Disclaimer: I do not own ROTG, it rightfully belongs to DreamWorks. I only own the plot and the OCs, details of whom can be found on my profile.
Links to all the songs/pieces/videos I have mentioned and information on all the OCs are on my profile.
Hey.
First thing's first - OMG! 50 reviews - thank you guys so much! :D
Okay, I know it's a day late... I'm sorry about that...
This chapter was difficult to write, as I've never written a scene like this before... therefore, it would be really nice if you review and tell me what you think of it *hint, hint* ;).
So, just as a warning, updates may not be as frequent over the next few weeks, as I've got controlled assessments and mock exams... but it won't be too bad, as I don't think there are any cliffhangers coming up soon, so you won't have the agony of wanting to know whether or not the character survives :).
Anyway, thank you to iamanawesometacofanfictions and Espeon14 for following and favouriting the story, and thank you to vikehi for following the story. Also, thank you to the following people for reviewing:
rachealninja10: Actually, I don't really believe in that rule... I think everything needs an explanation - the explanation for the salve is that, as you said, there's a lot of magic in the ROTG universe (or at least, there is the way I see it), and also they're in the infirmary at North's workshop, where he's bound to keep magical ingredients to make magical salve. I figured that Tooth seemed like the kind of person to be the medic for the Guardians, so I guess that's how I got the idea... plus, due to things that happen later, it would be much easier if Tara didn't have a cast or a splint...
an awesome anon (guest): Thank you, and I'm having ideas for the first chapter :)
Chapter 25 - Confessions
Jack's POV
Images came in and out of focus in my mind. The things Pitch had shown me - the real and the unreal - haunted my dreams, even without the influence of Nightmares...
I drifted slowly back to consciousness. Memories came rushing back, flooding my mind with the knowledge of what had actually happened, instead of the Nightmares Pitch had shown me.
Tara. Where was she now? What horrible tortures was Pitch putting her through... was he hurting her because of what he'd discovered about me?
How had he known? How did he figure out that I loved her, just through knowing that my worst fear was losing her?
'She will never love you,' he had said. And he was right. Yet now, no doubt, she was suffering because of me.
I opened my eyes and stared up at the ceiling of the infirmary. I found myself wishing that things were different. I wished that Tara had come through the portal with me, I wished that she was by the side of my bed, safe and away from Pitch, and maybe even holding my hand, waiting for me to wake up...
That was when I realized that somebody was holding my hand. Just as I realized this, a familiar voice spoke.
"Jack?"
I turned my head to look at the speaker, to be sure that I wasn't just imagining her voice. I was thrilled to see that she was really there, gazing at me concernedly.
"Tara?" I said. My voice was still a bit hoarse, but it sounded better than it had earlier.
"It's good to see that you're awake." I could see that she genuinely meant it - she looked truly glad. She started to get up. "I'll go and tell the others."
"No," I protested, gripping her hand as tightly as I could - which, in my current, weakened state, wasn't very tight - in a vain attempt to stop her from leaving. "Please... Don't leave. I want to be sure that you're really here, that I'm not dreaming."
"Jack, they're worried about you-"
"Please, Tara," I begged.
She sighed. "Okay." She sat back down again. "How can I help you to be sure?"
"How... How did you get away? I thought Pitch had you."
"I judo-flipped him, accidentally knocking him out in the process, and ran," she answered. "According to Bunny I made it to Bunny's tunnels, which was where he found me."
"So... you're not hurt?"
"I fell and broke my ankle, but apart from that, no injuries." She smiled, reassuringly.
I returned the smile. Then I remembered what she had said, and frowned. "Hang on, according to Bunny? You mean you don't actually know it for yourself? What do you mean?"
"Well, after I broke my ankle, the Nightmares caught up with me, so I was asleep when Bunny found me," she explained. "But, that's over and done with. Enough about me - how do you feel?"
"Truthfully? Like hell."
Tara's expression was difficult to read. There was a strange look to her eyes - I knew, just by seeing this, that something was wrong, but she was doing her best to hide it.
"Is there anything I can do?" She asked.
I shook my head. "It'll heal with time, and I may be able to fix my staff soon. Talking of which, where is it?"
She gestured to the bedside table, where the bag had been placed, next something blue... it took me a moment to realize what it was.
"Is that my hoodie?" I asked.
Tara nodded in response. "I think it's been repaired and washed."
That was good to know, but I couldn't help but think that if my hoodie was on the table next to me, then what was I wearing?
I looked down to see that I was topless. Now, that wouldn't bother some guys - heck, some guys walked around the streets topless - but I have never been that type. I felt myself blush, partly because of my toplessness, and partly because I was topless in front of Tara...
Tara noticed my blush, and gave me a half concerned, half bemused look. "You're covered in bruises and injuries, yet you're more concerned about the fact that you're not wearing your hoodie?"
