The sky was pitch black, the darkness of night intensified by this complete feeling of devastating foreboding that seemed to suck the color right out of the heavens. Through the thick layers of dreary clouds and suffocating smoke, James could see a bright blue glow in the distance.
There was a gut wrenching smell of death and burnt flesh all around James ever since he set foot on the streets of London. He supposed that he should have gotten accustomed to the stench by now, but he hadn't. Death surrounded them. London, like so many other cities, was a tomb. The Reapers were crushing and killing everything and everyone on their path, destroying what had taken millennia to create. What was left of the resistance fought off the Reapers' forces as best they could, but James knew they were running out of time. He knew it the moment he saw Anderson's tired features back in the shuttle.
At least now they had a second to catch their breaths. Looking around, he noticed a few marines that couldn't have been older than twenty milling about, talking amongst themselves as they awaited their next orders. They knew some of them weren't coming out of this alive, so they were making the best of what little time they had left. There was a dark shadow over their features; a shadow that showed just how afraid they were.
James watched the people around him, many of them weren't even soldiers. Most of these men and women had been civilians around this time last year, with mundane jobs, with a family and kids, nine to five jobs, a mini van, and had a mortgage on their houses. Now here they were. At the end of the road, ready to risk their lives in order to make one last stand.
He watched as they all did their part, holding the defensive line, calibrating the MAKO's and making sure that the munitions were stockpiled and ready to go. Every job was performed with haste and desperation as they all awaited the call from Anderson that everything was ready. Shepard had disappeared into the nearby building and hadn't come out since.
His gaze moved to the Major talking into his earpiece as he slowly paced a small line up and down, his shoulders set and his spine straight. He couldn't fool James though; he knew that the Major was on edge. Shepard would be on the front line, taking the shots and barking orders at them. She would have to make the big decisions again and there would be little he could do to take that weight from her shoulders.
James sympathized with him. It couldn't be easy for the Major to watch the woman he loved being on the front line the whole time, making decisions that kept, or destroyed, peace and balance of the galaxy. James tried to picture himself in the Major's position but found that he didn't have to imagine it; he was already in a similar situation. Miranda was somewhere in London, fighting the same enemy they'd come to face.
Unwilling to allow himself to be distracted, he shook the thoughts of Miranda away. If he thought too much about his black haired beauty he would worry himself sick, and right now what he needed to do was focus on the mission, and survive it. Looking away from Kaidan, he noticed Lola stepping out of the building, her head slightly lowered. The Major glanced in her direction as she walked past him and straight toward James.
Furrowing his brows in confusion, James straightened his spine and watched Lola erase the remaining distance between them. Her posture changed since stepping out of the building; she was more relaxed now. Or at least she pretended to be. Sometimes her 'Commander Face' was so convincing that he didn't know what was actually going on inside of that head of hers.
"Commander," James greeted, his tone flat.
The smile on her face turned teasing as she wondered, "What? No Lola?"
A chuckle bubbled out of him unbidden. He always figured that the nickname was something she let slide because of the six months they'd spent getting to know each other during her incarceration. It never occurred to James that she might actually like being called it. A lot had changed since then. Before he had viewed Shepard as his friend's hot older sister, now she was like his older sister. The smile on his face was distant.
"Yeah," he said, his tone pensive. "Sorry."
Shepard gave him a concerned once over before wondering, "Are you okay?"
James shrugged. He held her gaze for a moment, searching her blue eyes for that look she always had when she knew that a mission was going to be a sure thing. Shepard was the most smug and foolhardy woman he knew. She laughed in the face of danger, and kicked the teeth in of anyone who told her that something was impossible. Whenever she knew that a seemingly difficult assignment was going to be tallied up to just another day at the office, she would get this sparkle in her eyes. His stomach knotted when James didn't find that self-assured twinkle in her eyes.
"I didn't know what I'd feel coming back to Earth." started James. He looked away from Lola, unable to look at her stonewall expression for too long. Scanning over the decimated buildings around them, he continued with his thought. "I was ready to fight, ready to die if I had to. But now that I have someone worth dying for, I just really want to live."
A slight smile hinted at the corner of Shepard's mouth. She glanced at where the Major was standing. Kaidan was watching their exchange intently, eager for his own chance to talk to the Commander. When she met his gaze the two of them shared a pained look, and Lola nodded at him. James knew that look, could feel the meaning straight from his bones. It was a wordless 'I haven't forgotten you' and it was a look he and Miranda shared almost every time that they'd had to say goodbye.
Looking back at James, Shepard commented, "I know what you mean. You'll see Miranda again, James." She cleared her throat and shook her head, shaking herself free from whatever emotion had just almost gripped her. "But first we have to win this thing. Stay focused. Make seeing her again your will to fight."
