I realized this chapter was mostly conversation; hence the title. :p
A few Torchwood spoiler-ish bits.
No major adult content.
Spare Wheel
Twenty-five: Gossip
The day went by quietly. The other ships checked in once in a while to make sure everything was following plan. John tried to infiltrate the ladies' inner circle—and failed gracefully. But Jack noticed that Jayne was acting strangely, which made him suspect that John had followed up his suggestion.
"Get anywhere with Mister Tough Guy?" Jack asked John subtly after lunch.
"Jayne? Mm. Don't breathe a word. He's very insistent on the point that he will decapitate me if anyone else finds out what happened."
Jack grinned. "How was it?"
"Bloody hilarious. He really needs experience, but I doubt he'll want to try again for a while. Think I'll leave him be for now."
"The girls aren't very receptive, are they?"
John frowned. "I think they would be, but they're concentrating on the task at hand. They're pretty serious chicks. I wonder if they're as rough in bed as they are on a mission."
"No telling, but I wish you luck."
"I'm not going to fall for anyone else, you know. I suppose now that you've had Timelord, you've no taste for anything else… but that's how I feel about you."
"I can hope. I'd like it if we could both be happy."
"So would I. At least there's one way I think I can make you happy—I'm going to see if Gray will let me sleep by him again. He needs to talk more. Get connected with someone else so he's not just listening to his own thoughts all the time. Is that okay?"
"Yeah… that might be good for him. Thanks. Hey, can I borrow your VM again? I want to call the Master."
John rolled his eyes. "Always on the phone to your boy friend…"
"It's been a whole day," Jack objected.
"Yeah, okay." John unfastened the wrist strap and handed it over. "Say hi for me."
Jack sighed in relief when he saw the Master. "What took you so long to answer? You had me worried."
"Sorry, love; I was in the middle of something." The Master smiled at him. "You nearly there?"
"We're supposed to get there sometime tomorrow morning. How's your secret project coming?"
"Oh, very well. Phase one is complete. It was tricky, but I managed it."
"Good for you. I guess. You're not booby-trapping the Tardis, are you?"
The Master laughed. "Good idea. But, no. No, not at all. Now, no more questions—I don't want to accidentally drop any hints. It would never do for the Doctor to figure out what I'm up to and spoil the surprise."
"Okay. How about Harry Potter?"
"Finished."
"Did you cry?"
"Nearly—from disappointment. I knew I was right about Snape."
"Oh, well."
"I mean, you read this whole, long, over-dramatic story about an unremarkable boy and so much rubbish, and you get to the end and the most worth-while character dies needlessly when he should have ended up boss of the world… I hardly think it's worth my time to watch the movies, but I'm bound to get bored enough sooner or later."
"I liked Snape, too… you didn't think much of Voldemort?"
"There wasn't anything to like. Even his sense of humor was shamefully lacking. What good is a villain with no sense of humor? Dreadful. He hadn't any taste in fashion, either."
"You're not wrong there." I'm discussing kids' fantasy books with a Timelord. This is weird. "Don't try to talk to the Doctor about those books—he loves them."
"Eh, he would. So, are you still all mine, or have you been having an extra-M affair?"
"It can't be extramarital if we're not married."
"M stands for Masterful."
Jack laughed. "Well, no. I got to sleep by the Doctor last night, but that was purely platonic."
"Hmm. Was it?"
"You know I'd be looking like the cat that ate the canary if it wasn't."
"Yes, I suppose so. Does he like that little custom of yours?"
"Seemed to go fine."
The Master smiled thoughtfully. "Wonder if he'd sleep by me."
"I doubt it. Your bad intentions are a little obvious."
"Me?" the Master asked in a too-innocent tone, with an expression that hid nothing. "I can't believe you'd say that… Hey, is he around? I'd like to talk to him, too."
"Sure; I'll get him."
A little later, the Doctor faced the Master's hologram. "Hullo, you."
"Ay up," the Master responded. "I hear you slept with my boy friend last night."
"I hear you're working on a secret project," the Doctor responded coldly.
"He told you? I'm crushed! I knew I shouldn't trust the little git… thank goodness I didn't tell him what it was…"
"Master, I don't mind your keeping occupied, just remember you're a guest there."