I wasn't sure what to say about that, so I didn't say anything. Instead, I tried to sit up. Instantly, she rearranged the pillows to make it easier.
"Thanks," I tried to work out what she was thinking. "Are you okay?" I asked her.
She looked confused, but I could see through her expression. Something had changed within her, like she was broken in some way. I wanted to put it right, to fix her, but I didn't know how. I was determined to find out though.
"I told you," she started. "I broke my ankle, that's-"
"That's not what I meant," I interrupted. "I mean... emotionally, mentally."
"I'm fine," she reassured. She smiled, convincingly, but the look in her eyes gave her away.
"No, you're not," I told her. "I can see it in your eyes, you look..." I struggled to think of the right word. "...haunted."
She attempted to shrug it off. "Pitch showed me a few things in my nightmare... it's nothing."
"Tara, it clearly isn't 'nothing'. Tell me, I want to help. Please."
She shook her head. "I'm fine, really."
"How's about this for a deal - If I tell you about my nightmare, you'll tell me about yours?"
She sighed, reluctantly. "Alright. But... if you don't want to tell me, don't... I'll... I'll tell you mine, you don't have to tell me yours."
"No, I'll tell you. It's only fair." I thought for a moment, wondering where to start.
"You mentioned that you had seen what Pitch did to me?" Tara prompted.
I nodded. "He showed me what happened when he tortured you, and he showed me your death - he showed me you in the infirmary, dying and asking the Guardians where I was, why I had broken my promise, and he showed me what happened at the lake."
Tara looked down into her lap. "I'm sorry you had to see that," she said, quietly.
"Sorry I had to see what?"
"All of it, really... My death, Pitch torturing me, it can't have been easy to watch. And... The vision of the infirmary, that wasn't real - I swear. I would have been more worried about what was wrong and what had happened to you than the fact you weren't there."
"I know... But it still really scared me." Not to mention how much it hurt, to know that I'd failed her.
"I saw similar sorts of things... I saw Pitch beating you up, and burning your staff, and I saw your death as a mortal-"
"My death as a mortal?" I interrupted. "But Pitch wasn't there, how did he-"
"He said that it had something to do with a fear that not even you knew about," Tara explained.
I thought about it. "Well, I'm not afraid of the lake - if I was I wouldn't spend as much time there as I do. I don't think I'm afraid of dying or drowning so..." I stopped. When I died, I had been scared for Pippa, and now, whenever I froze a lake, I always made sure that the ice was thick enough to be safe to walk on, because... "I'm afraid that someone else will suffer the same fate as I did," I realized.
I looked at Tara. Her eyes still had that haunted look to them, and I realized that what she had just described wasn't enough to cause that. "There's more," I said, "Pitch showed you something else, didn't he?"
She nodded. "He did. He... I saw... I..." She swallowed, blinking rapidly. "I'm sorry, I... I can't talk about it. I don't want to think about it."
"Oh Tara," I whispered. It hurt so much to see her like this. Though she was trying desperately - and failing - to hide it, she was quite clearly holding back tears, due to the pain of the memory of whatever it was that Pitch showed her. "I'm so sorry. This is all my fault, and I'm sorry. You don't deserve any of this."
"Your fault?" Tara asked, incredulously. "In what way is this your fault?"
"Pitch..." I tried to find a way of explaining without telling her that I loved her. "He knows how close we are, how much I care about you. He hates me after the last time the Guardians fought him, because I refused to join him and helped them instead and because he thinks that I was the main reason we beat him. He was hurting you to get to me."
"Jack..." she shook her head sadly and gulped down a sob. A tear trickled down her cheek. "Don't blame yourself for what isn't your fault. You have nothing to be sorry for... it's me who should be sorry."
"Sorry for what?"
She shut her eyes and took a deep, shaky breath, as though preparing herself for something. "Pitch... he saw into my mind... he knows everything about me, my every secret, every thought, every feeling. I tried so hard to stop him, but he got in anyway, and he saw my greatest fear, and he saw why I was so afraid of... of it."
"Tara..." I started, but she cut me off.
"Don't," she said, sharply, but not unkindly. "Don't interrupt me, if I stop now, I'll lose my nerve." She took a deep breath. "I'm sorry for telling you what I'm about to tell you, but you have to know the truth, and I can't let you blame yourself when it isn't your fault. I know it's unfair, especially as you don't feel the same way, and I can only hope that it won't completely spoil out friendship."
"Tara, I'm sure it won't-"
"Believe me, it might." She looked afraid and nervous. "I told you that I lied about the vision from Morte Pavidum. I lied because I didn't understand it, and I was afraid of what it could mean. That vision was my final vision - the one that showed me my greatest fear. The thing is... I didn't see all my friends dead... I saw your body, lying there, lifeless. It took me a while to figure out why I was so afraid that it might happen, but I did. I couldn't keep Pitch out of my head, I failed to stop him from seeing... that's why he hurt you so much - to get to me."
