Chapter 25
Darkness and warmth. That was all Yang could feel at first. It was almost comforting, like waking up in the early morning, when curtains still blocked out the barely rising sun. But then more sensations became evident. A dull ache in her skull, a throbbing heartbeat, a tingle in her missing right arm, and a droning in her ears. Yang focused on the droning, trying to pinpoint its source. Slowly, like a radio crackling to life, or water draining from her ears, a strained voice became evident.
"...can't handle that Yang…" The voice said. It was familiar, but Yang could not quite place it. "...don't have the strength, not without you…"
Pyrrha? Yes, that was definitely Pyrrha's voice. Yang was suddenly aware of pressure on her hand, a weight on her abdomen. The vibrations of Pyrrha's voice sent tingles through her body. She tried to move but found herself paralyzed, forced to listen as her best friend broke down, tearfully rambling, baring her soul.
"I love you Yang, I love you." Pyrrha wept. "Please don't make me do this alone. Please don't leave me, not like this, not after everything we've gone through. Please, I'll do anything!"
Yang struggled to move, to give any sign that she was still in there, but her body refused to cooperate. Pyrrha loved her, Pyrrha loved her and she was causing her pain. Yang had been causing her pain this entire time and had not even realized it. She pushed down the wave of guilt to focus on her anger, her frustration, her own pain. Yang struggled to do something, anything to react, to signal that she could hear, that she was alive.
"Maidens, I beg you, do not take her from me." Pyrrha beseeched. "Have mercy on this kind soul, we cannot lose her. I can't lose her, not now. Please, I love her. Please, please Yang, wake up, wake…"
Yang managed a sob.
"Yang!" Pyrrha gasped. She squeezed Yang's hand and cupped her cheek with her free hand. "Yang, come back to me! You're here, you're safe, you're alive!"
"Pyr...rha…" Yang struggled.
"Yes, it's me!" Pyrrha exclaimed. "Yang, you're in the hospital. You overdosed and hit your head." Yang tried to speak again but dissolved into a coughing fit. Pyrrha's hands left her. Recovering, Yang tried to open her eyes, at first only able to see a blinding slit of light. She was slowly able to open they wider as they adjusted. Pyrrha returned with a hand on her shoulder, and a glass of water held toward her mouth. "Drink."
Yang obliged, Pyrrha slowly tilting the glass as Yang drank greedily, almost choking again. When the glass was drained, Pyrrha set it on a nearby table. Yang was finally able to focus, to get a good look at Pyrrha, the dark circles under her bloodshot eyes, the tear tracks down her cheeks, her frazzled hair. To say Pyrrha looked dead on her feet would be an understatement.
"How are you feeling?" Pyrrha asked.
"Aches…" Yang groaned.
"I should find a nurse." Pyrrha suggested. She turned to leave but Yang grabbed her wrist.
"Wait...please." Yang struggled. Pyrrha did not meet her gaze, but did sit down at her bedside. "I...heard you."
Pyrrha nodded. "You...I…" Pyrrha stammered.
"I'm sorry...and I love you too Pyrrha." Yang declared.
Pyrrha flinched, looking up at Yang, who managed a weak smile. Pyrrha looked shocked, then her lip began trembling. Pyrrha smiled, then scowled. "You...you b-bloody idiot!" Pyrrha screamed. "Don't ever do that to me again!" She broke down into sobs, burying her face in Yang's lap.
After Pyrrha composed herself, she found a nurse to examine Yang. After her examination, Yang agreed to go back to sleep. Pyrrha sent Summer a text, but remained at Yang's side, holding her hand. Though it was Yang who needed rest, Pyrrha was the one who fell asleep. Yang watched for a time, wishing she could run her fingers through Pyrrha's hair. It then occurred to her that she could. Pyrrha loved her, for how long she did not know. Yang's guilt grew as she considered the possibility that Pyrrha had loved her for quite some time.
Had Yang been too dense to see it, or had she just ignored it? Was that why Pyrrha had been so dedicated to taking care of her? If so she had stood by and watched as Yang suffered for months now, ever patient, ever supportive, never snapping, never breaking, even as Yang did. Pyrrha had never failed her, but Yang had failed Pyrrha, numerous times. Ignoring her apparent feelings, throwing herself at strangers and former lovers alike, every episode a spit in Pyrrha's face.
