all means. He needed one more pill of NZT. Or a quarter. Or a… had he stolen one pill from the FBI? Would he do that? Obviously.

And then, oddly late but with an unnatural force, fear hit him.

What had he done during those five days?

Had he found more dirt about Becca? Had he threatened her? Had he hurt someone? Maybe killed someone for that one pill of NZT that he had needed to stay drugged until now.

He felt goosebumps run along his skin. The thought that he possibly could have killed someone over NZT… it felt real. It felt like something he could have done. It… Brian felt fear grip his very being. Every tiny cell within him. He might have murdered someone. He felt how panic ate its way through him, on its way into his brain. It wanted to flip the table in there again. Make him mad.

He. Might. Have. MURDERED. Someone.

Closing his eyes he controlled his breathing, which had frantically accelerated while he thought about what if.

A tear rolled down his cheek. He moved his hand, brushed it away. He felt lost. He felt…

Slowly, slowly, he calmed down. Slowly, slowly, he remembered that he didn't know what happened. He had to wait. He would find out everything as soon as he had ground beneath his feet. Hopefully.

Three hours later the plane touched European soil. He had taken the Virgin flight from JFK to LHR. Or better known as London Heathrow. They had landed with a delay of thirty minutes. It was seven a.m. The weather would be nice, according to his pilot.

He remained on the plane until everyone from his row was gone. Slowly, he looked if he brought anything into the cabin. A bag and a jacket. The jacked was his for sure. That bag looked like his. Grabbing his belongings he finally left.

Outside, he checked if the bag was his for sure. Yep. His passport.

He waited for ages at the baggage carousel. After all, he didn't know if he had checked luggage. Meanwhile, he scanned the crowd of people for Ed. His lover was nowhere to be seen… After some twenty minutes he was sure that he had no baggage. He pulled on his jacket, shouldered his bag, fabricated a smile on his face and went to leave the international section of the airport.

A short talk later he had a visa stamp in his passport, granting him the ability to stay for three months. Yay. Maybe he would simply stay and never return.

He stood in the airport for some long minutes, reading signs and watching people. What should he do now? Had he arranged something with Ed? Maybe he was already in the country and would pick him up. Or send someone to pick him up. Or text… he could call Ed, couldn't he? Dumb him. Yet, he was 'a bit' of the tracks today, being dumb was the least of his concerns.

Finally leaving the airport, he looked around hesitantly. Taxis and cars and tons of people and… his ringing phone caught him off guard. He flinched lightly and fished his phone from his bag. Ed's number. Taking a deep breath, he took the call.

"Hey, lost puppy. Don't you wanna join me?" Ed's voice was mocking and gentle and warm. A good shiver went along his body. He would be safe with him, wouldn't he? Please, just…

"Well, I don't know…" Brian answered, trying to sound as teasing as Ed. But his voice trembled slightly. Ed would know, that something wasn't right.

Silence from Ed's side. Meanwhile, Brian had decided which car his lover would have chosen. A black SUV. He approached the car carefully, waiting for any mocking comments, where he thought he was going. But none came, hence he had to have picked the right car.

Opening the passenger's door he slipped into the car, being faced with a worried Ed. His lover looked at him for a long moment, then leaned in and claimed his lips in a gentle kiss. Brian closed his eyes for its duration. He felt, how his heart beat faster, his lips tingled gently. Had he seen him during those lost days? Could Ed help him figure out what was happening with him? A moment later all thoughts were gone, and he only relished the feeling of this soft and gentle kiss. He was mildly disappointed when Ed brought space between them once again. Silence.

And then the inevitable question he had expected. "What's wrong?"

Brian opened his eyes and looked at his lover. He looked worried. But there was something else in his eyes. He was happy, that he saw him again, yes, but… there was something… Ed's hand gently caressed his cheek and brought him back from his thoughts. A long moment passed until Brian found the will to speak.

"Later. At the hotel?" he offered immediately. After all, he wanted to speak about what was happening. But not here. In a car. At the airport. Ed nodded silently and started the car which came to life in an instant.

Their drive was silent for a while. Brian simply watching the city passing by. Once again, he realized how much the drug had already changed his perception. Scary, honestly. He felt like… a bit on NZT. While the thought occurred, he frowned and looked at Ed. How did his lover feel, when off? Was there much of a difference? Ed's eyes were glued to the street, calmly navigating them to their goal. Yet, when he felt Brian's gaze on him, he threw him a questioning gaze.

"What's up?" he asked curiously.

