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Snow: XXV

Jack sighed and rubbed his eyes before looking at his reflection in the mirror. It had been months since his team had been out on a mission. Months. And now this. Leaning against the sink, he studied the curved basin, biting his lower lip. Something about seeing Jonas and Jo so happy together was really starting to bother him, and not in an annoyingly cute way. In an annoyingly deep way. He had considered the possibility that he was jealous, that he thought the kid was wasting his time because it wasn't going to last, and he even entertained the thought that what irked him most was how easily the young couple broke the rules. All of the rules.

They were a geek and an intellectual, an exuberant goodie goodie and a quiet schemer, and a Californian and a Kelownan, for crying out loud. But despite all their differences, the two had managed to connect, and to share something wonderful together. Something Jack hadn't felt in years. He grunted. Maybe decades. And maybe that was it. Maybe the thought of Jonas and Jo together hit too close to home because of –

There was a knock at the door. "Jack?"

Jack sighed and stepped out of the bathroom and answered his door. "Daniel." He forced a welcoming expression onto his face. "What's up?"

"I was just gonna go visit Jonas and thought I'd see if you wanted to come."

"Eh." Jack shrugged. "Think I'll pass today, Danny Boy."

Daniel pursed his lips and flicked his eyes across Jack's quarters, noting that they looked more lived-in than usual, which was odd, for Jack usually slept at home. "Something wrong?"

"No." Jack looked over his shoulder into his room. "What're you looking at?"

"Sorry, Jack, I just couldn't help but notice that you've... seemed distracted lately."

Jack raised his brows. "Distracted?"

"I don't know. Maybe nothing." Daniel sighed. "So, you're sure you don't want to tag along? It's been a while."

"Yeah, I know..." He winced as he leaned against the doorframe with his arm. "Thing is, I don't really think the kid wants to see me."

Daniel furrowed his brow. "Well, what makes you say that?"

"I don't know, maybe the fact that he never seems to give a damn about us anymore?"

"Jack, that isn't being entirely fair."

"No, it isn't. You're right. Sorry. He's been blatantly ignoring us."

"No offence, but I think you're taking this a little too personally..."

"Personally? We're all grounded and stuck babysitting the SGC until he gets his scrawny ass back in perfect health. I'm getting sick of waiting. Especially when he's spending his time..." Jack gestured with a weak flourish.

"If the wait is starting to get to you, why don't you just ask General Hammond for something else to do? I'm sure you could be advising other SG teams or –"

"Finishing those mission reports?"

Daniel smiled. "You sure you don't want to come?"

"What the heck." Jack tugged on his jacket and stepped out into the corridor with Daniel.

The archaeologist smirked. "You know, I could always use help cataloging artifacts..."

"Daniel? I will never be that bored. Ever."

"Whatever you say, Jack."

The two took the elevator to the infirmary and were greeted by a smiling Dr. Fraiser. They strolled to Jonas' room then paused outside of the door. Daniel knocked but received no answer. "Jonas?"

Jack furrowed his brow when there was still no response. "You better not be ignoring us to make out with Jo."

Daniel grimaced then knocked again. Still nothing. "Okay," Daniel warned. "We're opening the door in five seconds."

Jack only waited two then twisted the handle. Both men stared when they were greeted by an empty room.

Daniel looked over his shoulder. "Janet!"

~*~

Jonas' breath clouded before him as he panted, trying to keep up with Jo as she led the way along a trail. He took a moment to lean against a pine and sniffled, the cold making his nose run. Jo noticed his slowing and stopped, looking down at him from a few feet up the deer trail. The forest was frigid and dry, though the clouds on the Eastern horizon threatened snow. "You okay?" Jo asked, closing the distance between them.

"Yeah," Jonas nodded with a smile before adjusting his beanie and glancing around them once more. "This feels great."

Jo grinned and took his hand. They hiked up the trail a few more feet before stopping in a clearing. Two elk grazed on the far fringe of the dead grass, picking at some shrubs with lingering leaves. They ignored the two humans for several moments then trotted off, disappearing into the trees.

"Just think," Jonas said. "Hundreds of feet beneath us, General Hammond might be sipping his coffee."

"Hundreds?"

Jonas shrugged. "Give or take a few feet."