Yang hated to think how Pyrrha must have felt, watching her mope and suffer for the past few months. So instead she vowed not to fail her again, to dedicate herself to recovering, to cherishing this love that Pyrrha had confessed, and to returning it tenfold. Yang had failed Pyrrha as a friend, but she refused to fail her as a lover. Her course so decided, her guilt abated. There was no changing the past, but Yang would do everything she could to make up for it. Eventually, snuggled against the slumped-over Pyrrha, Yang joined her in slumber.
"Yang!" Ruby cheered, snapping her sister out of her slumber. Ruby dashed into the room, leaping into the bed and Yang's open arm, hugging her tightly. Summer and Raven entered the room behind her, closing the door. Summer looked haggard, much like Pyrrha, and Raven looked as though she was coming off a hangover. She probably was.
"I'm sorry Rubes." Yang sighed. "I didn't mean for this to happen."
"How are you feeling?" Summer asked.
"A little sore, mainly my head." Yang replied.
"You hit your head when you fell." Summer explained. "Apparently you don't have a concussion or any fractures, just a cut and some bruises."
"Probably that thick skull of yours." Raven joked.
"Raven!" Summer admonished.
"No, you're right, I've been an idiot." Yang groaned. "I've been fucking up this entire time, and look where it got me. I should be glad I overdosed. Otherwise I'd probably keep being stupid."
"Don't say that!" Ruby yelled. She pulled away from Yang's embrace to glare at her. "You almost died Yang! Again, and this time I was right next to you. You could be dead right now, and all I would be able to think was that I was just listening to music while you overdosed in the next room! Don't be glad for this. You're lucky, we're lucky you didn't die from this!"
Yang's guilt surged. She glanced at Summer, who looked just as lost as she felt; Raven, eyes covered by her hand as she tried to keep her emotions at bay; Ruby, her lower lip trembling. "I'm sorry Ruby, I let you down." Yang sighed. "I just wanted the pain to stop."
"How much have you been taking?" Summer asked.
"At first it was just two a day, but the pains kept coming back." Yang replied. "So I would take two in the morning and two whenever I needed it. But recently they just...they kept coming and I just wanted them to stop. So I started taking three at a time, four. I'm sorry."
"It's not completely your fault." Raven encouraged. "The doc fucked up your script, and you were getting way too many pills. You shouldn't have had enough to abuse it. You shoulda' seen Winter's face when she found out, fuck."
"Winter's here?" Yang asked.
"She's been helping." Ruby answered. "We weren't really doing well, so she just sorta' stepped up."
Yang glanced at Summer, who cracked a smile, however small. Yang felt a surge of gratitude towards Winter. "Awesome, what about Weiss and Blake?" Yang asked.
"Blake and Weiss went home with Pyrrha." Ruby explained. "Weiss wanted to talk to you, but she wasn't sure how. She...she blames herself."
"Uh...why?" Yang asked.
"She thinks that because she kept you out all night the withdrawals were her fault." Ruby replied.
"That girl…" Yang sighed. "What has she been doing?"
"Flinching at me and avoiding eye contact." Raven answered. "I gave her a dressing down but I think she needs to hear it from the source."
"You mean you yelled at her?" Yang gasped.
"I was on edge, alright?" Raven sighed.
"Fine, fair." Yang rolled her eyes.
"How's your arm?" Summer asked.
"It's fine." Yang assured her. "I'm fine." Yang was lying of course. Her arm had been burning off and on all morning, but she ignored it as best she could, refusing to even use the morphine drip, no matter how much the pain flared.
"You took a hit to the head." Raven noted. "If you're fine, you're not fine."
"I can deal with it." Yang declared. "What time is it? I'm starving."
After Summer, Ruby and Raven took their leave, Yang was left alone with her thoughts, and her pain. It was quiet but for the steady beep of her heart monitor, and the hums and buzzes of the of the various instruments that tracked her health. Her scroll was not anywhere in sight and she could not locate the television remote. Fortunately Pyrrha soon arrived, bringing with her an energy bar, a bottle of cold water, and a kind, warm smile. Yang felt as though the heavens had opened to her.
"Pyrrha, you're a goddess." Yang declared. "Break me out of here so I can really worship you!"
