Chapter 23: Here With Me
Bright red eyes looked around the garden in a searching fashion. Many of the herbs have bloomed early thanks to Skyhold's safety from the elements. The dawnlotuses springing their floral perfume and the elfroot with it's more subtle earthiness. Along with every other herb and flower in between. Several of Skyhold's residents and visitors would come here for moments of quiet reflection either here or in the Chantry.
It was the Chantry that she had her sights on.
Quietly opening the door so she wouldn't disturb any parishioners. Well, a parishioner. The one she was searching for. He was prostrated lowly in front of the Andraste idol and muttering the Chant. Obviously distracted from any outside interference save his faith. Silent as a shadow, she went inside the Chantry and took a seat on the first row pew closest to the Commander. Patiently waiting for him to center himself.
"Cullen has asked that I recommend a replacement for him."
"It would destroy him…"
"…and he didn't want to… risk your disappointment."
Those were the Seeker's words when she entered the forge building. She actually went there to talk to the lead smith about armor pieces for the troops, but she hadn't realized that it was vacant to accompany the private conversation of the Seeker and the Commander. And she unintentionally stopped them. From the way Cass spoke, it looked like her mind was already made by that point and the Commander was overreacting.
I can never be disappointed in you my Commander.
Slowly, very slowly, Cullen raised himself from his prostrate position. Taking note that she was there in the Chantry with him. His eyes dark in the light; heavy with sadness. Crouching on her haunches, she made her way to the melancholic Commander. Filling the void on the left side of him.
"I think I'm too broken to be your Commander." He whispered.
"Being broken shouldn't stop you." She said kindly, "It hasn't stopped me from being the Inquisitor. Not only that, but I can think of no one else better suited to run our forces. Josephine and Leliana respect you despite their teasing. The troops respect and follow you unconditionally. And I – "
She blushed hard as he eagerly awaited her answer. Hoping, praying, and expecting the worst but that glimmer of tenderness bubbled underneath their skins. Clasping her hands and rubbing the knuckles harshly. Her chest tightened and sparks fluttered in her chest.
"I, um, care for you – ah, like you – a lot. Very much. I wouldn't – I mean – the Inquisition wouldn't be the same without you Cullen. Broken pieces and all." Swallowing the lump that gathered in her nervous demeanor, "I want you willingly – to be the Commander – I mean. I believe in you."
What she couldn't say is what was beating loudly in her heart. Making out the loud little child-like voice as it cried, "Don't go. Don't leave me. Stay."
It was irrational, she knew, he was just calling into question his ability to be the Commander. However, she couldn't help but feel that if he stopped at being the Commander that he would ultimately leave her side. He wouldn't be Cullen anymore.
He chuckled without any sort of mirth before his voice turned low, raspy and desperate, "I should be taking it. I should be taking it!"
Clutching his knees that caused his muscles and veins to contract; his bronze eyes darted at the floor wildly. Without warning, he raised his right hand and punched the stone floor. Hearing the distinctive crunch of bone and popping of cartilage. His jaw tightened from the pain but didn't cry out. Too full of repressed hurt, anger, anxiety to feel any sort of physical pain.
Burying the whiplash in her heart down and swallowing the constrictive lump in her throat. His self-inflicted hurt was all too familiar to her.
He's trying to drown out the mental pain with the physical.
Shifting her position so that she is sitting in front of him and leaning just so. Taking her shaking hands to cup the sides of his head and pressing her brow in his hair. She could smell his doubt, uncertainty, his need just as clearly as she could feel the clenching of his jaw beneath her calloused hands. Hearing very clearly his soft, ragged breathing filled with both physical and mental ache. Unclothed pressures of emotion expanded in her heart like a bottle of ale that has been shook up too long and it was fit to burst. Tightly closing her eyes to keep herself from… doing something. Katja didn't know what.
Reswallowing the lump in her throat before she whispered, "If you take it you'll die." Surprised at how thick she sounded, pushing through with what she wanted to say. What he needed to hear from her. "You'll be alive but dead. And I don't want you to die."
Cullen stayed stark still save the shaking his body produced. She'll hold him as long as he needed her to. Raising his uninjured hand to rest on her's; tangling his masculine hand in her fallen hair in the process. Taking a few deep breaths of composure before he broke the contact she established on the top of his head. His bronze eyes were clear as if he had been fighting back tears. He looked exhausted.
