mario mario: the sixth son of satan and the devil's spaghetti

chapter 25: yoshis island story

so mario and luigi and sherlock holmes had dinner with the aggressively militant islamic conversion shy guy squad. they talked about islam and the bible and then they got a taxi to yoshi town, the main city and where they were supposed to arrive hwen they got off of the cruise ship. now they would have to find batman and reconnect with him. but with a man so skilled in the underground, he was sure to be deep in the yoshi island lgbtq underground by now and in a dangerous deep lgbtq strip club where he was probably injecting heroin and having sex with male strippers

so sherlock holmes said "okay mario and luigi. i now need you to be quiet. as a private detective i need mental privacy for my work. this city is bustling with yoshis and tourists and the only way we'll be able to find batman is if we use my supersenses" so sherlock holmes focused his sense and he examained every microdetail and every nanodetail of the microdetail and finally he found a faint batman shaped cloth fiber on the ground and he said "i have found a cloth fragment from batman's batsuit." and so mario said "okay now we have to find him" and luigi said "but how are we going to do that? we don't have super senses?" and sherlock holmes saiad "oh i can help with that actually" so sherlock holmes touched luigi's head and he bestowed the gift of super iq on luigi and luigi's eyes gradually began to widen anad he started screaming and rolling on the floor and he wet himself and he kept blabbering in extremely high screaming and he screamed "WHY THE FUCK ARE THERE CENTIPEDES EVERYWHERE WHY IS THE SKY FILLED WITH EYES WHY DO I KNOW THE UNIVERE AND WHY AM I THE UNIVERSE WHY IS EVERYTHING WITHIN MY GRASP EVERYTHING IS UNDERSTANDING OF WHICH I HAVE KNOWN NOTHING BEFORE THE LIES OF ENIGMA HAVE BECOME THE UNBRIDLED TRUTHS OF THE LORD THERE IS NOTHING" and all of a sudden the sky started to darken and chickens started to drop from the sky and there were chickens flying around everywhere and squawking and all of a sudden mario and sherlock holmes were chickens and they were pecking the ground and john watson walked up to them from out of nowhere except he was also a chicken and he laid an egg and luigi saw into his own soul and he realized that he was a chicken too and even though he was a chicken he was starting to crow except that something huge was in his throat and he started coughing and choking and finally he vomited up an egg and all of aas udden the egg hatched and out of it came a miniature luigi and the luigi said "its-a me! luigi!" and chicken luigi was back to being luigi now and he was screaming and finally sherlock holmes was baack to being human and he put a hand on luigi's mind and suddenly everything was normal except there wre chickens everywhere and there was another miniature luigi and mario was still a chicken and luigi was breathing heavy and sherlock said "i made a severe miscalculation... you are not well trained enough to handle the power of the super iq. i was curious as to how being exposed to super iq powers would challenge a mind such as yours and now i know."

and finally luigi recovered enough to speak and he said "WHY ARE THERE CENTIPEDES EVERYWHERE?! WHAT ARE THOSE EYES?" and sherlock holmes sighed and he said "those are the centipeedles. they are invisible to us because they exist on another plane. they are the reason all life sleeps. when humans are in an unguarded sleep and ready to rest the centipeedles crawl into their ears and eat the wakefulness molecules that dwell inside the humana's mind, thus compelling him to sleep. the centipeedles cannot attack a human that isn't active. the eyes are the souls of the dead." and luigi said "so when we die we just stay in the sky forever?" and sherlock holmes said "it's complicated. not all souls ascend. and the eye is only part of the soul, like excess chakra being shed." and luigi said "what the fuck and i created all these chickens with my mind?" and sherlock holmes said "yes and you also turned your borther into a chicken" and luigi said "you can get him back to normal right?" and sherlock holmes said "what makes yout ink that?" and luigi said "i turned him into a chicken with your powers so you should be able to turn him back" and sherlock holmes said "technically i CAN but i don't really want to." and luigi said "why?" and sherlock holmes said "he's an idiot and idiots annoy me. especially loud idiots in pajamas."