"I know," he stated, nodding that he understood what she was saying and would take her words to heart. "I know. You're right." Glancing at his armored boots, James thought of the battle to come and felt a cocktail of heavy handed emotions stirring in his gut. Swallowing past the nerves massing in his throat James observed, "So, I guess this is it, no? One more push. One last fight."
A smile twitched along Lola's mouth. "Not necessarily our last," she rebuked with a shrug.
Under different circumstances he might have laughed at her misplaced optimism. Maybe if they survived this God forsaken war he would find the humor in the situation. Saluting his commanding officer, James admitted, "It's been an honor serving with you, Shepard."
She exchanged his salute with a firm handshake that turned into a tight hug. "You're a good man, James," Lola replied, only the slightest quiver in her voice when she spoke. One that he wouldn't have noticed if it wasn't for their proximity. "And a terrific soldier."
"Thanks," said James, unsure what else to say.
Placing a hand on his shoulder, Shepard said, "Whatever happens out there today, I know you'll make me proud."
James felt his stomach tighten with dread. Anything could happen out there, and James didn't want to leave anything unsaid. "Good luck out there, Lola."
"Before I forget the reason that I came out here," Lola snapped her fingers as though she'd almost let something fall through the cracks. "Miranda's waiting for you."
"What?" he stammered out, caught completely by surprise. "She's here?"
The smile that Lola offered him was sympathetic. "Not physically, no." She corrected herself, "I was talking to her on vid-call and promised to send you to her." Gesturing to the building she had just exited from, Shepard informed him, "She's waiting for you."
He gave the Commander a grateful nod. "Thanks, Lola." murmured James as he walked around Shepard and hurried for the crumbling building.
When he stepped through the doors he immediately recognized the image of his girlfriend flickering on the other side of the room. She'd changed out of her favorite jumpsuit, wearing instead an Alliance grade light armor that did little to hide her curves. James knew that she probably hated the outfit, but damn did she fill it out nicely. Her hair was tied back in a high ponytail, revealing her gorgeous face to him and also the bandaged cut on her eyebrow. He bit back his overprotective instinct and forced himself to remember that Miranda was a strong woman who could take care of herself.
He let out a loud wolf whistle as he approached her image. "Looking good, Miss Lawson." James said with a smirk, hiding the fact that the worry of knowing she was playing a part in this war was slowly killing him inside.
Miranda looked down at herself, the small smile on her lips was uncertain. "You think so?" she asked before looking back up to meet his approving gaze. "I think it makes me look boxy."
"There's nothing boxy about you, mi amor."
Her smile grew with his complement. For a moment all that they could do was stare at one another. Neither of them knew what to say. What could be said that hadn't already been said between them? They'd already exchanged goodbyes about half a dozen times. They knew what needed to be done, and that they couldn't be together again until this war was finally over. When all of that was taken away, what else was there to be said?
Shifting from one foot to the other, Miranda fidgeted nervously as she held James's adoring, if somewhat melancholy, gaze. Stroking back her immaculately styled hair, she started, "If something goes wrong tonight—"
"It won't," he interrupted before she could finish the thought. He couldn't hear the rest of that sentence. He couldn't bear the thought of anything going wrong, not tonight, not right now. "We're going to win this, Miranda. I need you to believe that."
"I do," she assured him. Her expression turned pleading as she wordlessly impeached James to let her get this off of her chest. When his only response was to clench his hands into tight fists at his sides and grit his teeth, she continued. "But if something happens, and I don't make it out of this alive, I want you to take care of Oriana."
"Miranda—"
"Promise me, James," she demanded, her voice wavering with emotion. "You're the only person aside from myself that I trust to keep her safe. It's all I ask."
He held her teary eyed gaze, feeling his own emotions pricking the backs of his eyes like a thousand needles. Blinking back the tears, he cleared his throat and forced himself to regain control over his emotions. "You know I will, Miranda." James nodded in answer to her request before assuring her, "But nothing's going to happen to you. You're Miranda Lawson, and assault rifles aren't the biggest, most powerful things you can handle."
Locking her eyes with his, so that he knew that she would listen to every word he said, James tried to placate her concerns; knowing that they were the very same concerns as his. "We are going to get through this, and you're going to see your sister again. Just you wait and see."
She sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly. Nodding, Miranda accepted his words as truth and straightened her shoulders. Resolute, she forced a smile onto her lips and said, "I'll see you when we've won." despite her best efforts, her voice still trembled when she spoke.
James nodded, "Happy hunting, mi corazon." he said, allowing a confident smirk to twist the corners of his mouth, hoping to fool her as well as himself.
"And, Miss Lawson," he said before the call could be disconnected. She looked at him expectantly, waiting for what he would say next. Smug smirk turning into weary smile, he stated, "I love you."