"So preachy. Remember when we used to cut class together? We'd sneak away and just run and run and run…"
The Doctor smiled in spite of himself. "I remember."
"You had more stamina than I did—I fell behind sometimes."
"I always waited for you."
"Yeah—grumbling the whole time. 'Come on, Koschei,'" the Master imitated the Doctor's adolescent voice, "'Wot, you on crutches or something? Hurry up!'"
The Doctor laughed. "It was all in good fun."
"Yes, I'm sure. We used to have such times. Where did we go wrong, anyway?"
"I don't know… I got a conscience?"
"That was one step in the wrong direction," the Master agreed. "But I think that was an effect, not the cause. For some reason you just quit liking me all of a sudden."
"That's not true. What a silly thing to say."
"Are you mocking my feelings?"
"Oh, don't pout. You're being childish. There were lots of reasons we drifted apart. We just… turned out different."
"That's the easy way to avoid the issue."
"What issue?"
"I don't know. What was it that started the coldness? The dislike, the rivalry… what was it?"
"It wasn't any one thing."
"If it wasn't, you'd be trying to help me remember the first incident. But you're avoiding it. So it's something specific that you're still bitter about."
The Doctor looked away uncomfortably. "I'm not. I suppose I just think it's silly now, after all this time. The things that children get upset over, you know."
"What was it?"
"What really caused the first rift between us… I'd have to say it was you breaking your word to me."
The Master frowned. "Breaking my word… The only things we ever swore oaths over was not ratting each other out, and binding our fates for eternity. I don't recall breaking my word to you."
"Can we please not do this over a com? We can talk all you like when I get back; I promise."
"But I'm so curious now."
"Master. Please."
The Master looked back at the Doctor's earnest gaze. "Fine. Have it your way. Get Jack back on, will you?"
"All right."
"Doctor? I miss you."
The Doctor paused and gave the Master a small smile. "I miss you, too."
Jack was eager to resume his conversation with the Master. "You sure took long enough."
The Master folded his arms. "You told him. About my secret project."
"Well, you won't tell me what it is. I had to give him some kind of warning."
"But now he'll be expecting it, and the look on his face won't be nearly so priceless…"
"Sorry. You'll just have to live with a not-so-priceless look."
"You don't trust me."
"Not where the Doctor's concerned."
"I've been an angel to him lately," the Master protested. "We're getting on all right. He said we'll talk when you get back. So, what more can I do?"
"I don't know. Not much, I guess," Jack admitted. "Has the Serenity crew been looking in on you?"
"Yes. I really like River. She's come with Kaylee both times. She's fascinating. She seems to have gotten past the idea that I'm a baddie. Oh, I'm sure she'll want to know how Gray's doing—is he all right?"
"Yeah; he's okay."
"Gotten anywhere with him?"
"Not yet. We're working on it."
"Well, good luck." The Master's tone sounded close to sincere. "You'll call me again before things get serious, right?"
"Yeah, if I can. I…" Jack hesitated. "I wish you were with me."
"Not me—I wish you were here. Bye bye, love."
"Goodbye."
After his conversation with the Master, the Doctor found Gray alone on the observation deck. He went to stand beside him and stared out at the starscape. "A few more hours," he murmured. "We'll be at the edge of the galaxy."
Gray made no sign of hearing him.
"You and I haven't really spoken since we left the Tardis," the Doctor tried again.
"I figured that was how you wanted it."
Good, he's not completely ignoring me. "I'm still upset about what you did to Jack. But I'm not angry anymore. When I threatened to kill you, it was all bluff. I wouldn't really do that."
"Am I allowed to speak without being spoken to?"
"Yes, if you can be civil."
"Would you keep Jack away from me? I want to see him as little as possible."
"He's avoiding you as it is. He doesn't want to unsettle you. He loves you."
"No. You're wrong."
The Doctor frowned. It's like talking to a wall… there has to be some way to get over it. "I told you before that I wanted to leave you behind and Jack wouldn't let me. I didn't mention that Jack said he'd stay to take care of you if I insisted on leaving you."
"It makes sense. He doesn't want me loose on my own. He wants to make sure you're safe. You're the only person he loves."
