CH 25: The Way Back

Plutarch Heavensbee was an enigma. Jane found herself focused more on him than on what he was saying during their final Capitol assault prep strategy session. She couldn't quite figure him out; still so Capitol-like in speech and appearance yet he'd voluntarily defected to District 13 to assist President Tamaro in bringing down Hoyt. She continued to contemplate it as he droned on, going over the layout of their entry points ad nauseum: holograph after holograph of the tactical weaponry pods that were laid out all around the city. Scores of terrible ways to die in the offensive, Jane had understood that clearly after the first meeting nearly three weeks ago. So, she focused on Heavensbee. He was an opportunist she'd decided. The kind of person who always bet on the winning team, no matter who that team was. It wasn't about loyalty. It was about winning. And most importantly it was about being on the winning side in order to reap the rewards of victory.

Why had he thought they were the right horse to bet on though? Jane's eyebrows knitted together as he continued to talk, pointing dramatically from screen to screen and then slamming his hand down on the schematics they all had laid before them. Why had he thought the rebels would be the winner? It was all numbers and positioning. Suddenly, it occurred to her. Plutarch Heavensbee could have stayed in the Capitol as the new Head Gamemaker and he would have enjoyed a certain amount of fame as a result. But, anything higher? No, Charles Hoyt had anything higher locked down…and a history of disposing of Gamemakers that didn't please him with very little fanfare. As a defector, though…Jane tilted her head as she regarded him…as a defector that gave critical information to the rebels… Her attention turned to President Tamaro, who watched Heavensbee's presentation with something as close to admiration as the woman could muster. Suddenly, it made so much sense. If they won, Heavensbee had placed himself at the new President's right hand.

"Pay attention!" Paddy Doyle whispered sharply as he gave Jane a jab with his elbow. "This could be all of our asses."

Jane refocused, but the information wasn't as new to her as Doyle might have thought. It was just another arena, like in the Games. She'd been through it all before, and if she had learned anything in the two times previous, it was that no amount of planning could accurately foresee every hidden trap the Capitol had planned. People would die in the offensive; it was a given.

Everyone filed out of the meeting leaving Jane and Doyle behind. He spun her chair around to face him, "Where was your head at today!?"

"Heavensbee," Jane murmured, "I don't trust him."

Doyle rubbed his hand across his furrowed brow, "Every bit of information he's given us from start until now has been accurate. He's been integral to helping Beetee hack the Capitol's systems…"

"No," Jane waved her hand to cut him off. "I'm completely sure the information he's been giving us is accurate. What I've been trying to figure out, is why."

"Can we win the damned war first and then worry about political motivations?" Doyle stood, "Of course he expects something in return. Every one of us expects something. And none of that matters if the ultimate objective of taking the Capitol and killing Hoyt doesn't happen first."

Jane threw her head back against the chair and sighed as she closed her eyes, "You're right."

"We leave in two days," Doyle put his hand on her shoulder, "you have a lot of ends you need to tie up. Put your energy into that. If someone like Heavensbee needs taking care of, when the time is right, it will be taken care of."

His face was completely void of emotion, as she'd seen it so many times when he spoke of such things. No matter how close they had become since the revelation that the old Head Peacekeeper was Maura's father, the Doyle she had known before always unsettled her when he reappeared. At least Jane knew that Doyle was on her side. For that, she was very grateful.

"Loose ends," Jane muttered to herself as she exited the conference room. He was right of course, but some of those ends wouldn't be so easy to tie up.

Wrapping materials didn't really exist in District 13. Gifts were impractical by and large for the spartan lifestyle. Still, Constance had rounded up enough scraps of cloth from the sewing room and stitched them together to make a gift bag of sorts complete with a small blue ribbon. Jane walked towards the medical wing with the bag, running her fingers over the edges hidden by the cloth packaging. Cayden Crawford, the old victor from District 8, who had taken to sculpting to still his mind when it ran rampant with horror, could have done so much better she thought. He would have whittled out the toy in less than a day. Jane had worked for weeks on it. Trip after trip out into the woods beyond District 13's fence for pieces of fallen timber for attempt after attempt, until the final time, when it was as good as she was going to be able to do.