"You're probably right. Which makes this all the more welcome." She let go of his hand to stand in a patch of pale sunlight. Closing her eyes, she tilted her head into the winter light, and Jonas smiled at the sight. With her twin braids and fur-lined hood, she looked more than at home in the raw and cold. As if the unforgiving landscape around them lent her strength.

He quietly stepped over to her side and closed his eyes, as well, sighing softly as the clouds parted and more heat broke through from above. He had never gone so long without feeling the sun before, and its warmth and light were glorious. "I could stay here all day," he whispered, trails of white curling away from his lips as he spoke.

"So could I. But it's just a little cold."

Jonas opened his eyes and saw that Jo was smiling at him, her nose red from the air. "Here." He sat down and held out his arm, and she took a seat beside him, snuggling against him. It took a while, but eventually their warmth spread through their coats and began to warm the other. "Is this where you come to write?"

"Just beyond this clearing is a small brook. It won't last for long because it'll freeze. Beyond that is a steep slope with a little alcove – I think it's a bear's den. Or was, once."

"Ursus arctos horribilis."

Jo twisted her neck to look at him with a smirk. "Yeah." She looked away. "I hate that name. Grizzlies aren't horrible. They're just alive. Like us."

"I suppose that if Grizzlies viewed the activities of humans, they would call us homo sapiens horribilis."

"They do. Why do you think they kill so many people every year?"

Jonas chuckled. "After some of the things I've seen, I wouldn't blame them. I mean, at least a bear kills to protect its young, or to eat, or to pass on its genes. Humans kill each other in battles that began way before they were even born. For land. For women. For power."

"More like men start wars for those things. When was the last time a woman ever started a war?"

"Well, let's see. On your planet there was Boudicca, the Briton who fought against the Romans. Nzingha, who fought against the Portuguese. Elizabeth I who took it upon herself to 'save the Irish from themselves,' Cleopatra VII –"

"Half those women were fighting for their people – to survive."

Jonas shrugged. "Still, they started wars."

"In the framework of a patriarchy. How else could they rise to power without utilizing the same language of violence that the men of their cultures created?"

"No argument there. The history of women on this planet is..."

"Full of oppression, discrimination, destitution –"

"Very different from that of my planet." Jonas sighed as he felt Jo rest her head against his shoulder. "We've had women leaders for as long as I can remember. And female soldiers. I suppose after enough of your men have been slaughtered, you start thinking about equal military service. But for equal military service, those being asked to serve have to feel that they have a stake in their future. They have to be able to hold office and make political choices and be given a voice."

"Yeah... we're trying. I get so caught up in the positions of the different candidates who run for President, trying to find the one who best represents my views, that I sometimes forget that they're never women."

"Just do the best you can, I guess." Jonas rubbed her shoulder. "Besides, with a few more hell-raisers like you, I wouldn't be surprised if your country soon had a woman as a leader."

Jo smiled. "I hope it happens in my lifetime."

"For what it's worth, so do I."

Jo arched her neck and kissed the underside of his chin. "I've turned you into a Feminist."

"On the contrary. Equality is a universal human right. Isn't that what we're out in the galaxy fighting for?"

"While in some places on earth, women are covered from head to toe and sentenced to 300 lashes for daring to criticize a government that treats them like livestock. Or worse."

"Yeah... the older I get, the more difficult it becomes to keep perspective. Sometimes ideals are a big ironic joke."

She slipped her hand into his and squeezed it, and for several moments they leaned against each other without speaking until Jo tilted her head. "Listen."

Blackbirds were chattering away in the direction of the stream, and Jonas could just imagine them flitting about from reed to reed. The ululating chirrups of a meadowlark cut through the air around them, high and clear, and was soon joined by a chorus of warblers and jays. Jonas couldn't remember the last time he'd heard birdsong, and he let the natural music fill his soul, reminding him of what was simple and true. Like the warmth coming from Jo.

~*~

Jack was pacing in the infirmary when two airmen marched Jo and Jonas over to him, and Jack was surprised by the couple's outerwear. "What in the name of...?"

Dr. Fraiser and Daniel hurriedly stepped over when they noticed the arrival of the two. When they had discovered Jonas missing, his CO had feared the worst and had alerted the base. After a half hour of fretting and searching, a young officer had radioed that he was returning to the base with the missing alien in custody. Both Jonas and Jo wore affronted, confused expressions, but the look on Jonas' face hardened with a subversive glint in his eye when his teammates and Dr. Fraiser gathered around him.

