Chapter 25: The loner you saw that day

Late Night. Beach House. Hachiman's Room.

"Man, I'm beat…" Tobe makes a loud grunt as he's squirming on the bed like a dehydrated tapeworm.

If only you didn't spend the rest of the day jumping and howling around like a lunatic then maybe you wouldn't be exhausted right now. Maybe you should acquire one of my Hachiman's skills. With my energy conservation, I can survive with only one meal a day if I really desire.

But here we are, just venturing into the midst of midnight. Luckily, today activities were intense enough for the group to not try to exert themselves into the night. Bless the goddess, I really do need some down time right now after being stuck with them for seemingly like an eternity.

"Yo, what's that?" Tobe says as he's eyeing down the little piece of the device that I'm playing with.

"A Nintendo Swap," I reply, keeping my eyes on the screen.

"Cool! You really keep up with the trend, huh, Hikitani?"

Sure.

"But seriously, how can you focus on games when there are all these babes around?"

"Technically, they are not here, and not like it matters anyway."

"Well! I really hope that I can get away with a girlfriend after this trip."

"Is that your real motive?" for some reason, my curiosity gets the best of me.

"No shit, man. I mean, the beach is nice but it's only a bonus."

Tobe turns sideways on his mattress pillaring his head on his right forearm. He looks at me with a childlike wonder:

"Hey, might as well ask for your opinion. Who do you think I can have the best shot with?"

"Didn't you like Ebina?" I say, while still fixating at my screen.

"Well, she did reject me. But since Yumiko has a boyfriend now, she may actually consider looking for someone now. I think I can definitely have a shot!"

"There you go."

"That's what the other guys said, too. But I'm not stupid, you know. What if she's still not looking for someone, I gotta have some sort of back up."

I look up, silently lamenting inside my head over the price that I had to pay.

"You can always go for Haruno," I reply half-heartedly.

"EGH!" Tobe gasps. "Give me a break, man. I don't think I can handle her. But now that you mention it, hey, tell me, are you guys close?"

"Not at all."

"Really? But the way you talk and address to her, man."

"It's really less about closeness but more about I don't have respect for her."

"Wow… heavy. What's going on between you two?"

I decide not to respond.

Finally, some quiet time. Now I can finally focus on my adventure. What is that interesting colosseum over there?

But then I hear a sigh from the bed next to me.

"Fine, whatever. Anyway, back to the topic. What about Iroha? Do you think I can have a shot with her?"

"Not a chance," I blurt out. For some reasons, the thought of it makes me uncomfortable. I retort back to him without thinking.

"I don't think I can do anything to Kotomi-chan since Yumiko will definitely kill me," Tobe seems to lament to himself. "Hey, Hikitani…"

His sudden pleading tone makes me turn my gaze toward him. Tobe clasps his two hands together in a praying fashion, shows off his cheeky smile and his winky face:

"Is it ok if I get with Komachi-chan?"

"If you somehow successfully convince her to go out with you, I might actually have to get a real job and save up some money…"

Tobe dumb face is filled with delight.

"Man, you don't have to do that, man! I can handle it on my own, don't you have to worry!"

"I will save a lot of money. I will buy a cheap second-hand laptop. Then, I will go on the dark web and hire the best assassin money can buy, and I will kill you."

I fire at him one last of my glance and see his smile turned upside down.

"Man, there aren't actually a lot of options out there," Tobe turns his back against the bed as he's lamenting to himself.

But I haven't finished talking yet.

"Hey," I call out, softly.

"'Sup?" resting his head on his arms, Tobe stares dreamily at the ceiling.

"What about me? Who do you think I'm good with?" I mutter.

"Man, just go with Yukino, man. You know you want it," he replies almost instantly.

"..."

An absolutely blunt statement. Tobe seems to think the same way. Is it because of his own intuition or because he was influenced by Hayama? I have no clue. Actually, it doesn't matter at this point. The man has already had that thought in mind.