It was cathartic in a way; she could see now why Cayden had taken to it. It reminded her of life back in District 8 and she found herself missing it more than she would have thought. That last day she had been in the school, nestled in amongst groaning and ancient pipes to make sure the heat worked for the impending winter. During times like that, she forgot about the Games and her pain, just like Cayden did when he sculpted, like Korsak did when he had a new furry orphan to nurture. Her project out in the woods had given those moments of concentration fueled freedom back to her, and it had given her time away from the close catacombs of District 13 to spend with Maura. Jane looked down at her hand, the last cut from one of her knife slips still pink and edged with a bit of scab, but mostly healed. Maura had reached for her hand immediately and wrapped the injured digit in the hem of her shirt to staunch the bleeding. Like old times again.

It's not that bad. Jane eased Maura's hands away and pulled her thumb from her wife's shirt.

It's always hurt me to see you bleed.

"Real," Jane said aloud as she stopped in front of the infirmary door, flexing her hand.

Lydia sat in the bed, several monitors beeping rhythmically around her. She looked tired, but otherwise well. Tommy sat at one side, her hand clasped tightly in his. Angela sat on the other, Korsak standing behind her, his hands resting on her shoulders. The precursor contractions had started a few days ago, but no labor yet.

"I'm not late am I?" Jane questioned with a smile.

"No," Lydia sighed, "He's still holding out."

Any day now, Tommy signed.

"Well, in the finest Rizzoli tradition," Jane ruffled her brother's hair and took a seat on the edge of the bed, "we do tend to do things on our own terms."

Lydia chuckled and eyed the gift in Jane's hands, "Is that for…"

"For Tommy Jr., whenever he decides to make his appearance," Jane handed over the gift as Lydia's eyes lit up with surprise. Lydia pulled the bow and opened the patchwork wrap to reveal the wooden figure. Jane glanced at her mother to see a tear forming at the corner of her eye. "His name is Guardian Chogokin. Our brother Frankie had one that was made for him as a kid. I did my best to recreate it. Maura was able to make the paint out of some plants in the woods, it was all very sciencey…it's not the best but…"

"It's wonderful!" Lydia beamed, passing the toy to Tommy, who smiled as he ran his fingers over the carved helmet on the figure. "I'm sure TJ will love it."

"I wanted to give it to you now, because you know…" Jane's face fell as she thought about it, "…chances are unless you pop tonight or tomorrow, I won't be here when he's born."

"When you get back," Lydia smiled, her blue eyes bright with an unwavering optimism, "your new nephew will be the first one waiting to greet you!"

When you get back. Jane forced herself to smile, to believe, that this expedition would be like the other missions in the districts…that she would come back to the loved ones she'd be leaving behind.

Jane found Korsak later that afternoon where she least expected: standing alone on Beetee's shooting range with a table of weapons at this side. She flicked the lights on and off on the range to get his attention as she entered. Hands shoved deeply into her pockets she stood next to him in silence as they both regarded the target. They hadn't spoken, not more than the necessary word here and there during the strategy sessions, since the day the last propo aired.

"I heard you're planning to come…" she turned and looked at him.

He could see the look of disbelief on her face. "You know," he puffed out his chest, "I've been in a fight or two…know my way around combat. I'm a Victor too, in case you've forgotten."

"A long time ago, old man," Jane ended the sentence with a smirk.

"The first two times you went…I couldn't go in the arena with you," He turned to face her, his face solemn. "I can this time."

"I don't want you to."

Her words snatched the air out of his lungs and all he could see was her face when she watched that propo of him airing her darkest secret. "Jane, I…"

"I forgive you," she reached for his hand and squeezed it. The weight that had held fast to her heart for nearly three weeks lifted instantly. Jane exhaled a long and freeing breath. "I forgive you. I understand why you did it. And that's not why I don't want you to come. There's a good chance that this mission doesn't succeed. That a lot…if not all of us that go…die. I used to be able to think only about myself, but I can't do that anymore. You know, I've seen the two of you together…you and Ma…"

Korsak's face flushed red and he stammered trying to think of something to say.

"Don't be embarrassed," Jane chuckled, "I mean…I was a little weirded out at first. But, she deserves to be happy, to have someone in her life after all these years, someone that will be there for her and take care of her. And I know for a fact there's not a better man out there."

"I wish all of this didn't sound like you weren't planning to be around to see it."

"I want to be. I want to be here to see Tommy hold his son for the first time. I want to see Ma crying tears of joy for once. I want to see you smile like all the bad things never happened. I want to hold Maura's hand and tell her to breathe while she gives birth to our daughter. And I want to hold her in my arms and tell her that it doesn't matter all the horrible things that happened up until then, that she'll never have to be scared of anything as long as I live. I want all of those things. But, I know that there's a good possibility that I won't get to see them. So, I need you to stay here, Vince," Jane pulled her old friend and mentor into an embrace and held him tightly. "I need you to stay behind and take care of my family, in case I don't come back. Promise me."

