Author's Note - W-w-wha? I don't even know what to say. The response I got to my last chapter was probably the biggest, like...ever. Not just ever, but ever ever. It was amazing! I'm actually speechless. I want to thank SoulxMakaLover97, , KirstyKakes, DuskAngel12, SAHCB, Drew Secrets, bluenian98, raelynn gross, Samanthabaker, -ramennoodles-o.O, GrossGirl18, Gingiie666, wombattree, New Neon, xHoshixnoxKaabiixfanx, ColorMeApathy, spixie303, nitemaren, and last but definitely not least, Thatguyuare. Thank you all so much for your support throughout my whole story, and I hope you continue to enjoy this story.
A response to a number of reviews - Gosh darn it! I honestly thought I came up with something original at the end of last chapter, and was patting myself on the shoulder for a job well done. Then I find out it is one of the cliché clichés around. I had honestly never read it before in anything, so I thought it was original. Maybe I just need to read more, I guess XP
Oh, and I want to add just quickly, that there is a reason for almost everything in this story. There is meaning behind every action and every word, you just have to find it. In this chapter, we finally delve into Maka's past, as some old hints should finally start to make some sense.
Please leave a review if you have time, and if at all possible, enjoy the read!
There was no gentleness about it, there were no tender butterfly kisses, there were no shy licks, there were no innocent probes; this was complete and utter dominance of a kiss, meant for one purpose and one purpose alone: to satisfy and quench the burning and the pain inside of Maka Albarn.
She returns his gesture, with equal if not more fervor than he. She didn't want him to be gentle, she didn't want him to kiss her with tenderness and slowly building passion, she didn't want him to hold her in his arms and whisper sweet nothings into her ear while she dozed into a peaceful sleep. She did not want the thoughts and the feelings that came within the safety of his arms. She did not want to feel the stirring in her heart and the throbbing in her chest whenever she saw him sleeping beside her. She did not want him to be her missing piece. She did not want to need him.
What she wanted was pain and pleasure combined in such a dizzying rush that nothing of this nature could ever be thought of again. She wanted to stop caring about every little thing he said or thought. She wanted her heart to stop feeling the way it did every time she made contact with fiery orbs. She wanted him to stop etching himself so deeply into her memories and her heart, that she would never be able to forget him. She wanted him to be like any other man. She wanted him to be a nameless face without defining characteristics or anything that would set him apart from the others.
But most of all… most of all… She wanted to stop falling in love with him.
Maka's hands tangle themselves in the back of Soul's hair, as his own clasp awkwardly around her midsection, not entirely sure whether they should venture upwards, or downwards, or just stay where they were.
He has no fucking idea what he was doing. He was the instigator of this, right? What made him do it? She was his best friend for god's sakes! You don't just go around kissing your best friend!
Did he do it to get her to shut up? No. There was more feeling to it than that, more emotional depth to the kiss. Actually, it was less like a 'kiss' than it was a war for dominance. He supposed he shouldn't be surprised by that, seeing as they both had assertive, fairly dominant personalities. He can feel her anger and terror, through the kiss, by the way her teeth clack roughly against his, and the way she is tense beneath his hands. Did he want this? Did she really mean more to him than 'just a friend'?
Well, you better bloody figure it out, you're kissing her for gods sakes! Right. His conscious has a point there. But that was his main problem, he didn't know what he felt towards her. How do you know anyway? He has never been in this sort of situation before in his life, and has no clue how to deal with it.
Okay, okay Soul, just think clearly about this. Yes, he cares for her. Yes, he cares for her probably the most out of all his friends. Yes, he has less than decent thoughts about her on more than one occasion. Did that mean that he likes her?
Soul growls into the kiss. Fuck all that. He would think about the ramifications later. Right now, all that mattered were his lips on hers.
They part almost a minute later, when the need to breathe becomes too much. They are both flushed, and panting slightly, -Soul more so- but even so, Soul can see as plain as day her emotions swirling in the depths of her eyes, which were concealed only minutes beforehand. She sighs, allowing her forehead to rest against his, all the while staring straight into his eyes, desperately attempting to figure out what they had just done. She found no answers, if anything, he was just as if not more confused than she was.
