Disclaimer: The great Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I'm just using her amazing characters to tell you a story.
Warning: "Life in the Balance" is the story of Bella facing the consequences of the way she chose to end the vicious cycle of an abusive relationship. The telling of such a story requires the retelling of the events that led to her choice, many of which contains acts of domestic violence and abuse in all its incarnations. If you are uncomfortable with reading these types of depictions, please do not read the flashbacks as they will tell her story as it happened.
A huge thank you to CherylSab and AgoodWITCH because, without them, I'd be a neurotic mess. I love you both so much.
Previously…
"Where are you going?"
"I can't be around you right now." Wrenching the door open, I turned back to James. "And for your information, there will be no funeral 'cause Jake is not dead."
I slammed the door behind me and went to sleep in the guest room for the night.
Chapter 25 – Buying Time
February 23, 2010
"I never shared a room with him again after that." The lump in my throat made it hard to speak.
"He believed he killed him, didn't he?" Carlisle said softly as he wiped my tears.
I nodded. "He thought Jake was finally out of the way." I swallowed hard. "I can't believe I bought it…even for a second."
"You'd already been through so much that day, Bella, not to mention being exhausted at two or three in the morning, it makes sense that you wouldn't fully figure out his motives."
"But he was always so transparent." I paused for a second and shrugged. "Well, he was with me anyway."
"What does that mean?" Carlisle asked, pushing me up to face him.
Stalling, I stood and stretched. "Sitting there is getting pretty uncomfortable, don't you think?"
I walked back and sat on the edge of the table.
"Don't do that, Bella." He stood and followed me. "Quit stalling."
"I'm not st…"
"I know you, remember, and I know exactly what you're doing." He stood in front of me with his arms crossed. "Now tell me."
Rolling my eyes, I let out a breath. "James was always good at getting people to believe his side of things. It's what kept him out of jail every time he was taken in."
"That and his money," Carlisle mumbled and leaned against the table next to me.
"Oh right…how could I forget the money." I nudged him in the side and continued. "He wasn't like that with me. With me, it was almost as if he couldn't keep his mouth shut. Honestly, I don't think he tried very hard to hide the truth from me. Granted, I had to pay a hell of a price to learn the truth, but I believe he wanted to tell me. He wanted something to hold over my head. Something to keep me tied to him or terrified enough to never leave him. Whatever his motive was, it backfired on him."
"How so?"
"I had already made the choice to stay with him. I would have never left. If he would have just believed in that, none of this would have happened." Scooting closer, I leaned my head on Carlisle's shoulder. "I was already dealing with what he had done to Emily but the night I found out what he'd done to Jake that was it. I couldn't take anymore. I had to do whatever I could to get all of us away from him."
"What did he do, Bella?"
"Does it matter?"
Lifting my head, I was met with his stern, no nonsense look. He wasn't going to back down. Agitated, I began to pace in front of him.
"It took me a while to figure out, but I came to realize that James Denton was two very different people, living in two different worlds. In the world I was allowed to live in, he was a rich man who moved in elite circles. He was respected and looked up to by everyone who knew him, which was why he would pay any price to keep his real life with me a secret.
"Outside of that circle of friends, though, James led a different life. The people he associated himself with could best be described as…shady; criminals, drug dealers and users, the absolute dregs of society. If the price was right, he could get any one of them to do anything he wanted. And that's exactly what he did.
"James used to keep a small fortune stashed in the house so he had cash available to him when he needed it. He usually used the money to buy his way out of trouble because, as you know, cash doesn't leave a trail and his father or anyone else for that matter would never learn his secrets. But that time, though, he used his money to get the one thing he always wanted…Jake out of the way."
Just saying the words caused me to shiver, thinking of how close we came to losing Jake because I let a monster into our lives.
"He was furious when he found out that Jake didn't die in the accident and a few days later, I came home from the hospital earlier than normal to hear him on the phone in the office, yelling at someone for screwing up the job. When I confronted him about it, he tried to deny it but then he lost his temper and we started fighting. It was always during the fights that the truth came out."