He closed his eyes, warm tears tracing the aged lines down his face to disappear into his salt and pepper goatee. "I promise."

They had walked most of the way back to their room from dinner in silence. Their pace was slow, almost calculated. Maura could tell in the way Jane gripped her hand that something was weighing on her. She could guess what it was. Everyone still treated her a great deal of the time like she was fragile, like she could shatter at any moment. Not so much Jane, who she could tell went out of her way to bring a normalcy back to her life; but, the past couple of days had been different. The soldiers moved through the halls with greater frequency now, workers shifted supplies back and forth, the infirmary had been stripped almost bare. The Capitol offensive was drawing near, but no one had mentioned so much as a specific word of it to Maura. She knew though. And it was that, she knew also, that was the burden Jane was bearing now.

Jane opened the door to their room and they entered.

"When does it begin?" Maura asked, sitting on their bed and slipping off her shoes.

"What?" Jane's face couldn't sell any innocence in regards to what she knew was being asked.

"I wish you, of all people, would quit pretending like I don't know what's going on."

Jane sat next to her and hid her face in her hands, "I'm sorry. Day after tomorrow."

"And that's when you leave?" Jane nodded. Silence. Maura's hands settled across her now visible bump. "I'm going with you."

"Absolutely not!" Jane's eyes burned with conviction as she spun to face her wife. Maura was unfazed, her expression calm and unchanged as she reached for Jane's hands and placed them on her stomach. "And that…" Jane drew in a sharp breath and held it for a moment until she released it in a breathy rasp of words, "…is exactly why you are not going."

"And if you go, and I stay, and you die…what then?" Maura looked up with tears in her eyes.

"Then you're alive. Our baby is alive." Jane brushed the hair back from Maura's face and ran her fingers down damp cheeks. "It's about so much more now. More than just me and you. I have to go. And whatever happens to me happens. But you have to stay here and be safe and have our daughter and give her a life."

"I can't," Maura shook her head, "I can't give her a life without you in it. I…the thought of it…I can't even comprehend it. You swore we wouldn't be apart, and it happened once, and I won't let it happen again. Whatever happens, it happens with us together."

"No," Jane whispered as Maura covered her wife's lips with her own, held them together as their kisses melted one into another.

Maura pulled back briefly, afraid to look Jane in the eye, "It's already done. Tamaro has approved it." Jane started to pull away, determined Maura knew to find the President and convince her otherwise; she held her tighter. "Jane," the softness in her voice cracked as she looked up to meet pleading brown eyes, "I promise, that my heart beats only for you. Each breath you take, I breathe with you. There is no storm; there is no trial that will make me waiver. You are the one and only love of my life and not a day will pass that that love doesn't grow stronger. And if ever you find yourself on the brink of giving up, know that my love will hold you up."

They stared at each other through several heartbeats until Maura again broke the silence, "I said those words…didn't I?"

"Real," Jane nodded. The memory of their wedding day and blue silk as fresh a memory as if it had only just happened.

"We started this together," Maura guided Jane back on the bed as she spoke. "We will finish it together." She pulled Jane's shirt over her head. "I need to see it through every bit as much as you do. Please…" Maura's lips peppered her neck with long and reverent kisses as her fingers plucked at the bra clasp on Jane's back until the garment was loosed and shed to the side. "…Understand."

Jane wrapped her arms around Maura and held her tightly, their breaths mingling across lips that brushed with each pulsing heartbeat. "I understand," she spoke through a kiss as Maura pushed her down to the bed.

"You're as beautiful as I thought I remembered," Maura sniffed the last of her tears away as she looked at the body that lay beneath her. She ran her fingers down Jane's neck, traced the outline of her collarbone, and down the valley between her breasts. Smiling, she watched Jane's skin prickle at her lightest touch. Her fingers found the scar that stretched along Jane's right side from the bullet that ripped through her the day they were torn from each other's reaching grasp by Hoyt's troops. She leaned down and kissed along the raised up flesh, how Jane had always done to the scars on her back. The gesture meant so much more than words could convey.

Maura rediscovered Jane's torso with her hands, memories flooding warm from her fingertips through her body. She left only one stretch of skin untouched. She paused, hands lingering hesitantly until Jane guided her touch over her breasts. Maura felt a lightheaded rush wash over her as her wife's nipples hardened under her ministrations.

"Can I see you?" Jane asked, reaching up to caress Maura's cheek with the back of her palm.

