''I don't know I freaked out, we were just making out on the couch !'' Clarke yelled in Raven's office.
The young engineer didn't hold her laugh at this. Clarke shot a glare at her but it was to say that Raven had a good reason to find this situation particularly funny.
''Are you expecting me to advise you on how to have sex with our boss ?'' Raven mocked her.
But she calmed her mocking-self when she noticed Clarke's desperate expression. She had thought everything would be fine once both her friend and her boss would have admitted their feelings to each other, but she was clearly wrong. Clarke still had a hard time and Raven didn't exactly know what it was all about.
''I told her I never did it with someone I love.'' Clarke admitted, and this brought a huge answer to Raven's interrogations.
Clarke didn't want to explain why she had said such words to Lexa. She didn't feel like she could – not yet. But she felt so insecure she needed her friend's advice. ''She's Lexa Woods, Raven... I mean, you've seen the calendar yourself !'' She referred to a very body-describing photoshoot Lexa did when she was twenty-three which was used for the making of a calendar. Lexa was twenty-six years old now and she looked even more stunning. Neither Clarke nor Raven ever asked the question 'How can Lexa attract so many people ?'
Clarke sighed. ''I gave birth a few months ago. I don't even feel like my body's mine anymore.''
Raven stood up, not willing to listen to Clarke self-pity herself much longer. She pulled Clarke into a standing position and the blonde thought she was going to be kicked out again, but instead Raven hugged her.
''After everything Woods has done for you, after what she's told you recently... you still think she'd judge your physical appearance ? I've seen it, she adores you. The only one getting in your way is yourself.'' She let go of Clarke, looking at her from feet to head. ''You look amazing, Clarke. And the fact that you've given birth on your own, now parenting a baby boy, makes you even more amazing.'' She offered the young mother a gentle smile before getting her usual smirk back. ''So, want her don't you ?''
Clarke stared at her friend in confusion. Raven was comforting her, at least she was two seconds ago, to tease her better afterwards ? She looked down, uncertain of her answer. She did want Lexa, badly, she even missed her at this exact moment. She wanted Lexa's arms around her. The woman had made her realize that being protected wasn't a bad thing. Being alone wasn't an endless situation. There was always someone out there for you. And damn, Lexa was Clarke's someone.
''I do. But she knows what I've done. Everyone here does.'' she paused, realizing this was a subject Raven knew about. ''I don't want her to think that's all I want her for. Hell, she's driving me crazy with her smile and terrible jokes – and I'm not even starting with her teasing, she turns me on so easily ! And don't get me started on her lips, they're so –''
''Okay, okay, I got it.'' Raven cut her off. These weren't things she wanted to know about her boss and her friend together. ''Just tell her about it. Talk. Or, I don't know, just kiss her until she faints, that would be a first for her.''
What ? Clarke was even more confused now. She had already told Lexa some of the reasons why she was insecure about their relationship. What else could she say ? Some things she wasn't ready to tell to anyone. Not even Raven.
''Just make up your mind before she leaves, otherwise you'll have to wait for two weeks.'' Raven stated, throwing Clarke's heart against the wall as the consequence of her words.
Clarke was about to ask the reason of Lexa's departure when she remembered. Every year, same month, Lexa went on a tour to visit Woods Enterprises' other headquarters. Meetings, press conferences, cocktails, charities, so many hours with Lexa taken away from Clarke. The young mother started to panick. She'd be alone with her son at Lexa's apartment for two weeks. What if something bad happened ? To her son or... to Lexa ? Or, more selfishly thought, what if Clarke couldn't spend two weeks without Lexa around ? The brunette had kept her standing for a while, Clarke couldn't imagine her life without Lexa.
Raven noticed the shade of angst that had invaded Clarke's blue eyes. She laid a hand on her friend's shoulder for Clarke to focus on her. ''Don't beat yourself up, talk to her.''
Clarke had to admit that Raven was right. She was scaring herself with made-up ideas. As usual.
''Thank you, Raven. I'm sorry you had to listen to me panicking again.'' she apologized to her friend who had been there for her a lot recently.
It felt good talking to Raven. Her friend wasn't as complicated as her. That's why she wasn't going to bother her again with Lexa issues. She had to take her responsibilities and do what her heart wanted. If anything went wrong, she could have a conversation with Lexa.