Her smile was a reflection of his, all of her fears, concerns, and worry etched onto her features as she accepted his words with a nod. "I love you too, Lieutenant Vega, with all of my heart."
Without sparing him a departing glance, she turned and her image flickered off. James stood there staring at the space she'd been occupying for a while, fighting back this feeling of dread that threatened to swallow him whole.
Not able to bear his surroundings for another moment, he turned on his heel and left the building. Fear, doubt and other precarious emotions carved their daggered claws up his spine and hacked away at his gut. His head was clouded, James couldn't bring himself to focus and his forced sense of cool was slipping through his fingers. He shook the corrupted thoughts from his mind before he started to panic like an untrained and undisciplined recruit.
Shaking the discouraging thoughts from his head, he lifted his eyes from the ground to look around, half expecting Lola and the Major to still be lingering about. To his surprise none of them were there, and his heart plummeted to his feet.
This is it, thought James as fear once again threatened to corrupt his mind.
There was no place for fear or doubt right now, not when James had so much to fight for. The pressure to win this war, and the fear of failure, deepened the ever growing abyss of panic. Without the strength to block his cruel and evil imagination, he succumbed to his thoughts and sucked in a deep breath.
Images of a future where the Reapers won the war flashed through his mind, sending a cold chill over his skin. Then he imagined a future where they defeated the Reapers, but Miranda wasn't lucky enough to survive. He imagined himself alone, tending to a ceremony dedicated to everyone he loved and knew that died during this war.
James never had a panic attack before, but never had he been in a situation like this either; where literally everything dependent on them... on him. He stopped after he'd climbed the last stair and leaned his weight against the wall. Feeling dizzy and incredibly hot under his armor, James wiped the sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand.
He glanced up and noticed that he was almost there with the others. The thought of facing everyone inside, for what would probably be the last time, made his heartbeat race for dear life.
"Jimmy, you alright?" Garrus materialized next to him, startling James as he placed his hand on his shoulder. He realized a second later that Garrus had been talking with the turian primarch, and that he'd probably been watching him the whole time. James's cheeks flushed with embarrassment.
Aside from Lola, Garrus had always been a true friend and the best mentor James ever had. The turian had been with Lola through all these years, fighting Saren, destroying the Collector base, and now fighting the Reapers. If there was someone that could give James some last minute advice, it was Garrus.
"I don't know," he answered a little breathlessly before swallowing hard.
He could feel Garrus' pointed look as he prodded, "You don't know, or you don't want to talk about it?" Garrus' eyes pierced through James like daggers. He felt as if his turian friend could look right into his soul. When the moment of silence stretched, Garrus continued, his mandibles flaring with what James guessed was a grin. "I thought the Alliance trained their marines to be brave in the face of danger?"
A humorless chuckle escaped James before he answered, "You can say that."
Garrus leaned his weight on the wall next to James, crossing his arms over his chest as he gazed past the shattered window and onto what was left of London. His gaze became distant as he started, "I bet your survival training isn't as crazy as ours."
James could Ignore his fears and doubts, but he couldn't ignore his curiosity. "Yeah?" he asked, focusing his attention on Garrus and waited for him to continue.
Garrus' mandibles twitched as he seemed to lose himself in the river of his memories. "They dumped me and my squad on a barren planet for a whole week with barely enough resources to last three days. First two days were easy, we killed a few batarian and asari pirates. Things were good, suspiciously good, until we discovered a band of mercenary krogan."
James's eyes widened with surprise. "That's what I call bad luck," he commented, imagining what it must've been like for a turian squad to bump into a throng of blood thirsty krogan.
Garrus nodded and turned his gaze back to James. "You and I both."
James watched as his turian friend lowered his head and looked at the ground. "So what happened?" he asked, too curious to discover the outcome of the encounter to notice the look of uncertainty on Garrus' plated features.
Garrus met his eyes again and he continued, "We did what every turian would do after he spots a pack of angry, wild krogan charging at him." A low chuckle rumbled from Garrus' throat when he supplied, "We suppressed fire and ran as fast as we could. We killed one or two krogan but that only served to piss the others off."
Turning his gaze away from James and on to the rubble of the nearby buildings, Garrus continued. "I don't know how far we ran before we realized the krogan weren't after us anymore. We sought out the closest cave and set camp, drawing out our rations until the week passed."
James stared at the ground as he let the anticlimactic ending of Garrus' little story sink in. When he lifted his head, a smug smirk twisting his lips as he teased, "Wait... you ran and you hid in a cave? I thought the turian's were, you know, badass soldiers."
A chuckle rumbled in his bird like chest before Garrus leaned closer to James as if he was going to share a secret. "We mostly are, but sometimes running to fight another day is the only thing you can do." His mandibles flared with a smirk, "Don't tell anyone." He winked and James couldn't help but laugh.