Top shed, Maura closed her eyes and held her breath. Now was the moment of truth. His voice was nowhere in her mind. A gentle touch stroked across her stomach, cupping and massaging the newly emerging curves. The body she straddled shifted, fingers circling unknown patterns on her skin, over her hips and up her ribs, around her back, drawing her flush as lips tasted the skin of her shoulder and up her neck.

"You're more beautiful than I remembered." The words teased at her ear and sent a shiver down her body.

Maura opened her eyes into dark black curls that cascaded down a toned back. "It's you," she exhaled with relief. "Jane."

"Real," Jane answered as Maura pushed her back again. "It's me, just me."

It took all of her self-control not to roll Maura onto her back and take over. She wanted her so badly, wanted to kiss her, touch her everywhere, be inside her and feel her tense as she came like she had done…before. Jane took a deep breath and rested one hand on Maura's back as the other stroked comfortingly through the hair that fell over her shoulder. She knew how important it was, to be in control so that the memory of him didn't take over. Her body burned under Maura's touch, each kiss was the lick of a flame against starving skin, hotter and hotter until…

Maura's lips separated from the pulse point on her neck, panting breaths lapping across the damp skin. Jane opened her eyes as she felt her lover's hand move between her legs. Their eyes met, the memory of their first time on the train en route to the Quarter Quell rekindled between them. Jane smiled, granting permission with a slight nod.

"I missed you…" Jane's back arched as Maura's touch worked her closer and closer to climax, "…so much." The orgasm wrapped like a band throughout her body, drawing tighter and tighter until it snapped. Air stalled in her lungs, fingers digging into the soft skin of Maura's back as the spasms radiated through her like ripples on a glass-topped lake. Only when she felt Maura's exerted breathing against her lips did Jane remember to breathe again herself.

She opened her eyes, gaze dragging across the glistening skin of the body that hovered over her. Jane guided Maura's lips to hers and kissed her deeply. When she pulled away, Jane opened her eyes, letting Maura take each of her hands and guide them to her body. Hazel eyes followed her touch as fingers traced the smattering of freckles across her chest before moving down to cup and lightly squeeze her breasts. Maura's eyes fluttered at the sensation and increasing sensitivity. Jane's hands worked lower, urged on at Maura's behest to massage across her stomach. She paused, a small laugh escaping her lips as the slightest movement was felt where her hand settled.

"Are you sure?" Jane reached up cupped Maura's cheek with her right hand, thumb swiping back and forth across her wife's cheek as Maura guided her left hand lower.

"Just…look at me?" It was a question more than a statement. Their eyes locked and Jane nodded as her fingers slipped into silken arousal. Maura's eyes closed for a second as Jane slowly and gently pushed inside her. She opened them again, her grip tightening on Jane's wrist to hold her one hand against her cheek.

"Still here, still with me?" Jane's voice was soft, barely above a whisper. Maura nodded, rolling her hips forward to meet Jane's thrust. "Look at me."

Their eyes met again and Jane smiled, pumping a little deeper and faster as Maura's breath hitched and she moaned. As Maura came, Jane sat up, enveloping her wife in an embrace and anchoring them together as Maura stilled in her arms, heart racing and out of breath.

"I love you," Maura whispered into her ear. She felt tears run from Jane's eyes onto her shoulder as the words sank in. "I'm sorry…I'm sorry it took so long."

"I would have waited an eternity just to hear you say it one more time."

Maura eased back and brushed Jane's mussed hair from her face, "I love you. And he tried to take that away from, the most important thing in the world…away from me. He tried to make it where I could never say those words again. We started this together and he has to be held accountable for everything that he's done, not just to us…to everyone. But, I also need to be a part of that. There may always be a piece of him that lingers inside me, but if I have any hope of taking back all of me that was before, I have to go to the Capitol with you. When it all comes to an end, whatever that end is, it will be the two of us together just like it started. Do you understand?"

They eased down to the bed together as Jane pulled the covers over them, "Yes," she nodded as Maura snuggled in tightly against her. "You have to promise me something though."

"Anything."

Jane rested her forehead against Maura's and twined her fingers in silky hair, "You have to promise, if anything happens to me, no matter how much it hurts, no matter how much you think you can't, you'll live. We said after the Games we'd do more than survive, we'd live. When you hold her in your arms Maura, even if I'm not there, she'll be that reason for you. And when you look at her, you'll be looking at a part of me. So, you have to promise me, no matter what, you'll go on without me."

Maura looked in her wife's eyes and in that exact moment the life inside her stirred and she nodded, "I promise."