Pyrrha laughed, throwing the energy bar at Yang's chest. "Nope, you're staying right here until the doctors are finished poking and prodding you." She smirked.
"I'd rather you poke and prod me." Yang grinned.
Pyrrha half-smiled, half-scowled, holding the water bottle up in faux threat. Yang giggled, tearing open the energy bar's wrapper with her teeth and biting into it. "Just for that I'm not giving you your scroll back." Pyrrha teased.
"Nnnnnn!" Yang protested with a mouth full of food, the image causing Pyrrha to laugh.
Yang finished the bar and Pyrrha uncapped the bottle, waiting for Yang to take a long drink before speaking. "We need to talk Yang." Pyrrha declared.
"Make it sound a little more ominous why don't you?" Yang joked.
"Yang." Pyrrha admonished.
"I know, I know." Yang sighed. "I'm sorry...I really am Pyrrha. I just...how did I miss it?"
"Well, to be honest, I wasn't really trying to put out signals." Pyrrha admitted. "I wasn't even entirely sure how I felt until...well...when...I almost lost you." She tried to suppress the feeling but ended up looking slightly distraught, staring forward blankly.
Yang laid her hand on Pyrrha's, snapping her out of it. "I'm sorry." Yang repeated.
"It wasn't your fault Yang." Pyrrha shook her head. "Not then, not now. I'm just happy that we're here, right now, together." Pyrrha linked her fingers with Yang's and they shared a smile.
"I've always loved you Pyrrha." Yang declared. "You were...are...my best friend. I could always count on you. I remember when I found out Raven was my mom. I ran off and hid in the forest. You chased after me, held me while I cried and yelled." She blinked away tears before grinning. "I just always thought you were straight. You never flirted with anyone, and you were so in love with Ren. It just...it never seemed possible, and I didn't want to hurt us by trying to force something, so I just let it go."
"To tell the truth, I just never thought about it." Pyrrha shrugged. "I guess I thought I was straight because I never felt attracted to anyone, just Ren, and even then it was only after he asked me on a date."
Yang raised her eyebrow and took on a thoughtful look. "Maybe you're demi?" She suggested.
"A demon?" Pyrrha asked.
"No, a demisexual." Yang laughed. "It's like asexuality, but with exceptions."
"Asexuality?" Pyrrha said.
"Didn't they teach us this in sex-ed?" Yang asked.
"I...well I was a little...uh...I found it difficult to pay attention." Pyrrha blushed.
"Oh Pyrrha…" Yang shook her head.
"I know, I know." Pyrrha laughed. "Don't worry, Ren set me straight on a lot of things...well, not entirely straight it seems."
Yang burst into a fit of laughter. "Oh God Pyrrha, what am I gonna' do with you?"
"I...well...you could kiss me?" Pyrrha suggested.
Yang stopped laughing. "I thought you'd never ask." She smiled and leaned forward.
Pyrrha met Yang halfway and they shared their first kiss, short but sweet. It was little more than a quick peck on the lips, but enough to leave them both flustered. "I've wanted to do that for months." Pyrrha giggled.
"Years." Yang grinned. They both settled back into more comfortable positions in their respective seats. "Is that where the hickey came from? Practice?"
"N-no." Pyrrha blushed, looking guilty. "No, that was...an accident."
"A sexy accident." Yang joked. "I thought you might have a thing for Weiss. When I saw the hickey…"
"Weiss is very sweet, very beautiful, and very much in love with someone else." Pyrrha noted.
"Multiple someones." Yang corrected. "Didn't stop her kissing you."
"That was the wine's fault." Pyrrha sighed. "I'm sorry Yang. Neither of us were in our right mind. We were talking about how frustrated we were, and she said she liked having her hair touched, so I did it. I wanted to make her feel better, then she...we...kissed, made out even. T-then she bit my neck and we stopped. She was so scared Yang. Please don't blame her, she felt awful!"
"Pyrrha, calm down, it's okay." Yang insisted. "I don't really have the right to be jealous okay? I was just being stupid. I'm not going to blame her. She's probably beat herself up even more than I ever could anyway. Her situation sucks some major dick."
"Yang!" Pyrrha admonished.
"Well it does!" Yang protested. "It would be like me falling for Winter or Glynda."