"I'm won't tell you if you can or cannot. I believe anything can happen. If you can make it happen, make it happen. You two are pretty alike in a lot of areas, personality for a start."

"Is that so?"

"Yeah man, go for it," he says.

Such encouraging words, yet my mood sinks down like a rock. The screen in front of me becomes blurry, I can no longer focus on the task in front of me. I need a break, I think to myself. I need a place to let my mind loose, and this place is not here.

I put the console down, get out of the bed and start making my way toward the door.

All the light in the common areas has been shut off except for the faint kitchen light. It's already past midnight so it's nothing out of the usual. Some fresh salty air is what I need. I walk, the patio is my destination. And yet, I was stopped dead in my track by a haunting sight.

The door to the patio is already opened, and through it I can see an intimate, yet unimaginably strange figure. She leans her arms against the railing, eyes gazing out at the glittering dark sky. The night air caresses her flowy locks almost exactly like that night on the windy hillside. I haven't seen her for a long time. That girl out there shares the same appearance as the girl I saw all this afternoon, but she is not the same girl. She is there, alone, with a somber tone on her expression. She's waiting for someone…? She's waiting for someone in my mind, my desire.

And yet, I'm still standing here.

Why am I still standing here?

Why can't I move on?

I move.

I move backward. I walk past her and go back to my room. Every step I take fills me with regrets, and yet I keep taking it.

…

Tomorrow. Afternoon. Seaside Fair.

I'm walking with the group around a seaside fair, or what I like to call a money scamming scheme disguised as fun festival games. Well, that's kind of redundant, as every scam is always disguised as something it's not. The whole group breaks up every now and then, but I mostly just walk behind the Service Club members and watch them participate in games and trying out food.

I look intensely at the brunette, see her flabbergasted expression as she cautiously gulps down a piping hot Takoyaki. Such innocent, carefree expression. She's very beautiful.

"..."

I shake my head, what am I trying to do here? It's obvious, I know. Something just doesn't sit right, a forced self-brainwash. This is just pathetic, to think that I bawled myself out months ago just to do this. The past Hachiman would absolutely murder me. What have I become?

Somehow, the group is back to its full number, and somehow, we all gather under a moderately sized Ferris wheel.

"Yo, are you all thinking about taking the Ferris wheel?" someone says.

"Hell yeah!"

"I mean, you gotta take the Ferris wheel at the festival, right? It's like the one mandatory festival activity."

"True that. But it says here the cabin can only hold two people."

My trance is snapped. Two people? That means I have to pick a person to go with. My eyes darts around looking for my usual scapegoat: Komachi. There she is, the little sister catches my glance and pulls Kotomi closer to her while giving me a mischievous look. That little devil. She definitely won't let me have an easy way out. Tobe? He manages to ask Ebina to go with him. Only then, my gaze hesitantly drifts to the beautiful girl with long flowy dark hair. Her gaze bashfully graces my skin, which makes my heart skips a beat. She's standing there, look as if she's waiting for something. Is this the only path?

"I called dip!"

A pair of hands slams down my shoulder from behind and makes my neck hair all stiff. I frantically turn around only to see the devil herself and her ominous bright smile.

"Hachi-kun is coming with me!" Haruno says.

I look at her with probably a confused and annoyed expression on my face. I honestly don't know how to react.

Yukinoshita is a bit stunned for a short while and so is everyone else, but a short sigh is all she needs to regain her usual composure.

"What are you scheming, nee-san?"

"Don't blame me because you're too slow," Haruno smirks.

Yukinoshita flicks her head away, it takes her a second too late for her to retaliate.

"What nonsense."

I touch my abdomen. A sense of relief is what I feeling, but paradoxically, it's also making me sick.

"Shall we go, Hachi-kun."

Haruno snaps my wrist and drags me toward the Ferris wheel.