"What happened today?" He breathes out at last, his eyes are half lidded, and his breathing has evened out somewhat, - that is not to say his heart is still pounding as if he had just run a marathon.
Maka is taxed. She is too exhausted to try and dodge the question this time. She guesses she will have to tell him the very basics of what happened. She would tell him the raw, undeniable facts that he has a good chance for figuring out himself. Because any more than that would put his life in danger. And under no circumstances, will Maka ever do that intentionally.
"I'll explain in my room." She says shortly, lifting her head and motioning towards her door. Well, at least she wasn't blocking him out anymore. He still refuses to think too deeply about what he just did. Sorting out his messed up feelings comes in second, to finding out what has put Maka in such a state of fear. He honestly has never seen her 'scared' before. Sure, he's seen her stunned, surprised, worried and anxious, but never has he seen her in such a state of terror. He has to know why.
As they swing open the door and walk into Maka's room, five pairs of eyes watch them go, with varying emotions such as surprise, smugness, horror, amusement, and even relief.
Maka takes a seat on the far end of her bed, gesturing to the spot beside her for him to sit. He complies with her silent query, following the motion of her hand and taking a seat beside her. Her hands are fidgeting, and her eyes dart around the room nervously. She is anxious. He can tell that much.
"So, are you going to tell me anything?" He asks, eyes studying the room veiled in a layer of shadow. Not even a sliver of moonlight filtered into the room. Weird.
"About what?" Maka replys with a sheepish smile.
"About astrophysics! What the fuck? You know exactly what I'm talking about." She sighs once more, her darkened orbs still refusing to meet shouldering eyes.
"Soul, when you were watching the execution, did you get the feeling that something was just…wrong?" She starts, with a wave of her hands to emphasise her words. "Like, out of place?" she adds, raising her eyebrows.
Soul's previously scrunched brows lift in surprise. So this was all connected?
"Yeah. That guard who carted you away felt wrong to me. I don't know what it was about him." He pauses, struggling to find the right words to describe the emotion that flooded his veins when he laid eyes on the guard. "I think it was is face… I never saw it properly, but it looked like he was smiling at me…" Soul trails off, slightly unsure of his own words. He can't find a way of vocalizing his answer, in a way that can be interpreted easily. How do you explain what fear feels like?
"He-" She pauses momentarily, as if trying to carefully pick and choose her next words. "The prisoner and the guard switched places Soul. The guard was executed, and the prisoner lives on in his place." It takes a moment for Soul to comprehend the sheer gravity of her words. W-what did she just say? That…that monster was not only still alive, but free? "That's why I went back! I had to check whether it was true or not…"
Soul's eyes remain wide, his pupils the size of a pin prick as all colour begins to drain out of his face. T-the guard dragged Maka off into the mist….She was gone, she had disappeared for over an hour. She was alone with the guard at that time…t-that means that she was alone with the monster? He may have had a heart attack or six, before he was even able to think of formulating a response to this information. N-no fucking wonder she didn't want to talk about it. What did that sick bastard do to her? There is a rage burning in his gut that he has never felt before. It's more powerful than any rage or anger that he has ever felt, as it is his fury at both the criminal for daring to harm her, and…and at himself, for not protecting her.
"M-Maka… Tell me what he did. Tell me what that sick fuck did, and I'll tear him apart!" Soul all but snarls, as Maka's expression filters into one of surprise.
"S-soul… he didn't do anything… " she pauses, face twisting into a grimace as her voice comes out as a strangled whisper "It was the things he said."
"What did he say?" He says in a calmer tone than before. It wasn't that he was less furious. God no, it was because he knows that at this point, he is so angry, he is literally unable to display the enormity of his fury. And he refuses to do so in front of her. Later, he can be angry, kick doors closed and punch walls. But right now, she needs him to listen. And he will. This was what he wanted in the first place, wasn't it?
"H-he knew things Soul… things that he shouldn't have known." She bites out, eyes never leaving the carpet floor of her room. "He kept talking to me like I knew him, like we were friends…"
"Don't listen to him. He's just some deranged fuck out to get to you.." He tries to assure her, but she quickly silences him with a short shake of her head. Her lower lip is trembling now, as she fights to control the pitch of her voice.
