Hi all! I know, it's been a whileeeeee... I was in a writing mood this week and I decided to continue this story. Should I keep going? Or have we moved from Linstead to Upstead lol. Let me know what you think :)

Chapter 25

Erin's POV

It's been 72 hours since I walked out the door of District 21, hand in hand with Jay, after telling Hank I needed time to think. The funny thing is though, it only took me about an hour after our conversation to realize I believed him. To realize I believed in him. But something was keeping me from walking from my front door to his to tell him that.

The truth is, even though I believed him, I still wasn't sure where we were supposed to go from here. Which, of course, makes no sense, because even before I found out, my son called him Grandpa, and I thought of him as my dad.

But, still. It just felt different. So I stayed away.

I wouldn't have, though.

I wouldn't have, if I had known it might be the last chance I would get to see him alive.

I wouldn't have, if I had known I would regret it every day, for the rest of my life.

72 hours earlier...

Hank's POV

She walked out.

She pulled her cheek away, making my fingers feel instantly cold at the loss of contact.

Her eyes had filled with tears, and what I thought was understanding, but then she moved away. Out of my reach. Maybe, out of my life.

Her face was filled with pain as she turned on her heel and moved out of the bullpen, her fingers intertwined with her husbands. Then, I could no longer see her face, and then she didn't look back.

The room felt silent and empty without her in it and I lost my breath for a moment. It was just me, standing in the center of bullpen, the place that has felt more like a home to me then any other place, and I lost my breath. I felt completely alone, even though, I actually wasn't.

Actually, I had four people trying not to stare at me, but unable to look away.

"Get back to work," I said. My voice sounded harsh and angry, even to my own ears. But I couldn't help it. I never could help it. I also used my rage as a blanket to hide my pain.

Ruzek was the first to speak. "Sure, boss," he said, moving away from the break room and towards his own desk. I watched as he booted up his computer, as everyone else moved back to their desks as well.

I looked around to everyone, scanning the room at each teach member, but I was careful to keep my eyes averted away from Hailey. I knew if I took one look in her eyes, I would break down completely. And, well, the team had already seen enough for one day. They certainly didn't need to see that too.

So instead, I mimicked Erin's actions. I turned on my heel, and turned out of the room.

But instead of going out in to the world, like she had, instead of going to pick up my son and spend time with my family, like she had, I turned inward. I went back into my office, back into the place that had kept me safe, but separate for years.

And then, I closed the door. Closing myself in like I had done one hundred times before.

Because I knew, just like I had known then, this was how it was supposed to be.

Jay's POV

"What do you want to do today?" I whispered the words into my wife's ear. She was facing away from me, staring out the window, taking in the rising of the day. But I had been up for a while, and I could tell when her calm even breathing changed, and she had woken for the day. And that had been 10 minutes ago.

"I'm not ready," she whispered back, snuggling under our clean white duvet.

I knew what she saying, just like she knew what I was asking.

We hadn't addressed the Hank situation again since we were outside Jacob's school. Since she had recognized that he, too, was part of this family. Of her family. It's like Hank had her for a moment, but then he lost her again. I wasn't exactly sure where she stood, and she didn't seem to want to talk about it. But now it was Sunday, and even though we weren't due to go into work, we were due for our standing Sunday night dinners.

"Okay," I whispered back, but this time, I moved my hand across her stomach, sliding my hands in way that I was able to nudge her onto her back. The white blanket fell away revealing her pale skin. She felt warm against my fingers, and as she moved, I leaned into her neck, breathing in her scent. "Do you know how much I love you?" I breathed the words out against her ear, as my hands trailed down her skin.

She didn't reply, but I noticed that her breathing quickened with my words.

"Let me show you," I kissed her earlobe before trailing kisses down her neck.

"How are you going to do that?" She replied, even though she was already closing her eyes, even though she was already breathless and wiggling against me.

Instead of answering, I leaned over and pressed my lips against hers. At the same time, I tore down the lace of her underwear and slipped a finger inside. She was already warm and wet and waiting for me.

"Oh," she moaned, her body responding immediately. I slipped a second finger in, and began using my thumb to massage her outside. I continued to kiss her, her lips, her neck, her collarbone, until I found my way down to her breast. I licked, and sucked, and teased until she was writhing against me, calling out my name.

Her muscles spasmed against my fingers and her breathing came out in choppy heaves. When it slowed, I moved my fingers out, and slid into her.

At that moment, she opened her eyes, and she stared straight into mine. And everything fell away.

Erin's POV

As I looked up him, the stresses of the day, the week, the month... everything fell away, as I stared back at him.