"I need a moment." He whispered almost chokingly.
Nearly bawling when he said that. But getting a hold of herself. He needed to be alone for a while. He wasn't running away. He wasn't leaving. He needed his space.
She nodded but asked, "May I heal your hand?"
His face twitched, "Leave it be. Please."
Worrying her brows when she stated, "Not for too long alright? You, um, you know where I am if you need me."
He didn't nod or say anything more as she got up to leave him in the cool quiet of the Chantry.
The atmosphere of the garden was of stark difference than what lay just a few feet inside the Chantry. The afternoon sun was at his highest, the birds were in the Nevarran cherry trees, and butterflies and bees danced from flower to flower. Hearing the giggles of the small children that she recognized from the Circle and a few templar children as well that were playing and exploring.
Fighting the urge to run back in the Chantry and drag the Commander outside to see the beautiful garden. To shake him from his self-imposed exile in the constrictive cell of the Chantry. To tell him "Look! Look what we have built here!"
Steeling herself to not do so. It was a choice she couldn't make for him. She wasn't going to take his choice away.
The bell for the afternoon meal sounded. Lazily making her way to the main hall and serving herself a plate of food and bringing it out to the garden. Sitting on one of the stone benches to quietly eat her meal while taking turns watching the butterflies and bees in the flowerbeds and the Chantry door. Expanding her connection to the peaceful minds of the animals and insects of the garden. Their simple, instinctual, practical minds gave her a little relief from the churning chaos within herself.
Drawing out similarities between the bees and the Commander. They needed a purpose, a job, a duty. If they didn't have that, they were nothing and they would go extinct and die. It's brethren would cast the bee out and it would quickly starve and die. In fact, all the animals she's ever communicated with needed that or else they would wonder listlessly until a circumstance happened to where they perished. All animals had a choice even if that choice was instinctual.
She didn't want to cast him out. She didn't want to let him drift listlessly. Cullen had to make that choice. To choose his niche, his purpose, and his duty for himself.
Actually giggling when several of the songbirds plucked the pink cherry blossoms from the trees and put them in her hair then chirping out in song on her shoulders and arms. Katja continued to giggle merrily when those same bees and butterflies nestled on those cherry blossoms and wondered in her hair. Their tiny legs and antennae made her shiver. The balance of order and certainty reestablished itself in her. The churning in her stomach settled and she finished her food.
Sighing as she got up. Cullen will come out when he's ready to. Katja was certain. The songbirds repositioned themselves on her as she walked toward the kitchens to give them back her plate and fork. Ignoring the bashful stares she received from those who noticed her as she happily complimented the cook and scullery maids for their service.
Once she returned to the Commander's tower, she quickly and thoroughly went about her tasks. Noticing the strange and perturbed looks from the messengers and soldiers gave her, but nothing out of the ordinary. Inspiration struck her of a good way to clear Cullen's mind off his troubling thoughts. Taking only a short moment to have it set up on his arrival. Sure that he would enjoy it.
It was getting toward suppertime when a messenger came in stating that the Commander was asking for her on the battlement near Herald's Rest. Happily thanking the messenger and finishing up what she was working on before she scampered toward Herald's Rest.
Being up in the mountains caused the sun to set sooner than usual and in the twinkling pre-sunset light the Commander looked calmer and more himself. The gentle breeze shifting his golden hair as he closed his eyes to take in the fresh air. Feeling her heart beat that he was alright.
"I wanted to thank… you…" he started but died down when he turned to face her. Noticing the rise of his flushed cheeks as he took his uninjured hand to rub his neck. "Um, if their's anything…" Then, he sighed in defeat. "This sounded much better in my head."
Smiling when the Cullen she knew was coming around, "I trust you're feeling better?"
"I… yes."
"Is it always that bad?" she asked cautiously.
"The pain comes and goes. Sometimes it feels as though I'm back there. I… I shouldn't have pushed myself so hard."
Taking the extra step further to close the distance between them to hold his hand, "Skyhold won't fall to pieces if you take an hour for yourself if you need to."
"I'll keep that in mind." The flush rising higher on his cheeks. "And thank you… for everything." Turning himself to face her and presenting the hand that he had broke earlier. "You may."
"I trust you" is what he meant.