That's why he loved talking to Garrus, he always knew how to divert his mind from the disaster around them. James slowly calmed down and glanced at their surroundings. Garrus' little story was good and it helped him distract his mind for a moment. Still, it wasn't enough to banish the fear and doubt.
"Anyway, I had a point here," Garrus cleared his throat and pushed himself off of the wall. Turning his body to face James, he said. "Don't let fear get the better of you. You're a terrific soldier Jimmy, one of the best I've met during my career. We will win this, don't doubt that even for a second."
Unable to bear Garrus' sharp and determined gaze for another second, he looked at the bleak and night shadowed scenery surrounding them. Images of Miranda and the future crept back into focus. James swallowed as he dared to ask, "But... what if we fail?"
Garrus replied instantly, without even a second of hesitation. "Then we'll find that little cave and hide, if necessary, until the danger has passed."
"You mean until Shepard destroys the Reapers?" wondered James.
"Exactly. You know Shepard. That woman has died one to many times to fail now, she's too stubborn to die without seeing this through." Giving his shoulder a strong pat, Garrus assured him, "Don't worry Jimmy. We'll blast the Reapers straight back to hell."
A weary smile etched onto his features as James stated, "I don't like the idea of hiding in a cave, Scars. I'd rather die fighting than hide." The two of them started walking towards the briefing room.
Garrus let out a laugh before adding, "I'd rather fight too, anything is better than being stuck in a cave full of ugly spiders." Garrus came to a stop and turned to James, his expression playfully serious. "Don't tell anyone, but I hate spiders."
Grinning at his turian friend James observed, "That explains why you screamed like a girl in the Rachni nest." His grin grew in response to Garrus' narrowed blue eyes. "Don't worry Scars," James promised with a small laugh, patting his chest just above his heart. "Your secret is safe with me."
They exchanged a brotherly glance before falling silent and entering the briefing room. When the door slid shut behind them Lola greeted them with a playful, "Well look who finally decided to grace us with their presence." She crossed her arms in front of her chest and leaned on her hip that way she did when she picked on her subordinates. "You boys do realize that there's a war on, don't you?"
"Is there?" Garrus rebuked, giving James a sidelong glance as he ventured, "And here I thought we'd come all this way for the tea and crumpets."
The room chuckled at their banter and as soon as he and Garrus joined the rest of their crew mates around the table, Shepard went on to the debriefing. She explained what she and Admiral Anderson had planned, walking her team through the details. James payed close attention to the holographic images as she spoke, feeling his nerves and fears start to get the better of him again. The tension quickly dissipated and turned into full on amped aggression as the Commander reminded them why they were fighting this war, and why they had to win it.
After she was done talking, Shepard came up to James and pulled him aside. Her features were stern, serious in anticipation of the coming battle. Without releasing her sisterly hold on his shoulder, she said, "James I need you to hang back."
"What?" confusion and outrage began to stir in his gut. "You're sidelining me?" he demanded, feeling as though Lola had just sucker punched him in the gut. "Now?"
She shook her head, her blue eyes reassuring him as she explained her meaning. "I'm not sidelining you, James, just temporarily placing you under Major Coat's command." Noticing the growing outrage in James' features, Shepard's eyes sharpened impatiently. "He needs good soldiers on his team and you are a Goddamn powerhouse. You're not out of the fight, Vega, just attacking from a flanking position."
Gritting his teeth, he guessed, "I don't really have a say on the matter, do I?"
Shepard slightly shook her head. "If I need to pull rank I will, but I'm hoping that you'll understand that we all need to do our part if we're going to win this."
"I get it, Lola," he said with a sigh. "I get it. I'll go where ever I'm needed." When an appreciative smile twisted the corners of her mouth, James assured her, "I'll report to Major Coats as soon as we're done here."
She finally released his shoulder, saying, "When we've won this, how about you show me around Puerto Rico? We can catch a few waves."
"You surf, Lola?" he asked, completely surprised by the thought.
Shrugging, a large, slightly embarrassed grin grew on her features. "It's never too late to learn."
He laughed at the prospect, and easily agreed. "When we win this thing I'll show you and the Major around the island personally."
Smile turning wary, Lola nodded for James to report to his new commanding office. "I'll see you on the other side, Vega."
Offering her a departing smirk, he made one last request. "Try to leave some Reapers for the rest of us."
"I make no promises," she replied with a laugh.
With one final salute they went their separate ways and James turned to find Major Coats. It was going to be strange fighting alongside a new team, but he had to do his part to help win the war. If that meant working under Major Coats, then James would do what needed to be done. He'd do anything if it meant being with Miranda at end of this shit storm.