"Hah, like you could handle them." Pyrrha laughed.
"Oh, I would love to handle them." Yang smirked.
Yang licked her lips and leered at Pyrrha, who pulled her hand free to lightly slap her. "No fantasizing about your mothers' girlfriends." Pyrrha said.
"You're no fun." Yang pouted.
"I've just had enough of your wandering affections." Pyrrha teased. She immediately realized her mistake as Yang flinched, but it was too late. "No! I didn't...that's not...I…"
"No, you're right, I understand." Yang sighed. "I've been putting you through hell and it hasn't been fair. I'd throw myself at someone, bounce off, and you'd have to deal with the aftermath, and I'm sorry for that. You deserve better from me. And I'll give it Pyrrha. I won't fuck up again, I won't disappoint you, I'm going to do better. I'm done with the painkillers, the moping and hiding. I need to get better, I'm going to get better, I promise Pyrrha. I won't let you down. I won't let any of you down."
Pyrrha leaned in, clasped Yang's hand in both her own, and kissed it. "I believe you Yang, and I love you." Pyrrha declared. "We can do this."
"Together." Yang nodded.
"Together." Pyrrha confirmed.
"I love you too Pyrrha." Yang declared. Her pain may have been taxing, but she had faith that with Pyrrha by her side, she could bear it.
Blake knocked lightly on the door to Yang's hospital room. Seconds later it was opened by Pyrrha. She glanced down at the tray of coffee cups in Blake's hands. "Hey Pyrrha, how are things?" Blake asked.
"Going well I think." Pyrrha replied. "We're taking things slowly."
"Good, do you think I could talk to her in private?" Blake asked. "Weiss too, after?"
"Of course." Pyrrha nodded. "And how is Weiss holding up?"
"About the same as usual." Blake answered. "She's just down the hall." She glanced down at the coffees. "Here, this one is yours, black right?" She held the cup out to Pyrrha.
"Thank you Blake." Pyrrha smiled. "I'll keep Weiss company while you speak." Pyrrha stepped aside, allowing Blake to enter the room.
Yang had a smile on her face, but it was tight, obviously pained. "Hey Blake." Yang greeted. "How's it goin'?"
"So far so good." Blake replied. "No fatalities, serious injuries or mental illness...apart from Nora I suspect."
"Nah, she's just really enthusiastic about life." Yang laughed.
"And my ears." Blake added, flicking them for emphasis.
"To be fair, they're beautiful, and Nora is weak to beautiful and fluffy things." Yang observed.
"Well, they're Ruby's beautiful and fluffy things, and I don't appreciate them being stared at like a puppy's chewtoy." Blake rolled her eyes.
"I'll talk to her again, she means well." Yang assured her. "Blake, she really is a good person. She's just bad at first impressions. Second impressions too sometimes."
"I believe you Yang." Blake declared. "I just have some bad memories tied to my heritage...some of which I will share with you today."
"Uh, why?" Yang asked with a look of confusion.
Blake walked over and sat in the chair at Yang's bedside. "Yang, how do you feel?" She asked.
"Fine, I guess." Yang shrugged.
"Liar." Blake accused.
"Aren't you supposed to be sucking up to me?" Yang scowled. "You are clawing up my sister."
Blake shot Yang an amused look. "No, I'm supposed to be getting through to you." She corrected. "Lying about your pain is what got you into this, and if you hope to recover, you need to stop."
"What would you know?" Yang snapped. "It hurts Blake. Is that what you want to hear? My head is killing me, my arm burns, I get random aches, feel sick for no reason, and...ugh, I just feel like shit. A-and some genius decided to give me a morphine injector, instant relief via drugs! You know, the shit that got me in here?"
Blake smiled and nodded, sliding the chair closer. She rolled up the left sleeve of her cardigan and held her arm out before Yang. Yang's eyes were drawn to several pink splotches along the joint and the anger faded from her face, replaced by sorrow. "I know better than most Yang." Blake noted.
"I'm sorry Blake I…" Yang started.
"You're going through withdrawals." Blake cut her off. "I hold nothing against you Yang."
"I...still feel like shit." Yang sighed.
"That's the mood swinging part of it." Blake nodded. "Makes us irritable and snappy, lovely for conversation."
