Yoooo. Here's the next chapter. Unbeta'd, so any mistakes are mine. I hope you like it! Thank you for reading/reviewing!

Slow it down
Make it stop
Or else my heart is going to pop
'Cause it's too much
Yeah, it's a lot
To be something I'm not

("The Show" by Lenka)

"I really want a dog."

He looked at her, shoving his hands into his pockets as they walked through Jace's neighborhood. "What breed?"

"I don't know, but I want a big dog. Maybe a husky," she said. "But I don't think big dogs are allowed in my building."

"What a shame." The fact that he was smiling widely as he said this made her smack his arm.

"I'm serious," she mumbled. "I really want one."

"Talk to your mom. She might say yes."

"Are you kidding me? She loves cleaning up after dogs as much as she loves seeing a hairy butt," Clary replied, cringing at the image. "There's no way in hell that she'll ever agree."

Jace rolled his eyes. "You're so dramatic, Fray."

"I love how you think I'm kidding." She smiled. "Oh, hey, can we get some ice cream?"

"Is it still chocolate on chocolate?"

"Is yours still cookie dough?"

He nodded; she knew him too well. "Fair enough."

They walked in silence to the ice cream parlor, which was a twenty-minute walk. They just held hands and listened to the sound of cars driving by. They bought the ice cream and ate it on the way back to Jace's house.

"So," Clary said, not knowing how she would approach the subject any other day and deciding that she might as well say it. "Are you excited about going to California?"

He looked at her. "Clary—"

"I'm not saying this to test you or anything," she said, cutting him off. "I'm making conversation because, the truth is, we can't avoid it. California's your new home, and it's your future, and I want us to talk about it without thinking of it like the end of everything, like something that's a threat to us."

"Fair enough," was all he could manage to reply. "I'm kind of excited, but only 'cause it's college, and I finally get to learn about what I wanna do. I mean, I wish I could be doing so someplace different—someplace closer to you—but I can't, so might as well get excited about Cali."

He couldn't read the expression that she wore when she replied, smiling somewhat weakly. "That's good, Jace. I'm happy for you." She bumped his shoulder playfully. "I know you think I can't be happy that you're moving to California, but I am. You deserve this, and USC is a great college, and I'm so damn proud." She wasn't lying; he could tell by the way she looked at him, by the sincerity in her eyes when she spoke. Clary wasn't lying, and he didn't know how to feel about her finally coming to terms with him leaving.

He felt like he was being selfish for wanting her to be upset. He hadn't wanted it before, but it seemed like, all of a sudden, she was okay with him packing his bags and changing his mind. It worried him slightly, and Jace cursed himself for wanting her to be upset, because he shouldn't have wanted that. He should've wanted her to be happy despite the fact that he'd now be living all the way across the country, but he wanted her to fight. To hold on. To ask him to stay with a pleading look in his eyes.

Even though he couldn't.

"What're you thinking?" Clary asked, blinking up at him.

"Just how amazing you are," he lied through his teeth, giving her a quick kiss. "And how much I'm gonna miss you when I go."

"I know," she said with a dramatic sigh and a smile tugging at her lips. "I'm just too great to let go."

"Damn right you are," he said, his arm draped over her shoulders, bringing her closer to him. They both knew that, even though they tried to tease each other about the distance and how they'd feel after they were apart, that these were their last few weeks together for a really long time, and that it'd be hard.

He'd be lying if he said he wasn't terrified as hell, but he needed to keep up the positive attitude for Clary's sake. Jace had to be the one to be her rock for once—he had, after all, been the one to mess up in the first place. So, because of this, because he wanted to become a stronger person and redeem himself, and because he wanted to show her that he'd be okay, Jace kept up the positive attitude and the nonchalant attitude that he'd developed over the weeks following his announcement of his move to California.

"Get dressed, you guys," said Jocelyn as the two came in. Due to the fact that Jace's house was huge and Celine lived in it all alone, she invited Jocelyn, Luke—who'd now gone back to New York to work—and Clary to stay there for as long as they wanted to. "We're gonna go out for dinner."

"Really?" Clary raised an eyebrow. "How come?"

"Well, have you forgotten what day it is?"

Jace watched in amusement as all the color drained from her face. He didn't know if it was because she'd forgotten or because she'd been dreading people remembering, but it had the same effect all the same.

It was Clary's seventeenth birthday.

The restaurant wasn't the fanciest, but it was cozy and warm and comfortable, and that was all Clary could've asked for.

She couldn't believe that they'd remembered her birthday, let alone planned something behind her back. She knew Jace was totally in on it, and she'd smacked his arm as soon as they were both ready and leaving the house. She hated surprises, and this was no exception.