His eyes narrowed. "I know how you think, Bella. You started a fight with him on purpose, didn't you?" I nodded. "What were you thinking? How could you put yourself in danger like that?"
"It wasn't about me. I would have done anything to find out what happened. I needed to know if he was involved." I shrugged. "But it wasn't too bad. It only took me a few days to recover from that fight. Once I did, though, I ran straight to Charlotte. She had to know and I hoped, if she knew the truth, she would see how desperate I was for her help."
"Well she obviously helped, since you left shortly after Jake's accident."
"She did, though not right away." He looked confused so I explained. "Charlotte had the means to falsify documents to give someone a new identity. She had friends everywhere that would help her hide someone until they were able to find a more stable place to live. But that was just it, she could hide one, but an entire family was nearly impossible.
"She tried but when she finally came to me and explained that she didn't have the resources or connections to hide five adults, I took the next couple of days to think before I came up with a solution of my own."
From the day we met, Carlisle had always been good at reading me. Now, after months of talking and getting to know me and my past, he didn't need much of an explanation to know where my thoughts were headed. With my last statement, his eyes grew wide and I knew he understood.
"Tell me you didn't!" He was in front of me, his hands gripping my arms.
"I had to make sure they were safe." I held his waist. "I couldn't leave if they weren't protected."
"But stealing from him, Bella! Are you crazy? Why would you do such thing? You gave him the perfect reason to come after you. Don't you get that?"
"The money had nothing to do with it. He would have come for me anyway," I told him.
"You don't know that." He pushed away and began pacing, the vein on his forehead telling me exactly how angry he was. "He could have let you go. Once he realized you were gone and Jake, Emily, Leah and Sam were nowhere to be found, he may have given up."
"Calm down, Counselor." I rolled my eyes. "I'm telling you that vein is going to pop one of these days."
"You think this is funny," he yelled. "How much money was it, Bella? How much did you give up your freedom for?"
The cruelty of his words knocked me back a step. I knew he was angry but I didn't expect him to lash out at me the way he did and I was surprised by how much it actually hurt me. Hoping to hide the pain in my eyes, I walked to the table, taking his notebook and a pen out of his briefcase.
He had to know that no matter what I did or what I took from him, James would have come after me. Scribbling the words on the paper quickly, I put the pen down and held the paper out to him.
"He used to recite this for me, usually as we laid in bed at night after our fights. He was always so tender and sweet after we'd fight that I thought he was just being romantic, reciting poetry for me. Until I really listened and understood what it meant."
Carlisle took the paper from me and began to read. I'd heard that poem so often that the words were engrained in my memory. I never wanted to read or hear those words again, but it was so important that he understood exactly what I was running from.
"Romance was the furthest thing from his mind. It was a warning. A reminder that I was his. Forever."
The paper crumpled in his hand as he looked up at me, his blue eyes shimmering with fresh tears. He closed the distance between us in two steps, wrapping me in the protection of his arms. My arms circled his waist as I buried my face in his chest.
"Do you see? It was never about the money? He was never going to let me go."
"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm sorry for yelling at you. I shouldn't have done that."
"It's okay, Carlisle. You yell…I yell, remember?"
We held each other for a few more minutes before he led me to a chair and sat me in his lap. He left his arms around me as he spoke.
"Okay, so what happened when you told Charlotte your plan?" he asked.
"She was actually happy. She had already been working on papers for the five of us so that was never a concern. Her worry was finding a place among her friends for them to live until they could find a place of their own. But with the money I had at my disposal, we were able to find a house that the four of them could move in to. I planned to pay the rent for a year so they wouldn't have to worry about that at least.
"Our biggest problem was what to do with Jake. He'd woken up a few days after the accident but he was in such bad shape that we couldn't just move him. Charlotte worked her magic, of course, and got her friend in the hospital to help us. She was able to work out a transfer to move him to the hospital that was about fifteen minutes away from their new house."
"But wouldn't that leave a paper trail?" he asked. "If he was looking, James wouldn't have to work very hard to find him."