"All right." Jack sighed as he waved the airmen off. "You can go."

The two airmen released Jonas and Jo and went back to their posts. Jo's eyebrows were tense, as if she wanted to start barking out an explanation and demanding an apology, but knew that her best course of action was to remain silent.

Jack looked between the two then let his peeved gaze settle on Jonas. "What the hell were you doing? I had the whole base on alert."

"We were only taking a walk."

"A walk?" Jack asked incredulously.

Janet shook her head. "I'm very disappointed in both of you. You know you're not supposed to go to the surface, let alone take off without telling anyone, least of all me, when you –"

"Do you not see how white he is?" Jo snapped, her eyes growing large as she stepped in front of Jonas. "He hasn't seen the sun in months. It did him good."

"That is not your call," Janet quipped. "He is my patient and –"

"I'm not half as stupid as you think I am, Dr. Fraiser," Jo cut her off. "I know I'm not cut out to be a nurse, but credit me with a little common sense, at least."

"No offence, kid," Jack said. "But when it comes to Jonas, it's not exactly as if you're an unbiased party."

Jo narrowed her eyes at the colonel, their brown tinged with hurt. "And neither are you."

Daniel winced. "Can we please not get into this?"

"Hey," Jonas said. "I'm standing right here you know."

"Yeah, you know what, Jonas?" Jack snapped. "You don't get a say right now. You know why? Because you've taken your little romance here too far and you're clearly not in the state of mind to be making rational decisions."

"I'm perfectly rational and you know it."

"Oh?" Jack raised his brows. "Is that why you took off into the woods, meaning that I can bust your ass with a breach in security as well as in protocol?"

Jonas narrowed his eyes. "Just shut up, Jack."

Jack's lips parted in surprise and Janet piped up before Jack had a chance to respond. "That's enough Jonas, Colonel. The important thing is that you're both safe."

"Yeah," Daniel agreed. "Calming down now would be a good idea."

"All we did," Jo said, forcing artificial calm into her voice. "Was go outside for a walk. You all are completely overreacting."

Janet raised a brow. "Jo, if what Colonel O'Neill says is true, I could have you fired for misconduct."

"Oh?" Jo folded her arms over her chest and looked to the colonel. "And what does he say?"

"Oh, you know," Jack said, rocking back on his heels. "Just that you and Jonas here have been sneaking around, giving the finger to the system, in other words, doing whatever the hell you wanted like spoiled little brats."

Janet was surprised when Jonas took a sudden step towards his CO and she pressed a hand to his chest to stop him. "Jonas..."

"Jack?" Daniel said, scratching the back of his neck. "Why don't you go take a walk for a minute?"

Jack gave Daniel an incredulous look. "A walk? A walk? Are you kidding me?"

"It was just a thought."

"Jo," Janet said. "Is this true?"

"Of course not," Jonas answered for her. "We haven't been sneaking or –"

Jack's head snapped back to Jonas. "You're calling me a liar?"

"Or a jealous windbag, take your pick."

Both Daniel and Janet were surprised by Jonas' retort and neither tried to stop Jack as he grabbed Jonas by the forearm and hissed, "We need to talk," before marching him towards his room.

Jonas tried to yank out of the colonel's grip but found it surprisingly strong. "You're completely overreacting."

"Overreacting?" Jack slammed the door shut behind him, and the three left outside could hear another muffled "Overreacting?" through the wall.

"You hard of hearing now, too?" Jonas asked as he yanked away from Jack and turned to face him, pulling off his beanie and jacket.

"Jonas, I am still your CO."

"I'm not going to just stand here while you lecture me like a child or worse, talk about me like I'm not there. You have absolutely no respect for my life or –"

"I have no respect? How about you're the one who is talking to a superior officer like a punk!"

Jonas narrowed his eyes and leaned in closer. "I'm sorry if I'm being disrespectful but you are way out of line by telling Dr. Fraiser that Jo and I –"

"She was going to find out sooner or later –"

"You did it out of spite and –"

"Those are the regulations, Jonas," Jack snarled through clenched teeth. "What about that do you not understand? You broke the rules."

Jonas straightened, his brow furrowed. "Now I see what this is really about. If Jo and I can break the rules then why can't you and Sam?"

Jack blinked and his dark brown eyes grew guarded. "This has nothing to do with Carter."