Katja nodded acceptingly as she used his arm to lever the hand to examine it. The two middle knuckles were heavily swollen and bruised and the fingers pointed awkwardly. Using a scan spell to get a better sense of the injury. Just as she thought – the knuckles themselves were broken and the middle carpel was fractured. She would have to pop the fingers back into place before she healed his hand or else it won't mend proper.
She explained this to Cullen and he nodded again in permission. Quickly and methodically, she popped the fingers back into place; each time Cullen sucked in a breath. Then, she iced her hands to push the swelling down. While her ice was working, she casted a steady healing spell to make sure that every bone was in its proper place. Meticulously careful of each bone, cartilage, and tendon until her work was done. His hand was still a little swollen and bruised, but that will go down in time. Leaving behind a thin film of ice around the knuckles to help with the lingering inflammation.
Once she was finished, Cullen examined his hand – opening and closing his hand. "Feels stiff." He stated.
She nodded, "You'll have to work the tendons back to their normal elasticity once the swelling dissipates." Explaining the 'stiff feeling' away as normal.
"Th-thank you."
"Anytime Cullen. Also the next time you feel the need to punch something, make sure it's softer than granite." Elbowing his arm in a playful manner.
He chuckled uneasily and looked at her his normal shy expression that she has come to expect and love from him. Cullen's bronze eyes shined warmly despite the underlining of weariness. He raised his hands to cup her face, the thumbs rubbing back and forth soothingly on her cheeks. Feeling the hard calluses from his sword training on his fingers and inner-ridge – the skin on those patches were rough which caused her skin to tickle.
In the past, the action would have frightened her from that time. Laying to rest those old hurts and fears to look at him. Replacing that face with Cullen's. Coming to her easier than the time in Skyhold's baths.
His warm bronze eyes, wheat colored hair, glowing skin, and the easy grin that pulled that salty-sweet scar on his lip. The light from the setting sun made him radiate and saturate his natural colors. Hearing an age-old beat through his hands that drummed in time with her's that swiftly traveled to her womanhood, where it caressed her clitoris and warmed her core.
Keeping her eyes open to take in every single imperfection, color, and texture. Her other senses widening to smell his natural scent of that earthy dried thyme and that lingering fragrance from his lemon pomade hitting the back of her throat – making her rub her tongue on the roof of her mouth at the tart deliciousness. Her mouth watering to have a taste and out of instinct, she licked her lips and rubbed them together. Seeing Cullen's bronze eyes dilating as he looked. A shaky breath escaped his parted pinkish lips.
Wanting – needing to touch him. Resting her hands on his hip. Even though the thick vest and cotton shirt (the same one she wore that morning) she could still feel the radiating warmth from his skin and the hard battle-ready muscles.
With the barest of presses from her fingertips, he came closer to her until there was hardly any space between them. Her short stature had her looking up just a little and him down.
Her whole body hummed loudly and the drumming in her nerves beat louder as he leaned in to press those delectable lips on her's. Their noses brushed for the barest moment before he leaned just so for a better angle.
This wasn't the first time that they had kissed, but it was the first that she felt so hyper aware of herself and him. Katja didn't know whether it was the somersaults of events of the day or some deeply buried need surfacing within her. It wasn't until the next half-second that it an unbidden instinct clicked and it sprinted like a halla into every pore, every drop of pulsing blood in her.
He felt good. He felt whole. He felt right.
Opening her mouth and he breathed into her like wind on a warm summer day. Filling her lungs with his calm devotion. A sobbing moan escaped her throat – cool beads of relief caressed behind her eyes. Sticking like smooth spider webs in a dew morning.
Pressing tighter to his salty lips and sucking on a patch of chapped skin. Cullen's groan vibrated her veins. Causing the connecting nerves to caress her clitoris and pool out wetness from her core. Tightening the iron grip she had on his hips while he glided his left hand behind her head. Tangling his thick hand in her unruly hair.
His eyes were slightly cracked to look her in the eye. A silent, uncomprehending, ancient message being sent through the tiny rings of molten bronze. Then, in that instant, they cinched up like he had tasted something foul and doing a backhanded windmill away from her and landing on his butt on the battlement. Swearing gibberish obstinacies for several seconds.
Her first thought was "I'm gonna kill you if you don't get back here!" and the second thought was "What the fuck is your problem?!"
That was until she heard a buzzing sound to her left and saw one of her bees hovering where the Commander's head was.