"We'd already had their new identities so the transfer was going to be made under his new name and the hospital would list his condition as some kind of heart problem. Only his doctors would know the truth. Jacob Black would essentially disappear."
"How did you even get them to agree to this?"
"That was one of the hardest conversations I'd ever had."
My body stiffened a little as I remembered that day. Carlisle tightened his hold on me and urged me to go on.
"The three of us set up a schedule and took turns sitting with Jake. We didn't want him to be alone and even more so for me once I'd found out what James had done. Well, after Charlotte and I had everything in place, I had asked Emily if she would switch with me because I had some things I needed to take care of. Luckily, she agreed without question and I would have Jake and Sam all to myself to tell them I had to leave and to say goodbye.
"I knew they were going to be the hardest to convince. Neither one of them wanted me out there all on my own with no protection, but I swore to them I would never ever let my guard down. I would be safe and take precautions to keep myself that way.
"They were still hesitant to let me go, of course, but I showed them my new papers, both the identity I would assume when I walked out the hospital doors and the extra set I could use in the future should the need arise. It still wasn't good enough, though, so I assured them that I wouldn't be completely alone and that Charlotte's friends would be watching over me while I was gone. They had been told about the trouble I was in and would do what it took to keep me safe."
Shifting a bit, I draped an arm over Carlisle's shoulders, hugging him as I turned to face him.
"You know, with as calm and understanding as Sam always was, I would have expected Jake to put up the biggest fight over me leaving, but I was so wrong. Sam held on as tight as he could, absolutely refusing to let me go. He wouldn't listen to me. Surprisingly, Jake was the one to actually convince him, telling him that I needed to get as far away from James as fast as I could."
"When I talked to them," Carlisle interrupted, "Sam told me that with the way Emily had changed after the mugging and then with Jake's accident, he was terrified to let you walk out the door. He couldn't stand the thought of losing you too.
"I remember his exact words because I've read them so many times since our meeting. He said, 'It was my job to protect them and I couldn't fail Bella the way I had with Emily and Jake.'"
"He said that?"
"You weren't the only one who felt the responsibility to protect everyone, Bella. He wanted to keep you all safe and felt like a complete failure for a long time because he believed he let each one of you down."
"But he didn't, he…"
"I know and he knows it now, too. Believe it or not, the longer you were gone the more he realized how strong you really were. To have dealt with everything there and still made a life for yourself that James couldn't touch, he was so proud of you."
"Oh yeah," I muttered sarcastically, "I did a great job living my life. I'm sure prison was number one on his top ten list of places for me to live."
"Don't do that! Don't put yourself down that way," he growled at me and pinched my side.
My body jerked as he hit a ticklish spot I'd long since forgotten about. The mischievous smirk and raised eyebrow told me I was in trouble.
"Don't even…"
My words were cut off as his fingers found that spot again before I could jump from his lap and I curled in on myself, laughing hysterically. I slapped and pushed and kicked to get away but found myself stuck in the cage his arms created around me. It wasn't until Whitlock pounded on the door that Carlisle froze, all playfulness gone.
He stood quickly, bracing me so I wouldn't fall. With a worried look, he grabbed my hands and held them tight between us.
"Before you go, I need to ask you for something."
"What is it?"
The seriousness in his face worried me. He dropped his eyes for a second before bringing them back to mine. The seriousness had given way to concern.
"Bella, I hate to ask you this but tomorrow there's something we really need to discuss."
"You're stalling, Counselor." I grinned nervously, trying to lighten his mood. "What is it? What else do you need to know?"
His eyes flickered between mine and he took a couple breaths before he said the words that ripped my heart out of my chest.
"I need you to tell me about Edward Masen."
My blood ran cold and Carlisle caught me before my knees hit the floor. My head shook furiously. "No, no, no, no, no. How did you…? You can't… No!"
My back hit the wall as I rushed away from him. Before he could take a single step toward me, Whitlock opened the door and I ran out.