"Oh, come on," he said, "you know you love me."

She glared at him. "I swear to God, Herondale—"

"May I take your order?" The waitress stood beside Celine politely, waiting for them to order. They did so quickly, and she was thankful for the fact that they'd been assigned a booth. She ordered some steak and mashed potatoes along with a salad and handed the waitress back the menu while everyone else ordered.

"Seriously, guys," Clary told them. "You didn't have to do this."

"Oh, we did," Celine replied with a warm smile, almost making Clary forget that she had unimaginable problems, the same problems that were dragging Jace all the way to the West Coast.

Almost.

Celine kept going. "I know I'm probably one of your least favorite people in the world right now, but I'm so happy that you've stuck with my son, even when things got difficult. You're a really great girl, Clary, and you deserve to have a nice night out with people that care about you."

Clary was surprised when she found herself smiling genuinely at Celine. She may have disliked her for taking so many things away from her at once, but she was also happy that she could admit that Clary loved her son above most things and would stick by him no matter what. Despite everything, Clary and Celine did have a good relationship, and they respected each other greatly. Sure, Clary's respect for Jace's mother had diminished after the whole incident, but she still cared for her and was happy to get to see her like this—so happy, so back in her element, so much like she'd been before the divorce and the messy situations.

"Thank you," Clary said, blushing. "I'm really happy."

They got their food quickly enough, so they ate mostly in silence with the with fleeting comments on how amazing the food was or how amazing the day had been or how excited these upcoming few months were going to be. This, of course, was mostly Celine speaking, but Clary wished Jace would back her up. It wasn't that she wanted to hear him talk about the amazing feeling of going away to college, since college was thousands of miles away, but she wanted to hear him say that he was at least mildly contempt with the idea of starting a future, even if that meant that he'd be starting a future without her.

That was what a relationship was, after all: trying to push past all the obstacles in every way and trying to look at the best version of every situation. For example, Jace would be going to college on the other side of the country, but he'd be helping out his family and doing what he loved, and it was the only way that she could go to sleep at night without hating the world and thinking of the many ways in which this could end badly. She had plenty of those scenarios in her mind, but she kept them locked away, worried that they'd resurface. She didn't want them to. She'd had enough wondering for a lifetime.

He looked at her while they ate, and she could tell. Jace had never been subtle or discrete when it came to that kind of thing, so it took her approximately thirty seconds to realize that he was looking at her in a different kind of way, in a way that was more observant than it was anything else. He was studying her, and she was wondering why, but she pretended that she didn't notice and tried not to frown as he continued to look her up and down. She decided that she didn't want to know, at least not at the moment. She focused on her food and tuned back in to the conversation their mothers were having. They were making plans to go shopping and talking about visits to California, and suddenly the food didn't look so amazing anymore.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom," Clary said abruptly, standing up before anyone could reply, because she knew that Jace would be after her if she let him, and she couldn't. She couldn't let him see that it'd gotten to her again, and that she hadn't been strong enough to stop it.

When she walked into the bathroom, she locked herself in the stall farthest away from the door. She took deep breaths and tried to stay calm, but she didn't know how to. Her chest was hurting and she didn't know how she could stop the tears from falling, and she was mad at herself, because she'd done it before. She'd stopped the tears so many times, and the one time she really needed them to stay in, she couldn't help but let them fall.

They'd know she was crying by the stains in her shirt, but she hoped they'd dry fast enough. It was the only thought that ran through her mind as the tears fell, because she wasn't really thinking of what was happening in her life. She was just thinking about how happy he was without her and how much he was trying to hold it in, and how surprised she felt when she realized that she wanted him to share it with her, even if it hurt, because it hurt more to have him shut her out from a part of her life than to have him share a part that would cause her pain anyway.

Clary pulled herself together slowly. She started taking slower breaths and told herself that it would be okay, that nothing would change between the two of them. They'd stayed together through the worst of things, and they could do the same once more. What was a year, anyway? It was a lifetime and a second all at once, and she hoped that it would feel like the latter, but she had a feeling it would feel like the former. A second away from him had the ability to feel like a lifetime, so what would a year do?

She couldn't think about it. She had to go out and be happy for him because, whether she liked it or not, he'd graduated and was ready to move on to a very important part of his life. And she should have shown her happiness. She was happy for him, but she was also sad for them as a couple. She was sad because it couldn't be easy like it used to be.

From the moment they started going out, she knew that their relationship would be more than easy, because she knew that life was complicated and Jace was complicated and, in short, nothing was easy. Therefore, she'd always had a feeling that they'd have to fight more than usual in order to keep their relationship going, and she'd been okay with that, because she'd been a stupid kid who thought no obstacle would be big enough and she thought their love was infinite and everlasting and strong enough to survive anything. But now...now, she wasn't so sure.