"You and I aren't enemies. Why should he have to protect me from you?"
Gray leaned on the windowsill. His eyes roamed around from one star to another. "I don't really have a quarrel with you—except that he loves you. He loves you more than he ever did me. I wanted him to understand how it feels when everything's taken from you and destroyed. So I threatened to rape you in front of him."
The Doctor's eyes widened. He clamped his mouth firmly shut to keep from speaking.
"I wouldn't really have done it."
Oh, that makes it all better. The Doctor clenched his fists and waited for his outrage to calm.
"He took everything from me. Mom and Dad, our home, our life. He let them take me. And they showed me new worlds of pain, took my innocence, my hope, my humanity. I was less than nothing and I wanted to die."
Gray's tone remained cold, but the Doctor saw a tear moving slowly down his face.
"It's his fault," Gray concluded. "He did this to me. I hate him."
Gray, you don't have to go on hurting like this. Isn't there any way to make you understand? The Doctor carefully took Gray's hand.
Gray didn't move. A second tear caught up to the first and sped it on its way. The Doctor reached up and wiped it away. Gray turned toward him suddenly, and the Doctor stiffened, but Gray only laid his head on the Timelord's shoulder.
"I hate him," he whispered again.
"Oh, Gray…" He is a lost child. Isn't there anything we can do? The Doctor rubbed Gray's back slowly. Who knows how long this will last? He might snap back the other way any moment and try to kill me. "I'm sorry all this happened to you. I wish you would let me help you."
"You can't help. No one can. Please… I don't want to talk about him anymore." He put his arms around the Doctor. "I want to be alone."
The Doctor couldn't help pitying Gray when he heard his tired, broken voice. If you want to be alone, why are you clinging to me like this? "All right," he said quietly. "Will you be all right here?"
Gray nodded.
The Doctor stepped back. "If you should change your mind, you can talk to me."
Gray turned back toward the panes of glass. "Okay." His voice was toneless again.
The Doctor slipped away and found Jack back in the barracks.
"There you are," said Jack. "Do you know where Gray is?"
"I've just left him."
"Is he okay?"
"I… suppose so. About the same. He wants you to keep away. I'm not sure whether he's lost confidence in himself or if he's just being eaten up by his experiences, but I think it upsets him severely whenever he sees you or gets close to you."
Jack hunched over and looked dismally at the floor.
"He's not rational, Jack," the Doctor said, sitting down next to his friend. "I think we should probably humor him for now."
"Yeah. You're probably right. It's just so hard waiting and wondering if anything will ever change."
The Doctor took Jack's hand and lowered his voice so no one else would overhear. "He told me how he threatened you that night—what he said he'd do to me."
Jack let his breath out heavily. "I didn't want you to know about that." He looked up at the Doctor warily. "Are you okay? He didn't—"
"He didn't harm me," the Doctor assured him. "He said he wouldn't really have done it, and I think he was telling the truth. He only wanted to disturb you."
"He certainly accomplished that."
"Before I left him, he hugged me."
"He… he did? Why would he…? I mean, you're a huggable guy, but—"
"I think he's very confused. He wants someone to hold onto, but he's afraid of becoming attached to anyone. I think it's a good sign, though—he's not completely shutting us out. Maybe he'll keep reaching and if we keep trying on our end, we may eventually be able to meet him halfway."
"Maybe." Jack leaned his head against the Doctor's shoulder. "Thanks for trying."
"So, this seems to be the designated resort of companionship," John said as he arranged bedding on the floor of the engine room.
"Exotic," Gray commented.
"Isn't it?"
"Kaylee would love it. The engineer from the Serenity."
"Yes, Jayne tells me she gets excited round engines. I'd love to observe firsthand." John sat on the roughly assembled double bed and pulled his shirt off. "How've you been? You've kept to yourself lately."
Gray switched off the overhead lights and found his way across the room in the dark. "I don't have much to say to anyone. Doesn't keep me from hearing the gossip, though."
"Gossip?" John asked, his attention instantly arrested. "Like what?"