I got down the hall and around the corner before Whitlock caught me, yanking my arms and pushing me face first up against the wall.
"What is your fucking problem?" he growled in my ear as he held me still to put the cuffs on me. "Too many blows to the fucking head, Bella. You know you can't run through these halls. Are you trying to get yourself killed?"
Tears poured down my face. "I'm sorry I just couldn't... He asked me… but I'm not ready. Not yet."
"I don't want to hear your excuses, Swan." His voice rose as he jerked me away from the wall. "Now move your ass."
Facing the hallway again, I saw Guard Newton and Guard Crowley about five steps away from us. Knowing how much pleasure they took in my weakness, I put my head down, refusing to let them see me cry. I saw their shoes pass us and we made it around another corner before Whitlock pulled me to a stop.
"I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to be so rough with you. I saw them coming and I had to cover." He shook his head. "Are you okay? You're lucky I caught you. If it had been one of them, they would have brought out the taser and sent you to solitary for sure." After a quick once over, he turned and led me down the hall again. "Now, what happened? What did Carlisle say to you to make you run off like that?"
"I don't want to talk about it," I said quickly.
"You can talk to me, Bella," he urged.
I shook my head again. I couldn't talk to Whitlock about it because it was his goddamn girlfriend's fault that Carlisle found out about Edward. If she hadn't gone off and played detective, he would have never known Edward even existed.
And then it hit me.
The only way she would have ever found Edward was if she had talked to Ben. Shit! Why the fuck did I write anything about my time in Forks. Why did I tell her about Carmen? Why did I tell her any of it?
Because you're stupid, Bella. Whitlock told you what she was like. You should have known her nosy ass would have gone and checked out your story. Now Ben could be exposed and Edward…
"That bitch!"
"Bella, what is it?" Whitlock scanned the hallway to make sure we were alone. "Talk to me. Tell me what's wrong."
"Nothing," I snapped. "Not a fucking thing."
He gave in quickly and we walked back to my cell in silence while I was fuming at Alice for getting into my business when I'd given her more than enough information to do her job.
Whitlock took the cuffs off but didn't make a move to leave right away as he normally did. I rubbed at my wrists and turned to see him standing in front of me looking a little nervous.
"Bella," he whispered, looking over his shoulder and back again, "I know you and I don't have the same relationship that you have with Mendez or even Carlisle, but I'm still here to help you and whenever I'm able, I'll always listen if you need to talk."
Great. Now I felt guilty for treating him the way I did. It wasn't his fault that his girlfriend was a nosy bitch, though I could never tell him that. And it wasn't his fault that Carlisle dropped a bomb on me today, one I was nowhere near ready for. Whitlock was nicer than I ever gave him credit for and I treated him like his presence in my life was somehow less than Carlisle's or Paul's.
"I'm sorry," I whispered as he glanced over his shoulder again. "It has nothing to do with you or Paul or Carlisle. He asked me for something I'm not ready to give, that's all. I panicked and ran. It won't happen again."
He stepped toward the cell door, looked both directions and turned back to me. "Maybe if you think about it and write it in that journal of yours, you can be ready tomorrow." With a wink, he hurried away from my cell.
"Tomorrow," I whispered the word to myself.
Just the word had me pacing my cell, too agitated to sit down. Dealing with the pain of telling him about Jake had almost been too much. There was no way I could manage telling him about Edward. Not without having a complete breakdown in the process.
The shaking started in my hands first as I thought about him. Those green eyes that held so much love and passion whenever he looked at me, his beautiful smile that began and ended every one of my days, those arms that took me in and kept me safe and his amazing heart that beat only for me.
My entire body shook as the knife that had lodged itself in my heart twisted and knocked me to my knees. Doubled over in pain, my arms wrapped themselves around my chest, trying desperately to hold my heart in place. My breaths came shallow and fast as tears poured onto the cement floor. Sobs echoed off the walls as I cried for the true love of my life.
It was my fault things ended the way they did and I would give anything to have him with me again. Maybe if I was home – in the house he'd built for me – I could feel close to him again. I missed him so much and that house held so many memories. It was all I had left.
