Author's Note: Yes, I'm still alive, and this story is still going. I needed to take some time away from writing over the holidays to focus on my work and family, but I think I'm recharged enough to resume writing again. I'm sorry to everyone who's been waiting on this chapter, but there have been quite a few changes in my life and family, mostly good, some bad.
I want to take the time to thank mileydreamer for the dedication and enthusiasm shown in the many wonderful reviews posted for my stories. Hearing from happy readers always puts a smile on my face, so thank you immensely for brightening my days! Your reviews are wonderful, and I love how you write them as stream-of-consciousness while you read each chapter. I hope to keep giving you chapters to review for a long time.
I'd also like to offer a special apology to all my readers. I never intended for there to be intervals so long between chapters, but sometimes life tosses us so much that we have to prioritize on our family first and everything else second. I'll always try to keep the turnaround time on a new chapter around two weeks, but sometimes it just takes longer. Thank you for having patience and still being here. I love all of you. And for those of you who noticed Dee's hair, she decided to color it for this story. She's like that sometimes. And as always for my chapters with song performances in them, I recommend playing the song in the background while you read. This chapter it's going to be The Killers' song "A Dustland Fairytale," so you might want to cue that up and have it ready.
Here are my standard disclaimers: I make no claims on any of Disney's, Miley Cyrus', Emily Osment's or Hannah Montana's trademarks or copyrights, and no infringement is intended on them or those of any other artist or publication mentioned. Be forewarned that this story most certainly will contain femslash. If love and affection between two consenting young adults of the same sex bothers you, I suggest you turn right around and find something else to read. Keep any flames to yourself and remember that what our world needs now is more love and acceptance, not more hate. Reviews are always welcomed and appreciated!
We Got Nerve
by Jo K.
Chapter 25: Two Sides of the Same Coin
So one day you found her crying, coiled up on the dirty ground
Her prince finally came to save her, and the rest she can figure out
But it was a trick and the clock struck twelve
Make sure to build her up brick by boring brick
Or the wolf's gonna blow it down
-Paramore, "Brick by Boring Brick"
As the doorbell rang, Miley jumped up from where she had been sitting with Lilly on the couch. "Pizza's here!" she said happily, getting a soft cheer from Amy and applause from Lilly. Movie night had gone well for Miley, Lilly, Amy and Dee so far, but the four young women were getting hungry, and pizza had sounded awfully good.
After paying for the two pizzas and leaving the driver a generous tip, Miley closed the door and hurried over to the kitchen table, where the four young women attacked the food hungrily.
"So," said Lilly around a mouthful of hot cheesy goodness, "Miles and I are happy to see you two, but why'd you guys decide to fly out here as suddenly as you did?"
Amy and Dee glanced at each other, and the hints of worry and concern that danced across the young couple's faces spoke volumes to Miley and Lilly. "We, uh, sorta got in trouble with my mom," said Amy quietly, looking away from Dee and down at the floor before the small girl with dark blue hair reached out and lifted Amy's face back up so they could look in each other's eyes.
Dee paused for a few seconds and just smiled at Amy before she said, "Amy Hearon, I don't care what happens or who gets pissed off. You're my girlfriend and you're the woman I love, and I don't give a shit who knows that. I love you, A. Nothin's gonna ever change that, okay?"
Amy smiled and put her arms around Dee, closing her eyes and smiling with relief as she hugged her girlfriend tightly. Miley and Lilly patiently waited, knowing that moments like these were the building blocks of a lasting, loving relationship. After several moments Amy lifted her head and kissed Dee lightly on the lips. "I'm so glad we can do that here without worryin' about anybody catchin' us," she whispered, a pang of regret in her soft voice.
Dee returned the kiss, lingering on Amy's soft lips before saying, "No one's takin' you away from me, A, not ever. We're both grown women now, not little kids. We have our own home which we pay for, and nobody can come in there and tell us what to do."
Amy sighed and looked over at where Miley and Lilly were standing, holding hands as they watched Brooke sleep in the portable playpen set up beside the couch and chair nearest the kitchen. She waited for Miley and Lilly to look back over to her before she said to them with a sigh, "My mom figured it out. And she went beyond batshit crazy. She—" Amy's mouth trembled, then she turned and buried her head into Dee's shoulder, letting loose with sobs that tore at Miley's and Lilly's hearts.