"H-he called me a murderer…" She eventually forces out, as Soul's eyes widen to the size of dinner plates. He thinks his heart may have stopped beating. Maka? A murderer..?
"Bullshit. I'll admit you're in pain in the ass, annoying as hell, short tempered violent and a book worm…but…but you're Maka. There's no way you're a-" His breath catches in his throat, as he suddenly finds himself unable to force out the words. "What you said."
"B-but he knew Soul!.. He knew about my mother!" She chokes out. No longer is it her hands trembling, but her entire body. She can't stop herself from shaking.
H-her mother? There's no way… Maka's Maka. There's no way she is capable of killing anyone…right?
"You're mother?"
"I killed her Soul." She says in a tone so low, so flat, so lacking of any kind of emotion, so dead that it sends shivers down his spine. "It's my fault she's gone."
"No!" he tries to protest. Maka… Maka isn't a murderer! She shushes him, by placing her index finger softly over his lips, and shaking her head sadly.
"Once upon a time, there was a little girl." Maka says with a faraway look in her eyes. "She lived with her mother and father, and though her belly was never full, and her cuts would linger on and the sun never seemed to shine, she was happy. She didn't understand why animals lived in their house, and why she was only able to wear one dress a week. But she didn't question it, because it didn't matter to her. As long as the only two people in her entire world, stayed by her side, she would be happy for the rest of her life."
Maka closes her eyes, as she speaks softly slowly and gently. Memories of her mother flood her head and her eyes snap open when her mother's voice floats around the room and around her skin, around her body, holding her and rocking her. She was six again, she was gentle again, she was young and happy again, and she had her mama. She was the Maka Albarn that smiled and laughed and hugged her mother just because she needed to feel her warmth. Her mother radiated around her and held her close, touching every fiber of her body, going through her and living, alive and awake. Maka was suddenly somewhere else.
She was gone.
She was with her mom.
Soul stares at Maka's glazed over eyes. Where was she? Her voice continues to talk, but she wasn't in the same room as him. Her mind is somewhere else, he knew that look. That distant look that brought you somewhere else, that took you places you dared not go if you were conscious about what you were doing. Her eyes held a place he felt he had no right to go. She was not with him at this moment, she was somewhere beyond his comprehension. Maka had fallen into a deep whole of 'Alice In Wonderland.' She was long gone. She had fallen so deep, he wondered if she had landed yet. He watches as her eyes search frantically; not really looking at anything fore she was in her own place at the moment. Soul feels out of place. He feels as if this was a place for Maka and Maka only. He feels as if he were intruding on something, or somewhere he had no place being.
"One day, the girl's father started coming home from work later, and later and the girl's mother started to get sick. It started off very minor, and coincidentally, when her papa disappeared for a night, her mama would get sick and be in bed ridden for days after. The little girl knew at some level, that something was going wrong."
Soul had a horrible feeling that this story did not have a happy ending.
"In the next few years, it continued to worsen. Her papa would disappear, and sometimes take her with him, just so she would sit outside of flashy buildings waiting for her papa who never seemed to be there anymore. The little girl's mama was too weak to get out of bed soon after. The little girl was smart for her age, and had worked out that the two were connected. The little girl thought, that because Mama got sick, papa would disappear. She didn't understand that it was the other way round."
Soul's eyes are hard and there is the faintest hint of worry across their surface. He has a very bad feeling he knows what was going on.
"Papa had been gone for 7 days, and the little girl was scared. She went to her mother, and began to plead with her. 'mama, mama, please bring papa back!' The little girl's mother told the girl that Papa may never come back to them. The little girl didn't understand. She thought that mama was the reason papa kept on disappearing. 'Mama, stop making papa go away! I want us all to be a family again!' the little girl cried, and tears began to fall from her mother's eyes too. Then there was shouting. The little girl yelled and cried and pleaded, while her mother yelled back. Both the mother and the little girl looked so frustrated, so scared, and in so much pain… There was a singular slap by the little girl's mother, and all the girl's cries instantly ceased. The little girl ran out of the tiny room, tears cascading down her cheeks and the words 'I hate you' slipping off her tongue."
Soul can't stand it anymore. To watch her break down before him, while he sits lazily on his ass while she goes through it alone. Placing an arm cautiously around her shoulder, he pulls her to his chest, allowing her to bury her face in his jacket, without protest.