"Like… those two girls who came onboard act like they hate war, but they're going along with us to slaughter Reavers. They seem like they're straight, but they've barely said a single word to any of the men except you. I also heard that Jayne's been acting weird around you and that there was an incident between you and a certain poodle-ish dog on Barcelona…"
"What?"
Gray laughed. "You really shouldn't do things like that; they may be more advanced than Old Earth dogs, but they're not as sentient as the ones from our time."
"Oh, it's not like I… well, we didn't… who the hell knew about that, anyway?"
"So, it is true?"
"Depends on what you mean by 'incident.'"
"What did you see in her, anyway?"
"Um… a really adorable huge nose? Let's change the subject."
Gray laughed again. "I don't know what that says about the rest of us who have shared your bed…"
"I said, let's change the subject," John repeated, mischievously reaching an arm around Gray and pulling him closer. He soon regretted taking the liberty when he felt Gray's hand descend on the side of his neck with stunning force. He groaned and rubbed the throbbing area.
"Uh… I didn't actually mean to do that," Gray said slowly.
"Oh, I'm fine," John said, his eyes squeezed shut in pain. "You've really been getting in shape, haven't you?"
"Ha, yeah… are you all right?"
"Fine. My own fault. Oughtn't have surprised you like that." John waited, but Gray made no further apology. "I suppose it'll be a while before you're comfortable letting anyone handle you like that," he mused. "I'll be more careful."
Gray still didn't answer, but he shifted closer until his shoulder overlapped John's.
Cautiously, John rested his hand on Gray's arm.
"I noticed your arm healed all right," Gray said after a moment.
"Yes. Not too bad."
"I figured. I didn't plan to permanently damage you."
Is that supposed to make up for what you put me through? "Only if I didn't go along with your scheme, right? Or wouldn't you have gone through with it?"
"I don't know, to be honest. I didn't expect you to resist. I knew you were pissed with Jack and you always look out for yourself. I figured you wouldn't die for him."
"Guess you're right—at that point, I probably wouldn't have." John moved his hand slowly onto Gray's chest. "May I?"
"Yes."
He put his arm around Gray and held him.
"I'm glad I didn't have to detonate you."
John gave a dry laugh. "So am I. Wish you hadn't shot Toshiko, though."
"Oh. Did you want her for yourself? Probably would have hurt Jack more if I'd killed what's-her-name—the bossy Welsh one."
"Gwen. I nearly blew her up once. Poisoned her, too. But why did you want to kill people who hadn't done anything to you?"
"Because of the people I saw killed," Gray answered without hesitation. "Every day someone was dying, but it was never my turn. I was just a kid and people I didn't even know were begging me to kill them because they weren't strong enough to kill themselves. Some of them were from my village, some I didn't know at all. They all died. All of them. Died, or got taken away to other groups and we never heard from them again.
"Why should he have any friends when all mine were taken away from me and slaughtered? Why should he be allowed to love anyone after he gave up on me?"
John felt a twinge of sympathy. Jack gave up on me, too. That's why I hated his team. Just like Gray. "I think I understand. I'm not saying it was right… but I think I know how you felt."
Gray reached up to kiss John's face. "When this is over you'll take me away from him, right? Don't let him keep me prisoner for the rest of my life."
"I don't know. It will depend on a lot of things. If he'll change his mind, I plan on making him my prisoner for the rest of my life."
"He won't. He'll never let anyone get a real hold on him. He might pretend to love you for a while, but he'll leave you in the end." Gray's hand slid over John's face, his neck and down to his chest. He turned toward John more and kissed his neck.
"Gray…"
"Yeah?"
John hesitated. "Don't think I dislike it or anything… but I think we'd better be careful here. I don't want to get carried away."
"You? Carried away?" Gray said sarcastically. "Other than my brother and a dog here and there, when have you ever gotten carried away?"
Damn, he sounds so much like Jack. John wanted nothing more than to attack Gray's mouth and put him in his place, but he knew that would be a disaster. Jack will never trust me again. Stay calm. "Okay, that'll do." He planted a brotherly kiss on Gray's forehead. "Good night, Gray."
To his relief, Gray relaxed beside him and rested his head on John's shoulder. "Night."
Almost down to more action, for those of you who are sick of the soap opera. Comment away; interested to hear your thoughts.