Yang chuckled and Blake managed a grin. "So...you...you did drugs?" Yang asked.
"I did, Yang." Blake confirmed. "What I am about to tell you must remain between us. The only other person who knows is Winter. Weiss does not know, Ruby does not know. It's just Winter, me and now you."
"Why?" Yang asked. "Why not Ruby?"
"Because I'm not ready Yang." Blake sighed, her ears drooping. "Even now I'm only going to tell you an abridged version. There are certain details I'm just not ready to talk about yet, not with my sister, not with my lover. I'm going to tell you so that you fully understand, so you can fully trust me. When I tell Ruby, when I tell Weiss, I intend to do so fully, with no holds barred."
Yang looked uncertain for a moment, then sighed. "I guess I can understand." She nodded. "Alright."
"I was born into the foster system." Blake leaned back, crossing her arms. "I never knew who my parents were, nor why they gave me up, and quite frankly I don't care. They may as well have never existed. I made my way through several homes over the years, but in every one I felt ostracized for my heritage. Sometimes I had company, other times I did not. I found solace only in literature, and eventually that wasn't enough. I ran away when I was thirteen. Having grown angry and bitter, I stopped caring...I just stopped. I wanted to get away from all the shit that pissed me off. I wanted to hide from humans, I wanted to numb myself to the pain they caused me.
"So I turned to drugs." Blake curled in on herself, but did not avoid Yang's gaze. "I...I am far from proud of those three years Yang. I fell in with a very bad crowd, and for two years I suffered because of my addiction. It's by sheer, dumb luck that I was able to recover. I fled to the right city, walked into the right cafe, at the right time. Weiss just so happened to notice the jumpy girl suffering from withdrawal shakes and took pity on her, and Winter decided to respect my wishes and take me in, instead of turning me in.
"She took me in...a complete stranger, a Faunus drug addict." Blake sniffled, wiping her eyes. "Yang, I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't have met them. I should have been tossed out on the street for being a waste of space and left to die, and I probably would have died. But that didn't happen. I got lucky, supremely lucky, after all the bad choices I made, I just so happen to stumble on the best possible solution to all my problems."
"Blake…" Yang tried to interrupt.
"I'm okay, I'm okay Yang." Blake continued. "I am here. I have my scars, but they fade more and more with each passing year, and eventually I'll be whole again. I have Weiss, Winter and now Ruby to thank for that. And you have it so much better than I did Yang. You can make it through this, faster and easier than I ever could. You became addicted by accident, and you have friends and family all around who love you. I found those people too late, and it took me a long time to function properly again. And I didn't do it by swallowing my pain and rejecting relief. That morphine is there so you can come down gradually from your addiction, so you aren't in constant pain, so you aren't snippy and miserable. Pain is not a good thing Yang. You aren't a better person for stubbornly enduring it. You only stand to lose out on this."
"I just...I don't trust it Blake." Yang sighed. "I got addicted once...I don't wanna' slip."
"It's not the drugs that were the issue Yang, not for you and not for me." Blake declared. "Human error, Faunus error, that's the heart of the problem. But we know better now, and we have people surrounding us that will help. We won't let you relapse Yang. You have to trust us, please. You're family Yang, we won't let you fall." Yang chewed on her lip, worrying about her decision as she toyed with the button that would administer the painkillers. "You're not weak for wanting to feel better Yang. I spent more than a few days spacing out with catnip."
"Catnip is a thing for you guys?" Yang scoffed.
"It's not actual catnip, but it can have similar effects." Blake explained. "It's basically a Faunus equivalent to marijuana."
"Hmm...maybe I'll have to look into that." Yang thought aloud.
"In the meantime however." Blake gestured toward her IV. Yang fiddled with the button before taking a deep breath and depressing it. Slowly she felt the pain begin to ebb away. Yang sighed in relief, letting her head fall back into the pillows as she shuddered. "It's on a timer, so even if you tried, you wouldn't be able to do any harm. The dosage is just enough to help. You'll be fine."
"Thanks Blake." Yang smiled. "I owe you one. Thanks for telling me about yourself...I'm glad Ruby found someone as strong as you."
"I'm not strong Yang, I'm smart." Blake corrected. "When I can't handle something myself, I ask for help. You need to take that to heart."
Yang nodded. "I promise."