"The little girl wondered around alone for days afterwards. She refused to return home. Deep inside her heart, she knew something was terribly wrong. Bottles of chemicals her mother told her never to touch, kept disappearing and it all started years before, when papa first started disappearing. At that time, the little girl couldn't comprehend what it meant."
Soul tenses as her words come out in barely a whisper. He really hates it when he is right about things like this. He pulls her closer to his chest. She continues on, her voice not faultering.
"When the little girl returned home days later, bruised, beaten and broken, she whimpered before tottering over to her mother's bed, and snuggling under the covers with the only piece of her world left, in the black, black void that was reality."
He feels the shaking return, even when she has a tight grip on his shirt.
"I-it was dark… the little girl couldn't see how her mother's eyes remained permanently open, and how she was coated in a sticky red substance." She chokes out her next sentence, thick with despair and sorrow.
"S-she was so cold, Soul"
He can feel the wet stains of her tears, soaking though his jumper, but he doesn't care. He is shaking too. How she managed to come out of this traumatic experience, he will never know.
"Shhh don't talk anymore" he hushes, his eyes screwed shut and jaw tight. " you don't have to say anything."
Partly, because it is obvious how much of an effect the words have upon her, and partly, because it is effecting him to a degree he can't even begin to fathom.
"T-then I tried to warm her up…" She chokes out, her voice strangled and only just managing to fight back tears. "I kept asking 'mama what's wrong? Why are you so cold?"
"Maka!" He silences her with a desperate yell. "It's alright. Y-you don't have to say anything.."
"I murdered her Soul. I killed her with my words…"
There was no tenderness in her actions, Soul noted as she clung to him. Only desperation.
It was at that moment that Soul realized he was in far too deep.
DING DONG!
What the hell is that?
DING DONG!
"Mmmm… " He is warm and content. There is a pleasant weight against his body. Squeezing his arms together, he recognizes it as Maka. She's a little furnace.
DING DONG!
Maybe if he ignores it, it will go away.
DING DONG!
A mumbled yawn speaks unintelligibly. "Seriously. What the fuck?"
Blinking rapidly, his eyes squint hard and he searches about the room. Reaching over to his phone to read three o'clock in the morning, a white head of hair falls back to the padded cloth. It wasn't the alarm.
DING DONG!
A noise is rousing the girl out of her sleep. She buries her face down into Soul's warmth with an adjoining whine. "Soul, turn off the alarm."
Maka is starting to squirm. That, he does not want. Strangely, he understands her mumbles. "It's not the alarm. Go back to sleep." He inhales deeply and rubs the length of her back. Maka's warm and soft body pressed to his under covers causes him to drift off, as she stills, once again.
DING DONG!
Both parties' heads snap to look at each other.
DING DONG!
The doorbell. Shit!
Maka leaps out of bed like a startled cat, eyes wide as Soul is a little slower on the uptake, grumbling as he forces himself upright. Maka is already at the door by the time he is on his feet, as he pads quickly after her as she enters the main room.
Seconds later they are both standing before the door to the apartment, the only company in the living rooms were shadows of the furniture. Faint grumbles begin to echo from the other rooms, but apart from that, it was dead silent.
Maka carefully unlatches the door Soul assisting, and when the heavy thing creaks open, her eyes go wide as the person on the other side is someone she hadn't expected to see.
Stein's mouth is set in a grim line, his eyes are hard and frantic, as the dart from Maka to Soul, and back again. For once, there is no cigarette in his mouth, and Maka thinks it is the first time she has ever seen him have some kind of emotion splaying over his features.
"Rouse the rest of your dorm. Lock all doors and windows, and none of you are allowed to leave this area until I say so. GO!" He commands, as Maka flinches at the tone of his voice. He sounds weird. He sounds like he's….scared.
"Why?" Soul snaps with a weary white eyebrow arched in speculation. His brain does not, and never will function properly at 3am.
Stein's words are cold and emotionless. They cut through the dead silence and tension with ease, shattering the lives of more than one individual.
"An entire dorm has been slaughtered. The culprit is still on the loose."
Maka freezes in her tracks, choking on her own spit as she reckons her heart actually stops beating.
"W-What?"