I guess I have a few points to make here, which aren't all that relevant, but I'll say them anyway. I listen to Bjork when I write this story, which probably accounts for a lot of the weirdness. I think Pussy Wagon is now one of my favorite OC's. Too bad I had to kill her so fast. But DID IT REALLY?! I know you're not supposed to switch POV's in a story, but I thought this would be more interesting from her angle and it's just a fanfiction story, so I'm going to do whatever is the most fun for me and probably the most entertaining for you. That's the big problem I had with literary writing when I was in college. It felt like we were being trained to write stories that nobody wanted to read. Because being boring is profound! But anyway…

Oh, for the record, I am the original dreamer of the Deadpool/Spiderman/office party dream.

I'm also being all artsy-fartsy in present tense with her, but that's how I hear her thoughts. Hey, at least it's not a whole story in second freaking person like I was forced to read in college. You could be reading about an anti-capitalist loser grocery shopping while he refers to YOU in second person, who could be him. But is really YOU. Because that's profound and not all annoying.

We found another hotel and I hope it doesn't have a lot of fluffy weird people inside. Pretty Raph was afraid of them. They all looked kind of like him, except he's not fluffy. It looks like they might murder people here. I have to go in to pay for the room again. I think Pretty Raph wants to sneak smoking while I'm in the office.

I wish he would have come in to pay with me. The guy behind the desk looks really creepy. He has a big black beard and his face is all dried up like a raisin. I used Mrs. Wagon's credit card and he didn't seem to notice. He didn't notice that we're driving a truck with her name painted on the back in real big letters so maybe he is stupid.

When we come in the hotel room he looks so tired. I don't think that stupid Pussy Wagon let him get much sleep and he was awake a lot keeping me warm. I woke up and he was touching my hair and blinked when I asked if the ghost was back. He said he was listening for it. But I think he was watching me.

He fell down on his face on the bed and groaned that he's going to die from a cheese allergy.

"You want to take a bath and talk?" I ask. He likes to sit in the bathtub together. He won't touch me much like I want because he says a big whale like him would make a monsoon and it would be a bitch to clean up.

So I filled up the bathtub and he took off my clothes for me because he likes doing that. We sat in the bathtub and he held me for a while and we didn't talk. I said, "I like doing this. I like when we sit together." I looked into his pretty eyes and said, "When you're here, I sleep and I'm safe."

He moved his hands up and down my body. His hands are rough from hitting things so much and things hitting him. But he is always very soft. "You trust me?"

"Of course!" I'm lost in the woods all the time and he finds me. I don't know how to say that though, so I won't say it at all.

He likes to help me and he washes my hair. Well, he tries to wash my hair and gets it all tangled up and swears at it and pulled my hair a little bit. That's okay. He tried. I'm hungry, but I'll wait until he says he's hungry.

I tell him about that dream that I had where Spiderman and Deadpool were at an office party and they were both drinking punch. I don't know how since they were both wearing their hoods and they don't have mouths to drink through. They looked really awkward, like they didn't want to be there. Deadpool told Spiderman that he was going to try a new career as a model for like colleges and health clubs where they pay the people who work or go to school there to smile and look like they really like being there. Spiderman told Deadpool it was a stupid idea since they can't see him smiling through his mask.

Pretty Raph thought that dream was really funny. "I dreamed that the Great Rat came to Christmas dinner with my family and my dad told me that he's pregnant," he said.

The water makes me warm everywhere, but I don't know if he notices. I think we're both more when we're together. His arms and legs are solid and I'm warm and melting. I think we multiply each other when we kiss. I don't know how to say that either.

We are done with the bath. I want him very badly, but he's too shy. So he dries me off with a towel and kisses my forehead and touches me like I'm glass.

I'll lay on the bed and he'll come to me. But he doesn't and he paces the room and won't come to me. "We've done this before…" I say.

"Yeah… well…" He rubs his head like he needs a cup of coffee and he sits near me on the bed in the dark. "This time only make noise if you mean it. I only want to hear what you feel." His eyes are going to burn my insides and I look away and nod.

I just wanted to make him braver.

I'm going to lie down on the bed and he's going to come to me this time. He likes so sit and look up at me and worship me like he's a peasant way down on the ground in a dry land I cover him rain.

This time I want him to explode. I've waited and waited, but he's too scared.

He kisses me all over and his mouth is warm and it's nice. But he asks permission to move me and thinks I'll say no. "I trust you remember?" I say.