I marveled at how he was able to do this. I had been staring at the window, feeling more than a little lost, and he took one look at me, and he made me whole again.

"I love you," I said, and my voice came out hoarse.

"I love you more," he replied, as he slowly moved inside me, in and out, in and out.

I kissed him then, falling back into a rhythym with him. His muscles bunched above me as he drew me higher and higher. I scraped my nails down his back, loving the heat of him above it. And then suddenly, he flipped me over.

He pinned me down, facing the bed, and he entered me again from behind. He bit my shoulder and I let out a groan.

He always did that. He made me feel loved and crazed at the same time. One minute, I am thinking about how much I love him, as my partner, as a father... and the other, I am being taken, my body pinned between him and the mattress, with him in complete control.

God, it turns me on.

I turned my head to the side, so that as he was licking his way down my back, and up my shoulders, and to my neck, he could also find my lips to kiss me.

And that's exactly what he did. And when our lips met, he exploded.

And he took me with him.

Jay's POV

"Okay, seriously though," I said, my fingers laced in Erin's. "What should we do today?"

We moved to the shower where he sex a second time, using the soap and the shower head to push ourselves over the edge again. Then we moved back to the bed, and she treated me in a very sexy way that still has me panting. After everything that happened over the week, it's like Erin needed an outlet... and Ias very much enjoying being that outlet.

Years ago, when we didn't have Jacob, I would have been able to answer my own question. We would have moved into the kitchen, me in boxers, with her sporting the t-shirt I had tossed aside the night before. I would have made coffee while she sat on the kitchen counter, tantalizing me with her long, slim legs. The pot wouldn't even be done brewing, and I would be taking her again.

But well, we can't do that anymore. It was almost 7 am, and within 10 minutes, we were likely to have a little visitor in our bed. It was the only reason I was sporting clothes instead of another erection.

"Breakfast, then aquarium?" She asked, checking the clock.

We went to the zoo on Friday, and yesterday we went ice skating and out for dinner. She is trying to stay busy, give herself an excuse to not go ring Hank's doorbell.

I thought she should do that, of course, but I was also happy to oblige.

"Perfect," I said, leaning over to kiss her before I slid out of bed. "I'll go start on the coffee."

"Thanks babe," she said, but before I reached the door, I heard her call me again. "Jay," she said, a little more urgently this time.

I turned to look at her, and took in her eyes, hazel and bright, but filled with tears. "Yeah, baby," I kept my voice soft.

She stayed quiet for a second and then she wiped a tear away. "Really," she paused, "Thanks."

I moved back towards the bed, and moved my fingers towards her face, wiping away another tear. "Anytime."

And I mean it. I hold my hand against her cheek for what feels like forever, just because I can.

After years apart, months trying to bring our lives back on track, after all the highs and lows, it feels good. It feels good to be able to be there for her. To have it be us against the world, on the same side of a problem, ready to tackle it together.

Everything she is going through, everything she is going to go through, from here on out, we are going to face it together.

Hank's POV

I haven't heard from Erin. Not a word.

At the very least, though, I know she's ok. Jay texted this morning.

When I got the message, I couldn't help but get my hopes up. I slid my finger across my iPhone screen, trying hard not to focus on the background image of Erin and Jacob, the one that had been my background since the day she brought him home from the hospital.

Hey Hank. We aren't going to be able to make it to Sunday night dinner tonight. I'm really sorry. We will both see you tomorrow at work though.

It was more words than he usually texted, and I could tell he felt bad. But it still felt like not enough words.

I needed to know more. Was she okay? Was she still angry?

Would she ever get over this?

Were we ever going to be a family again?

I went to type out a message back. I hated texting, and even more, I hated that I had no idea what to say.

Because, really, I couldn't say any of that.

Ok, thanks for letting me know.

I decided on that, and hit send. The blue circle appeared on the screen and then I closed my phone. I shifted my gaze back towards the chili I had already started making.

I had clearly been in denial this afternoon when I began chopping the ingredients and stewing them together. It took all my energy to refrain from picking up the pot and throwing it across the room. Instead, I reached for the ladel, and continued to stir the ingredients together methodically, allowing the smells to bring me comfort, to bring me back to the days where life wasn't so damn complicated.

"Dinner's about ready," I stood in the kitchen, stirring my famous chili. Well, famous according to my wife, at least. I had come home early today, and Camille already had the ingredients waiting for me, with an ice cold bottle of my favorite beer next to the stove. She was always doing that. Thoughtful, little things to make me feel special during a regular day.

Not that today was a regular day.