Pressing her lips together to stop the slow build up of laughter to where she was snorting uncontrollably. Prickles of tears in her eyes. Unable to hold it in any longer, she howled out a gut-wrenching, full explosion of her lungs laughter. Doubling over and slapping her knee. Replaying that moment repeated in her mind. Each time funnier than the last.
"I – I – I am sooo sorry Cullen, but that was really funn-he-he-he!"
"Di-did you do that on purpose?!" He cawed out red-faced.
"No!" she squealed loudly. Continuing to laugh hysterically to where tears were coming down her eyes.
Very slowly did the Commander turn from embarrassed, to chuckling, to laughing just as hard as she was. His throaty laughter mingling with her full-chested mirth. It took even longer for them to calm down enough or to even look at each other without going into a fit of giggles. Katja could feel the radiating heat from her cheeks and soreness from smiling. Cullen was likewise in the same state from his very red cheeks. Detecting a liquid smooth lightness to his bronze eyes.
She wasn't the best at facial reads, but she knew what happiness looked like. The heaviness that was once in them was gone and he didn't seem so heavy. He looked relaxed.
Squinting a brow and asking, "Why are their bees in your hair?"
"They like the cherry blossoms." She explained.
"And… is that why there are also butterflies and songbirds on you as well?"
"Oh yes. Aren't they beautiful Cullen?"
He rubbed the back of his neck and stuttered out an "Oh… well, ah, yes."
Grinning when she influenced one of the red butterflies to fly to Cullen; landing square on his nose. Lazily flapping it's wings before it flew away.
Shifting his feet in a nervous demeanor before he quietly said, "You're… rather strange."
Not taking any sort of offense to his statement, but rebutting, "You are as well. But, that's alright. I like your strangeness."
Then, a wicked thought came to her. She made plans to cheer him up but now a new more adventurous way to distract him came to her. They could do that first while it was still light then get on to Katja's more main event.
"I have an idea Cullen, let's be spontaneous for once." Grabbing his hand and leading him down the stairway down the battlement, "Follow me!"
"In-Inquisitor, ah, Lady Katja where are we going?" he stammered out.
Not letting go of his hand as she pulled him along with her across Skyhold. She was unaffected by the stares from soldiers to residents alike as she stated merrily, "A surprise!"
Opening the final door that exposed the large courtyard and in the middle was her dragon all curled up in a ball. Noticing her presence, Minstrel bobbed her head up and let out a yelp in happiness to see her. Unfurling her bright blue body and rubbed her stout head across Katja's torso. Petting her affectionately. A loud rumble from Minstrel's chest was the reward for her attentions.
Turning back to acknowledge the Commander, who looked like he had been iced by one of Vivienne's spells.
"Something the matter Cullen?" she asked.
"No, um, why are we here Lady Katja?"
She smiled and excitedly stated, "Where goin' on a ride!"
Cullen's face paled and at the same time he blanched, she felt the earthly tremble from Minstrel setting down.
Grabbing his hand again to help him up but she was met with heavy resistance. Tugging a little at the owner of said hand, but when the resistance was still in affect she looked back at him.
"C'mon Cullen! It'll be fun!"
"Um, I, ah, don't think that would be… a good idea my lady."
"Why not? I've ridden her a bunch of times. It's perfectly safe, I promise."
Prodding him a few more moments and he reluctantly climbed up Minstrel's front leg to sit at the base of her neck right behind Katja. Holding on to her waist tightly and was completely flushed behind her. The sensations of flushing rose on her cheeks from feeling the hard contours of his body.
"N-nothing fancy, alright? Just… a few laps around Skyhold."
"No problem Cullen."
Balling her hands together and popping out her heat-without-fire balls and having them circle around them. Then, shaking her head and with a silent command, the wildlife that was in her hair scattered away. Finally, with the gentle nudge to Minstrel's mind, she urged to her the sky.
Cullen held her tighter during this moment before Minstrel's wings had enough beating momentum to lift them up to the sky. Katja screamed in jubilation at the same time as Minstrel's own roar. The thud from her wings created a pressure inside her ears. Climbing higher and higher before she leveled off almost to the clouds.
"Hey, look Cullen –" cutting off her words when she turned her head to see that the Commander had closed his eyes shut. "Don't be afraid. Look isn't this beautiful Cullen?" she said as she rubbed the outside of his thigh to try and coax him to see the scenery. Much like trying to coax a frightened fennec out of it's den.