Clarke had an idea. She had made up her mind and nothing could convince her to do otherwise. On her way back to Lexa's office after a twenty-minute break in the late afternoon, she couldn't help but feel nervous. Was she even right about this ? Stop doubting.
She walked into the office. Lexa was standing behind her desk, near the windows, a file in her hands. Clarke walked up to the desk, hands in her pockets.
''You're leaving in four days.'' she said coldly.
Lexa turned toward her, surprised by this change of behaviour. ''Didn't you know ?''
Everyone knew, and Clarke wasn't new here. So why did she seem angry about it ?
''You're gonna leave me, just like that ?'' Clarke hissed.
What ? Lexa was confused. This was her job, she had to travel every year, not just once, Clarke knew that. How could she blame her for this ? It's not like she was never coming back.
''I only leave for two weeks, Clarke. We'll have plenty of time together when I come back.'' she calmly explained. Get angry now would be useless.
And yet, Clarke seemed to be. ''You've blamed me so much for leaving you... only to do the same thing now ?'' she stared at Lexa for a couple of seconds before getting the bedroom's key from Lexa's desk and walking toward the office's discrete room.
Lexa had felt this hateful stare on her. She had done nothing wrong. She felt her jaws clenching. She wasn't going to let Clarke go with this so easily. This was unfair. She followed her into the room, grabbing the handle to push the door open.
As soon as she stepped into the room, the door shut behind her, key turning into the lock, and something crashed onto her chest. Lexa wasn't given the time to react. She looked down at her shirt. An... egg. She looked up at the person one foot in front of her. She was left without any word to say. This whole scene didn't make any sense.
''I owed you this one.'' Clarke said, looking at the smashed egg.
Lexa wasn't able to think clearly. She didn't understand anything right now. And the way Clarke was looking at her was... confusing.
Clarke brought her hands up to the top of Lexa's shirt and started unbuttoning it. ''You have a meeting in fourty minutes. Better change before that.'' Her smile looked mischievious. For now, her plan was working just fine. She looked down at each button she was undoing and soon saw Lexa's well drawn abdomen. Even better than the calendar. Her smile grew wider as she noticed Lexa's blank expression.
''You're not mad at me.'' Lexa said with a shade of uncertainty in her voice.
Clarke got a wipe out of her pocket and started cleaning Lexa's torso. She only looked up once she was done. She saw confusion and worry into Lexa's green eyes. She had yelled for five seconds at Lexa and the brunette was already scared of losing her. Clarke didn't hesitate. She slipped her hand in Lexa's neck and brought her lips to hers. She poured her feelings into this kiss to convince Lexa the yelling part was only a trick.
''I'm not letting you go that easily.'' Clarke whispered against Lexa's lips. She pulled on the open shirt, bringing Lexa's lips against hers for another kiss. If Lexa was surprised at first, she wasn't going to complain. Her mind was off, and without remembering Clarke had already said it, she warned ''I have a meeting in fourty minutes.''
Clarke was smirking, causing Lexa's heart to go on a race. She brought her hand to the brunette's left cheek, caressing it with her thumb, while her other hand found its place above Lexa's waist, on the warm skin. She focussed on Lexa's eyes, wishing to be able to close her eyes whenever she wanted and see this green. Her smirk faded away. She had many reasons for doing what she was doing, and one of them was about fear.
''You stay safe during those two weeks, alright ?'' she told Lexa, her question sounding more like an order.
It took Lexa a few seconds to understand Clarke's words as she was in awe. No one had ever looked at her the way Clarke did. No one had cared that much. No one had considered that scared little girl hiding behind the strong independent woman. Even when she was a child and felt so lonely. Even when she was with Costia and was proud enough to believe no one could take Costia away from her because she was hers. Lexa had always been the protective one : always trying to protect others protecting herself and there was Clarke whom, despite everything she had been through on her own and the danger she was constantly facing, was protecting her.
''I promise.'' she swore. She didn't need to say more now. Her eyes showed enough sincerity.
Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa, her fingers brushing bare skin. She felt Lexa shiver. She hid her satisfied smile by slipping her head in Lexa's neck. She started kissing the skin, slowly making her way up to Lexa's jawline and mouth. Lexa inhaled deeply in contentment. Clarke smiled against Lexa's lips.
''You better come home from your trip safe. One injury and I kick your ass.'' she warned Lexa, giving her a peck.
Lexa didn't exactly know if she should frown or laugh at this. ''Shouldn't the right reaction be taking care of me instead ?'' she whispered, looking down at the lips she wanted to kiss once more.