"Aww, poor baby's crying again."
I barely heard Victoria's mocking voice over my sobs. My head turned in her direction but the tears didn't stop. She took a step into my cell.
"Shh little baby," she taunted me, taking two more steps, "it's okay."
With another step, she was close enough to bend and wrap her fist in the collar of my shirt, hauling me up from the floor. As she pressed me into the wall, her hand slid to my throat.
"I can make it all go away." Her fingers closed around my neck.
"Do it." I didn't fight against her but she held still. So I yelled as loud as her clenched hand would let me. "Just do it, you fucking bitch!"
Her eyes narrowed and evil smirk settled on her face. ""Not yet. It's too much fun watching you cry." She let me go and backed up to the cell door. Pure hatred slipped back into her voice as she spoke. "Besides, I wanna watch you bleed first." Then she was gone.
With nothing to hold me up, I slid back down to the floor and wrapped my arms around my bent legs. My pants soaked up the tears as I rested my forehead on my knees. A beautiful, smiling image of Edward down on one knee fixed itself behind my closed lids and I cried harder.
I couldn't do it. Edward and the memories of our life together were mine. Sharing them with anyone felt wrong, but Carlisle would never understand that. Just as he did with Jake, he would push and push, saying it could only help my defense.
But why did he need me?
When Alice found him, Ben could have given her more than enough information about Edward and me. We were together because of him and even though he lived in Forks, it was as if he was right there with us through every step of our relationship. If Edward didn't call him, then I did. He knew everything…our entire history. He knew our beginning and our end.
What could I possibly tell Carlisle that Alice hadn't already learned? Was winning this case worth shattering my heart once and for all?
The dinner alarm sounded, interrupting my thoughts. I stood up slowly and stepped to the small sink, catching my red, puffy-eyed reflection in the mirror. No amount of cold water was going to help, so I cleaned up the best I could and made my way out of my cell.
I sat alone at my table in the corner of the room poking at my food, my stomach too upset to eat. After playing with it for twenty minutes, I pushed my tray away and sat back in my chair. There were still twenty-five minutes before we were led back to the block, leaving me with nothing to do but wait and think.
Staring at the table in front of me, my last day in Modesto came to mind and how a simple three-hour drive changed the course of my life forever.
~..~..~..~..~..~..~..~..~
January 17, 2009
"Oh Shay, I wish you didn't have to leave." Mrs. Sanchez hugged me one last time.
After our phone call on New Year's Eve, I had given Ben's threat some thought and decided that another move couldn't hurt. James had been close ever since I left Forks, but I had lost him somewhere between Redding and Santa Rosa so I was safe for a while.
I had only been in Modesto for a month and a half and I knew it wouldn't take him long to find me again so a quick move didn't seem all that bad. After I hung up with Ben, I called Jenks for a new set of papers and prepared myself to leave.
I felt a mild twinge of guilt when I called Ben back to tell him how much the new set would cost, but it was his idea for me to move this time so I let it go. He, of course, shrugged it off, saying it would be well worth it to have me near someone he trusted instead of being out here on my own.
The next morning, I'd gone into the department store where I'd been working and gave Mrs. Sanchez my two-week notice. Without James breathing down my neck, it seemed the right thing to do. She had been good to me and I didn't want to leave her without a word. Now that my two weeks was up, it was time to move on.
"It's not going to be the same without you here."
Her sincerity made me a little misty-eyed. I didn't realize she cared so much. I tightened my hold on her.
"I'm sorry. I wish I didn't have to leave but my sister needs me. I really have to go." No one knew my life so the lie was easy to come up with.
"I know. I know. Family comes first." She pulled back, holding me at arm's length. "You take care of yourself, you hear me. And if you ever make it back this way, just come see me. You'll always be welcome here."
"Thank you. If I ever make it back, you'll be the first to know."
We hugged once more before I left the store and jumped in my car. I took a deep breath before starting the engine and picked up my phone to call Ben.