then all of a sudden mario and luigi heard a loud muscular screaming in the distance so they ran towards it hearing that something was familiar and mario was clucking the whole time and flapping his wings so that he could run faster and even as he ran he dropped an egg and it hatched mid air into a tiny baby mario anda miniature luigi and sherlock holmes were running too and miniature luigi screamed "its-a me! miniature luigi! i'm small! i can fit in your pocket! i can fit on your head! i'm your deep dark mini luigi fantasy!" and mario made a chicken noise and laid another egg and it turnedi nto another mini mario

then chicken mario and luigi and sherlock holmes and mini luigi all arrived at the scene of the commotion. muscle baby, the muscle butler and suplex king, was in a suplex showdown with a tyrannosaurus, the ancient king of the dinosaurs, the lord of dinosaur land. luigi screamed "WHY IS THERE A TYRANNOSAUARUS HERE" and sherlock holmes said "your super iq intellect fucked with the universe, luigi. you can't just be super iq. you have to be verty careful thinking in a way that doesn't disturb the threads of fate." and finally muscle baby got behind the tyrannosaurus and suplexed it and it epxloded into bloods and guts and muscle baby roared and then he adjusted his butler hat and put his white butler gloves back on and he was covered in blood and he said "master luigi! where is master mario?" and chicken mario, who was wearing a tiny mario hat, stepped forward and said "BAH-KAWK" and luigi said "i turned him into a chicken with my mind" and muscle baaby said "that makes sense and i won't question it. sir luigi, when did you gain the mind to metamorph matter with your mind, if you don't mind my humble muscular butler self to ask?" and luigi saiad "sherlock holmes gave me brain powers and i fucked up the universe. did you know that when you sleep, it's actually just centipedes crawling into your ear to eat your wakefulness energy? it's fucked up." and muscle baby said "i have not known about the centipedes but i am relieved to see that there is a natural explanation to the scientific mystery that is sleep. i had always wondered how sleep functioned. sherlock," he said, turning to sherlock, "i assume that these centipedes slowly drain wakefulness from the brain while engaging it in some sort of matrix-like simulated mindframe, which in turn become dreams?" and sherlock holmes was startled but said "yes. you are curiously intelligent for a ten year old, overly muscular butler. i am quite surprised. some day you could even become my protege" and muscle butler said "while i appreciate the compliment, my dream in life is to be the ulltimate butler. i have no desire to be a god. i hve no desire to be an ultra detective." and sherlock sighed "you're just like my brother mycroft, man devoid of ambition or need for intellectual stimulation, using his intelligence only for the completely mundaane." and muscle butler said "maybe so, sir sherlock. but when the capitalist plague hits, and all of the uneducated and poor cretins are killed off and turned into soylent green, i will be scrubbing master bill gates' feet and being paid extensively, while you will be sitting in spacae meditating in front of the sun. you may be a god, sherlock. you may be the one god. i don't know. but i am a muscle baby, and i will live a life as a human, as the strongest, smartest human. i will be such a good butler that bill gates will name me his one sole heir. i will be bill gates' best friend. i will use his riches to become the most powerful man on earth. sir. cheerio, darling!"

and then muscle baby floated into the air on a fat ass umbrella. and luigi watched as he floated away into the air. then james moriarty appeared out of a portal and pulled down his pants and he said "HOLMES CATCH YA LATER" and he ran into a portal and planted a US flag on the top of the tallest mountain on yoshi island and he screamed "I AM SANTA CLAUS! I AM YOUR DEEP DARK FANTASY! I AM THE CHILDHOOD TALE YOU BELIEVEDI N THAAT HASA COME BACK AS A NIGHTMARE ON FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH TO SKIN YOUR PARENTS AND TRAUMATIZE YOU FOR LIFE, REQUIRING YEARS OF THERAPY AND ANTIPSYCHOTICS! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