"Honey," Camille checked on the vegetables once more, and then straightened the table settings for the third time. I could tell she was nervous."Should you go upstairs and get her?" She turned to me, before re-adjusting the forks, spoons, and knives for the fourth time. "Or should we just call at the bottom of the stairs and tell her come down?" That's what we usually did with Justin.

"I'll get her," I said, placing the ladle on the spoon holder and slipping the top of the pot back on the chili.

It was our first night with Erin. Well, second if you counted last night, but by the time I brought her home battered and bruised from the hospital it was nearly midnight, so I really didn't think that counted.

"Okay," she said, nervously again. She went to tug on her dress, as if she was trying to straighten it. I didn't have the heart to tell her that Erin wouldn't notice the effort. She wouldn't pick up on the fact that Camille was wearing one of the dresses she often wore to church, as if she was trying to mark this as a special occasion.

I noticed though. And it felt pretty special to me.

Justin walked into the kitchen on my way out to get Erin. "Smells good," he said, raising an eyebrow in a mix of excitement and surprise. It was rare that I was home by 6 on a weeknight, and he knew it.

I made my way up the stairs and over to the guest bedroom. The door was closed, and I couldn't hear a peep coming from the other side of the door. I thought of all the times I had to go upstairs and drag Justin down for dinner when he didn't hear me at the bottom of the stairs. I thought of the fact that his music was always blaring, or I could hear his voice talking on the phone. The contrast felt signficant somehow. Like she hadn't gotten to be a normal teenager, and she didn't know how it was supposed to go.

"Erin," I knocked lightly on the door, but I didn't enter. I wanted her to feel safe in this house, and I wanted her to know that I wouldn't barge in and take away her privacy.

Without a word, she came to the door and opened it widely. I saw that the bed was rumpled and unmade from the night before, but that her bag was completely packed and closed. Not a single personal item of hers was visible in the room.

"Dinner is ready," I said to her, trying to smile despite the sadness that had come over me at the look at the sparse room.

"Okay," she whispered back, and I noticed that her voice was raspy just like mine. I had always assumed she smoked cigarettes to get it like that, but honestly, I had never seen her holding one.

She followed me silently to the kitchen, and I noticed that she was limping slightly with the effort. I almost said something, but then we made it to the table before I could get out the words. Instead of sitting, I moved towards the stove and when I turned, Erin was still standing by the table, as if she was unsure where to sit.

Justin turned to her. Two years her junior, he was thirteen and still a young boy at heart. "My dad sits there," he said, pointing to the empty seat on his left. "But you can sit here," he said, pointing to the one other empty seat, not occupied by him or or Camille.

"Thanks," she whispered. She pulled out the chair carefully and slid in, and I noticed that she was making every effort not to make a sound. She seemed so skittish in comparison to the girl I had gotten to know - the girl that I had arrested, and then had later become my CI. She seemed scared. She seemed smaller somehow. And it wasn't just the events of the night before. Because, unfortunately, this wasn't the first time I had seen her with bruises lining her face.

Camille had plated the vegetables and I began to spoon the chili into bowls. I brought one over and set it in front of her, but she didn't move to taste it yet, instead watching the steam rise gracefully from the bowl.

It was silent around the table, and I went to open my mouth to speak, but before I could, my wife chimed in.

"Erin," she said, and then she reached over and grabbed Erin's hand in her own. Camille's eyes were soft and caring when she looked at Erin. It was the same softness that had reeled me in all those years ago. "I'm glad you're here."

Erin didn't move for a moment. Actually, it seemed like she stopped breathing altogether. But after a few moments, she finally found her words to speak. "I really appreciate you having me for the night, ma'am." It was only the third time she had met Camille, and I could tell she didn't feel entirely comfortable yet.

"Oh, sweetheart," she squeezed her hand and and then released it, moving her hands instead to rest on Erin's cheek. She traced the bruise that ran along her jaw, but was careful to avoid the scrapes and bandages. "We don't want you to just stay for dinner. We want you to stay."

Erin stilled again in shock, which I may have found humorous if I hadn't found it quite so sad. I had been asking her to come stay with us for months.

'You have your own family. They won't want me to stay. Besides, I'm fine. I'm a street kid, and that's where I belong,' she would say, even though I assured her she was wrong.

But maybe she just needed to hear it from my wife. Maybe the cop who was paying her to put away criminals wasn't convincing enough.

"Really?" Her voice was barely audible above the hum of the refridgerator, but somehow, we all heard it.

"Really," Camille replied back. I looked over at her proudly, memorizing the moment. Even Justin seemed to be taking it all in, as if he realized how significant this moment was going to be in the grand scheme of our lives.

