The Doctor placed his fingers on my temples. I felt a light push before a warm sensation entered my mind. I knew instinctively that this was the Doctor.
Violet. Can you hear me? I responded with a 'yes'. Good. I'm going to start accessing your memories now. Ready?
As much as I'll ever be. Suddenly, I felt a surge of memories pushing forward, flooding the front of my mind. Unable to restrain them, I began to panic, worrying that they may be bad memories. At this moment, I felt the Doctor send a wave of calming energy my way.
Violet, listen to me. Whatever you have done or have gone through in your life, I promise that I won't judge you or love you any less. Just let me see them, so I can help you. I felt one memory in particular burning in my subconscious, so I tentatively pushed it forward. Even though I had barely used any force, it dashed forward.
I was standing in my middle school hallway. I was 13-years-old here and was wearing a black cotton t-shirt, a black and purple plaid skirt that fell to my knees and black ballet flats with white bows on them. My raven-black hair was done in a French-braid, reaching halfway down my back. I wore black eyeliner, black mascara and ruby red lipstick. While I was headed towards my first class, a group of five girls surrounded me.
"Hey bitch!" the first girl said. She was tall with fair skin and long wavy blonde hair and sage green eyes…
'Who's that?' the Doctor asked me.
Lana. She was the leader of the group…
"What's with the Goth clothing? You really that fucked up?" another girl asked as she pushed me into a locker.
That's Emma. She was always the physical one. Did all of Lana's dirty work for her.
And the other three?
The one with the red hair is Tina. The one with the blonde hair and brown eyes is Bethany and the last one is Lisa. They never did much. Just followed Lana everywhere and threw an occasional insult my way, but nothing much. In fact, you should probably recognize Lana, Bethany and Lisa from my Bio class…
Emma grabbed me by my braid and threw me down to the ground causing all of my books to go flying everywhere.
"Why don't you do us all a favor and go kill yourself you freak?" Lana shouted. The rest of the girls laughed before they all walked away. I could feel myself being pulled out of that horrible memory and suddenly surrounded by the Doctor's warmth.
'You ok?' the Doctor asked me.
Yeah.
Think you can keep going?
Yeah.
Remember, if at any point, this becomes too much for you just picture a door and I'll pull back. Ok?
Ok.
Just relax and let the next memory come forward. I took a deep breath and did just that.
I was standing in the bedroom of my group home. I am only five-years-old here. There are two sets of bunk beds in this room. I slept in the top bed of the bunks closest to the door. I put on my slippers and left my room, heading into the kitchen area for breakfast. When I got there I was handed a plate with one slice of dry toast, one orange slice and a glass of water. I had just sat down in my assigned seat and was about to start eating my toast when I felt a tap on my shoulder. A man no older than 20 was hovering above me.
"Hey, Violet, I just did room checks and guess who's bed wasn't made?" he sneered. My five-year-old self began to tremble with fear.
"I'm sorry," she/I whimpered. My present day self felt the familiar feelings of fear and shame return…
Its ok, Violet. We can stop here, if you want. Move onto a different memory.
This is the first time. I'm sorry but I can't do this. Not now.
Its ok, Violet. I felt the Doctor's presence slowly pull away and leave my mind. Once it was completely gone, I slowly opened up my eyes.