Tactilely, he partially opened one bronze eye and then both were open. The pressure from his arms around her eased slightly.
"My… my lady…"
There was fear, but that was overshadowed by his awe and wonder she saw on his face. He saw what she saw. The setting sun, the colors of the sky, the vast mountain range of the Frostbacks, and a small portion of it all was Skyhold.
"I know." She said as she leaned into him. "You see that?" Pointing to the horizon and curving her finger from one end to another.
Surprise hit him like an overused trebuchet, "It's… curved."
She smiled wickedly – they were the only two people that had a secret.
"The earth is round."
Cullen continued to look out at the horizon disbelieving what he was seeing. She had a similar expression when she noticed that as well. At how small their world was in comparison to the bigness of Thedas and possibly the whole world. Perhaps the whole earth was tiny in comparison to what was beyond the stars and their two moons. It didn't take away that their tininess was no less important than the bigness of everything.
After the second lap, he had relaxed enough to where he wasn't completely suffocating her.
"It's… cold up here." He said lamely.
"I know. Isn't it strange? It's like being underwater except we are in the air. That's why I casted my heat balls. Would you like to go inside a cloud Cullen?" she asked while pointing to one above them that was pink, purple and wispy.
"Um… s-sure." He replied weakly.
Cackling merrily as she directed Minstrel into the cloud. Pumping her wings with ease. Within a matter of moments, they were in the cloud. Extending her arms out and breathed in the fluffy wetness of the cloud. It was like being inside a fog but it was compressed into the sky in a puff of floaty wetness. It clicked in her mind when she first went inside a cloud that was the reason why clouds make rain and snow. Clouds are water.
When they came out of the cloud they were both damp and the sun was leaving a lingering purple haze. Having Minstrel go back down to Skyhold before it was completely dark.
In the courtyard for her dragon, she realized that she had a visitor.
With a swoop of her wings and thump of the landing they were back down to earth. Popping her heat balls in the process. Both her's and Cullen's clothes were slightly damp from their adventure into the cloud but she didn't mind. Helping Cullen down from Minstrel's back. His legs were shaky and a little bowed like he was trying to get his land-legs from being out to sea too long.
His breath was shaky and he had a grin on his face, signaling that he enjoyed it too. The earth shook as her dragon stretched and curled back up.
"Thought you'd enjoy that."
"Ah, well… yes. Thank you."
Then she felt the stern gaze of the visitor in the courtyard. Turning around to acknowledge him and Cullen followed suit. He bowed his head respectfully toward them. Although it was awkward, she did the same to him.
"It seems you do have a dragon as a pet Katja."
"Yes, I do dad. And she's more of a companion than a 'pet'. She doesn't fetch." Holding the Commander's arm as he steadied himself. She felt a brief tremble in his skin, but thought little of it.
"Though you could Kat. I wasn't… aware you could do that."
She swallowed the lump in her throat as a rebellious inclination resonated like smoldering quicksilver in the back of her mind, "Yes," it hissed, "there are many things you do not know of me papa."
Instead, she said, "I have learned many ways to master my abilities."
Her papa nodded astutely, "You were always a resourceful child."
"I didn't have much say in that. It was either adapting or dying, and I had no intention in dying."
"A… apparently."
Taking a mental note when he raised his hands, but quickly stopping himself from finishing whatever motion he felt the need to do.
"Anyway Kat, I just… came to see what the ruckus was. I should have known that it wasn't an unusual circumstance because no one else seemed disturbed by it."
"Yes. I like to ride her when I can. I suppose that the residents have gotten used to it." She replied lamely.
"And Commander Rutherford accompanied you."
Her "Yes" was a dash of sarcasm because of the obviousness.
Teyrn Trevelyan narrowed his eyes at her sardonicness and replied, "Does the Commander do such activities often?"
He was speaking to her but was looking at Cullen. Katja could swear she saw a glimmer of anger and something else she couldn't comprehend in her father's eyes.
"I asked it of him. What business is it of yours dad that I ask the Commander to come with me riding?"
Even though his beard obscured his jaw, she could tell that he was clenching his teeth. He didn't respond for several moments. Katja was beginning to think that she may have made a mistake. With her father, with whom she has only been reunited with for a day after eighteen years apart. But he - ! He has no say in what she does. Not anymore. Most certainly, with what Cullen does with her as well!