I think I'm hollow sometimes like a long abandoned tunnel like in that city where everyone fled in the night and the children leave their toys behind. And flowers don't grow there anymore and the lights are all dark. Or they were dark, now there's so much light and noise and it's never nighttime anymore. All the fields must be so full of old grass.

I've grown crops before but never been tilled, exactly. I don't know how I would say that.

He's kissed me all over and now he washes me in his waves, but he won't look at me. I turn his face back to me and he's a little closer to me again every time and in a while I wonder if our atoms could become a new element. Or a new song. Or some moment or feeling that is just ours and that nobody can take away.

I've been making sounds and didn't notice, but he echoes them back to me now. If I feel, then he feels. He's going to pass his heart through to me and I'll mirror it back to him. We'll make all kinds of pretty new songs and sounds and music…

We're caught in a wake of a big wave and he says, "I can't." Now he's looking down at me and says, "I'm sorry."

He goes away from me and he's in the bathroom a long time. I think he won't love me anymore tonight and I put on his Redwings shirt so that I can still smell him since he won't come back out to me.

He opens the door really slow like he's in pain and looks at me, but he won't come out to me again.

"What's wrong?" I ask. "Are you hurt?"

He laughs. "I'm not hurt… I'm just… I don't want to do anything else, okay."

I think it must be true that my fields are all dead and dry and I guess all the waves went back off the beach and out to sea and the songs are all sharp and flat.

"Now don't cry!" he says and I can tell he's getting upset. He stands next to the bed, but won't sit down. "It's not your fault!"

"But I was…" I don't know how to say this. "I'm yours and you won't take me!"

I made him cry. He's very tough, so I must be very bad to make him cry. Now he sits on the bed and won't look at me.

I should kiss him or not touch him. I don't know what I should do. How do I let know that I'm his? I should give him his present now. I pull out the little golden thing out of my backpack and hold it in my hands. He won't want it. I don't think he really wants me. If he did want me then we would have been a whole symphony on our own by now.

There's no sound in our room except the ticking in my hands. "This was my great great great great grandpa's. His wife bought it for him on their wedding night a long time ago and he gave it to his son and down to my dad and now it's mine. It's for me to give to my family…" I open my hands to show him the little golden pocket watch. "I want to give it to you because I'm yours."

He still has wet eyes and watches my pocket watch like it might move suddenly. "This must be really old."

I show him how to wind the watch and put it in his hand. "I wanted to give it to you, but it didn't work so I had it fixed and I polished it."

Pretty Raph opens the watch and looks at the words inside. TO MY DARLING.

"This is… I don't deserve this…" I think I made him even sadder.

"Yes, you do!" He wants to cry, but he won't. I feel bad because he feels bad but, I still want him to keep touching me. But I want him to like my present. It's my whole future.

He lays the pocket watch on the bedside table really carefully and he says, "I appreciate it. I mean, there's nothing I can say…"

He should show me. I take his hands and put them on me and he flinches away. Then we don't do anything for a while. He looks inside the watch at the words TO MY DARLING.

What does he want me to do?

Pretty Raph's eyes are very red and he leans back against the bed and pulls me into him, so that I sit on his legs and watch him. He says, "You're so… tender and innocent… If I hurt you at all… even by accident… I have to take better care of you. You're so precious. I can't let you down again." He gasped like he couldn't breathe. "Please don't ask me to… I want to make you happy… but what if I hurt you! I see it in my head all the time!"

"You see in your head that you'll hurt me?" He's so scared. "You never hurt me. You make me happy."

"I see HIM hurting you! Don't you get it?!" Now he yelled at me. But he's holding me around the waist. He's holding me and yelling at me and it doesn't make sense. "I watched the whole thing! I see it every time… You couldn't move and it was already over and I couldn't save you! I dream about it! What if I hurt you!?"

I stroke his face and he closes his eyes and breathes deeply. "I'm not scared of you."

He just wants to worship at my alter again and he watches me with his eyes wide so that he can take in all my bright light and I wipe his tears away while I kiss his face and he closes his eyes while I touch him. Sometimes I think I'm his religion and that I'm too holy to him. "I'm sorry," I said. "I don't remember any of that. I never think about it because there's nothing in me to think about."

"Why not?"

"I don't remember most of what's happened to me. If I wondered, then I would go crazy. There's no point thinking about what isn't there. If it's there, then it's in all those dark rooms that I never sleep in."