''I count on taking care of you before you leave.'' Clarke smirked, bringing their lips together again. She interrupted the kiss before Lexa could deepen it. She connected their foreheads, feeling Lexa's blissful breathing. ''I'm tired of freaking out. Even more of doubting.'' She couldn't help but kiss her again, quickly, keeping herself from drowning into the kiss. There was something she needed to add. ''Be my girlfriend, Lexa. So you know you have me and I know I have you.'' Her heart bumped into her chest. Please say yes.
Lexa looked up to the hopeful blue eyes watching her. Was she dreaming, or did Clarke want to be with her ? As my girlfriend. Lexa had rejected this kind of relationship for years, drowning her sorrow into work. She had come to the conclusion that no one really wanted her anymore, because she couldn't show the real her. She wasn't as strong or as serious as the Lexa Woods the world knew. She was scared to spend her life in this dark world where people died so easily. Where Costia had died because someone had said she didn't belong here. Where her parents never really loved her. It had been an illusion. Until she met someone similar to herself, yet so different. Someone who had opened her eyes in many ways. Did Lexa want to spend her life with Clarke ? If it seemed too soon to tell, she did. Today she had the confirmation Clarke didn't want to leave her, and that didn't bring her hope, it brought her joy.
She surrounded Clarke with her arms, embracing her as if Clarke was the only one who kept her standing. She was about to cry. This past year, she had only cried for Clarke. Not because of her, but because of everything that happened to her and had been so difficult to counter.
''You have me.'' she stated, lifting Clarke from the ground. She joined their lips and Clarke responded passionately, crossing her legs around Lexa's waist to steady them.
They both smiled, their lips still pressed together. Clarke pushed Lexa's open shirt down the brunette's arms. It fell to the floor. Clarke could feel her newfound girlfriend's contracted muscles. She knew she couldn't fall because Lexa was holding her tight.
''Bed.'' Clarke interrupted their kiss to whisper.
Lexa obeyed. In this moment, if Clarke told her to jump out of one of her office's windows, she'd do it without thinking. This relationship could be dangerous if Lexa didn't know Clarke better.
Clarke would never attempt to hurt Lexa. Not after their long exhausting war. Not after they had both found what they missed in each other.
Lexa laid Clarke on the bed and was pulled by the blonde's arms. Laying on top of her, Lexa aimed for Clarke's neck. The blonde moved her head to her side to make room for Lexa's lips. She brought her hands to the brunette's back, seeking contact with the warm skin. Lexa found Clarke's lips again and they wished they could stay like this forever. But this couldn't last.
Lexa had to prepare for the next meeting. She sat next to Clarke, holding her hand. She didn't want to lose her contact. Not now. Not ever. But she had to.
She felt Clarke's arm sneaking around her waist again. The young mother laid her head on Lexa's shoulder. ''Don't come home late tonight. I'll help you catch up with work tomorrow if you need. Just...'' she raised her head to press her lips against the brunette's cheek, staying a few seconds, both women closing their eyes to enjoy the simple contact, before she pulled away.
She stood up and got a clean shirt out of the furniture. Lexa followed her, but when she held out her hand for Clarke to give her the shirt, the blonde didn't hand it. Instead, she did what she had done a few minutes ago, but reversed. She buttoned the shirt as slowly as possible, enjoying each intimate second with Lexa. Disappointment startled her once she was done.
Lexa noticed it and brought a hand onto Clarke's cheek. ''I won't work too late. I promise.''
Clarke pouted, still not willing to let her girlfriend go. How could this moment be so short ?
''Should I be worried about my poor eggs trapped into my fridge at home ?'' Lexa tried to make her laugh. It didn't work. Clarke kept pouting, feigning to be offended. She freed herself from Lexa's grip and turned around, her back to the brunette. She unlocked the door, ready to leave the room, but Lexa gently grabbed her wrist. ''I didn't mean in a bad –'' Lexa started to apologize but Clarke turned to face her and threw herself into her arms to kiss her without hesitation. She made sure to nip Lexa's lower lip for the brunette to get out of here with swollen lips.
''Good luck with your meeting.'' she smirked after releasing Lexa. She left the room and went back to her desk to finish her work.
Lexa watched her, lips parted, eyes wide, admiration flooding through her veins. It was maybe too soon to admit, but she was sure of it – the feeling increased day after day – and no one could convince her otherwise. Clarke was the one for her. Clarke was now her girlfriend. And Lexa had a feeling Clarke was to be more in the future.