"It's okay, A," whispered Dee, rubbing her girlfriend's back lovingly as she tried to comfort her. "She didn't mean the things she said, and you know that. She always flies off the handle when she gets mad and winds up apologizin' the next day for whatever it was she said, and you know that. We've both seen it plenty of times, just never at us until now."
"But what if she does mean it?" moaned Amy, her voice muffled by Dee's shirt. "What if I never see the rest of my family again?"
"Then the two of you make your own family," said Miley as she put her arms around both Dee and Amy, with Lilly stepping up behind Miley and trying to embrace all three of them. "One where you accept everyone you love and care about, whether you agree with them or not."
"Ya'll ever have any trouble with your families?" asked Dee, stroking Amy's short dark brown hair as she continued to hold her girlfriend firmly.
"My family was pretty cool things," said Lilly, "Miley's was too, except for her Aunt Vicky, but she got over being a bitch and now she's okay with us."
"Vicky's Peyton and Mel's gramma, right?" asked Amy, getting nods in reply. "Well, yeah, she'd have to be cool with you, as much as those two girls worship the ground ya'll walk on."
Miley blushed right as Lilly's cell phone beeped. "Hello?" said Lilly as she held the phone up to her ear.
"This is your friendly reminder about Hannah's concert tonight," said the voice of Jen Kittrell, Hannah and Lola's manager. "So don't fucking be late!"
"You're smiling, aren't you?" Lilly asked, already knowing the answer to her question. "Since you know that Brooke can't hear you right now."
"The fucking thought might have crossed my damn mind." Despite the profanity, the friendliness in Jen's voice was sincere. "You two want me to have the limo pick you up tonight at DreamWorld or do you have other plans for transportation?"
Lilly looked at Miley, who was now watching Lilly closely, obviously picking up on Lilly's sudden concern. Concert tonight, Lilly mouthed at Miley, getting a wide pair of bright blue eyes as a result.
Jen? Miley mouthed silently in reply. When Lilly nodded, Miley held out her hand for the phone. Lilly immediately handed it over; Miley took it and said, "Hey," lightly as she walked to the stairs, disappearing up them quickly. "Hang on," she whispered, hurrying down the hall until she was in their bedroom, the door safely closed behind her. "Okay, I can talk now," Miley said. "We had some friends fly in from Tennessee to visit us."
"Ah. Forget about your own damn concert again?"
"Hey, it happens sometimes! After all, we did just become mothers not too long ago. Full nights of sleep aren't exactly happenin' for us right now."
"Well, I'd suggest you come up with something for your friends to do tonight. Unless you want them tagging along with Hannah and Lola. Which I wouldn't advise, by the way."
"No, they don't know, and it's staying that way," said Miley, shaking her head no even though there was no way Jen could see her. "But we could come up with some tickets for them, couldn't we?"
"Fuck, yes. Good ones?"
"Of course. They're really sweet people."
"How many?"
"Two. Front row."
"Backstage passes?"
"Not this time. They're pretty good friends of ours, and they're stayin' with us a few days. I'd prefer they not get a chance to watch Hannah and Lola together. Too risky."
"Got it. I'll have someone print out tickets and bring them over to your house. That work for you?"
"Sure does," said Miley, smiling. "Thanks, Jen. You're awesome."
"Make sure you bring the right clothes tonight."
"I will," Miley said with a nod. "See you tonight." She hung up, knowing Jen would do the same.
Back downstairs Lilly watched Miley make her way up the stairs before she did anything. Once Miley was out of sight Lilly turned around, only to find two pairs of eyes staring at her curiously. "Business for Miles," she said with a light shrug. "Hannah concert tonight, and she has to be there to make sure everything is set up right."
"She works for Hannah's record company, right?" asked Amy. "I mean, I think I heard either ya'll or Ruthie mention somethin' about that once."
"Yeah, she does the marketing for Hannah Montana, mainly," said Lilly truthfully. Along with the dancing, singing, songwriting, performing and, well, everything else. "And she's written a few songs for her, too."
"No shit?"
"No shit," Lilly replied with a soft smile. "If Hannah has a show, Miles is usually there." She nearly laughed at the full truth of that statement, but she managed to control herself.