Brian simply smiled. "Never saw you driving a car. That's all. Wasn't sure if you could do that." He mocked him a little. He could see a smile appear on his lover's lips and he shook his head.

"You are aware of the fact, that I do have a motorcycle?" Ed asked back, a grin on his face.

Brian shrugged. "Doesn't mean anything."

A moment of amused silence passed. One of Ed's hands left the stirring wheel and found its way onto Brian's leg, close to his knee. And remained. Brian watched his hand, stroking him gently every now and then, but never leaving its place. He looked at Ed again. Thinking about his lover was better than thinking about all those crazy things, which were going on in his head.

"Do you even concentrate on driving? On NZT I mean. It has to be super boring." A moment passed, he saw how Ed wanted to say something, but he didn't let it come to that. Instead, he grabbed the hand resting on his leg, squeezed it gently, and resumed talking.

"I mean, I know how it is. Super boring. I ended up thinking about everything else but driving. And if something could possibly happen, you are still fast enough to react. A second of time is an eternity to someone on NZT, after all. One second… oh… what I could do with one second." He smirked. "What you could do with one second."

Brian tilted his head. "What are you thinking about right now? You seem to be… well…" he paused for a moment but instantly resumed talking.

"Just out of curiosity, would you be able to get us to our goal in one piece if we were having sex while you drove?"

This time Brian actually let him time to answer. He could see how Ed rose an eyebrow and looked at him for a moment. Waiting if he would resume babbling. But he didn't. He simply waited.

"I wouldn't wanna bet on that one." Ed finally answered, earning a giggle from Brian. A giggle. A girly, teenish giggle. Brian realized what he had done and went quiet for a second. One second. Then he resumed talking. About his flight. The movie he had watched. But he spared his lover from the fact that he had freaked out on the plane. That was for later.

But later came far too fast for Brian's liking.

Entering their hotel room Brian looked around. For one moment, he asked himself how much Ed had paid for the room. It was definitely a superior suite. Actually, had some space, a cozy bed, a good view onto the city. Yet, his gaze remained on Ed, who pulled off his jacket and sat down on the bed, looking at him. Brian approached him carefully. At a little distance, he let his bag drop to the ground and stripped from his jacket. He stood there for a few moments, not daring to move, not daring to speak. He realized he chewed on his bottom lip again. Dammit. He stopped to do so and took a deep breath, locking eyes with Ed.

"My last memory is from Monday."

He could see a varying set of emotions rush over Edward's face before his lover settled on deep worry. He patted the spot beside him and waited until Brian sat down. A pause followed.

"What happened?" asked Ed in a gentle voice.

Brian focussed his gaze on the TV in front of him, avoiding looking at Ed directly. "I went to work on Monday. Chatted with my co-workers, took my pill and… I remember I talked with Becca about a case. The next thing I know is, I sit in that airplane and look around. I… I…" he turned his face, looking at Ed. He had to try to keep himself together. Or at least wanted to. He was silent for a moment, then frowned.

"There was this tingling in my entire body when I woke up…"

Ed looked at him and tilted his head. "Your body tingled? Like… after your leg fell asleep?"

Brian nodded silently, watching his lover frown.

Ed didn't say anything for a little while until he finally opened his mouth and started speaking. "I think what you are experiencing is a form of side-effect. In a way, so to speak. You should stop taking NZT."

Brian nodded weakly. He had already reached that conclusion.

"Will you, like…" Brian hesitated. To ask the question felt bad. "…allow me to leave the FBI?"

Ed looked at him and shook his head, frowning while doing so. For a moment alone, Brian felt his heart skip. Fear and worry and… What did Ed expect him to do, then? He was only there, because of the drug!

"What do you think of me, eh?" Ed asked in a mocking voice, ripping Brian away from his angry thoughts. He blinked confusedly. What…?

"We'll have to get you out of there. Yet, that should be doable, really." Ed was silent for a moment, then snickered. "Mostly depends on who you are hiring to sue someone."

Brian blinked. "You will…?"

This time, Ed only rolled his eyes and stole a fast kiss from Brian's lips. "The FBI hired you for your immunity. When you have problems taking the drug, you can't work for them anymore, obviously. I'll be sad to lose my little spy, but come on."

Rising an eyebrow, Brian looked at his lover. "Your little spy?" he asked in an annoyed tone.

As response, Ed smirked. "Yep. I mean. You didn't find anything really interesting."

"Hey!" Brian pouted. "I stole those NZT files for you."

