Chapter 25
My recovery takes weeks. It was nearly two weeks before I could walk further than between the cottage and the farmhouse, and then, all I could do were the jobs that Carys sometimes gave to the children. I watched Rhys and Evan becoming more and more tired, and Sam … typical Sam, worked wherever she was needed as long as there was light, and then she came in to the cottage to eat and work on whatever doohickey she was mending until she couldn't keep her eyes open any more. At first, I tried to get her to take it easier, but she calmly pointed out that the work needed to be done. And then, as I got more down about not being able to do my share, I actually envied the fact that she was tired after achieving something. I was exhausted and had done almost nothing.
As of this week, I'm finally back to doing a full load, and still, Evan suggested I accompany Sam to the village market this morning. Carys has also taken some time to recover completely, but I think Evan's motivation is more to do with making sure Bryn doesn't cause any more trouble. For whatever reason, this morning sees us, with a cart loaded with goods to sell, and four children, making our way to the village. Sam goes to drop the kids off while I get the cart situated. I set things up to display the produce as well as a couple of sweaters Carys has made.
She's just come back, and I get the chance to really look at her in daylight for the first time in weeks. I knew she was tired, but she looks bone weary.
"You ok, Sam?"
"Fine."
"You're looking pale."
"Hardly surprising. It's not like there's daylight for long this time of year. And I haven't had any time to work on my tan."
She's pissed at me, and I get it. Of course she's exhausted. She's been pulling double duty for weeks, and I've been so wrapped up in my own moping that I haven't bothered to look after her.
"Sorry, Sam. I should've realised you were so tired. Look, once we get back from the village, you go and take a nap. I'll cover whatever you were going to do."
"Don't be stupid, Jack. You can't. Evan said he needs both you and Rhys to finish the work on the top barn, and you can't let him down. I'm fine."
We're interrupted then by Iwan from a neighbouring farm who wants to chat about something. I make all the right noises, but I'm not paying attention because Sam's acting strangely. Without warning, she bolts away from the cart, and I push Iwan out of the way so my eyes can follow her as she darts up an alleyway between the back of the village hall and a house.
"Iwan, could you look after things here for a minute?" I ask.
He nods, and I rush after Sam. When I find her, she's crouched in a corner, emptying the contents of her stomach onto the ground. I kneel down next to her, holding her back as she retches repeatedly. When she's able to get up, she's shivering uncontrollably. I pull off my sweater and put it round her shoulders.
"You're fine, are you? Look, Sam, please tell me what the hell's going on. Because I've had enough of your avoidance. I know it took me too long to realise you're not well, but this is serious. You shouldn't be throwing up like that."
"Jack, leave it. I'm ok. I've been doing that for the past week, and I'm fine once my stomach's empty. I brought enough to eat to make up for it."
"And that doesn't explain why you're being sick. Sam, you're scaring me here. Tell me what's wrong."
She looks at me, and I see a range of emotions flitting across her face before she finally speaks.
"I would've thought you'd be able to work that out."
Work it out. She's been sick every morning for the past week …
"Sam, are you pregnant?"
"Looks like it."
"How long've you known?"
"I don't, not really. I'm really late, and then with the being sick …"
"Sam, that's wonderful!"
"Is it?" She looks genuinely confused and not a little tearful.
"Isn't it?" I ask. "We … did talk about it, and I thought … you wanted …"
"I did! I do. It's just … after everything that's happened – nearly losing you – and I'm so tired. How can I cope with a baby too? I'm scared, Jack."
"Oh, Sam. You're not alone in this. It's not how you can cope with a baby, it's how we can cope. And Shanna and Cal will help too, and there's Carys and Mared … And I know I haven't been pulling my weight lately, but I'm better now. I'll be able to take some of the load off you."
She nods, sniffing loudly.
"You ok?"
"Yeah. I just … I don't think I could do it alone."
"You won't have to. And this," I place my hand over her flat stomach, "is the best news I've had since … us."
"So, you're happy?"
"Happier than I've any right to be."
That gets a half smile, and I pull her into my arms.
"I love you, Sam. So much. You know that, don't you?"
She nods against my shoulder and then her mouth finds its way to my neck, kissing me there, and her tongue's licking down to my shoulder and I've got to pull away.
"Sam, not here. If you carry on with that, I won't be responsible for my actions. What d'you say we get this show on the road, unload everything fast and get back before Evan's expecting us. With any luck we might have … an hour? Not as long as I want, but …"
"No, Jack. We've got four kids to pick up from school."
"Forgot that! Still, I get to spend the morning with you. The only way that could be better would be if we were alone. Just … promise me something. Don't keep things from me. I'm scared I'll do something to muck things up between us. Promise me you won't let me, Sam. Please."
"I will," she promises. "But you've got to promise me that we'll get the twins in bed nice and early tonight. I want that alone time with you too. I've missed you so much."
"I know, Sam." I move to kiss her, but she drops her head.
"Really don't think you want to do that – at least not until I've had a chance to rinse my mouth."
I shake my head, and kiss her forehead. "Let's get you some water then," I suggest, pulling her back to the cart.