Footsteps thumping down the stairs drew everyone's attention to Miley as she hurried down the stairs. "Well, looks like ya'll are gonna be busy tonight," she said with a pleased smile. "You two are gettin' tickets to see Hannah Montana tonight! She's got a concert right down the road, over in L.A., and someone managed to get two last-minute tickets for her friends," Miley said, fanning herself while batting her eyes and looking away theatrically.
After a surprised silence, two squeals rang out from Amy and Dee, followed by them jumping up and down happily. It took a few seconds for the two of them to calm down, but eventually they managed to do so. "I'm not even gonna ask how you pulled that one," said Amy, hugging Dee tightly and they beamed at Miley. "But thank you, hon!"
"That is so freaking amazing," said Dee, a wide grin frozen on her face as she spoke. "Hell yeah!"
"It was my pleasure," said Miley, hugging first Dee, then Amy. "Sorry we can't sit with you, but I'll be busy backstage tryin' to make sure everything runs smooth, and I'm wantin' Lilly to be with me backstage."
"Who'll keep Brooke?" asked Amy.
Lilly glanced over to Brooke, who was now snoozing peacefully in her playpen. "Mom and Dad usually watch her for us whenever they can," she said.
Miley laughed once and added, "Yeah, I think Lilly's mom and dad want to just grab Brookie and keep her all the time." That comment drew laughs from everyone in the kitchen.
Several hours later, the concert was in full force. As Miley passed by on her way back to the dressing room, Lilly gently grabbed her wife's arm, claiming a warm kiss that made both young women pause noticeably. "When are you gonna do the new song?" she asked Miley after they pulled their lips apart just enough to speak, eyes still locked onto each other.
"Now," said Miley, smiling. "You see our girls in the front row?"
"How could I miss 'em?" replied Lilly, her own grin blossoming across her face. "Amy got up on Dee's shoulders and threw her bra at you!"
"Yeah, well," said Miley as she rolled her eyes, "she never was much for bein' shy." She looked over at the stage technicians hurrying across the stage, carrying wrenches and small flashlights as they went to work on several dark boxes arranged across the front of the stage. "I need to get changed for this next one," Miley said, kissing Lilly on the forehead.
"Yeah, that dress might not be the best outfit for all the wind," said Lilly, grabbing Miley's butt quickly as her wife hurried past her, turning to flash her a brilliant smile as she hurried toward her dressing room. She had stopped caring about fans both male and female throwing articles of clothing on the stage at her wife's concerts a long time ago; after a thorough washing, all those clothes went to one of the HLM Foundation's facilities where they would be given out to someone who needed them. "Make sure you protect those pretty blue eyes, sweetheart!"
"You got me the safety glasses, hon, remember?" Miley called out, smiling at Lilly before turning around and jogging down the hall. "And I promise to wear them!"
Lilly smiled as she turned back around to watch the stagehands lift the covers off the large Dyson Air Multipliers that had been securely bolted down to the front of the stage. She pulled out her phone and used her right hand to dash off a text message to her mother, letting her know that the concert was over halfway through and that she and Miley would be by to pick up Brooke by roughly ten or ten-thirty, depending on how many autograph seekers would be waiting for them once the concert was over.
To tell the truth, she was looking forward to seeing Hannah Montana's version of The Killers' "A Dustland Fairytale," and she had been ever since she and Miley has first batted the idea back and forth over breakfast one day. Both of them loved the song, and once Lilly shared her vision of performing the song with Miley, both of them had gotten excited at how good it sounded.
There was never any worry about whether Miley could sing the song or not; that was a given. The true concern shared only by Miley and Lilly was exactly how strong winds meant to simulate a cyclone would interact with Hannah's blonde wig. The first few "tests" were conducted by Lilly and Miley alone, first at home with a regular fan, then with a Dyson Air Multiplier. Once they had established that firmly clipping Hannah's blonde wig in place would indeed stand up to full force from one of the devices, they felt confident enough to bring the tests into the practice studio, where Miley and her equipment crew experimented with different placements of several of the powerful devices, finding the proper angles to kick up a heavy gale but keeping the most intense wind velocity just behind Hannah.