When the tears finally came to a stop, she exited the stall and walked to the sinks, looking at her face in the mirror. She looked sad and broken and her eyes were shining brighter than they usually did, which only happened when she cried. She let out a sigh and shut them for what she thought was a long time, but, when she opened them, they were still shining. Annoyed, she splashed her face with water and dried herself with some paper towels, taking in deep breaths, which felt cold. She could do this. She could definitely do this.

She walked out looking considerably better, deciding to pass off the look as sudden allergies, which would also explain why she took so long in the bathroom and why her nose was stuffy. She sat down and, as expected, Jocelyn asked her why her eyes looked shiny and puffy, and Clary gave her mother the excused she'd been planning out during the walk from the bathroom to the table. Everyone accepted it and Jocelyn even gave her some allergy pills, and Clary took them wordlessly.

When they paid the check, Clary and Jace decided to walk ahead of the two women, holding hands as they made their way to the parking lot, where Celine's car was. She pressed her head to his shoulder for a fraction of a second and felt like she could have it there forever. She missed him so much sometimes that it amazed her how she continued to go on without him. She was independent, definitely, but there was something about the way he looked at her and the way he touched her that made her wonder how she lived without having that whenever she came home or whenever she wanted to. She sometimes wondered how she learned to live without the familiarity of his touch after school every single day.

He was her undoing, and she didn't want to do anything about it.

He smiled down at her as he always did, and she realized how truly happy he was. Jace, with his fair hair and golden eyes and knowing smirk and kind touch and gentle kisses, was happy for the first time in a really long time, and she was nobody to make him sad again. Nobody. She didn't even dare to let the thought cross her mind, because she was happy with just seeing him happy.

Jace was smiling as he told her about the graduation and college and how the campus was beautiful, but she noticed that he stopped once in a while to check and see if she was okay with the words that were coming from his mouth.

She smiled and nodded and made approving noises to seem interested, which she was, but she was also sad to see that he was moving on without her. She tried to shove those feelings aside, the negative ones that made her a horrible, unsupportive girlfriend, but it was just not that kind of night.

"Hey," he said softly to her, and she knew that she must've made some sort of face for him to notice her all of a sudden. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she lied, her reply quick. She didn't want to miss a beat or seem hesitant. "I'm fine. Just tired." Clary smiled at him. "But keep telling me about the campus."

"You're not fine," Jace said. "I can tell you about that tomorrow. Hell, I can even show you. But, hey, what's going on with you?"

Clary let out a sigh and tried not to let the tears sting too much, because they threatened to spill far too quickly, and if she could get them to stop stinging, her life would be a thousand times easier. "Nothing. I'm just tired and so damn proud of you. I seriously can't believe you've come this far."

He gave her a quick kiss, though she wished he'd let his lips rest on hers a while longer. "Thank you, baby."

"Always," she said with a smile. "I'm excited to see your school, alright? I know you think it has something to do with California, but it doesn't." She hated the easiness she felt when she lied to him, but she felt the lies coming to her as if they were the truth.

"It just feels like I've let you down somehow, you know?" He looked at her with a worried expression on her face, and she was reminded yet again as to why she could never hate him. He was really, really sorry that this was the decision he had to make, but it benefitted him both academically and personally to some extent, and she couldn't allow him to suffer in more than one way just because she wanted to be closer to him. Their relationship was important, but so were his family and his studies, so she had to bury all her feelings deep inside and fake smiles and act happy, because it was what was best for him. "It feels like I've been telling you that things will be okay and that we'll be together before you know it only to make you have to wait even more."

"Jace," she said, trying not to sound as sad as she felt, "you're not—this isn't your fault, baby. Look, I was the one that left in the first place, not you. Does this whole situation suck? Yeah, it does. I wish I could be with you every day, but I can't, and I've learned to accept it. One day, I'll even learn to be okay with it." They'd stopped walking, and she cupped his face in her hands and forced their gazes to meet. "I love you, okay? I'm so, so proud of every decision you've made, no matter how much it hurts me. You have your reasons to do things, and I believe that we'll be okay."

She was speaking a whole load of bullshit, but it was what he wanted to hear—no, what he needed to hear. He had to think that she was happy so he wouldn't feel guilty over the fact that he was leaving her. He shouldn't have had to feel guilty. Sure, Clary was going to be sad for a while, but it wouldn't matter in the end.

She couldn't let it matter. She had to bury what she felt deep inside of her, because she loved him, and that was what love had become.

She had to bury it all deeply just so he could be happy, because all she wanted to see in the world was his smile.

Let me know what you think! xo