After four rings, he finally picked up. "You better be in your car, Bell."
"Yes, Dad, I'm going." I rolled my eyes as he laughed.
"Hey…I'm just making sure you don't chicken out on me."
"Whatever, Ben." I laughed. "I'm in my car as we speak. I just wanted to call you before I hit the road."
"Be careful driving, Bell, and you better call me when you get there," he ordered.
"Yes, Dad," I teased again. "Anything else?"
"You have the directions I gave you, right?"
"Seriously, Ben," I chuckled, "I don't remember the role of 'father' being up for grabs."
"I just want don't want you to get lost." By his tone, I could picture him with his hands raised in surrender.
"I'll be fine. You don't have to worry about me."
"I'll always worry, Bella," he said seriously.
"I know."
"Now you better get on the road, he's already expecting you."
"I'll call you in a few hours," I told him.
"You better. Talk to you soon, Bella."
"Bye, Ben." I dropped the phone on the seat next to me, started the car and made my way to Bakersfield.
The drive was quiet once I hit the highway and before I knew it, I pulled into the parking lot of his gym. The building was nothing special – small and gray with six foot, lightly tinted windows lining the front. I could see a class going on inside, both men and women together, kicking and punching different sized pads held by their partners and a tall man walking through the groups, repositioning the attacker for the right strike.
Gathering my courage, I took a deep breath and headed for the door. A bell sounded as the door opened and again when it closed, catching the attention of the man helping the class. His bright smile flashed at me as he closed the distance between us.
"Hello," he actually bowed to me, "can I help you?"
A little stunned by his greeting, I stammered, "Um…h-hello. I'm Jessica Shores and I'm looking for Edward Masen."
His smile grew as he turned his head to the left. "Hey Ed, you have a visitor."
My eyes followed his and I noticed an octagon shaped ring in the back and two men throwing punches at each other. One man put his hands in the air as the other stopped and backed away.
"Who is it?" one of the men yelled.
"Jessica…" He trailed off, as if he didn't remember my last name and then realization fell upon his face as he turned back to me. "Hey, you're Ben's friend, right?"
"Yes. He said Mr. Masen was expecting me."
He laughed, mumbling the words 'Mr. Masen' and then spoke in a stronger voice. "You can leave your shoes here, Ms. Shores, and I'll take you back."
~..~..~..~..~..~..~..~..~
Trays crashing to the ground brought me back to the present and I saw several of the guards run to the corner of the cafeteria. The guards near me had spread around the room, hands on their guns to ensure no other fights broke out.
My eyes automatically search for Paul, finding him easily. He was on edge. I could see it in the way his hand gripped his gun. His eyes darted from the women being restrained in one corner, to Victoria and Jane whispering, pointing and smiling conspiratorially in another, and then to me and back again as if he was expecting more to happen.
When the situation calmed down, everyone returned to their tables to wait out the last ten minutes before we were taken back to the block. Leaning back in my chair again, I kept my eyes on Paul and thought about our last conversation. His words still sounded in my head and I knew he was right.
Carlisle was working hard and so was Alice…obviously. The two of them were trying to get the whole truth whether the story came from me or from those I allowed to get close to me. I should have expected Alice to find Ben the second I had heard she'd gone in search of her own answers. And I should have guessed that he'd tell her about Edward. He was always so good to me and he would do anything to help me, even if it meant sending Alice after the hardest truth I ever wanted to face.
My memories of Edward were sacred to me and it really did feel wrong to share them with anyone, even Carlisle. Paul had always encouraged me to trust him and the rational side of my brain said I had no reason not to but the emotional side told me I'd be betraying Edward somehow if I did. I'd already failed to be what he needed when we were together, I couldn't let him down now that we were apart.
I jumped as the whistles blew, signaling for us to fall in line. Shoving my chair back, I stood but hung back a little to wait while everyone else lined up. I watched as Victoria harassed the two women in front of her, pushing, shoving and even slapping one of them, hoping to start another fight.
"Move your feet, Swan." Paul's voice came from behind me.