I can tell that he's exhausted. It was selfish of me to try to get him to love me so hard when he was already too tired. And I should have known that he thought about seeing stupid Merritt doing those things to me. In my house, he never existed. I put him out with the trash so that I don't have to think about him. He isn't worth Pretty Raph thinking so badly about himself.

"You dream about it?" I shouldn't have said that. I know he doesn't want to talk about it.

He wants to pretend he didn't say it and would rather look very manly and put his hands between my thighs. I pull his hands away really carefully and say, "You're tired, Pretty Raph. You should go to bed. I'm okay. Lay down now and I'll sing to you."

He's happy and relieved and lies down. I sing You Are My Sunshine and he watches me while he forces his eyes to stay open. Why do I make him so sad if he loves me so much?

I'll take care of him and make him happy. I'll get him dinner. He likes meat and heavy food because he's strong. And he likes whiskey. I should get him whiskey and then we can drink and laugh and eat mashed potatoes. And I'll get him something soft that will make him think good things and not about stupid Merritt.

He went to sleep way too fast. He was so tired and I was very bad to ask him to do anything but sleep. I think he would stay up forever if I told him to…

How do I get to a store? I can drive that ugly truck with the bad words on the back. I get the keys out from his pants and I notice that now he's sleeping with the pocket watch in his hand. He's so big and strong, but I think he needs me to take care of him and love him. I hardly can make myself leave because I want to keep singing to him while he's asleep and make him calm. But I leave real quiet and I'm in my Little Mermaid pajamas and I hope I get my picture put up on People of Walmart again because then I'll be famous! I'll find him some nice things and we can have fun when I get back.

Driving isn't very hard. I don't know why they want you to get a license to do it. I don't have a license and I drove all the way to Walmart all by myself just fine!

I bought all kinds of stuff. I even got a book to read! He was still asleep when I got back and he looks very handsome in bed and I don't want to wake him. But heard me come in holding my Walmart bags and he sits up and says, "Where've you been? Was I asleep?"

"I didn't go anywhere! I didn't drive the truck at all!" I hope he believes me. He'll be mad that I drove the truck without him.

I don't think he's mad, but he says, "So where did you get all that stuff?"

"Oh… a lady came to the door… And she had a bunch of grocery bags of food and whiskey and toys and told me to bring them to you because she could tell there was a guy real sad in here…" I put down the bags and pull out a bottle of whiskey. I've never drank before, so I hope it's fun.

"Well, wasn't that nice of her?" He's smiling so I bet he doesn't know that I bought them! "Did she move the Pussy Wagon too? It's all double parked in a weird spot over there."

Oops! "Yeah, there was a… baby carriage! And it was rolling away! So… I moved the truck so I didn't wake you up because you were asleep so nice and pretty…" I bet he don't suspect anything! "Want some chicken?"

I get out all the food and serve him some chicken and mashed potatoes and he ate it all in about three bites and now he's all covered in chicken grease and he goes like argh I'm gonna get you with my greasy hands! And he rubbed it on my cheeks and then licked it off and said I tasted delicious.

"Hey, wait. How did you buy whiskey? You're only nineteen! Those fuckers! They shouldn't have sold you any booze!" He took off the lid and drank it right from the bottle.

"I didn't buy it remember! That nice lady did!" I want some. "Can I have some?"

He stopped drinking and said, "I don't know… You've never drank before have you? You'll get sloppy drunk. But you can take one small taste. I don't think you'll like it."

I took a drink and choked and he laughed and patted my back and said petite girls get drunk super fast and I shouldn't have any more and I asked if he was going to drink that whole thing and then he'd be all drunk and I'd be watching him while I'm sober and that wouldn't be too nice so he let me have a little more.