She was speaking steadily faster and faster, as though she was afraid of stopping, of pausing, that if she did she wouldn't be able to keep going.
She continued. "That was the whole point of using the mind-control drug and forcing me to kill you - or as it actually turned out, to nearly kill you. He was going to release me just as soon as I delivered the final blow, so that I could hold you in my arms as you died, knowing that I did it. Then, when he manipulated my nightmare, he used the knowledge of my worst fear and my feelings against me. He showed me many visions - in every single one of them you'd be there, dying in some horrible, painful way, begging me to help you, and every time I'd be trapped in some way, unable to help, only able to watch. Pitch hasn't been hurting me to get to you, he's been hurting you to get to me, because..." She trailed off, seemingly afraid to carry on. Finally, she whispered the remains of the sentence. "Because I love you."
"What?" I asked, so quietly I barely heard it myself.
"I..." The tears were now flowing freely down her face. She turned away from my gaze. "I'm sorry, I... I shouldn't have told you, you don't feel the same way..."
"Tara."
"...this could really affect out friendship..."
"Tara."
"...it was completely unfair of me..."
"Tara."
"...oh, God, I'm so sorry..."
"Tara." This time I reached out and touched her cheek, gently turning her head so that she looked me in the eye. She looked worried, nervous and ever-so-slightly panicked. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I..." I faltered, afraid to say the words out loud. I swallowed, working up the courage, and reminding myself that there was nothing to be afraid of. I had thought that she could never feel the same way about me as I do about her, but I had been wrong. Now was my only chance to tell her, and I was going to take it. "Ever since I met you, I've been feeling things that I've never felt before - never in over three-hundred years. It was only when it was too late, when I thought you were dead, that I fully understood what it was... after that, I didn't tell you because I never believed you could feel the same way, and because I felt it would be unfair to tell you, because even if you did, you wouldn't have long left anyway. I... I didn't want to hurt you, and I was prepared to keep my feelings secret forever so that our friendship wouldn't become awkward... I know how much that friendship means to you, and how much it means to me."
Tara looked confused, but I could see a tiny glimmer of hope in her eyes. "Jack, you're not making much sense... What 'feelings' are you referring to?"
"I..." I took a deep breath. I suddenly became aware of how close we were - there were only a few inches between my face and hers. "What I'm trying - and failing miserably - to say... is... I love you. I love you more than anything, Tara Lumen."
The gap between us closed, and our lips met. The kiss was slow and tentative at first, being the first kiss that either of us had experienced, and because neither of us could quite believe that this was real, but the kiss then became fiercer and more urgent, to prove that it was happening, that we loved each other and that no-one could change that or take it away from us.
After a while, we pulled apart and gazed at each other. I was filled with a warm, blissful, happy feeling, one that I could see reflected in Tara's eyes, which were shining with happiness.
I was about to say something, I wasn't sure what, when we noticed that something was glowing. We looked and saw that it was the bag containing the remains of my staff.
"Is that normal?" Tara asked.
"I don't know," I murmured, suddenly remembering how exhausted I was, but not caring anyway.
Tara picked up the bag and opened it. The light seemed to be coming from something within the ashes themselves. I realized that I had seen a light like that once before.
"My staff emitted that light when I... when I fixed it when Pitch broke it last time."
Tara looked hopeful. "So maybe that means..."
"...I can fix it again," I finished. "Last time I had just got my memories of being a mortal back, and just realized that I was capable of being a Guardian... Maybe it's easier to fix when I'm happy?" I thought about the possibility. "No, I know what it is... My powers are easier to harness when I'm happy... Whatever it is that allows me to fix the staff, it's connected to my powers."
"Never mind how it works - you can fix your staff! That's brilliant news!" Tara was grinning excitedly.
I reached my hand out over the bag, closed my eyes and concentrated. I imagined that I was reaching out and connecting with my powers again, fixing the link that Pitch had severed when he burnt the staff. I could feel a shape, and I carefully closed my fingers around it. It didn't have a proper substance to it - it was still made of ashes - but it was forming.
I felt a hand take my other hand and give it a gentle, encouraging squeeze. "Nearly there," Tara whispered. "You can do it."
I concentrated on the good things that had happened today. Tara was alive, and she was safe... I loved her, and she loved me back, and we had kissed for the first time. Just the thought of it filled me with happiness.
The staff in my hand now felt solid and real. I opened my eyes to see that it had formed properly and now looked as good as new. I felt stronger, and I was no longer in pain. I looked down at my chest and discovered that all the bruising and other injuries had healed.