I turned automatically, asking as quickly and quietly as possible, "Can we talk?"
His eyes were cold, his face hard and his shoulders tense. "Now," was his only response.
I tried to keep the hurt from my face as I turned back around, but not sure I succeeded. I wanted to apologize to him more than anything for the argument we'd gotten into but he wouldn't give me the chance. And I had to apologize because I needed him so badly right now. With Carlisle coming back tomorrow expecting to talk about Edward, I needed to get things straight in my head and Paul was the only one who could help me do that.
Back in my cell, I tried to sit and write things out in my journal as Whitlock suggested but I couldn't remain still long enough to write more than a sentence or two. I alternated between pacing and sitting as the anxiety I was feeling wouldn't allow me to relax.
Lights out came and went and I was still pacing, too agitated to sleep. I couldn't keep thoughts of Edward out of my head. It was too much too fast, each memory flooding my head at once and I was having trouble keeping things straight.
Finally, hours after the lights dimmed, I heard footsteps coming down the line. Grabbing my mirror, I rushed to the corner of my cell to make sure it was Paul. He had to talk to me, to calm me down enough that I could get through tomorrow without suffering another breakdown.
On my knees at the corner of my cell, I caught his reflection in the mirror and stuck a shaking hand through the bars to tap on the floor. The silence was maddening as I prayed for him to hurry so we could talk. Just when I couldn't take the wait any longer, I heard the three short taps on the railing that told me he couldn't talk and my heart sank.
Did those taps mean he really couldn't talk or was he still too angry with me to want to help?
His footsteps brought him closer and I was on my feet just as he came into view. I had to wait for him to walk a few more steps before I could speak.
"Paul, please, I need you."
"Not now, Bella." I could hear the anger in his whispered words.
"I'm sorry, okay." I moved along the length of my cell as he walked by. "Paul, please, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean what I said. Please talk to me, Carlisle needs…"
He faced me with a spark of anger in his eyes. "Carlisle needs answers, Bella. He needs the truth and you need to give it to him. If you can't do that, then I can't help you."
He was gone before I could utter another word. Tears poured as I backed away from the bars.
Hours passed, my tears had dried and my anxiety was higher than ever. Paul had come and gone on his second pass of the night, still refusing to talk to me. I knew his third would come just before dawn, it was my final chance.
Please, God, make him talk to me. Make him listen.
His footsteps caught my ear but before I could get my hopes up, three short taps hit the railing. He wasn't even going to give me a chance to get his attention. He knew I was still awake and he was refusing me before I could beg, because that was what I had been forced to do…beg.
Pacing stopped, my body became completely still as I watched him walk by, head turned the opposite direction as he ignored me completely. Once he was out of sight, I dropped to my knees in the center of my cell and cried.
Everything hit me all at once, Carlisle's pressure, Paul's rejection, Edward's memories. I couldn't take it…any of it. I needed time. Just a few days to get my head straight. A few days to come to terms again with what happened between Edward and me. A few days to figure out how to tell Carlisle without losing my grip on the little bit of sanity I had left.
The idea came fast. I knew what I had to do.
Carlisle was going to be angry, but I would just have to apologize and make it up to him later. I had to do it to buy me some time.
A few days, that was all.
Just a few days.
~oOo~
February 24, 2010
My eyes stayed focused on the floor while I listened to the heavy sounds of footsteps as the guards led everyone to breakfast. I waited, of course, to take my place at the end of the line. It was always an area of contention and a very tense standoff when guard Newton worked this level of the block. When Guard Crowley took over, however, I didn't have to fight as hard because he was more afraid of dealing with Whitlock's anger than mine.
It wasn't until that moment that I realized Whitlock had been looking out for me all along. From the moment I stepped foot in my cell, he had proven over and over again that he could be a hard ass guard just like all the others but in the past few months, I was lucky enough to see a glimpse of the real man behind the façade he had to put up behind these walls.
That thought shot another pang of guilt through me while I waited. Not only was I going to let Carlisle and Paul down today, I was going to let Whitlock down too.