Still, Lilly found herself sweating slightly as she heard Miley's voice coming back down the hall. If this went wrong, if Miley were to step back into the vortex formed behind Hannah as the different streams of wind summed up to form their makeshift cyclone, then this could turn out to be a surprising performance indeed. They had never tested the hair clips at the heart of the man-made storm, and Lilly didn't want her wife to test them now. "Be careful, hon," she said, gently taking Miley's arm as her best friend passed by, now wearing a white leather jacket, a red shirt, blue jeans so worn and faded that they were nearly white and torn through in a few places, and heavy leather boots, topped off with rose-hued safety glasses to protect Miley's eyes from any grit that might be kicked up by the winds.
Miley smiled and kissed Lilly, being careful not to dislodge Lola's flame-red wig as she pulled her wife's head as close as possible. "It'll be okay, sweetheart," whispered Miley. "I promise. I know exactly how far I can move, and I'm not plannin' on steppin' back at all once those suckers get cranked up."
Lilly blinked twice, unable to tear her eyes away from how beautiful Hannah looked tonight. "You know I trust you," she said simply, not needing an answer or reply.
Miley hugged Lilly tightly, trying not to cry for some reason she couldn't pin down exactly. "I know," she replied softly. "And you'll never have a reason not to."
Lilly wiped carefully at her eyes, trying not to smear her sparkling eyeshadow. "Go on," she said as she playfully pushed Miley away. "You're holding up the show, you diva."
Miley returned Lilly's warm smile. "Yes, ma'am," she said, kissing Lilly on her lips quickly. As she pulled away, Lilly lifted her hand and carefully wiped her lip gloss off Miley's lips so Hannah's blonde hair wouldn't stick if the winds blew it across Miley's face. "Thanks, baby," whispered Miley, giving Lilly a lingering smile before turning and walking quickly back out onto the stage. The crowd's cheers and applause immediately surged back to full intensity as Miley took her position at the front of the stage, holding the microphone stand firmly as the music began to play.
As the keyboard softly played and Miley's voice began to sing, the audience quietened down quickly. She had changed some words from the original version of the song, such as replacing the year named in the original song, 1961 (sung as "sixty-one"), to 2001, which she sang as "zero-one." Miley had also made the lost love in the song a girl rather than a boy, which made the song more comfortable to her.
Dustland fairytale beginning
Just another white trash county kiss
In '01, long brown hair, and foolish eyes
You look just like you want her to
Some kind of slick chrome American Dream
Blue jean serenade
Moon river, what'd you do to me
I don't believe you
Saw Cinderella in a party dress
She was lookin' for a nightgown
I saw the devil wrappin' up his hands
He's gettin' ready for the showdown
I saw the minute that I turned away
I got my money on a pawn tonight
The breeze that stirred as the air circulators began to operate was notable but mainly just for show. Hannah's blonde hair lightly fluttered every now and then, until the pulse of the song shifted with that last line. The soft strains of the piano were joined by guitars, drums and bass, and Miley's voice picked up to match the instruments. The wind began to intensify, first mildly and then more powerfully just seconds later.
Change came in disguise of revelation
Set her soul on fire
She said she always knew she'd come around
The near-silent operation of the Dyson devices made it difficult for most of the audience to see where the gusts were coming from, but they could clearly see the effect of the winds on the band and, to a lesser extent, Hannah herself. The golden scarf that Miley had wrapped around her throat began to toss in what was now a healthy wind, its ends flipping up and down, side to side behind the singer.
And the decades disappear
Like sinking ships but we persevere
God gives us hope
But we still fear what we don't know
The mind is poisoned
Castles in the sky sit stranded, vandalized
The drawbridge is closin'
The force of the winds swirling across the stage again picked up in time with the music's increased intensity. Now Miley carefully stood her ground in the face of the strong winds, her legs spread and her right foot braced behind her to keep from being pushed back into the confluence of gusts behind her. Hannah's long blonde hair was briskly billowing behind her, not quite parallel to the stage but close to it. Backstage Lilly couldn't help but chew softly on a neatly manicured purple nail as she watched Miley stand her ground and sing.