but then all of a sudden a huge light shined out of the sky and a glowing golden pegasus flew out of the clouds as they parted around it and top of that pegasaus was POPE WALUIGI, who had created a catholic kingdom on top of a crown where he ruled with an iron fist and exterminated all pedophiles. with the assistanace of handsome jack, his friend from another planet, he had created a catholic religion where all could be safe and worship idols and pieces of bread. it was truly a great day for papism. waluigi flew down on his pegasus and screamed "WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHALUIGI HAS SUMMONED YOUR CALL! THE POPE SPEAKS, SO OPEN YOUR HEART TO HIS DIVINELY INSPIRED INSPIRATION!" and he took out a golden javelin and he threw it at james moriarty and james moriarty threw a fireball at pope waluigi and pope waluigi dodged it and caught it with his magic fireball catching glove and he threw it back and james moriarty swallowed it and then he started screaming because his intestines were on fire and he rolled down the mountain and peed his pants while doing so and he screamed "THIS ISNT OVER WUBBA DUBB DUBB I'M YOUR GAY FRIEND FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION AND IM GOING TO THROAT SOME YOSHI SLITS! OH WAIT HAHAHAHAHA I SAID THAT WRONG OR DID I DO IT ON PURPOSE? YOU NEVER KNOW WITH JAMES MORIARTY! I AM SOOOO UNPREDICTABLE ISN'T IT FUCKING SEXY? AREN'T I A SEXY GAY DADDY? OH YES I AM. OH YESSS I FUCKING AM, I WANNA GET HOMOEROTIC WITH SHERLOCK HOLMES AND NUT ON HIS BUTT BECAUSE I'M FUCKING GAY AND THAT'S EDGY! YOU DIDN'T PREDICT THAT I, JAMES MORIARTY, CRIMINAL MASTERMIND, WOULD BE GAY DID YOU? DID YOU? DID YOU EXPECT ME TO BE GAY? HAHAAAHHHHHAAHAHAHAHA I AM SOOO BORED I TRICK YOU FOOLS SO EASILY! YOU WOULD BELIEVE ANYTHING I TELL YOU ABOUT MYSELF AND WHY? JUST BECAUSE I TOLD IT TO YOU? oh god my intestines are on fire, jesus fuck this hurts"

and sherlock holmes said "it ashames me to think the great moriarty ever manifested himself as this disgusting piece of shit. the twenty first century seems to be incredibly good at perverting its inhabitants into soulless parodies of themselves. i'm all for progress, but at what price has progress been achieved? the sanity of those who were supposedly benefitting from the heartless much of the capitalist war machine?" and john watson said "are you going daft on me, sherlock? we're here to fight crime in this strange world." and sherlock said "yes, watson. i understand that you fail to understand the intricacies of the world around us. it is par the course for us. but some of us must consider the finer things in life. like bee keeping."

and mario tried to crow, and he did it pretty well too. and sherlock holmes said "hm... mario is a hen. if he is crowing, that means he must have a hormonal imbalance which is causing him to slowly develop the features of a rooster. maybe we should take him to the vet." and luigi said "or you could just make him into something other than a chicken?"

and then mario laid a little egg and it hatched into another little mario who screamed "lets-a go!" and ran off repeating that over and over again and miniature luigi said "so many little marios, but none of them came from my own mommy, big luigi. i wish i wasn't an only child" and luigi said "son, life sucks. sometimes you just have to accept that."

then troy mcclure appeared and he said "hi! i'm troy mcclure. today i'll be teaching you about how to handle little people." and then he picked up miniature luigi and he said "this is a little person! hi, little person! remember that before picking up a little person you should always be wearing gloves. the same bacteria which might be little to you is VERY big to a little person, and before you know it, he could have macrobacteria craawling through ALL of his pathways! you wouldn't kill a little person with your lack of hygiene, would you? practice little person safety."