"It has just as much to do with her as it does with Jo. You see how happy we are together when you can't be and it drives you crazy. It started as a few jokes at first but now you've lost what little control you had. You wish you could be with Sam but can't, because neither of you will break the rules, or quit, and you think that's not fair. Well guess what, Colonel? You're right. It isn't fair because life's not fair."

Jack grabbed Jonas' top and shoved him against the wall with more force than he intended, surprising them both. "You know nothing about respecting rules, Jonas," Jack hissed, and Jonas grabbed his wrists to try to push him away, only to get bumped back against the wall to emphasize each point Jack was trying to make. "You knew about the nurse/patient regulations and you ignored them. Look where that's gotten us. Just like you knew your government was lying. Just like you knew you should've died instead of Daniel." Jonas' grip on his wrists faded, as if the strength were leaked from his limbs. "What do you know about fair, huh?" Jack asked with another push. "You're the coward, not me."

All the fight had fled Jonas' eyes and body, and Jack knew that if he picked up a gun and aimed to shoot right now, the younger man wouldn't even try to move. The defeat and pain that were stinging the Kelownan's eyes cut into Jack, making him proud for an instant, only to be followed by a wave of sickening grief as he realized what he'd done and that he'd enjoyed it.

The door opened and he heard Janet let out a surprised "Colonel!" when she found him pinning Jonas to the wall. Jack glanced at the petite doctor and reluctantly let go of Jonas, momentarily studying his curled fingers, as if afraid of what they'd done. Jonas didn't move and didn't look at Jack, but he didn't need to. The timid tenseness of his frame said it all. Jack let his hands fall to his side, his voice soft. "Jonas..."

The other man didn't look in his direction and Janet threw Jack a worried glance. "I don't know what's going on in here, but you both need to get a hold of yourselves."

There was a scuff as Daniel arrived and stood in the doorway, his brows immediately furrowing at the tension he felt in the room. "What's going on?"

Jonas stepped away from the wall, straightening his shirt and Janet fixed him with a sympathetic gaze. "You know I don't want to do this, Jonas."

"Then don't," he said as he put more distance between himself and the others before looking over at Janet.

She shook her head. "It's not that simple. I'm required to report misconduct –"

"Why are you doing this?" Jonas asked, and Janet furrowed her brow at the plea in his voice. "Please, just... release me and then you don't have to report anything. It's the simplest answer."

Jack edged towards the door, hoping to slip out unnoticed but Daniel was blocking the way. Janet shook her head with a soft sigh. "I'm afraid I can't do that."

"Why not?" He held out his hands in exasperation. "There's nothing wrong with me anymore. I haven't had a relapse in weeks, I'm getting stronger every day. Unless there's something you're not telling me, you..." he trailed off at the pitying expression on her face. As if he didn't already feel gutted by Jack's words, he felt even more so by the look in her eye. He straightened with apprehension, his voice soft. "There is something, isn't there?"

"I didn't want to tell you this before, Jonas, because I wanted to wait until I was sure what I was dealing with."

"What's wrong?" Daniel asked from the doorway.

"It's your heart," Janet said, keeping her gaze locked with Jonas'. "After I resuscitated you, a small abnormality showed up. I thought it was just a harmless heart murmur but it has only gotten worse. That's why I didn't want you running... or going off the base."

Jack closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against the wall, muttering, "Christ," feeling as if he'd been socked in the gut.

Jonas shook his head. "I don't understand. I've doing physical therapy every day and –"

"And you're hooked up to a heart monitor every session," Janet explained. "The irregularity has gotten worse. I wasn't sure what to make of it so I asked for a second opinion from an expert."

Jonas rested a hand on his head, letting out a shaky breath as he tried to take this all in.

"Jonas," came Dr. Fraiser's quiet voice. "It's only fair that you know... his preliminary assessment wasn't good."

Jonas could feel his skin growing clammy as his blood pooled in his hollow stomach. "...You mean I'm dying."

Janet only gave the slightest nod in response, but it was all he needed. The weight of his body seemed to gyrate as the gravity of his mind shifted. He blindly reached out an arm, trying to breathe past the tightness of his lungs. His voice was a whispered gasp. "Dying?" He closed his eyes, sinking onto his bed. Dying. A great emptiness bloomed inside, filling his chest, yet all he could think of was Jo. And then he couldn't breathe.

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