Saw Cinderella in a party dress
She was lookin' for a nightgown
I saw the devil wrappin' up his hands
He's gettin' ready for the showdown
I saw the ending when they turned the page
I threw my money and I ran away
Straight to the valley of the Great Divide
Out where the dreams all hide
Out where the wind don't blow
Out here the good girls die and the sky won't snow
Out here the bird don't sing, out here the field don't grow
Out here the bell don't ring, out here the bell don't ring
Out here the good girls die
As the music paused for a split second, the fans were turned to their highest level; despite being suspended horizontally behind the rock star, Hannah's blonde hair showed no signs of slipping, making Lilly release a tightly-held breath from her pounding chest. As the gale screamed angrily, Miley continued to sing, her voice defiant and strong in the face of the indoor mini-cyclone. Bits of soft paper whipped through the air, conjuring the appearance of debris caught in the throes of a tornado while posing no real risk to anyone on stage. Miley's left arm released the microphone stand as her right hard continued to grip it tightly; she raised her left arm and pointed out toward the audience, her finger tracing a line just above their heads as she sang the final few lines.
Now Cinderella don't you go to sleep
It's such a bitter form of refuge
Don't you know the kingdom's under siege
And everybody needs you
Is there still magic in the midnight sun
Or did you leave it back in '01
In the comfort of a young girl's eyes
Out where the dreams all hide
As the winds died down and the band stopped playing, Miley let her left arm drop to her side. Her face was red and tingling from the wind, but her smile was radiant as she began to laugh at just how good that song, that performance had felt. The audience had been cheering before, but now those cheers became screams and shrieks of enthusiasm as all those in attendance rewarded everyone's effort in putting together that performance.
Miley grabbed the microphone and tugged it free of its stand, turning and using her free arm to gesture to her band. "The best band in the world, everybody!" she cried out to continued whistles and shouts. "And the best crew out there, too!" she said as she pointed first to stage right, then stage left. She tilted her head back and laughed again, pure joy at nailing such a tricky number pulsing through her entire body.
Lilly's hands were nearly numb, she was clapping so hard. She thought about whistling, but before she could do so Miley was jogging toward her, then Lilly's arms were around Miley as they spun around once, both young women laughing in delight. "That was amazing!" Lilly shouted, trying to be heard over the thundering applause. "Did you know it was gonna be that good?"
"Not a clue!" Miley shouted back, shaking her head in disbelief. "Good, yeah, we thought that, but there was too much that could've gone wrong for me to really relax!"
Lilly hugged Miley again, then she grabbed her best friend's head with both hands and kissed her passionately, not even bothering to wait a second before her lips had Miley's spread apart and their tongues slid across each other. After several seconds of bliss, the two young women slowly leaned their heads back slightly. "I'm not even going to argue with you, hon," Lilly said pleasantly. "And anyway, I had a backup plan just in case you-know-what had happened."
Miley raised her right eyebrow. Lilly nearly laughed; with her head resting on Miley's left shoulder, there was no way she could have seen the facial gesture.
"Did you raise your eyebrow at me?" asked Lilly with a smile, not lifting her head from its happy resting place.
There was a pause before Miley answered, "Maybe." When a few seconds passed without Lilly replying, Miley sighed. "Oh, alright! Just tell me already."
Lilly grinned. She lifted her head up so she could look into Miley's shining soft blue eyes. "I was going to kill all the lights at the breaker box," she said matter-of-factly. "Did you know all the stage and floor lights are controlled by that one breaker box?" She pointed to a large dark gray panel set flush with the wall, just ten feet away from them. When Miley didn't answer, Lilly proudly answered for her, "Well, I did. And I made sure it was unlocked before you went on stage for this song."
Miley's mouth hung slightly open for three seconds before she shook her head and said, "Overprotective wife say what?"
Lilly turned Miley around and pushed her back toward the stage, where the cries for Hannah were continuing, augmented by the thunder of thousands of feet stomping in unison. "Go back out there and dazzle 'em some more, baby," she said as she lightly pushed her best friend forward. "And you better not slack off!" she called out as Miley walked away with a walk not unlike a slow swagger. "Not following a performance like that!"
Miley whirled around, a serious look on her face. "Hey! I'm Hannah Montana! Slackin' off is not in my vocabulary!"
Lilly wiggled her fingers toward the stage. "Then get your cute little vocabulary back out there, woman!" she said teasingly. "Our friends want some more, so you better give it to them!"