Tara looked into my eyes. "How do you feel?" She asked.
I smiled at her. "Better than ever."
We kissed again, just briefly, before Tara pulled back a little, rather reluctantly. "We should tell the others that you're okay," she murmured. "They're worried about you."
"Yeah... We probably should." Neither of us made a move to leave though.
"Jack..." Tara started, "what you did for me... Giving yourself up for the cure, I really appreciate it, but... Promise you won't do anything like that ever again, please? I don't want to see you hurt ever again."
I gave her a sad smile. "I'm sorry, but... I can't. I would never be able to keep that promise, and you know I don't like to break promises. I can't make a promise I can't keep."
She nodded in understanding. "Just... Next time, be careful, please?"
"Be careful? In what sense is giving yourself up to your enemy being careful? There's no 'be careful' about it," I laughed softly.
She shrugged. "It seemed like the right thing to say."
I was about to say something else, but a voice interrupted us. "As cute as the pair of you as a couple are, it would have been nice to know that Jack was better."
We pulled apart to see Tooth floating in the doorway of the infirmary, arms folded and eyebrows raised. I noticed that Tara's cheeks had turned that pale shade of pink that they did when she blushed. I could feel that I was blushing slightly too, which was unheard of.
"We were just about to come and tell you..." Tara started.
"...we just got a little sidetracked," I finished.
Tooth smiled. "I see. Well, I know now, so you can become as sidetracked as you want." She paused, then added as an afterthought, "Though you may want to clean up a little first."
She left the room, I stood, picked up my hoodie, and helped Tara to stand without putting any weight on her bad ankle. We half walked, half hopped, to the doors of our bedrooms.
We stopped outside. "Tara," I started, "what you did... pushing me through the portal and staying behind yourself... Please don't do anything like that again, I wouldn't be able to bear it if you got hurt."
Tara gave me a small, slightly amused, smile. "I can't make a promise I can't keep."
"Touché." I should have known that she'd be no more willing to make such a promise than I.
"I know you can take care of yourself, but... I'll always do all I can to protect you. I'll always have your back, and I'll always be there for you."
"And I you." I reached out and caressed her cheek. It felt strange - the amount of times I had dreamt of doing something like that, and now I finally could, it almost felt unreal. "You know, however much it scares me to think of you putting yourself in danger, especially to protect me, I... I wouldn't have you any other way. It's a part of who you are, and, as much as it scares me, I understand that now."
"I'm glad about that," Tara said, placing a hand over mine so that she held mine to her, as though she too wanted to be sure it was really there, "and I understand the same about you."
I leaned forward and gave her a small kiss. "I love you, and I really want to stay and spend some time with you," I told her, "but I think that at the moment we are both in desperate need of a shower."
She laughed. "Amen to that!"
We turned to enter our respective rooms. Just as I walked through the doorway, she spoke again.
"Jack?"
I turned to face her. "Yes?"
"I love you too. I always will."
Ok, so I really need to know - is it good? Is it rubbish? Is it cute and fluffy, or is really soppy? Please, if you haven't reviewed before, then now is the time to review! If you have reviewed before, then review anyway! I really need feedback, advice, and ways to improve this chapter... I need to know if it's good or not, especially as I've never written a scene like this before, so I need to know how to improve for next time! Also, if you think it's good, I also need to know that, because I'll panic otherwise... So please, please, PLEASE review!
Anyway, on a different subject, I think I've decided that I want to write a story about Nocturne's past... so I'll tell you when that's up for reading :).
Also, what do you think the ship name should be for Jack and Tara?
Also, I wanted to mention a song that I really think sums up Jack and Tara's relationship at this point. It's called 'Heart by Heart' and it's by Demi Lovato. I love the song, and I love the film that it was part of the soundtrack for - The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones. It came out in the cinemas in August, comes out on DVD in January, and is based on the first book of the amazing book series (The Mortal Instruments is the name of the series, City of Bones is the name of the book - no surprises there) by Cassandra Clare. If you enjoy reading, I recommend it. The lyrics to the song 'Heart by Heart' are on my profile, and here are links to the song, a kind-of music video that features parts of the film (but isn't the full song), and movie trailers for the film (in case you're interested - just bear in mind that the film is rated 12, so if you're younger than that (though if you are, then you probably shouldn't be reading a T rated story (just saying)), don't watch the trailers or the featurette.). The links are in the normal way (for me)- type in the YouTube address into the address bar, copy and paste the following into it.
Heart by Heart by Demi Lovato:
/watch?v=kU_XYLVrTZk
Movie/Music Featurette:
/watch?v=Fd6HdBWXvNo
TMI Teaser Trailer:
/watch?v=hc4CiTvQ-YE
TMI Full Trailer:
/watch?v=GHlwRsl2uFk
Till next time!
MS.