"You're right. I have no business with whom my daughter asks to ride with her. My grown daughter."
The "anger" she saw in his eyes softened, though she still detected something else within his demeanor. Katja felt a sore spot in her gut over his words, but she didn't know why.
"Did you enjoy your ride with your dragon?" He asked evasively. Looking between her and Cullen in a fashion that was akin to nervousness.
"I did. Um, thank you for asking?" That was polite right?
"Yes. Well, I hope that… I will see you later? Your mother and I."
"Tomorrow. Probably."
"Alright. I'll… see you tomorrow then. Have a good evening Kat, Commander."
Leaving her and Cullen in the rapidly darkening courtyard. She let out a breath she hadn't realized she held in herself. Why must speaking to her parents come out as awkward? Her father in particular. And what was with those weird looks he was giving Cullen? Looking at said Commander, who had a perturbed look to him with concern mixed in.
"That was… your father?" he asked.
Katja nodded. Casting a ball of light to better illuminate the surroundings with themselves. Noting the shocked, surprised look that he was sporting.
"Is something wrong Cullen?"
Eyeing the swallowing of his throat, he responded, "No. I just wasn't expecting your father is all."
"Oh." Shuffling her feet, and in a bid to change the subject, she said excitedly, "Anyway, I have a surprise for you in your quarters. Come with me!"
Grabbing and holding his hand like what happened earlier. Her little werelight following them obediently to Cullen's tower. Meanwhile, said Commander was sputtering gibberish at the thought of a surprise for him. Quietly ignoring his protests when she threw open the door, pulled him inside and locked the door.
"Stay here." She commanded.
Locking the rest of the doors and climbing up to his loft. Double checking to make sure everything was perfect. Casting several werelights and heat balls – surging extra mana to warm up the loft quickly. Disrobing her damp, cold clothes sans her small clothes and hopping on top of the bed. Satisfied that everything seemed in order, she told the bewildered Commander to come up.
Waiting those agonizing moments as he climbed the loft ladder, each creak and groan of wood an indicator that he was drawing closer. Her happy, excitement hyping her up. Until, finally, his blond hair peaked over the top of the ladder followed by a set of bronze eyes. A hearty flush blossomed across his cheeks and his mouth slack at his surprise. His movements clumsy, as he climbed over the top of the ladder and stood in the middle of his loft with a slack expression.
"In-Inquisitor… Lady Katja… I, ah."
"I hoped you would like it! I found your chess set and got a bed tray to set it on so we could have a match in bed. I have some herbal tea going on top of this serving tray," she said pointing to the tray perpendicular to the one with his chess set, "along with some stew over some warming runes. I also asked the servants to make those little apple-walnut cakes that I hear Fereldens love as well.
"Well, don't just stand there like a slack-jawed fennec! Get in the bed!"
His blush turned redder at her words but approached his bed regardless. Darting his eyes between her and the tray of food and tea.
"You… you didn't have to do this for me. I – I – I mean, I appreciate the gesture, truly I do." Doing his nervous tick of rubbing the back of his neck. "This wasn't what I was expecting."
"As long as you enjoy yourself, even if it's for one evening. It's about relaxation and the thrill of a good match Cullen. And, um," her cheeks turned a faint shade of pink, "getting to know one another better. If that's alright with you."
"Um, yes, I would like that. Very much."
"Oh good! And take off those clothes."
"Er, what?!" His jaw nearly fell off his face.
Lightly slapping herself on her cheek over her blunt statement, "Damn, I'm sorry. I meant that your clothes are wet, and you should take them off before you come join me. It'll be more comfortable that way. Besides my heat balls will warm the loft up, so that we won't catch a chill."
His blush still in affect on his face, "Oh, right. That's what you meant. Of course. Um…"
Making the movements to unbutton his fur lined vest when he saw that Katja was looking at him.
"Could you… not look… while I'm undressing? Please?"
Blinking at him; not understanding why she should advert her eyes. Maybe it was a shy-thing? Closing her eyes to give him some respite. Hearing shuffling noises as she heard him disrobe. With the unlacing of his boots, the flick of his shirt, and the thunk of his pants. Her picturesque memory happily filling in the details to go along with the noises of him disrobing. Feeling her heart picking up speed over the imagery that her mind was supplying. Never believing that it would be alluring to see someone disrobing for her. Well, technically she wasn't 'seeing' anything but what her picturesque mind would come up with.