Miley grinned and blew her wife a kiss, then she turned and jogged back out onto the stage, much to the delight of the roaring audience. Lilly just shook her head, still smiling as she leaned against the wall at her familiar vantage point just off the stage and watched Hannah Montana once again work her magic.
As Miley bounded back onto the stage for the next song and the crowd's cheers nearly doubled in intensity, a young woman with blonde hair and pink-framed glasses stopped as she was leaving the arena floor and looked over her shoulder to see what the crowd was excited about. Had either Miley or Lilly been close enough, the woman's dark eyes would have been oddly familiar, but they were the only people inside the arena who had a chance of recognizing Mikayla in her disguise tonight. After a few seconds of watching Hannah laughing and waving at the audience, Mikayla turned her back on the singer she both hated and admired.
She did a great job the whole concert, but that last song... Damn, that was something else. Mikayla's thoughts went round and round, replaying Hannah's rendition of "A Dustland Fairytale" repeatedly as she made her way to the parking garage. She didn't take off her wig and costume glasses until she had gotten into her Aston Martin Vanquish, closing the door solidly. She tossed the pieces of her disguise into the empty passenger seat, triggering an unexpectedly sad realization. I've never had anyone sit in that seat since I bought this car last year. How fucking pathetic is that? She started the car, her familiar scowl firmly in place once again as she backed out of her parking place, then roaring out of the parking garage into the night.
When the door to Miley's and Lilly's home opened to let Dee and Amy in, it was well after eleven o'clock. Miley and Lilly looked up from where they had fallen asleep on the couch, Lilly sitting at the far end of the couch facing the door with Miley lying back against her, her head nestled comfortably in Lilly's lap and her curly hair sprawled such that it completely covered Lilly's waist and hips. Miley licked her lips before she smiled at their guests and said, "So did ya'll have a good time at the concert?"
"Do the Vols wear orange?" Amy shot back with a wide grin, stopping and holding an arm out in front of her as if she was trying to hold Miley and Lilly in place. "Can you say 'best concert ever'? 'Cause that's sure what we saw tonight!" She took a moment and gazed at where Miley and Lilly lay on the couch. "Have you two actually done anything this evenin', or did you just spend the day bein' lazy?"
Miley leaned her head back far enough that she could look up and fleetingly catch Lilly's eyes before smiling. "Oh, just bein' lazy, I guess," she said with a teasing smile as she looked back toward their friends.
"Yeah," added Lilly. "I mean, what else would we be doing tonight, really?" She kissed the top of Miley's head. "Can you think of anything you'd rather be doing tonight, Miles?"
Miley wiggled slightly, settling herself in her wife's snug embrace. "Other than you, Lilly Bear?" she asked, winking at their two friends.
"Hush, you," Lilly said softly. "Just because my mom and dad wanted to keep Brooke tonight doesn't mean you automatically get lucky, you know."
Miley slowly rolled over in Lilly's embrace. She stared into deep blue eyes whose pupils grew until their blackness nearly consumed the color surrounding them entirely, finally whispering, "Yeah it does. And you know it just as much as I do." As she pressed her lips to Lilly's, Miley shivered fiercely as she felt the tip of Lilly's tongue brush across her mouth.
"I think I'm pretty wiped out, Amy," Dee said quickly, turning to look at her girlfriend. "You want to hit the sack?"
"Actually, I think I want to take a walk on the beach in the moonlight," said Amy. "I think that might be a very romantic thing to do."
Dee grinned. "I need to get my swimsuit on."
"I'll grab it for you," Amy said, smacking her girlfriend on the butt and racing to the stairs.
Dee stopped near the couch, where Miley and Lilly had stopped kissing and were looking quizzically at the short girl with dark blue hair. "Thanks again," Dee said, rubbing the back of her neck nervously. "I mean, for the tickets and everything. I was wantin' to do somethin' nice for Amy while we were out here, but heck, I wasn't plannin' on gettin' to do it the first night!"
"You're welcome, Dee," Lilly said. "And it was our pleasure. Now you can really have something to tell everybody about when you get back home."
"Yeah," Dee said quietly. "Look, I'm not really sure what's gonna happen with Amy and her mom. I mean, she was really upset about what her momma told her, and she still won't tell me all that she said. But tonight I got my Amy back, and I can't thank you two enough for that."