"Now eat up," she said, and she lifted up Erin's spoon and handed it to her. "Hank made his famous chili," she smiled. "Best comfort food there is."

Erin's eyes welled, but before a tear could fall, she pulled them back in. Instead, she took the spoon and said, "Okay."

She smiled. And then she dug in.

I was shaken out of my trip down memory lane when there was a soft knock at the door. Just like when I received the text message, my heartbeat quickened in excitement. Maybe Erin had changed her mind. Maybe she was standing with Jay and Jacob at the front door, waiting to come in and have a bowl of chili. Just like old times.

I moved quickly towards the door, my lips broadening wider and wider into a smile with each passing step.

When I opened the door though, I froze. Because there was a woman standing there. But it wasn't Erin.

"Hi," she said. She pulled at the sleeves of her jacket, as if looking for something for her fingers to do. "I, uh, just wanted to check on you. See how you're holding up... after, you know... everything."

For some reasons, I couldn't find the words to respond. Instead, I just stood there, staring at her.

"I'm sorry," she said quickly, tugging at her sleeves once I again. The dark fabric made a noise as if it was straining at the effort. "I shouldn't have come."

She turned to leave, and suddenly, at the sight of another woman walking away from me, I was able to find my words. "Hailey," I used her first name, noticing that she hadn't called me anything. In place of her usual boss or Sarge or Voight, she kept it blank. "Do you want to come in?"

She seemed to let out a breath of relief at my invitation, revelaing that she wasn't exactly sure how I was going to respond to her showing up at my door. "Yeah," she said.

She followed me in, and I closed the door softly behind her. I offered to take her coat, and for the first time, I allowed my touch to linger just a little bit against her neck as I reached for the collar of the black jacket to help her slip it off. I'm not sure if it was a test, something to confirm she was here for the reason I thought she was, but either way, the way she leaned into my fingers and the way her breathing changed slightly erased any traces of doubt I had.

She turned around to face me, and her light blue eyes held mine. Her eyes were my favorite thing about her. The way sometimes I could look at them and I would have no idea what she was thinking. And then sometimes, I could see straight into her soul.

"It smells good in here." Her voice came out in a husky whisper, and she cleared her throat with embarassment and surprise.

"I made chili," I said, my voice always husky. I barely skipped a beat before asking, "Care to join me for dinner?"

"Sure," she said, following me through the hallway and into the kitchen.

But she didn't just stay for dinner. What started as a bowl of chili, turned into to a couple of beers at the table, which turned into a couple of beers on the couch.

It was strange. I have had my guard up for so long I didn't really know how to let it down. I hadn't really talked to a woman in years.

So we started off small. We stayed far away from the whole scene she had witnessed in the bullpen, and we talked about work. She told me about cases she had seen before she came to work in my unit, and I shared some war stories of my own. The conversation flowed easily, and there wasn't a single moment of awkward silence that needed filling.

But then when I got up to go into the kitchen to get us another set of beers and came back to hand her a fresh one, our fingers brushed against each others. She allowed her fingers to linger for just a little too long, and in turn, I allowed my gaze to do the same. I took in her face in the soft glow of my living room, the way her hair seemed to shine almost as bright as her eyes.

And then, somehow, I sat, and I told her everything. It poured out of me. I have no idea where it came from.

Years and years of pain flowed out. Even the happy times felt laced with it somehow, now that everyone I loved in my stories was gone.

"Erin's not gone," Hailey said. "She may need some time, but she's still here. You still have time."

I didn't answer for a long time after she said that, but I silently prayed she was right. "Thank you, Hailey," I said finally, reaching for her hand.

But somehow on the way to her hand, my fingers moved to her face instead. And then it slid around to the back of her head, and then ever so slowly, I was moving it towards me.

I stopped her face inches from my own and stared into her eyes for a moment asking permission. She didn't answer, instead she leaned forward and pressed her lips against mine.

Her lips were so soft, I lost myself in them. I honestly don't know how long we sat there, I just know that when I looked up, the sun was creating a show across my living room, and it was 5 am.

"I should probably get going," she said, her voice was raspy and her chest was rising and falling dramatically with the effort.

I didn't answer, I just nodded. I was honestly afraid if I opened my mouth, I would beg her to stay forever.

"I have to get home and change for work," she said, shifting. "My boss is kind of a hard ass." She laughed, and I couldn't help the smile that followed.

"Well that's true," I responded. I followed her to the door, and slipped her coat on. This time, instead of letting my fingers linger against her neck, I let my whole body linger. I hugged her tight against my body, and kissed her again before letting her go. "I'm glad you came over."