"Let's go, Swan," Guard Crowley's voice cut through my worried thoughts.
Perfect timing, I thought to myself as I pushed away from the wall.
There was no room for worry or doubt today. I had to keep my mind clear and focused…no distractions. Distractions got you hurt. Edward taught me that.
Edward's face was at the forefront of my mind as I walked through the double doors of the cafeteria and joined the line. I wasn't even halfway through when Victoria's red hair flashed in my peripheral vision.
Without my permission, my head turned in her direction. As if I needed more motivation for what I was about to do, seeing Victoria pushing Rosalie from behind pissed me off. It was time that bitch paid.
Turning away from the line with my tray in hand, I headed right for Rosalie's table.
It was twenty feet away. Twenty feet that seemed like a hundred and with every step, my anger grew. Victoria pushed her again and again and I could see Rosalie cowering below her while Jane laughed and goaded her to continue. Scanning the walls, none of the guards seemed to care what was happening but I bet that would change the second I reached the table.
Finally close enough to hear her annoyingly childish voice. I watched her push Rosalie again. "Come on, Blondie. You don't want to get hurt again do you?"
Again? What the hell else had Victoria done to her that I didn't know about? I was tired of the bitch.
"Leave her the fuck alone, bitch!" I snarled at her.
Three things happened at once; Rosalie jumped from her chair, Victoria turned and, with two hands, I swung the empty tray I'd left the line with, hitting her directly under the chin.
Victoria's body crashed to the ground and I twisted, using my downward momentum to strike Jane across the right side of her head, sending her flying into the table behind her. In two steps, I was on Victoria, kicking her and making damn sure that whore didn't get back up.
"Bella!" I heard Rosalie scream just before Jane was on my back.
She was no match and I grabbed her arm and flung her over my shoulder, slamming her to the ground next to Victoria.
"Bella, watch out!"
Ignoring Rosalie's scream, I took a step toward Victoria and her little fucking girlfriend but before I could touch them again, someone slammed into my side and drove my body to the ground. Punches and kicks came from every direction and I did my best to protect myself as Victoria's fucking gang of bitches took their shots.
Using my legs, I swept two of them to the floor but it didn't matter, two more jumped in the second they fell. I tried to swing but as soon as my arm moved, a kick hit my side as a foot crushed my chest. Another kick caught the side of my head and my vision blurred.
"I'm gonna kill you, bitch!" Victoria's voice rang in my ears as her face hovered above mine.
My entire body hurt and I could feel the blood pouring from my nose as the taste of copper filled my mouth. Victoria looked possessed as her fist crashed into my face over and over. Her bloody knuckles slammed into my cheek one more time before the shouting started and Victoria's body collapsed on top of mine.
"Back the fuck up!"
"Get her off!"
"Hold 'em the fuck back!"
"Get 'em outta here!"
"Take her ass downstairs!"
My eyes closed as the black spots took over my vision. Another voice…a frantic voice, closer than the rest, sounded in my ear.
"Bella! Bella! Open your eyes. Bella!"
The voice was still loud but further away as he shouted.
"Clear the fucking room, now!"
I knew that voice.
"Bella." He was back at my ear.
I strained to think.
"Bella! Bella, it's Jasper."
Jasper? Who's Jasper?
"Bella, open your eyes. Come on, I need you to open your eyes."
I heard it then. "Whitlock." I forced his name out.
"Yes. Stay with me, Bella, help's coming. Please, stay with me."
My body felt heavy, my head pounded and all the sounds around me jumbled together until nothing made sense anymore. My mind swirled and I felt myself drifting.
Then he was there…standing right in front of me. So beautiful. So perfect.
"Edward," I whispered, reaching for him before the blackness took me.
Bella just needed time to think. Five days in solitary for fighting…that was the plan. It just didn't work out the way she'd hoped.
I love all of you that have stuck with me so far; it means more to me than you will ever know. Thanks so much for reading and don't forget to let me know what you think. Until next time…much love to you – D