I do not own Tron or Tron Legacy.

Shadow Life : a journal on paper

Cycle 25

"Quorra, I dreamt of Tron again." Flynn had taken a drink of his digitized coffee after he made this statement. Often, he would inform me when he had such dreams, something he initially had to explain to me, since I didn't know what dreams were, never having slept.

"Was it on the old Grid or this one?" I asked. When Flynn told me of the dreams that included Tron, it would vary between Grids.

"The old one. I was a conscript again. Actually Tron and Ram were both in it." He took a bite of his breakfast meat, sausage he had called it.

"Ram. The last time you dreamt of Ram, you woke up yelling his name." I remember running to his room, finding him clutching the sheet, which was tangled around him. As I touched him, he grabbed at me, still not fully awake. He later explained that, in his dream, his friend from the old Grid was being de-rezzed little by little, all the while crying out for Flynn to help him. 'I never felt so helpless, Q. I could do nothing.' he had said.

"This one wasn't a nightmare though." He set down his eating utensil, and entwined his hands as he leaned against the table. "We were on the Grid, Tron, Ram and I. We were looking for something, but every time we took a turn, we'd be right back where we started. Tron was beginning to get frustrated, but we finally sat down, and found glasses of energy in our hands. So we just sat there, talking and drinking, our glasses magically re-filling themselves. We all got drunk, and then couldn't stop laughing. I didn't even know programs could get drunk. Tron said he wished it could always be fun like this, but you know, in reality, Tron always struck me as the serious type. In any case, I woke up really missing the guy. Well, both of them, but mostly Tron."

I didn't know what to say, because I knew Flynn had a great friendship with the security program from his time on the old Grid, when the outdated Master Control Program had sucked him into the system. Flynn had helped Tron defeat the Master Control Program, and since then, Flynn couldn't do without him. He told me he had arranged for Tron to be uploaded onto the new Grid, and together they began work on it. "Well, perhaps it was your mind recalling the better parts of that experience, turning it into something reminiscent of the feelings you had. It's better than some of the nightmares you've experienced."

"True, Quorra. I just wish I wouldn't dream at all. I find it distracting." He began eating, but I could tell his heart wasn't in it.

I knew how Flynn felt, missing the ISOs as I did, and I was grateful I didn't have to dream of them. To have something gone from you, keep coming back would be torture I imagined. How would you ever move past the tragedy if you kept being reminded of it? I rose from my chair, and stood behind Flynn, leaning over his shoulder, my arms enveloping him. "Tron perished doing what he felt was best for the Grid, keeping you alive. He wouldn't have had it any other way, since you said yourself that his concern was for the Grid and the Users, including you. It's too bad you can't program your mind to let these thoughts go so that they don't haunt you anymore."

"Well, Quorra, that is a failing for us Users, not being able to program ourselves. But truthfully, I don't think I'd want to banish Tron, or Ram even, from my mind. If dreams are the only way I can see them, bring it on, man." His hand took mine, and bringing it to his lips, he kissed it. "You should de-rezz these gloves once in a while." He let me kiss his cheek before I went back to my seat.

"Flynn, do you ever miss Clu?"

He gave me a sideways glance, then looked down at his plate. "I don't really miss Clu, the Clu that's out there, terrorizing the Grid. But I admit to wanting things back to the way they were. You'd asked me that, and I do, I do sometimes want it all back again. But it's not going to happen, Quorra. So I don't waste a lot of time wishing for something that's over and done with."

He picked at his food, and finally lay down his fork, no longer interested in eating.

It was so difficult to discuss matters related to the Grid, and not feel sad or worse. I decided then and there, I would only discuss the User world, our games and books. But not the past, the immutable past, the painful past. As Flynn had stated, it was done and over with.

Later on, while I relaxed with one of his books, Flynn lay down to meditate. Shortly after, I heard mumbling coming from Flynn's room. I entered quietly, seeing him tossing about on his bed, and I knew he was having a nightmare. I could hear him call to Sam, and then he awoke with a yell. Flynn saw me standing over him, and sitting up, he grabbed at my hand, pulling me down to sit on the edge beside him. He ran a hand through his hair. "It was my son this time." He closed his eyes, rubbing them as if to will away an unpleasant image. "Lie with me, Q, please. Don't go away just yet."

I nodded, smiling slightly at him. Flynn lay back down, and I lay next to him with my back to him. He pulled me closer, and I felt his warm breath on the back of my neck as he snuggled against me, taking what comfort that he could from my presence. I laced my fingers in his as we rested together. I was curious about what he had dreamt of concerning Sam. It obviously hadn't been a good dream, so I wouldn't ask him about it.

When Flynn's arm tightened around me, my thoughts returned to him. He nestled his body to mine, and whispered, "Thanks, Q. Always there for me," before going quiet, his breath steady. I smiled, and closed my eyes, wondering what it was like to sleep and dream. But maybe I was more happy not to have to know the answer.

A/N: to any readers of this fiction who also read Ultimate Ally, I am working on the next chapter. It's more difficult because there are more characters and plot developments, so it takes longer. Don't go away, I will be posting another chapter soon. Thanks for your continued support.