"C'mon, slowpoke!" yelled Amy, feet slapping the steps as she sped down them, tossing a bright yellow bikini at her girlfriend. "Get your ass changed, so we can get out there!" As Dee stepped past Amy, the two of them grinned and kissed quickly. "Love you, Deandra."
"Love you too, sexy," said Dee as she stepped into the downstairs bathroom, closing the door as she turned on the light.
"I think we're heading to bed," said Miley as she carefully stood, stretching her back as Lilly likewise rose to her feet. Lilly's hand slid along Miley's stomach where her shirt had ridden up, raising goosebumps across the exposed skin. "Mmm," murmured Miley as she closed her eyes and covered Lilly's strong hand with her own. "Oh yeah. Definitely headin' to bed."
Back in Los Angeles, Mikayla sat on her upstairs balcony, drinking a mix of orange juice, pear juice and ginger ale as she looked up at the moon in the sky. Wordlessly she lifted the tumbler, draining the glass in one gulp. Years of regrets gave the sweet drink a bitter aftertaste, and Mikayla shuddered as she closed her eyes, unwilling to gaze into the moon's glow any longer. Not when it was reflecting her own fears back at her. Stop it, Mickey. What are you going to do about it tonight?
She stood, turning her back on the bright disc of the moon as she went back inside, closing and locking the balcony door behind her. She made her way down the hallway and then the stairs with only the illumination of a few night lights scattered around the house. It was more comfortable for her to be in the dark here; it lessened the chance of seeing haunted eyes reflected back at her from the mirrors around the house.
As she set her glass in the sink for the maid to deal with tomorrow, Mikayla made her way back through the living room on her way to her bedroom. She hadn't felt like company tonight, so she had skipped out early on the party she had been at previously. Sex was nice, but sometimes it just wasn't worth sharing your private time with anyone else.
A light left on in one of the ground floor rooms caught her attention as she passed the doorway. She stopped and looked in at the mostly empty room; boxes both stacked and half-opened occupied part of the floor, and the desk against the wall had more books and papers spread out across it. She glanced at the papers there, grimacing when she saw the latest reports from her counseling sessions and drug tests.
Patient making some progress in exploring feelings but remains unwilling to discuss what prompted her four-year disappearance. This obfuscation makes me even more curious about what she continues to hide. Mikayla smiled coldly as she read the words of the report she had paid one of the therapist's staffers to obtain for her. "You and everybody else, bitch," she said to herself.
She continues to test negative for alcohol, opioids, benzodiazepines, barbituates, amphetamines, cocaine metabolites, and marijuana on all samples, both scheduled and random. No evidence of tampering noted. Recommend we reduce random testing frequency due to strong evidence that patient no longer consumes alcohol or takes illicit drugs and has indeed overcome her addictions. Constant vigilance remains a must to prevent relapse, given the expected emotional ups and downs of a music celebrity's lifestyle.
Mikayla tossed the papers back down onto the desk. They'd never know where the strength to overcome her addictions had come from, and that was for the best. Bad enough that she had to know them. If I hadn't have been drunk that night, Kasey...
Mikayla shuddered. She sat down heavily in the black leather chair in the corner of the room, next to a partially-opened box. If I just had taken the time to ask you what was going on, given you the chance to explain that Jake was taking advantage of you while you were drunk, then I might not have walked off and left you there with him. You wouldn't have freaked out and tried to find me, driving off while you were still too drunk to walk straight.
Mikayla's pride stubbornly stood its ground, refusing to let more than a few tears spill forth as the cascade of bitter memories slammed into her mind. The sight of her bright red Lotus zooming past her, Kasey waving as she tried to stop. The sudden acceleration as Kasey drunkenly hit the accelerator instead of the brake. The split-second sight of her best friend racing into the middle of the busy intersection, when Mikayla knew in her heart what was about to happen. And then the sickening crunch of impact, then another, then another as the small sports car was pulverized by oncoming traffic. The cold terror of running to the intersection, the desperate hope that maybe, just maybe Kasey was still alive. And then the cold realization when she saw the blood sprayed across the wreckage of her car, pooling on the asphalt next to another puddle of some dark liquid, silent testimonial that her best friend was dead.
Mikayla turned in the chair, suddenly needing something, anything to focus on other than the memories of her best friend's death. And so she found herself opening the box that she swore she would never open, not ever again, because the memories and guilt it held were terrible indeed.