Then, came the soft pattering of his feet before she felt the bed depressing and creaking to accommodate the Commander's added weight.
"Alright. I'm ready. I mean! To play chess. Ah, you can open your eyes now."
"Good!" she excitedly said as she shot her eyes open. "Now! One more thing Cullen, well, two things. One: we will not refer to titles during our match; and two: each move we make we ask the other a question and they, in turn, will ask their own question after their response. Deal?"
"Deal." Sporting his customary shy grin at her. "Ladies first, um… Katja."
"Why thank you Cullen! Now, my first question, umm… What do you like to read?" Moving a piece right after her question. Then, pouring them each a cup of the herbal tea she made, handing Cullen a mug of the steamy tea.
He chuckled softly and responded, "Most would consider it dry reading about war statistics and history. It's mostly history though.
"Um, my turn. What was your favorite thing to read?" He asked while pouring some honey into his tea, sipping contently.
"Well, when I was a child I loved reading adventure books. I still do. It's just that I've grown more fond of mathematics. I didn't have much of an appreciation for numbers when I was a child. It was when I was an apostate that I developed a fondness for numbers.
"Now, my question, um: What was the silliest thing you've ever done?"
"Oh, um…" he rubbed the back of his neck, blushed and nervously laughed, "it would have to be when I was about ten years old I put a toad in my sister's dress. I was rather annoyed at her – I suppose it's an older sister thing – when I decided to put a toad in her dress. It was the same one that she planned on wearing on an evening stroll with her boyfriend at the time. Come time to wear it, it leapt out of the frills and scared her, alerting every soul in the house. The look on her face was priceless."
By the end of the short story, Katja was stifling a giggle and Cullen was chuckling.
"So, my question: Why do you like to read about mathematics?"
"Um… how to put this… it's the precision. The logical, numerical precision. An unlocking of perfection. It's like a stratagem of predictability that can be calculated and exploited. I see numbers and calculations in everything, even when I'm smithing or mock fighting or handing down a judgment. Some think it's logic that I'm going by, but it's mathematical formula. At least, it is for me.
"So, my question for you Cullen: Why do you like to wear pomade?"
"Well, it's rather a silly story to think back on it. It was originally a prank from some of my recruit friends when I was still training and I had to leave it in for a day. And um… one of the mages… Solona… she… liked it. It was youthful infatuation on my part and rather naïve childish whim that I kept on wearing it after. I soon liked it myself and couldn't see myself without wearing it.
"My turn: I've told you of my tenure in the Order. But you've said little of your time at a Circle."
It was an innocent question, but to her it pulled at uneasy strings. "I'm afraid of what you think of me if I tell you. I'm not that person anymore! I promise."
He held her hand, and spoke quiet love to her, "Whatever you were, I know I care for the one standing here with me."
Smiling cautiously, a little reassured, "It was the worst experience of my life."
"Oh. Um, I'm sorry. If you are not ready –"
Tightening her grip on his hand, "No. It wasn't completely bad, for a time. My brother was a templar, and he was stationed there. I would sneak into the barracks at night to see him. Though, I did that even before I went into the Circle." Smiling at the happy memory of braveness, laughter, and young stupidity. "He made living at the Circle bearable. And when I dreamed, Havardr kept me company. Helping me hone my abilities that the Circle couldn't provide.
"Would you be surprised to know that I was fascinated by the templars?"
The Commander quirked a confused brow at her, "A little."
"I suppose having a brother as one dispelled some of my fears of them. I would sneak out to see them train. I was oddly curious and fascinated by their mental focus and discipline. Something that I would mirror when I was alone for a few moments in my room. I would take out Cat's Tooth and practice their stances. Though, I really let loose in my dreams."
Chuckling softly at a memory, "One time my brother caught me practicing their stances. Warned me to be more cautious about that. Then, a few days later, at night, he brought me out of bed into an empty courtyard, rapt my head with a wooden sword and said 'Let's see what you got sister.'
"'I don't want you to get into trouble.' I said.
"'Don't worry, I've got it covered.'
"After, he asked how it was that I knew so much. It couldn't be from just watching them train or when I would fight the cook's son. I told him about my training in my dreams with Havardr. He… he got real quiet and whispered into my ear 'Keep that a secret Big Kat. Promise me you'll keep that secret.' I did but, at the time, I didn't understand why.