"Me too," she said, linking her fingers between mine. "Me too." Then she turned to go, and she only made it halfway down to the walk before she turned it around. She seemed to want to say something, but a flash of uncertainty crossed over her face before she must have changed her mind. Because instead, she let out a little wave, said "I'll see you at work," and then she was gone.

I closed the door behind her. I stood in the foyer of my home for five straight minutes, my heart beating rapidly against my chest. I could still feel the tingle of her lips on mine. I hadn't kissed a woman like that since Camille.

The thought made me equal parts sad and excited, and I decided not to dwell on either one of those feelings.

Instead, I turned to make my way up the stairs.

It was when I made it about halfway up that the pain came. It was so unbearable I lost my breath. And my balance. And I began to fall.

Erin's POV

"Tell me again this is okay," I turned to Jay, who was sitting in the passengers seat of our car. We were sitting outside the district, a full 30 minutes before the start of work. We had dropped Jacob off a little early; but after taking him out of school on Friday and the full on spoiling he got all weekend long, I didn't feel that bad about it.

"It's okay," Jay said, lacing his fingers through mine with one hand and taking the keys out of the ignition with the other. "He'll understand."

I noticed that he said he'll understand, and not I'll understand. But I knew I had to let that go. I knew this decision was going to be tough on Jay, but deep in my bones, I felt it was the right thing to do.

"I just need time away," I voiced again, more certain this time, but still not moving from the car.

"You know Hank would give you time off if you asked. You don't need to switch units," he said, turning to look at me.

"I know," I responded, immediately. We had been doing this song and dance since last night. "But I don't want time off." I had to look away from him before I said the next part, the hurt in his eyes was beginning to be too much. "I don't want to stay home, away from work, and think about the fact that my whole life has been a lie."

He opened his mouth and I know he wanted to say 'But you're whole life wasn't a lie', because, we really had done this song and dance ten times before. But he closed it again, as if realizing nothing he could say at this point was going to change my mind.

"I bet he'll let you come back if you want," he said, finally.

"I know," I said, and I squeezed Jay's hand. "And maybe, one day, I'll be ready for that."

This time he didn't have to say anything, but I could read his eyes. I hope so, he was saying.

"I love you," I replied, leaning forward and kissing him. "And I would stay if I could."

"I know," he said. Then, finally, he said the words I needed to hear. "I understand."

I closed my eyes, and allowed the relief to flood through me. "Okay," I said, opening my car door. "Let's go."

He came around to my side of door as I grabbed my bag, and he laced his fingers with mine. "For what it's worth," I said, turning towards him. "You will always be my favorite partner."

"I know," he said, as we walked along the sidewalk. But he was staring down, unable to look me in the eyes.

"And I would stay for you if I could," I continued, this time reaching for his cheek to look at me.

His eyes turned serious before he replied, "I know that, too." Then he leaned down and took my lips with his. And not in a quick, husband and wife kiss. He bit my lip and his tongue entered with an urgency he had never showed in our work parking lot. By the time he pulled away, we were both a little bit breathless. "And I love you for that."

"Should we go in?" I asked finally.

"Yeah, let's go in," he replied. "We can tell him together."

"Thank you," I whispered, as we trailed up the steps. With every step, I felt more and more confident with my decision. But then, maybe it was because I had the love of my life with me, giving me strength along the way.

But then, when we finally made it into the district, Hank wasn't there. We waited, and waited, and waited.

We watched everyone file into the office, we watched everyone boot up there computers and settle in for the day, and still nothing.

At 8:05, I finally called him.

"It went straight to voicemail," I tried to keep the fear out of my voice, but I knew I failed. The last time Hank hadn't shown up to work, he had been abducted. I remembered how Jay and I had approached his house, how I had made light of the situation when I pulled out my personal key to his house, Cause I'm special is why... and I remembered the fear that gripped my heart when I walked in and saw clear signs of a struggle all over the house.

"That's impossible." I turned at the sound of the voice. I expected it to be Jay comforting me. But it wasn't Jay. It was Hailey. "I just saw him."

Jay's eyes darted from mine to Hailey's, and his gaze narrowed as if trying to work something out. "When?" He asked in his no nonsense tone.

A red blush flooded her cheeks and her hands went to her mouth, as if she was surprised she had allowed herself to speak.

"When?" he prompted her again. "Where?" He added.

"This morning," she said. Then she shifted her gaze downwards and pulled anxiously at her jacket. "At his house."

Jay breathed deeply and closed his eyes for a moment, but when he opened them, I noticed his expression didn't match mine.

He seemed worried, sure. But he didn't seem surprised.

He didn't seem surprised, at all.

What the fuck was going on?

And where the hell was my Dad?

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