Before she knew what she was doing, Mikayla had ripped the tape off of the plastic tub and removed the lid. As she looked into the past she had tried so hard to forget, the past she had tried to drink away, to fuck away, to drug into submission, only to once again be staring it in the face. With a trembling hand, she lifted the ultrasound picture, staring at it for long moments. She reached out to brush her fingertips across the slick, glossy surface of the picture, as if she could reach across the years and miles and somehow comfort her child before the end. "I'm so sorry," she said, knowing that she could never be forgiven for what she had done to that child. Not by her family, not by her fans, not by her church, not by her God, and never by herself. Some things, once done, are irreversible, forever changing the lives of all involved.
With great willpower, she placed the ultrasound picture down on the box's lid. She lifted out another picture, taken just two weeks after Kasey's death. Mikayla was seventeen, her body not even hinting at the pregnancy that she had just found out about the morning she took that picture. Even then she had already known what she was going to do. A teenage pregnancy would have been the kiss of death for a pop star whose audience was mainly teens and tweens, that much was certain, and back then she would have done anything to save her career.
The feeling of loneliness that had settled around her since Kasey's death had never been more numbing the morning of the procedure. Even while she was on the surgical table, Mikayla refused to admit the truth of what she was doing. Instead she focused on her promise to Kasey, that she would become the biggest pop star in the world and dedicate her success to her absent best friend.
But would Kasey have wanted it this way? Would she have wanted all this blood on her hands? On MY hands? Struggling with those haunting questions had driven Mikayla deeper and deeper into a self-destructive spiral, culminating in an overdose that had nearly killed her. The one good thing that Margot had done for her had been to get her out of the country and put her into a clinic in the Bahamas that specialized in discrete treatment of drug and alcohol addiction. It was there that Mikayla found the strength to overcome her addiction, and for a brief, fleeting moment she found hope in her future.
And then Margot had shown her what she was carrying in her locked briefcase.
Instantly all hope for Mikayla was gone, swept away in the sickening understanding of the hold which Margot now had over her and her career. She had already decided to resume her music career out of her promise to Kasey, but now that dream had been tarnished by Margot's taint.
Five minutes later the black metal gates to the Beverly Hills estate opened, letting Mikayla's Aston Martin rumble through them as they parted. She hit the street accelerating, shifting angrily as she roared away from her home and those damned memories she could briefly outrun but never escape. She didn't say a word, not even to herself, as she drove. When she reached the nearby church she had humorlessly begun to consider hers, she slowed just enough to make the turn into the parking lot, tires squealing as she cut the wheel and guided the car into the parking place nearest the entrance. She yanked the keys out of the ignition and forcefully closed the door as she strode up the walkway to the oversized wooden door.
As she reached the door, Mikayla froze as her fingers were about to touch the dark wood. For long, agonizing seconds the young woman stood there, motionless, burning to open the door and go inside the sanctuary but unable to make herself do so. This was different from smiling for the cameras or making a public appearance at morning Mass; those she could do effortlessly, carrying a penitent smile as long as the photo op required. This was altogether different, in more ways than Mikayla could count.
For long, painful minutes she stood that way, fingers just inches away from the promise held within the consecrated building. Finally the trembling hand dropped in defeat, fingers clenched tightly into a fist as Mikayla sat down roughly on the stone path, crying softly at first but quickly becoming heaving sobs of anguish. She bowed her head as her tears fell onto the ground, desperately in need of forgiveness but unwilling to forgive herself.
It was nearly sunrise before she finally left.
Author's Afterword: This chapter is now officially the hardest one I've had to write, not technically but in terms of sustaining motivation while writing it. I've written and rewritten it entirely, and I think it's finally happy with the end result. Again, my deepest apologies for this chapter taking forever and a day to get posted. I tried to make up for it by revealing more than I had planned of what haunts Mikayla, although there's still more to be revealed about the tragic young singer. Hope it's been at least partially worth the wait! I'll be starting on the next chapter immediately, in an attempt to not get too far behind this time. Some of the real-life issues that have been consuming my free time are starting to wind down, but several remain. Hopefully I can make my self-imposed deadline this time. I love and appreciate all of you, and I'll see you soon!
Jo