…

Silence. Nothing is around except for the cranking of old steel and the muffled voice of the wind. I avoid her the whole way by staring mindlessly into the hollow reddened sky. It doesn't last very long as my eyes slowly give in to the invitation of her tempting, soul-piercing smirk.

"What do you want?" as curiosity finally gets the better of me, I blurt out.

"How about 'The sky is pretty, isn't it, Haru-nee?' Jeez, is this how you open a conversation with the girl you're sharing a Ferris ride with?"

I just narrow my eyes and glares at her.

"Aren't you a bad boy? It's nothing, really. I just want to share a ride with my Hachi-kun."

"Huh," I scoff.

"Although," she looks out into the scenery as her eyebrows lower, her gaze softens and her smile is meek. Staying like that for a while, Haruno glances at me again, "you should really give up on what you're trying to do."

There it is. I'm not exactly surprised myself, although I thought she would be less explicit than that.

"Don't get me wrong," Haruno waves her hand, "I'm not doing this for any personal gain. I'm telling this for your own sake, Hachi-kun."

I don't say anything but use my time to watch her expression. There is not a hint of sarcasm on her face, it's like she actually believes in what she just spews out.

"For my sake…"

"Uh-hm!"

"What a load of shit. Don't come here and blabber thinking that you already know everything."

"Do I not?!" she exclaims. "Well, I know that there was a boy, and that boy liked Yukino…"

"..."

"I'm sure you have noticed, everyone around him saw him and Yukino as an item. They should have been an item, they said. They all secretly vouched for that to happen someday."

"..."

"The problem is, that boy was actually in love with another girl, and not any other girl, a girl that he was not supposed to have any relation with. Never in the public mind that they could even think about them being together. They couldn't even fathom that as a possibility. Plus she was already in a different relationship."

"..."

"He knew that if he went for the girl he truly loved, society would condemn him forever, and would be calling him names. He faced the biggest dilemma he had ever faced. Would he go with what his heart desires, or go with what the society desires?"

"..."

"Am I correct? Except…"

Haruno stares at me with a haunting expression.

"... I wasn't talking about you."

"!"

My eyes widen. This can't be...

"You want the hear the rest of the story?" her voice is soft.

I still haven't been able to say a word. Do I want to hear it? I want it and dread it at the same time, but I'm not actually refusing her advance.

"He went with what his heart desired, and everything backfired spectacularly. Yukino's heart was broken, his heart was broken, the other girl heart was broken. The pressure was simply too much for him to bare. He couldn't anticipate how the vicious the mob could be. Everyone was angry, and he was lost. He became the boy who couldn't love anyone, anymore."

"..."

"An yet slowly he became the man who was loved by everyone, every time, like a twist of cruel fate…"

… But little do everyone know the reasons he becomes the person that he is today, bearing everyone's expectations. Tell me, did you do all that just to compensates for the loss you felt?

"You don't want to become like him, Hachi-kun. I…"

I happen to catch her eyes. Those dampen irises look downward carrying a sliver of sorrow.

"I don't want you to become like him. If you do it, everyone will hate you forever."

"This is not the first time it has happened to me. Do you think that I'm the kind of person who cares about what society thinks of me?"

"Of course not. You're different than him in that aspect. That's why I trust that you won't do it."

"!"

"You see, when faced with a tough choice, human all does one of these two things. They either do the right thing, or lie to themselves that they do the right thing.

Haruno inches closer to me and caresses my cheek, her smile was empathetic:

"I'm sure you're not the type of guys who lie to himself. You are looking for something genuine, after all.

My genuine...

"I know you're a good boy at heart. I'm sure you will do the right thing."

I raise my hand. It is trembling, but I don't care. I, in turn, also run my fingers across her warm cheek.

"Haruno…"

I stare at her frowned eyebrows... her smile that lingers guilt and regrets. It's not a look of just a storyteller.

"The other girl… are you-"

She put her fingers in front of my mouth, her smile is back to its usual cheeky self:

"Shh… I've told you already. I don't like boys who are too smart for their own good."