I'm drunk now and I think it's a lot of un and I got him a little book about a cute turtle and I said he's brave because he's a slow turtle and he gets runned over by a car but he lives because he's brave and he was laughing and wanted me to sit on his lap and he's smiling a lot like he's really stupid or something and says that I taste better than chicken and he'd like to taste me again and that he won't because he's a gentleman and he keeps patting on my butt and saying how pretty it is and how likes to look at me and that I have the nicest ass in the world and that im a n angela and so good and perfect that it makes it even niecer and he likes it because its curving like the goddess of nature and hes a lowly dog in comparison and he was all sexy and put his hands all the up my whole body under my shirt and said he was going to show me what a goddess I am and I said I didn't know what was so great about my butt because I poop out of it and he laughed so loud that I thought he would getus into trouble and he said that net time we go to a motel hes going to do make love to me all night long like that song that's always on the radiot and I said that was good but now we'll have to go home because we're drunk and he said fuck that we're going to say here and he took off my shirt again because he likes my boobs and he sucked on them a while until I said he was too driooling and now we're going to watch walle because its about two robots in love and and hes smiling like howdy doody on the tv the scary puppet thing and he thinks that's kind of dumb because robots they don't feel anything and I watched and at first he watched to kiss my boobs again and I slapped his hand told him to be good and watch and he fell asleep a while and woke up and said he had to piss and he got up to go pee and I went and watched him because I didn't want to be away from him and we went back to the bed and he fell down and laughed so much and I fell down on the bed and called him a clutz and he said he was as graceful as a fucking ballerina and got back in the bed and I told him to watch the movie and he held me and said I'm a ngood angel and he loves he so much and hes sorry that he ws suching me earlier and I said he can touch me because he's my boyfriend and he said that likes when I sing to him and kiss him and he drieams about me in my pretty white dress and that hes going to always be good so that I can see that he's a good man too and he's sorry for acting like a sleaze ball and hes getting sober now and he felt like a pimp for a while and that was really embarrassing and he has a lot of respect for me and then he played some music and I said it was sexy and it mad eme horny and he said that we should watch antiequest roadhow instead and I think I want to throw up and hes sad now that I'm sick and I didn't even drink that much but I smissed the trash can woooh! He said that was bad because he had to pay for cleaning up puking and that I asked if he wanted to have sex some more and he was sad and said he wanted to take care of his girl and that he wanted to held me and he took me in the bathrueoom and im singing to him while he cleans me up and puts my pajamas on and I 'm going to tell him that I want to marry him and I'm going to name a violin player after him I'm going to tell brian wosely that he can have a new name cause I hate him and all the men on earth should be named pretty raph and he says that's nice and I'm a good girl and he's going to turn the movie off because im not satching and I said nooooo! Yes I am and we should watch because its so sad and they live together forever like we will and he sais no hes going to die someday cause people try to astab him and isa ill save him and threw up on the bed and he put the sheets away and hes holding me and singing really nice to me and saying ill be better tomorrow and hes going to sing to me and I say he makes me feel very good inside when in me and said that s good but we're going to watch walle now and hes going to sing and hold me and I think that s good and did he like the story and he sais the story was real good and it should have had more angels in it and I said we should write to the publisher and now hes going to sit up while I sleep and I'm goin go sleep…

Ouch…

Pretty Raph wants me to drink some water. I say it was sad that I fell asleep as soon as the movie started. I think I turned the movie on and ate and we talked a little and he kissed my boobs when he was drinking and then I fell asleep. He said he was sorry about that and that he would be a better gentleman from now on and never do that again and he looks real serious. I say it's okay. I did like it. He says it's not the point. He'll never do that again and I should drink this water. And he lets me just drink a little sip at a time and it makes me dizzy when I sit up and I throw up over and over until there's nothing to throw up.

He lies next to me in bed with an arm around me and asks if I want to watch Wall-E. I say that's a good idea. I got it because it's happy and he was so sad that I want him to feel better and I didn't get to read him the story! I ask him to get it out for me and he's smiling for some reason. I guess he already read it when I was asleep because he already knew how it ended. Then I give him the fluffy stuffed turtle I got him and tell him that it was for him to hug while he slept and said he'd rather hug me, but thanks and it looks really stupid and nothing like him.

We're going to pack up to go home. I feel much better now and I drink a lot of water and I am so hungry that I eat half the chicken. He stares at me and says he never saw nobody get over a hangover that fast and then makes me promise to never drink again because it's real bad for me and says again a bunch of times that next time if he gets drunk and puts his face on my parts to hit him over the head with a bottle. I don't understand what he means, but I say okay.

He's sad that we're going home and that he never wants to leave me back at the hospital because he wants to beat up my nurses and mama and called a lot people bad names and said that his brother Leo had a pole up his ass.

But we got home and I asked him to kiss me goodbye but he asked me to brush my teeth first. So I did and then he kissed me goodbye for a long time. He doesn't want to leave. I can tell. But he goes and says he'll call real soon.

I'm alone. The room is real quiet. Optimus Prime peed on my socks. I want to go home, but I am home. I'll play my violin.