Clarke left the office around 7:30pm. She had waited half an hour for the corridors to be free from the usual wave of people who left the building at 7pm. She was surprised to see Raven getting into the elevator on her way down. Her friend was about to say 'hi' when she noticed something on Clarke's neck by placing herself at the blonde's right.
''Something tells me you had a very good afternoon.'' Raven teased.
Clarke turned her head toward her friend, frowning, and saw Raven's eyes looking down at her neck. She abruptly brought a hand to cover it. ''Oh no.'' She looked on her left at the mirrorlike wall. Her hand off of her neck, she saw the mark only Lexa could have left there. ''She's gonna pay for that.'' she hissed.
''Oh I bet she will.'' Raven smirked, reminding Clarke of her presence.
Clarke wanted to yell a 'It's not what you think it is.' but it was definitely what Raven surely thought it was. ''We didn't do it though.'' she said out loud, regretting it right away. ''She had a meeting.'' she added, not wanting Raven to believe she had freaked out again.
''What did you do to deserve this kind of attention ?'' Raven pointed at her friend's neck.
''I smashed an egg on her shirt and took the latter off.'' Clarke calmly answered. She was trying not to laugh at this, but the addition of Raven's shocked expression broke her seriousness off. Her friend didn't seem to believe her so she told her about the first time she had crashed an egg on Lexa's head.
''Wow, she must really love you. You're still alive to tell that story !'' Raven said, stopping. They had walked out of the elevator and out of the building. It was time for them to separate.
''Well, she's officially my girlfriend.'' Clarke proudly said, unable to keep her joy inside. ''I mean, officially for us – the world can't know about us. Not yet, at least.'' she precised, implying for Raven to keep this a secret. Her friend nodded and they said goodbye to each other. They both had a home to go back to.
Clarke was taking off her shirt after Aden had thrown up on her when she heard the door unlocking. Aden still sitting on her thigh, she only had time to bring the dirty shirt against her belly. Lexa appeared in the apartment and she raised a brow when she discovered Clarke.
The young mother stood up and justified ''Aden puked on me.'' she walked straight to the bedroom and laid Aden into his bed before getting a clean shirt and going back to the living room. At the meantime, Lexa got out of the kitchen with a bottle of red wine and two cups. She sat on the couch, soon followed by Clarke.
''Are you willing to get me drunk ?'' Clarke seriously asked, staring at the bottle set on the coffee table.
Lexa smiled. She took her time to pour the wine into both cups, waiting to be done to answer. ''You didn't have to put a shirt back, you know. I don't mind you being shirtless around here.'' she smirked.
Clarke laughed out loud, taken by surprise. She didn't expect Lexa to go straight to flirting, but she knew she should've, because it was Lexa. She grabbed her glass and drank half of it, letting a long sigh out after putting the glass down. ''I don't think it's ever gonna be enough to forget this terrible line.'' She turned her head toward Lexa and the brunette's glance dropped onto her lips.
''Maybe you should try something more effective then.'' Lexa said, staring down at Clarke's mouth with her famous confidence burning Clarke on spot.
Clarke took the bait and moved closer to Lexa, slipping a hand in the brunette's neck. She drowned in the feeling of Lexa's skin under her fingers, caressing it gently. ''Will you make me disappear as fast as you took Nia out?''
Lexa searched for teasing in Clarke's eyes but all she could see was concern. She took the blonde's other hand in hers in a reassuring gesture. Clarke had to understand that they weren't in danger. ''Things go fast. I didn't want to put your secret at risk. But...'' she lifted the hand she was holding and laid her lips on the back of it. She put the hand back down, covering it entirely with both of her hands to keep it warm. Sense of protection. ''You have to trust me. I can keep us all safe.''
Us. This sounded amazing to Clarke's ears. She moved her hand from the brunette's neck to her cheek. She did feel safe, though she was scared of losing her. ''There's Aden and there's you, Lexa. No one else.'' She shot a glance at the soft lips waiting for her to kiss them. She badly wanted to, but she waited for an answer.
Lexa was being overwhelmed by feelings she had dreamed of having her whole life. Clarke had brought her all of them. Around Clarke, she felt safe, warm, joyful, and most of all, cared about. To the world, she was one very important person because of her career and personnality. But to Clarke, she was a young woman, normal yet special. They were family.