Ed just chuckled. "I had to threaten you multiple times. You tried to fake them before getting the real files. And you told Rebecca about her father taking NZT. Wouldn't claim that as your best move."

Well… hearing it from that perspective… Brian smiled embarrassedly but held Ed's gaze.

"Why did you want me to work there?"

Ed looked at him for a long moment. Within that initial silence, Brian realized, that his lover wouldn't tell him. He wondered, what else Ed was hiding from him. Yet he was grateful. His lover had changed the topic and pulled him away from his worries momentarily.

"I won't tell you right now." Well, he had expected that. Brian gifted his lover a small smile, wondering, what his love had intended him to do. "I want to get you out of the FBI first." Ed smiled softly. Once again, there was something in his gaze.

Brian simply frowned, being worried. "Do you think it will be easy to end my contract with them?" He watched his lover closely. That weird expression in his eyes… Was he thinking about something?

Ed's soft laughter caught him off guard and he blinked, looking at an amused Ed.

"It won't be easy, but it will be simple."

Frowning, he watched how Ed got up, only to return to him, placing his knees on either side of Brian, straddling him.

"Do you have a secret career as motivation guru?" Brian asked mockingly. "When you want to have something in your life, just do it!" Brian said in an affected voice, obviously mocking the content of his last sentence.

Ed snickered softly. "There is a truth to it, don't you think?" But Brian never got a chance to respond. He was silenced by a pair of warm and gentle lips pressed against his own. He closed his eyes, leaning into the kiss, which grew needier. All those worries in his head… and yet, he felt strangely calm. Secure in a way, he couldn't put into words.

Breaking their kiss, Brian leaned back a little. He felt Ed's hand in his hair, softly caressing the head below. A moment of silence passed between them. Both lost in their own thoughts. Right now was a good moment to tell Ed about how he had felt in that airplane. How lost and insecure and tiny. He felt loved enough to not freak out. Of course, he would most likely cry, but…

Feeling, how Ed's body pressed against him and him onto the bed below, he blinked surprised. Oh… so…

Ed's lips on his own once again, caught in a long kiss. Their tongues fondling each other. The need experienced sharing the kiss a moment ago was all but gone. The hand in his hair had remained in his hair, softly pulling. Ed's other hand had traveled along his side, obviously planning on finding some naked skin. Softly moaning into their kiss, Brian raised his hands, letting them find their way to Ed's neck, pulling him even closer. He felt Ed's weight on his body. His lover pressed against him.

No more talking? He had really wanted to…

Ed broke their kiss, moving slightly to nibble on Brian's earlobe. Brian gasped when he felt how Ed gently bit down. That was…

…better than talking. He would never say no to morning sex. They could still talk afterward. How relaxed he would be, how…

In the meantime, Ed's hand had succeeded to slip beneath his clothes. Brian felt, how slightly cool fingertips touched his skin, tracing circles on it. The hand wandered north, caressing his abs, Ed's lips left his earlobe and kissed his neck. Softly, so softly…

A growling tummy ripped him back to reality. He felt, how Ed froze in his movement, then burst into laughter and rolled off of him, onto his back beside him.

Brian's face turned incredibly red. He felt, how heat pulsed through his body. God!

"You… ehm… heard that?" he asked in a tiny voice. How embarrassing. How…

Ed propped himself up on his elbow, looking at Brian with a smug face and amusement basically dripping from his smile.

"That? Nooo…" a soft grin on his face and in his eyes. "…but I think our neighbors heard it." He ended his sentence, still grinning.

Brian groaned and rose his hands to hide his face. God. No. Was he really that hungry? Well… he listened to his body for a moment.

Yep. He was that hungry. Still… he had really been looking forward to morning sex! Taking a glimpse through his fingers he saw the amused face of his lover. Sex was obviously off the table.

He felt how Ed moved beside him. What was he…? He felt soft lips on his abs, just above his belly button.

"Let's get you something to eat." Ed said lowly against his skin. Brian blinked.

"Are you… talking with my stomach?" he asked, pulling his hands from his face and looking up. Ed was sitting beside him, kissing his abs again. His lover looked up, all innocent, with a mocking expression in his eyes.

"Well, someone has to."

Ed got up and pulled him up and into his arms. For a moment his lover held him close, arms surrounding him. Brian could hear, how Ed took a deep breath, then leaned back and smiled. That weird expression in his eyes was back again.

"Let's finish this later, okay? First, we'll get you a coffee and after that something to eat."