"This went on for about a month, when one of the other templars caught us and reported it to the Knight-Commander. We were… harshly disciplined for that. Then… then I found out that he was being reassigned to another Tower. I cried. I cried the moment I found out to be true and I cried when he left. That was the second worst day of my life.
"I was truly alone at Ostwick's Circle. I didn't have any mage friends – they all thought I was a freak with my abilities and would often pick on me. And the templars… well, they were templars. The one's that were my brother's friends would nod at me, but little else. All I had was Havardr in my dreams."
Cullen sighed sadly, "I'm sorry that it was like that for you. If it were me, I would have seen the potential as a Knight-Enchanter. It isn't unheard of for a mage to go into that sort of discipline. Though, it is unheard of for a mage that young to be entering such a field. I most certainly wouldn't have punished either of you for being siblings. Perhaps a slap on the wrist but little else."
Katja smiled, "You would have been a better Knight-Commander. In many ways. The you now, I mean."
"Oh, um, I'm glad you think so." He rubbed the back of his head, "With this talk of your brother, you've never really mentioned him. I've read the letter your father sent to Mother Giselle. Do you know what became of him?"
That truly made her sad, "I don't know. The day he left was the last time I saw him. Wherever he is, I hope he's safe and happy."
"You're… not even worried? Not knowing what has become of him? I could search for him. I'm still respected among the templars, I could do a query."
"No. Don't."
"Why?"
"If he… if he ever was turned into a Red Templar. I don't want to know. I want to keep the brother I had that's in my memories. Not the red, contorted version of him."
"What if he's not? He could still be out there."
She smiled uneasily, "I'll be easier to find now, than me trying to find him. If he's out there, no doubt he has heard of the Inquisition and the Trevelyan as it's Inquisitor. But so far… nothing."
"I'm sorry. I hadn't considered. What was his name? You've always called him 'your brother'."
She gave him a suspicious glare before relenting, "Aedelric. He was a big bruiser type. Which I affectionately called him 'Little Great Bear'. It's rather funny think of us side-by-side. Me: short and lanky. Him: big and tall." Smiling, "When he would put me on his shoulders, it was like I was riding a mountain. And when he trained with the other templars, he was a full head taller than them.
"But, that's enough of that! You've been asking all the questions Cullen! I should ask you a few to make up for it!"
After that brief unpleasantness, the banter turned lighter between the two. Playing until it was at least midnight. Brews of tea have been sipped, the stew had been consumed, and the apple-walnut cakes have been merrily munched on.
Katja won again and Cullen swore a merciless comeback.
Working together to put Cullen's chess set back in it's custom made case.
"I have to wonder, where did you find such an exquisite chess set Cullen?"
He grinned despite himself, "I had a healthy pay check when I was a templar Knight-Captain. I had little to spend the money on save a book here or there and this set. In addition, my family insisted they didn't need the money from me, despite the Blight they were well off and able to rebuild in South Reach. This is the only lavish thing I owned when I was a templar. This set has seen the mage rebellion in Kirkwall, the Conclave, and the burning of Haven. I thought I had lost it at Haven, until Leliana brought it to me a few months ago."
"Well, it explains the scratches and burns on the case."
"Indeed."
Falling down with calm acceptance as she felt the Commander's muscled body as he spooned behind her while pulling the bed sheets up. His warm, rhythmic puffs of breath caressed her hair and ear, which were in time with the rise and fall of his chest. His arm draping over her waist; taking it and pulling it to her chest to hold his hand and he tightened his hold on her hand too. Their lean legs tangling over each other. In a momentary diversion, she had her big toe rub along the arch of a foot. Earning her a snort from the foot's owner. Just a moment of sweet playfulness between them.
As they settled into position, Katja dimmed and vanished her lights. Eclipsing her and Cullen in the dark blue of night. The rays of the moons streaking their silky light though the hole in his tower.
Knowing that he was here – present, aware, himself – that he would always be a fleshy fortress of safe, solid comfort. Just like she knew that the earth was round and clouds are water.
[A.N.] Thank you to MidnytLove, randomcassie8, WhiteCherryBlossom99, Alucard45, TaraUzumaki, MrsPamelaScissorhands, and Alucard's-Master for the fav/follows! And reviews from MidnytLove and Teddy bear 007‼
Sorry for the delay in this chapter. Storms blew the internet here and I had no connection for three days.