Without thinking about it, Lexa leaned and kissed Clarke, pulling the blonde against her. Clarke drowned in this embrace and it was only a matter of seconds for her to be lying on top of Lexa.
Clarke licked Lexa's lower lip, seeking passage for their tongues to meet. It was their way of telling each other unspoken words. Lexa exhaled deeply, bringing Clarke closer to her – if that was possible. Clarke had needed money, and safety for her son, but she never thought she would need someone more than anything else. Especially not this someone.
She sighed, her lips trembling at the thought that she had Lexa's arms around her. It occured to her that there was nowhere else in the entire world where she would be safer. Her hands closed on the brunette's shirt, Lexa biting her lip in response. Clarke's grip on the top tightened and she pulled her head back, Lexa already aiming for them once more.
Clarke's hand lost itself in the long brown hair. She wanted much more. ''Bed,'' she murmured, and it didn't take long for Lexa to lift her up. She buried her face in Lexa's neck, tasting the skin, while the brunette carried her to the guest room. Her legs didn't leave Lexa's waist when the latter laid her onto the bed. She draw each detail from Lexa's face with her index finger. She wanted to remember everything. Being able to draw this face as if she had Lexa in front of her. Being able to feel her presence even when she was alone.
Lexa was looking in Clarke's eyes, wondering what the blonde was thinking. She never managed to understand her and if it had been an issue a while ago, when Clarke was in trouble, today it was exciting. She had been surrounded by illusions for a long time, now she finally felt like she had someone real in front of her. And Clarke couldn't be more real.
''I want to do this because I love you.'' Clarke stated in a whisper. She wanted to make sure Lexa understood this was serious to her. Both women had a certain reputation but tonight wasn't about sex, it was about love.
''I know.'' Lexa whispered back. She leaned to kiss her again, intoxicated by the taste of Clarke's lips. She exhaled when she felt two hands sneaking in her back, under her shirt. Brushing her skin, Clarke's hands pulled the shirt up and off of Lexa. She let it fall on the floor, not bothering about it. Lexa did the same, and they took off each other's bra, seeking for contact. The whole place exploded around them, a ring of fire consuming the two bodies. Clarke tried to rip off the brunette's pants but Lexa started scattering kisses on her body, making Clarke's breath more and more unsteady when her lips brushed her breasts.
Lexa lifted up a bit to look at the half naked blonde underneath her, but Clarke stopped her, laying a hand onto the brunette's cheek. Lexa interrogated her.
''Don't look.'' Clarke's insecure voice ordered. But Lexa had an idea of the reason why Clarke didn't want her to look down, so she did anyway. On Clarke's belly's sides, blue stretch marks due to her former pregnancy. Lexa caressed each one of them with her thumb before laying her lips on them. ''You're gorgeous, Clarke. Don't even try to tell me otherwise.''
Clarke's eyes filled with tears which never dropped because as soon as she heard those words, she pulled Lexa into a long and passionate kiss, taking off all remaining clothes to finally unite their bodies. She surrounded Lexa's waist with her legs, her hands discovering the brunette's back.
Her chest against the other, she could feel Lexa's heart beating as fast as hers. Is it even possible ? Her hands slid down her girlfriend's back, meeting new parts of Lexa's anatomy. The latter had her head hidden in Clarke's neck which she was nipping, getting a moan out of Clarke. She started moving against her, letting her feelings guiding her. Something she hadn't done for years.
''More,'' Clarke begged between two heavy breaths.
And Lexa would give her that. She would give her everything.
They had time for two rounds before Aden's cries brought them back to reality. Clarke kissed Lexa's cheek several times, more than she could count, and intended to get up but Lexa stopped her.
''Stay here. I'm taking care of him. I haven't spent much time with him lately.'' she said.
Clarke was surprised. She was used to take care of her son and didn't expect Lexa to do it, especially not tonight. She wanted to ask the brunette if she really wanted to do it, but Lexa reacted first. She leaned to kiss her, taking in the blonde's delicious flagrance, and added ''He's the only man I actually like.'' She winked and stood up, Clarke obviously looking up and down her girlfriend. She left the room and Clarke let out a relieved, happy sigh. She still felt like she was resting on a cloud. Lexa was perfect. She respected her in all ways possible. Now I know where she gets her reputation from. she shivered at the thought.
In a little while, Lexa would come back to her. Tonight was far from being over.